Mars stations direct later this week, after spending about 11 weeks retrograde in Virgo. It’s slowing to a station opposite Neptune and Chiron in early Pisces. This is a week to take one step at a time; one day at a time.
Mars retrograde messes with motivation, and in Virgo, there is a self-criticism issue. This has not been an easy phase for many people.
Oppositions and squares to Neptune can be exhausting, and Mars changing directions can try the patience of a saint. This is why it’s important not to push, even if you feel like you haven’t got nearly enough done in the past few weeks (as Mercury ended its retrograde). You may feel like you have to make some urgent decisions — however, there’s a strong chance they can wait, at least through the weekend. One thing that tends to happen when a planet stations direct is that information comes out. If you act with incomplete or incorrect information, you can create complications.
Decisions that are rushed or made prematurely will likely have to be made again. Plans put into action too soon — you’ll know because you might feel a certain kind of resistance, that’s telling you to pause — can have a disruptive effect. That’s why it really makes sense to work with these planetary stations; they have a strong element of ‘go with the flow’ — and at least we have some idea of when the tide is turning.
Mars retrograde has served as a review, and as an opportunity for some deep investigation and processing in some area of your life, most likely connected with work, your health or your tendency to do too much for others (or too much in general).
As we enter these last few days of Mars retrograde, think back through the last two and half months (or even all the way back to November, when Mars first entered Virgo) to note the specific topics, themes and situations that are involved.
Here’s some of what we advised in the Jan. 20 installment of the Daily Astrology (also here), three days before Mars stationed retrograde:
Mr. Cock and Balls treading backwards through the sign of the Virgin sounds like she becomes a woman in the process. Retrogrades are often recovery missions, about claiming lost energy, forgotten personal assets, and aspects of ourselves that threatened others when we were little. … I suggest being mindful of the pattern establishment quality of retrogrades. The last time anything like this happened was in early 1965, when the script was cast for the thing called The Sixties that ensued.
In personal psychological astrology, this phase is a systems check for all of the high-intensity astrology that arrives in the late spring. For some, Mars retrograde in Virgo represents a calling to impeccability. For others, it’s a deep self-inquiry. For still others, it’s about healing desire and unhooking the many hangups that make it so difficult to express desire without guilt.
You may feel a palpable calling to improve your life, your health and your wellbeing during the next few months — and it’s essential that you proceed with any such quest gently. Warm up before you stretch, and remember, it’s not how far you go or how good you look, it’s how consciously you lean into the tension. This goes for body or mind. Virgo is given to spells of harsh self-criticism without the help of Mars, or Mars retrograde. Given this it will be helpful to think of your feelings in terms of pleasure-guilt dynamics, and to consider any approach-avoid tendencies that you have in this light.
Dig through your journal or calendar if the last three months have been a blur, and look for things that ring a bell. Judging by the recurring themes in the reader comments on this blog, it sounds like many readers have been on just such a journey. If you have not, or you’re not quite sure, or you tend not to comment here, we’d love to hear from you about your experience of Mars retrograde.
Before Mars stations, the Sun makes a conjunction to two planets in Aries. Mars is still connected to Aries even when it’s in another sign, so the Sun’s aspects are connected to Mars changing directions. The Sun will be conjunct Vesta in Aries and then Eris, Mars’ mythological sister. This can stir the pot on your sense of not quite being sure of who you are or what you want. It’s good to raise that issue from time to time, so that you can ask again a different way.
Meanwhile Venus, the archetypal feminine counterpart to masculine Mars, enters its own echo (or shadow) phase on April 12 as it prepares for a retrograde in Gemini. Friday’s Daily Astrology referred to this as “the 2012 retrograde relay” without realizing just how precise the passing of the baton between Mars and Venus really is.
We’ll be developing these themes throughout the week, but for now here are a few things to begin thinking about. Given that we originally called out the theme of deep “soul-recovery” associated with Mars retrograde, it’s especially apropos that Mars is stationing opposite Neptune (within one degree) and Chiron in Pisces — two distinctly spiritual influences. This further emphasizes just how deep Mars has been taking us, and that we now have the opportunity to bring what we’ve discovered in those watery depths forward with us into a more tangible reality. What good are spiritual ‘lessons’ if we don’t apply them?
Chiron is a reminder to use our new awareness for healing, not self-reproach. It’s been a long 11 weeks that Mars has been retrograde, so you may want to check your journals or email inbox to see where you were at in November when this process started to warm up.
In the midst of your personal soul-recovery review, keep the Sun-Vesta-Eris configuration in Aries in mind. On one level, this is a continuation of the idea that Vesta is holding space for our inner conflicts, fragmentation and secrets as the Sun offers their expression. On another level, this is emblematic of all the ‘women’s issues’ in the news lately. Anyone care to guess what this week’s version will be in the news?
Perhaps even more telling, will anyone care? That these conjunctions occur with the ruler of Aries changing direction in such a long, deep process indicates these secrets and splits we’re holding space for are very much part of what Mars has been looking to help us heal.
