Today is Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2012. What would you do if you weren’t worried about what your mother might think? I know you may be thinking, ‘I am self-aware! I read Planet Waves and talk about masturbation! I’m not subject to mom-guilt!” And you may be right.
But the thing is – especially in western culture – the inner critic and judge tends to be a holographic version of a parent. For most women, this is ‘mother’, and it has a tendency to masquerade as us, mimicking our voice. Sometimes it pipes up before we even realize we’ve been thinking a ‘threatening’ thought, blending seamlessly into our conception of self.
It takes a lot of work – often with professional help – to be able to catch the hair’s-breadth moment before the inner mom-judge grafts itself onto a glimmer of authentic Self trying to shine out. This is especially true for daughters. The funny thing is, mothers can be just as debilitated by their own insistence on living for their children, and insisting that children live for them, instead of living their own lives.
It’s all over the place – so don’t go thinking you’re the only one with a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship. Eric says he’s still counseling women in their 50s whose mothers are dead not to worry what their mother will think: “I am visualizing the skeleton in the casket in the ground and they are like, oh Mother! I can’t do that, I must get married.” And as I write this, I’m trying to figure out if I’m a selfish daughter if I don’t want to drive my mom to the airport at 4:30 am – on a workday — after sleeping on my lumpy futon in my living room, so that I can work late if I need to and she can go to sleep early, in preparation for her flight to the Bahamas. So she doesn’t have to pay for parking at the airport for 8 days.
But guess what? We have some crackling astrology to help all of us out with this.
Calling the theme is Ceres conjunct Uranus on the Aries Point, in the second degree of Aries. For sure, our use of food as an emotional coping mechanism in lieu of real emotional nourishment is woven into this moment and asking for attention. But Uranus there is shouting for self-actualization. Ceres lends some specificity to the message: we’re talking about self-actualization, not actualizing your daughter for her; self-actualization, not actualizing your mother’s unlived life for her.
This can push buttons – especially if you aren’t fully aware they’re there. The beauty of this conjunction’s placement is that it offers a little objectivity to the process. The Sabian symbol for 2 Aries is, “A comedian reveals human nature.” If you’re just now seeing your own mother-daughter dynamic more clearly, can you step back just enough out of any guilt, pain, rage or confusion that may be welling up from that matrix to get a more objective view of it? And if you can, can you see the humor in how damned absurd it is? Yes, it’s a sad state of cultural affairs. But if you can allow yourself at least one laugh at the very idea of trying to live anyone’s life but your own, you’ve just taken a step back into yourself.
Oh – and if you’re a man, here are some questions for you, too: Do you recognize the power that mothers have over the women in your life, or is this just ‘part of the scenery’? What might change about your interactions with women if you could see the internal dynamics for what they are? Do you experience anything similar with your mother or your daughter?
The sky now and for the next few days is brimming with the theme of women, being a woman, being sexual, being free, feeling what you feel, and how much of your feeling body is really your mother’s. Venus is conjunct Vesta (exact Saturday) in Pisces and square the lunar nodes (which is where Vesta has just been). This is some fully-expressed feminine consciousness, with Pisces lending its spiritual, creative flavor to how we explore and express it. Let it grease the wheels Ceres-Uranus is sparking into motion.
Meanwhile, Mars has just taken an uncharacteristic step back behind the curtain in Virgo as the feminine takes center stage – though he does oppose Venus next week. Is he going to have a conference with the Goddess or fuck a virgin? Which would you want, given the choice? There’s no right answer – no matter what your mother (or daughter) may think.
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Thanks for sharing your story Pam. When my mom wanted so badly to go home from the nursing home, and I’d moved into her house so was able to care for her, it was an uphill battle with the decision-makers, including my brother to get the go-ahead. She only lived 10 days after we got her home and I’ve often wondered if it would have been better to let her stay where she had had professional care. You have made me feel I made the right decision to bring her home for her last days. Even though I was talking to the Hospice nurse on the phone when she actually breathed her last, she knew I was near-by, and I even think she purposely waited until I was out of the room. All of us are different, including how we want to die, and I think my mom preferred to go privately.
Like you, I believe there should be more ways to educate ourselves before-hand, on the mechanics of death. We just aren’t brought up to understand that it is part of the life experience and most of us are reluctant to even think about it. I believe you have done our community a service by sharing your experience of your mom’s death, and I thank you again for doing so.
be
thank you all so much for your loving kindness
I think we need to educate ourselves about the mechanics of death in our communities, because I wasn’t expecting Mum to die that day. My Dad was casual, come in the next few days. I came straight away figuring these were the last days I had. On the way I had this feeling of doors open and opportunity and happiness in a way I certainly haven’t felt happiness for a long time! So thought crumbs maybe Mum’s gone already. Meeting my Dad I said is Mum still alive and he said yes and he asked the staff how long and they said they didn’t know. We went to Mum. She turned her gaze to me – she has always come back to meet me so this didn’t make me think of imminent imminent death either. I was thinking of accompanying her that night and her dying not so so imminent, tho you note all the stuff of preparation came out.