So much has happened in the cycle of November through now, all with seeds that had been planted (some very long ago) that somehow, all started sprouting.
My old 1853 house/studio has consumed most of my money and energy for the seven previous years. At the end of October I did some tile work in the bathroom and said to myself “enough”. I bought this old creamery/church social hall to make art in. Ironically, the building itself began to be the artwork, a living sculpture. While that was fine, I hungered to get back to my craft. It was like scream inside that couldn’t be ignored.
Since then, art has come roaring through me. I started making some works as a gift to a lover and just continues to morph and bloom. I can’t tell you how soulfully rich it feels to (finally!) push everything aside, quit with the Virgo to-do list and just make art. Sometimes it’s fun sometimes its frightening, but most times since November, I am flying.
Then there has been writing- my secret joy. Actually showing it, posting it, admitting to it, owning it. Visual art was the face I wore in the world. Writing was always like my most secret self.What a liberation to actually show my two selves!
My daughter died some years ago through horrible and unresolved circumstances. For years I carried so much weight. Guilt, sadness, despair whispered in the dark. Their voices grew less strong over the years. Finally, this February I could finally wrap my heart around the situation and see/feel that she just wsn’t meant to be here, in this time and space. It was as if an anvil lifted off me. I am so much lighter. And I think I understand why this happened, on my end. What soulful opportunity has been given to me because of it all.
I have been having the deepest sexual connection with another of my lifetime. While this started before November, it was within that month that our intimate exchanges grew more honest, more intense and absolutely enjoyable. My emotional life cracked wide with the pleasure of love. This was just not a connection I could ignore. This man just easily “sees” me. The real, authentic me. With an open heart and much appreciation for who I am. I have thrown away the cloak of shyness. If not now, then when?
I started working part time sculpting for someone who I admire very much. He is both a friend and a mentor.
Over all, 2012 is showing itself to be one of growth in ever way I can possibly stretch.
Thank you PW and community. I so appreciate all of you!
I have been on a wild ride: I learned more about toxic relationships and pattern recognition in bad interpersonal behavior. I read 4 Alice Miller books and have 2-3 more to read. Her work is stunning and I won’t be able to see the world in the same way.
I confronted my mother who was going to move here, but I felt I would be smothered and have more emotional poison fed to me, so I made it her responsibility to behave better and think about what she says. I feel much better for stopping a person who likes to bring out the worst the me and make things worse instead of better.
I deserve to be happy without her, it is her entertainment to make me feel bad about myself. My only regret is that I did not stand up to her and my dad when I was 18. They separated and made new lives and I was stuck floundering in the black power web they helped construct, that I thought I had to stay in.
I’m free of them now and will enjoy the rest of my life, as well as have a better perspective as a happier adult. I am going to paint paintings and be the artist I was meant to be.
Planet Waves is a beautiful gem to console, guide, illuminate and be a gentle friend.
Looking back to mid-November…I had a very brief, painful, physical entanglement with someone I had long admired. We talked of continuing the affair, but he backed out. I’ve spent the last many months trying to deal with the longing for him, the frustration of feeling like I was missing out on someone truly significant in my life, the pain of another rejection, and confusion about how to cope with the intense desire I could not express. The situation has tangled my heart and stomach and thoughts and choked my energy for the better part of a year.
Today I had a conversation with a friend, who told me of a man she knew in an unhappy marriage, and the discussions they’d had about having an affair. She repeated some very familiar excuses back to me. I told her my experiences briefly, ending with some bitter commentary about users and musings about how many women had heard the same sad story and got the same pathetic excuses.
It hurts to know that I fell victim to yet another predator. It hurts to know that I’ve been a sucker for him since the first day we met. I am sorry that I opened up so completely (and I did–perhaps more than I have to any man before.) The good news is that once I’m done being angry (this could take a while), it’s going to free up my mind to do the things I’ve been needing to do. It’s going to free up my thoughts and my energy level.
My relationship history was never good, but it has been absolutely awful these last ten years. I am wondering if I will ever truly trust another man, and if anything anyone says can be believed. Why do lies come so easily? Why would you want to exploit someone for your own kicks? If your marriage isn’t happy, why wouldn’t you do something about it? And if he wasn’t faithful anyway, why didn’t we have the goddamned affair?
I am not a vengeful person, but the temptation of an anonymous note to his wife is quite strong.
beyond ready Ms. Be, it may be the only thing to remind those who seem to still not remember who we really are and why we’re really here. ♥☮♫
I am so deeply moved by all I have read here…and have such profound respect and compassion for each and every person’s openness and truth-speaking here as they share their experience of this (for some) difficult transit. A palms-together, heartfelt bow to each and every soul here.
This aspect has been hitting me hard as the opposition T-squares my Asc/Sun/Ceres/Persephone/Hekate/Lilith all of which sit on the Scorp/Sag cusp within 4 degrees of one another…it’s a crowded little Soul-nest!! There has been such an extreme level of things not going forward as planned/hoped/envisioned. Nothing works out…things constantly going awry, not being able to make much progress on any front. And soooo many fronts are screaming for attention now. For years I have been struggling to get a new art career off the ground and this fall it all just dissolved, internally. I lost faith and hope. I experienced clinical depression for the first time ever in my life and found it to be utterly humbling. I am worn down by the process, and have been unable to rally in my usual Sag way…everything seems to be made of mud and dissolving…unable to keep it together I have slipped into a place of inner calm and living more and more only in the moment since so few things externally make much sense anymore.
Quite amazingly, once I leaned into some natural mood support ( Sam-e is a goddess-send) things became less bleak emotionally and I was able to center into the emptiness and find a great deal of peace there. I am blessed with not having to interface with the human-built world too much so I’ve allowed the dissolving to continue rather than fight it and have continued to let go of the Virgoan task-master that insists that I HAVE to “keep it together” and I am instead trusting a deeper wisdom that comes from a Soul perspective that says “All is well, this is why you were born into these times, trust the process, trust the signs…stay alert but let go.”
Tracking with time has been especially hard during this transit, but I’ve relished doing simple things slowly and with care and precision. I feel deep peace inside despite external conditions being quite unpredictable and unreliable….I could count on notheing being or feeling “normal” – not even winter, which never really manifested…sadly. But, I let go and trust, that all is as it should be, trusting a far greater wisdom than my own.
I am immensely grateful to the PW community for such open-hearted honesty and the always useful reflections and commentary that have helped in untold ways to get me/us thru this traverse across the mud-swamp experience.
Blessed Be to one and all
Thanks be, I have no idea, but here’s a note about where Jupiter sits in my chart: 6th House -Pluto and Jupiter are in a fairly tight conjunction, and they sextile my Venus/Mercury conjunction in 4th house and they also sextile my natal Neptune. Jupiter is in Leo at 29º in 6th house which is called the anaretic (last degree of that sign). My birthday is July 4, 1956. From my reading, I am just past the middle of the 12 year cycle for Jupiter, so I guess I have 4-5 more years.
OMG and ‘all of the above’. Thank you everyone so very much for your candid and helpful comments. What a time we are in.
Events of life since November are so distinctly set apart and crystal clear it is certainly “uncanny”. Thanks to PW for being my beacon – giving light so I could be tuned in to this Mars retro et al.
Re experience – it’s not as though I’ve been through some thing and out the other side, rather it is that there is more clarity to portions of my journey.
Transiting Neptune is exact on my natal Sun opposing that transiting Mars.
I dunno, Be. When Saturn hits Scorpio, that means it is transiting natal Jupiter/NN/Neptune conjunction! Hm. Transiting Pluto will still be crossing natal mars and Neptune will not have departed natal Sun (which opposes natal Pluto) nor will Uranus have moved from natal Chaos/Sun/Eris. HAHA and lol as I can only read more challenges into that mess. 😉 (and thanks for the mention of Jupiter cycle. I have noticed that I can “chunk out my life” into 10-12 year cycles – suggesting that Jupiter transits are strong for me. Transiting Jupiter conj natal Pallas/Hades/MC has just passed Natal opposition. Hm.)
It is a time of transiting to be sure. Each morning, I wake with a brief but intense moment of “anxiety” manifested as nausea just exactly in the moment of transition between sleep and “awake”. What is the message in that? What message is Pluto offering Sun in my physical response? Still feels like “evolution”.
No doubt the answer is to be found somewhere up ahead….
Thanks again. So glad to be here.
xo
Hey susyc,
I’m wondering if your last 11 years was part of a super-sized Jupiter cycle in which this is the last year of its 12 year cycle. Just a guess, but you know Jupiter makes everything look and feel bigger and wider and heavier and it sounds like you have had a lot of stages (houses) stimulated; the “parent” houses, the “children” house, the “brothers and sisters” house, the “spouse” house, the “hospital” house and definitely the “service” house and “the value of me” house and “what I share with others” house. The 9th house and 11th house were probably also in there . . maybe the cello player was a “friend” (11th house) and maybe the military boy was overseas (9th house) but no doubt the whole thing was an educational (9th) experience for you. Maybe now the 1st house of You is taking its turn in the cycle and all the stages you have performed on for the past 11 years will give you greater understanding of who you are and solve your puzzle.
Come to think of it vickiabe, the Jupiter cycle might apply to your marriage too.
Lyd,
I’m very glad you remembered the talk re: Partial Attention and shared it here. It is very relevant and I’m thinking the key is to find balance between objective and subjective in order to be/feel full alive. I’d not heard that theory before but find it quite useful. Perhaps it will lead us to the discovery of our third eye!
robbi and stormilarue,
I’m with you and think we will get Disclosure before the year ends. I’m ready, aren’t you?
Blessings to all as we share the warmth of Vesta conjunct the Sun in Aries today.
be
“Lastly…I’ve been having a rather strong presentiment that this will be the year extraterrestrials make their presence known in Earth…”
last night i dreamt i saw a variety of lights/ships/activity outside my window, i kept calling my mom over to look because she’s been saying the same thing. it was an excited and good feeling, no fear. i was more annoyed because she was on the phone and wouldn’t come over fast enough.
sorry, my Pluto square came in like a Lion and went out like a Lamb…. actually, Lion ate the Lamb right away, and then proceeded to burb violently for about 2 years…… 😉
I have so enjoyed all the comments shared here. I am very moved.
November brought my Pluto Square. The build up was happening since 2008 and the release happened over my birthday and the weeks that followed. It wasn’t painful, more self empowering as I faced with deeper confidence the outer influences that had control over me. Then in Jan, I heard from a woman I dated briefly the previous summer. Mars retro was all about my relationship with her. I had been a celibate buddhist monk for 14 years. I disrobed in 2009 and redefined myself from the bottom up. I had been confronting my sexual self for a long time, but it wasn’t until “S” showed up that I actually became sexually intimate, loosing my virginity. 22 years since my last girlfriend is a long time. All the issues I faced with S was about regaining my ability to be expressive and responsive with another woman without guilt or fear. I never thought I would have an issue, never had nervous issues before. But there were a lot of voices “upstairs” running around. She was patient with me and I was grateful to have this experience with her. Things gradually became better but I faced a shit load of self criticism. Then I got sick with a migraine from hell and a flu to boot. Didn’t help my mental state. Last week, S and I had a talk because I sensed that things were not continuing in a mutual way. She can be quite an aggressive lover, and I just wasn’t there yet. I needed more time, more confidence, more experience. The relationship ended almost on its own. But in the process, I realized that I couldn’t push to stay together just as much as I couldn’t push my sexual expression. Life doesn’t happen that way. Life blossoms as a result of mutually arising principles that support one another. And yet I miss her very much. And yet I also feel we were not the best match. So, I def leaned into this tension. I feel so deep now, confronting all this, that I feel like I’m at the bottom of a deep well completely in the dark and floating, and alone. Everyone just fell off of me. Now this week feels really quiet and still. I look forward to the future though. In my meditation training, whenever things got unbearable, that I couldn’t breathe or sit still, it always got better later, with a renewed stability, peace and awareness. I hope that will come in the areas I dove into these last months.
Hugs all!
HS
“Mars retrograde has served as a review, and as an opportunity for some deep investigation and processing in some area of your life, most likely connected with work, your health or your tendency to do too much for others (or too much in general).”
No shit. In November, my husband started struggling with symptoms of undiagnosed myasthenia gravis. So we’ve both been investigating and processing that over these several months. In December, my military boy and his family came through town just after Christmas, and I was finally able to express to him most of my deepest feelings about his military service. In January, I was laid off my job. Since then, I have structured this time for healing and the solving of a puzzle. Here’s a quote from a letter I sent recently (names left out):
“I don’t think I realized how wrung out I am from dealing with family stuff. I made a timeline of the last 11 years or so and realized that I have dealt with hubby’s colon cancer; watched my oldest boy go to war; launched our youngest son after getting him to attend an outpatient recovery program for chronic pot use; had mom move in for a year when she retired; moved her out with my sister when my sister came down after her husband died; helped dad out during his lung/bladder cancer in the last few years of his life and then had him here in hospice care until he died; and then moved mom again into my daughter’s and son-in-law’s house when my sister became to ill to care for my mother; and then moved my sister in with us for over a year as she recovered from being mom’s caregiver; helped my sister sell her mobile home; and then after over a year moved her out into an RV she bought and tried to live in and then into assisted living after being hospitalized for life threatening cellulitus; and somewhere in there had my goofy brother-in-law living with us for 9 months or so after he blew up his marriage, the dope. Phew! Not that I didn’t have help, but really I do feel like I have run Grand Central Station over the last decade without a vacation. I’m pooped.”
This doesn’t include some random young cello player that lived with us for a bit before we helped him settle into an apartment of his own. All of the above was within two years or so of graduating with my bachelors degree in occupational therapy and trying to start my career. Maybe some of that was optional. I think, for me, it was also about having been voted the ‘least likely’ in my family constellation to amount to much, as well as having felt like the ‘most’ selfish, bossy, aggravating, etc., of all my siblings, so maybe there is a bit of ‘amend making’ in the mix as well. So I was definitely taking some pride in finally being in a position to step up to the plate. The greater context included suffering through 8 years of STUPID brought to you courtesy of the Bush family. In 2009, I started writing poetry to finally begin dealing with that agony and how it impacted my son’s life, including what I see as the misuse of his service. Shortly thereafter I started performing my poetry and began to get some published here and there.
But the pace of life has certainly necessitated much more ‘doing’ than ‘reflecting,’ so I am glad to finally have this period of unemployment to begin to reflect and heal. Not to mention get some quiet time. I am torn between wanting to get back into the workplace as my debt builds up or take awhile longer for healing and rest. I am definitely not forcing anything.
The ‘puzzle’ is about choosing how to be in the world these next 10 or so years before retirement age hits, how to balance work, play, and creativity; how to do enough, be enough, not only for others, but as much for myself. I am in search of a mythology for this time of my life. I would rather think of my the last 11 years with gratitude for the strength I was given to get through them, than the wear and tear I feel. I plan to open myself up to healing and replenishment, to being filled and sharing the bounty simultaneously, like a continually filled and emptied mountain spring. It has been good to have some time to digest and integrate all of this. I am starting some Jungian therapy analysis this Friday. It will help me find the mythology I am seeking I am sure and help me stay in balance too, whatever happens with the job search, etc. Thanks again to PlanetWaves and peeps for sharing the journey of the stars and your own personal journeys and we walk though this world together.
I feel now like a moth without it’s wings. I can still see that old, sticky, entangled attraction/desire, but now from a different angle. What used to burn so much, has now a new name: unhealthy desire. What I thought as being so vital, was just an empty shell. It took me this entire retro (Mars in 8th), to feel it, understand, dissect it, and I hope now, heal from that attachment. But for that, I had to buy a ticket to hell, say hello to Hades, drop my wings, and only now I’m starting to re-direct all my passion into something more constructive. I can now see all this mess being part of a long purifying process, preparing me for a new destination. Thank you PW for all your support!
Talk about soul retrieval! Starting in mid-Nov, I got super focused on ferretting out the places where I collapsed to keep others from attacking me, recognizing that what I was doing wasn’t really creating “safety” for me. These patterns go back to childhood abusers who stripped away my sense of self for their own comfort and secrecy.
I began noticing that pattern of giving myself away, even when no one was asking for concessions and have used these retrogrades (Mercury and Mars) to untangle this repressive pattern and the intense self-criticism that goes along w it.
These postings have been essential in pointing out what is old stuff and I keep asking myself the question Eric posed in the Virgo annual “What do I want here?”. Without that question as my guide, I could easily have been swept away, but it keeps me focused on seeing what is here to be healed and listening for the next right step. As Mars will be hanging in my sun Virgo until early July, I am making tremendous use of this period to identify and release these ancestral and current lifetime patterns that no longer serve me. Even planning a trip to an ancestral home site to conduct a ceremony of release and to the site of some abuse during the auspicious June energy cycle to use this cycle wisely for healing.
Thx PW staff for pointing the way with charts and tips for what to watch for.
I am hanging on by a thread here … and every cell in my body is lapping up the energy of this astrology in hopes that, yep here we go again, I get a job. I’m so tired of wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ whilst diggin’ and healin’ … please goddess let this station be mercifully abundant in all ways … with a little dallop of easy-breezy fun on top, maybe?
mm.
Be: Your comments are always so informative, lively and articulate. You say: “observation that we all are only half alive for most of our lives.” This stirred up a memory from a ‘talk’ I attended eons ago, that I feel applies. What was conveyed is that one of our greatest liabilities as human beings is ‘partial attention’. Partial attention has existed for as long as humans have had two eyes, one, to respond to objective, and one, to respond to subjective. We don’t know how to divide our energy between the two without loss to either, if that makes sense. Which leads to the feeling of not being fully alive because of always forfeiting ourselves, for the other. Thanks for the memory Be !
Somewhere around November of last year, I made a conscious decision to swim against the tide – just to see where it takes me. That’s unusual for me because it’s been a lifelong pattern to operate on contingency plans and not navigate uncharted territory unecessarily. I wouldn’t have tied this in to astrology necessarily, but now that I’ve read this, it might be part of the grander scheme after all. The net effect, all these months later, is a kind of new-found confidence and need to explore the concept of acceptance. Although I wouldn’t call it “optimism”, it has shades of that too. I have a sense that I’m moving toward territory that tells me it’s okay if the piano falls from the 18th floor while I’m walking by. Kryptonite? No problem. Funny, it’s not that I’m in any way fundamentally changed as a person (or a Scorpio for that matter), but what has shifted is my sense of duty to try to control variables outside my sphere of existence that prior to November of last year, I would never have trusted or allowed to makes waves for me.
I moved my dad to the place he is in now (the last place I can afford to move him to until he needs a nursing home and I can save enough to help him pay for it) on Oct 30th. So the past 3 months have been dealing with him adjusting; he seems to need two months of constant calling me, complaining about everything, having one crisis after another, and then calming down into a depressed state of non-acceptance.
We visited with my Dad yesterday and took him with us as we visited Dave’s parents. All are in their 80’s.
My Dad had remarried when I was in my 20’s to a woman who didn’t want to share him. He made only two small efforts to see his grandkids (my kids) and none at all to see his adopted son’s kids. He was so wrapped up in his second wife.
I tried to bring the kids to see him several times but was never welcome in his home (never set foot in it even). One time we drove all the way there with the kids only to have them refuse to see us. It was awful.
Now his wife has died (last year) and I finally set foot in their home. It was awful; she was a heavy smoker and gambler. I had to get him the care he needed and he fought me every step of the way. Now he lives near a VA hospital (for his own health and safety) and that is 3 hrs away from me (because of the location of the hospital).
I can see that he is not looking well at all for his 81 years. He is on medication management because he nearly killed himself by taking too many meds last year (based on his addiction to vicodin and his forgetfulness). The three times I moved him wiped out his savings so now it is just what he has to live on (which is over $3000 a month). He is in a nice assisted living place but all he does is complain and never takes advantage of the activities they offer there. :::sigh:::
Dad’s doctor tells me he is depressed and I know he is because he keeps saying that if he died tomorrow he would be fine with that and that it is awful having a mind that wants to do things but a body that cannot do them. He is not accepting his circumstances at all. He says he regrets not getting to know his grandkids but it is too late; they have no connection with him.
So there we were yesterday; my kids don’t know him because he never paid them much attention and he was so rude to me for so many years that they dislike him. They stood near him for photos to send to his mother (they like her because she treats me well by writing me always and asking about the kids; she truly knows them through her interest and requests for pictures and their artwork) but you can see their detachment. There he is, a pale, sick, lonly old man and there are his grandkids, not even touching him. My compassion makes me cry.
I feel guilty and sad that I am not closer and that he has no connection with my kids. I feel compassion for an old man who now lives with his regrets. Pulling up the family and moving closer (something none of us wants because we hate where he lives [Phoenix] and two of us have been advised not to live there because the pollution makes us sick) might have been an option but I feel like my kids don’t deserve being pushed aside so that I can devote the attention to my dad’s wants (and maybe needs) to thrive. After not knowing him for so long, I found myself last year not liking him as a person much. Yet I did what I could to get his health back and make him safe. I offered him compassion because despite not liking him as he is, I still cannot let an old man in such grief suffer. It would have been cruel and it would have deeply hurt my grandmother. My heart cannot do that to anyone. I just cannot.
So I am torn between my compassion for my dad and his ill health, my love for my kids, my own health (and that of one of my kids), and my deep belief that people suffer the consequences of what they do. In other words, why should I turn my family’s lives upside down for a man who neglected them and had no time or interest in them until it was too late? Doing that would be unfair to the kids and it would reward the neglect he did. No matter what I do, (and I am not financially able to move closer, dad needs to be near a VA hospital and the nearest one to me now is 100 miles away) I feel bad. :::sigh:::
I don’t like seeing him suffer, even though I know some of it is of his own making (he won’t try to make friends there, he didn’t keep up with his grandkids, he refuses to do the activities they have available). This is so hard and the harder it is on me, the worse the kids feel about him. Why was I given this kind of empathy and compassion if it is only to make me feel pain and sadness without resolving anything? And how foolish is it to feel this compassion for a selfish old man who still calls me up and demands things with no thought of my life or family but then later tells me how much he loves me and them?
I feel like I am abandoning him (because I know he would be doing better were I available for him more often; old people DO better when they have close, attendant family) but I feel like being available for him means my kids are being cheated of my time and for them, time IS love. And no, I do not ascribe to the idea that the kids should be made to “suck it up” for a man who pretends to care for them but only cares now for his own wants; if they were loving to him he would feel less guilty and less alone. So his efforts now are totally selfish and not about them at all.
::::deeper sigh::
Mars retro in my 12th house indeed.
I’m one of the ones who attended to my health. I joined a gym for the first time ever – about 20 years ago I ran every day, was very active, etc. Then I started hanging around with people who sat and ate cheese all day long. Sigh. So I joined and started so slowly that people made fun of me, but I don’t feel old anymore, I can do things I want to do and I actually WANT to do things. I feel like I came back to what I’m “supposed” to be doing in some way, it was always a big part of “me” to be active. The gym isn’t as intimidating as I thought it would be either, most of the people there look like me and are doing their best, very few of those annoying perfect people about. I wasn’t really aware that Mars retrograde could be used to work on health, but it did work for me so far. Haven’t noticed any “robochickens”, but maybe I’m used to them by now, great way to describe those little peckers that won’t leave you alone!
PW Daily, thank for a satisfying and revealing article. How often can you say that about one-size-fits-all astrology? You guys really work hard to translate the symbols into something we can all benefit from. Reading these responses too, and considering my own thoughts and behaviors for the last several months has driven home the observation that we all are only half alive for most of our lives. The other half always (it seems, at least for most of us) always belongs to “the other”; spouse, society, family, the law, and as vickiabe would say, needing to “please to survive”, or at least needing to fit in.
I wonder if that can be considered as part of duality? I mean, those that DON’T “try to please” or make others comfortable wind up in prison, psych wards, dead or divorced. Do you supppose that there could be life that would permit us to be totally ourselves and at the same time be a loving friend, parent, spouse, neighbor and/or employee? Do you think that if we were totally ourselves, all the time, that we could tolerate everyone else being totally themselves? I am trying to conceive of a couple of weeks even, where everyone expressed themselves without reservation and still co-mingled with friends, family and co-workers. It seems to me, right now anyway, that in the world we live in today, there will always be something of ourselves that must remain in check. Adapted to? yes. Discussed with some? yes. But it just seems impossible to be able to function in a society without restraining certain aspects of the “me”, yet without reaching the point of “studying the order of the dirt and dust particles” (oh Link, thank you for that good hearty laugh so early in my day!).
Maybe it’s just me or maybe we need to wait until Saturn goes direct and into Scorpio before we consider letting it all hang out. Maybe Venus transiting in Gemini will allow us to realize that there will always be part of us kept just for us. Not something that is wrong with us but something that isn’t easily accepted by “the other”. I’ve known a few folks who have tried to be totally real or totally alive, not holding anything back, and maybe it feels good to them. I can only take so much of those people. Yes, Virgo can be a grind, especially for Mars and especially when Mars is retro. Still, the ability to discern can become part of the “real you” without disrupting the environment you exist in. These are the days of ‘miracles and wonder” and change and love. Save a little of all that just for yourselves and nobody else. You can still be alive and totally you, but with a few discreet reservations. You already knew that didn’t you?
be
In November I had just moved back home after 5 years of taking care of my elderly mom who passed away. I was beat up, exhausted and in serious need of rest. I was also unemployed and looking for the right job on top of it. So I decided that since the holidays are slow for getting a job I would just rest. So I rested and did art. Then I got a job doing something I never had done before believing and hoping it would be easy (it wasn’t). It also gave me the time to continue looking for something else. I took that job right before Mars retro. Well, it did not go well at all and I was fired right after Mercury turned direct last week (and I’m happy about it, really!) The one thing this job gave me was alot of opportunity to walk around which is something I needed. It obliterated some illusions I had about work too. That’s really about it though! LOL! So here I am a week before the Mars station and I am going to go visit a friend for a few days with my fingers crossed that the job that is 2 minutes from home doing something I love doing with none of the stuff I really don’t want to do will come through. Perhaps Mars just had my car parked in a crappy parking lot for a bit while the energy gathered for what I really want to be doing. I also feel that need to work on health. It’s been a rough couple of years and I am really seeking balance so I can move forward towards a season of restoration.
My Mars retrograde lesson has been health and diet related…especially considering Mars has been retro in my birth sign and in opposition to Neptune and Chiron in Pisces…definitely in sync with the mutable cross. I have discovered a possible heart issue…have had to schedule an appointment with a cardiologist. Also learned that my triglycerides are severely elevated. I began meditating again, after YEARS of letting medititaion slide…and the next step is getting my diet under control. The hardest part is to learn how to refrain from the self judgment and criticism I would normally and habitually have engaged in. This is just a moment for learning, not judging.
The past several months I have also tried to not get so involved in the drama of survival and how money factors into that drama. I’m gradually learning to let go of the stress and worry…you might say I’ve been opening myself to the “Jah will provide” paradigm.
And…I’ve been experiencing the feeling that I’ve been asleep and that the dreamer is on the verge of awakening.
Lastly…I’ve been having a rather strong presentiment that this will be the year extraterrestrials make their presence known in Earth…
Wow- it never ceases to amaze me how on the planetary energies correspond with the energies manifesting within my life. I read the morning astro-posts every day and there is always some profound nugget of insight or inspiration that I can hold in my mind and use as a guide.
Yes, beginning in November and being galvanized in late Jan, early Feb, I finally committed to making drastic changes in my life, especially where my health is concerned. I’ve cut meat, soda, processed foods, and alcohol from my diet. I began an extremely physical yoga routine, which I love and for once is a healthy addiction- I’ve lost 20 lbs.
I have also worked hard at changing my perspective on situations that I have no control over. In the process, I have become more comfortable with myself and the choices I make and why. It does not matter what someone else does or thinks- it’s about me and my actions and being okay with that. I’ve learned that guilt is a waste of time and anger only serves to pull me further away from solutions. I’ve also acknowledge the need to give Patience the credit it deserves!
The growth that I have experienced in the last several months is truly unbelievable. I have no doubt that I will look back on this period and equate it to the beginning of MY life. I’m not exactly sure what it is that I want or where it is that I am going- but, I am beginning to know myself for exactly who I am; and maybe that is the key that will open the doors leading to the what and the where.
This is currently a wonderful and positive journey for me. I’m so glad that Eric and crew offer a kind of map that confirms I’m heading in the right direction even when the path becomes arduous or downright confusing.
(Scorp Sun/Sag AC)
Since Mars and Chiron fell right on my Asc-Des axis, I worked on healing the oldest physical wounds I had, which were in my knees. There were issues with communicating my emotional needs that were traumatized when I first injured my knees over 40 years ago.
In turn, I am re-invigorating my desire to communicate my emotional needs more clearly, asking for what I truly want at work and with partners.
Kaaripes….retrograde relay indeed! If I’m not mistaken, Pluto is in on this relay tomorrow. Well, it’s certainly been a time full of heartbreak and shipwrecks, some deep as a birdbath and others, the bottom of the ocean. So, I dry off, dust off and keep one foot ahead of the other and have a round of gratitude for the simple fact I am here, in the experience, consciously keeping an attitude of wonder and curiosity.
I have HATED this transit. I want to stomp it and throw it off a cliff. I cannot get one damn thing done, all the magic and pleasure has drained out of my life, and I’m under constant assault by what feels like an industrial-size flock of chickens. Peck, pick, peck! It’s not even a personal attack–there is nothing deep or informative or plunge into hell to be reborn about it. It’s just superficial annoyance after another. I can’t get deep. I can’t see any depth. I can’t even take a deep breath without choking on robochicken feathers. I haven’t written anything since this started. I doubt I have anything to say at all, or any decent way to say it. I can’t get to myself. I can barely pull out enough cleverness to get through a day and get paid, and I despise every bit of my paying work. At the same time, I know I won’t do anything to yank on those temple column chains and bring it down, ironically because I don’t have the energy, and, half blind (literally), I need the protection right now. Please, please do not say this retrograde is pattern-setting. I can’t live like this, nor can I figure out how to change it. No guidance, no support; I can’t hear the gods or they aren’t speaking to me. Am I supposed to learn some great lesson from robochickens? So what is this great lesson? I work all the time, am in constant state of exhaustion and panic, and have nothing to show for any of it. Is it naive to hope that things will just change? Because I can’t think how to change me or them, where to start; I have no faith at all that any change I make will have any effect, and I am even this minute two minutes late to call ANOTHER DAMN ROBOCHICKEN so he can peck me to pieces. Happy Monday!
Mid November brought my partner of 42 years to the brink of emotional and relationship detachment with me. He had been undergoing many losses in his life, I had not been helpful, and he looked to someone else for solace. 6 weeks later, he found he was miserable with that choice, confessed and begged for forgiveness and vowed to make us better.
I was devastated and wounded in places I had not known were vulnerable. My experience of my life changed in the blink of an eye.
I’ve taken the time since then to:
1. read this blog
2. examine how I relate to him, myself and everyone around me
3. fall apart (I lost 20 pounds and enormous amounts of self esteem)
4. learn how to forgive
5. learn how to let go
6. learn how to show love better
7. learn to how to give space in the midst of fear
8. learn and practice patience
I am a shell of who I used to be, but there are now places for love to flow into and I am soaking it up! He and I are deliriously happy and recommitted right now.
I, most humbly, thank you for being here every day.
I am totally blown away by all that is happening at the moment. I am leaving a marriage of 11 years with a narcissist. He has been an amalgamation of both of my dysfunctional parents and has tried to destroy me mentally and emotionally. I now find the strength to leave with a fair amount of trepidation and fear. I am anticipating on a deep level discovering parts of me that have been buried almost from my birth and meeting myself anew. I have lived my life as half a person, feeling the need to please as a way of surviving. I know that in 1965 I was with my first boyfriend and therein started to be aware of so many personal problems with relating and my own repressed self. It has been a lifelong journey and I am now feeling some excitement and anticipation of freedom of being myself and maybe really starting to “live”. Planetwaves has been a lifeline to me and I am so thankful to have found it at this time in my life.
After a tectonic shift of immense proportions in mid-October, I started a relationship with someone in early November that really brought me face-to-face with much of what I had been taught was ‘wrong’ with me from an early age. I didn’t like what I became; I didn’t like where I was heading. I couldn’t stay for long, and I left.
This coincided with a period of questioning whether what I had thought that I wanted – a poly relationship – was really what I wanted, or whether it was a method of trying to stay safe and to control my emotions, and the other person. I realised that fear of merging and of, as David Deida says, being ‘obliterated in love’ – the meeting of the void through surrender – was what I had been fighting all along. I am ready to meet that now.
Now that Mars is ending its retrograde phase, I find myself emerging from an active depression that felt as valuable as it was painful; I have distanced myself from the dysfunction of my family in order to find myself as someone separate from that; I feel soft, vulnerable, bruise-able, and that is as it should be; I am moving out of the marital home and starting life as a single mother; I am finding more time to devote to my creativity and my spiritual practice — a practical spirituality, I hope; I am trying to break some poor habits and poor choices; I am seeing someone occasionally but I know that I cannot commit to anything more with him. My heart calls me to my life. I am taking slow, halting steps. This is new ground for me.
Edging all the way back through Virgo to 3 degrees before moving forward Mars is now at a point where across the ways in Pisces, Neptune newly arrived, (home at last) is waving contentedly, knowingly, keenly aware of Mar’s discomfiture (retrograde!) so long in the . . . prison of Virgo nit-pickery.
What does he want? Mars says to himself.
I’ve lost the desire or the ability to be terribly sensible at this stage. I am ‘sensible overloaded, trampled down, ground into the ground, studying the order of the dirt or dust particles. Thanks for a sensible take.
My commitment to health and well-being were seriously tested leading up to November last year. Then, I made a decision to leave a relationship that drove me to the point of physical and spiritual crises. Subsequently, I took small steps to get back on track. I began noticing places in my being that needed healing and addressed them. I recommitted myself to how I wanted to eat. I did things that made me energized and inspired rather than exhausted. I stopped engaging in the old pattern with people that brought things that I did not want in my life. I began trusting my gut feeling. The process was not linear. I had to readjust many times over. Today, I feel rebooted and ready despite the fact that outside influence and energy continue to be tumultuous at times. The path was illuminated by PW! I am so thankful.
Aiko