I arrived at 8.30 in the evening. The night staff turned her every hour. I asked if this was really necessary for some who was dying. This too didn’t make me think of imminent death.
Mothers? This is a daughter not ferocious enough. And this is the thing too I think. In families there is a pattern. In ours it is others coming first, not standing up to authority (accepting authority, lack of self confidence or the right to be heard), and I think you just have to come to a point where you recognise the pattern and work at it. Of course you have to be old enough to do and say what you think and hold to it, and it could be a life long process (for my mother it certainly was and I feel she died free, the letting her go free was important for her).
Sometimes the resentments fade away with different passages of life like sexual relationships and child bearing. I don’t think I had any criticisms of my Mum after these two things because you see quite clearly the sorts of binds and divided loyalties and impossible juggling that goes on, not to mention what you don’t know, as well bit by bit your family knots.
This last two months have been just one thing after another. I came to the conclusion recently that I could only go forward with as open a mind as I can, and this is what I got so far!
The next day when I talked to the day staff they said to me that they had got no response at all from her all day and thought she could die anytime and checked on her every ten minutes, and then decided she was waiting for me – for them she was already dead and when they said to my Dad they didn’t know, it was that. For me the only other death I had witnessed was my grandmother and she had a sort of death rattle, my mother didn’t; fast and light and lighter. That too made me not think of imminent death…
All these things would have helped me do better. When our donkey died hit by a train, it was in open air, at a certain moment it was absolutely clear to me that the men had done their helping lifting him so the vet could see how injured he was and now it was time to hold him and love him and let him go before the vet put him down. I didn’t think about it one thing followed another. But in town in an ‘institution’, with no voice I have some way to go evidently to not be ‘thrown’.
It is as HH DL says – in the beginning (of a conflict or situation) there is a way out, but if you miss that slot or choose something different after a while you have a situation that isn’t evident what to do with it and it takes time to sort itself out.
I was against my Mother going into a home. My Father thought it the best thing, he didn’t want to let her go and he didn’t want to live in France. My husband didn’t think her living with us was possible, that if I looked after her I couldn’t work on the farm. I don’t have independent finances, there are children. I just think that a child is full time work for several years and how was my mother any different. My Mother said she didn’t want to live in France with us. I think we need to keep our elderly with us if physically possible. My Mother received excellent medical care, and half the staff she liked. I don’t think children and the elderly should be left alone and particularly at night unless they want to, and certainly not in institutions – they are so vulnerable
love to all
Pam
Much love and peace to you both, Sarah and Pam.
My father died just over 5 years ago, and I had the great honor of holding onto his hand as he passed. That moment will always be one of the most defining experiences of my life – there was just this incredible sensation that his work with his family here was done, and it was time to move along. I could feel a tremendous liberation as he shed his tired body.
The week following his death was filled with some of the most incredible synchronicities and just plain weird events that indicated he was still quite with me! My father’s death was quite sudden, and while a few of his relatives were gathered at the hospital, they were talking about his soul. My family is Polish, and the word for soul is “dusza”. So, there was lots of “dusza” chatter prior to his death. About 2 days after his death, I had to drive my mother to the mall for an errand, and I was trying to avoid an oncoming SUV at an intersection. As it turned out, the SUV and I ended up driving in the same direction, and the SUV eventually cut me right off as it tried to pass me just as my mother and I were discussing my father. I looked at the license plate, and there in big red letters on a white plate was the word “DUSZA”. Pretty incredible timing!
(((((((pam))))))) You and your loved ones are in my thoughts and heart.
Pam,
It sounds like your mom went peacefully, from what you said. I’m sure having you there with her at that time helped her to let go without fear. It is good that it was so, and I can tell you had a wonderful relationship with her right unto the end. Peace and love to you and your family at this time.
aword,
You’re too funny! I thought it sounded promising too. . those chart connections to the President and the U.S. I now think of Ceres, in this case, symbolizing the wider meaning of Mother Earth in that much of the President’s plan revolved around the environment, although he did include food and water safety in his “smart” regulations list.
Persephone too, showed up as a desire to re-claim what has been lost However, when he talked of past generations and how they felt responsiblity for the land, I thought of Sphinx the asteroid, that was conjunct the Moon, but also in the symbol for the degree the north node has been in. As he spoke the north node moved to the next degree and that symbol was “A Widow’s past is brought to light. The keynote for this symbol reads: “The karma of past actions as it affects opportunities presented by a new cycle.” Now if that ain’t prophetic, I don’t know what is, since the NN represents opportunities and he brought a lot of “sins” to light (insider trading?), and we are definitely starting a new cycle or two.
be
I’ve had more time today to read this blog properly. And I want to thank you for this: “not actualizing your mother’s unlived life for her”. This has recently come into my consciousness to work with, but it’s still very much hovering on the edges, though it’s more like “not feeling you should feel guilty about and/or try to compensate for your mother’s unlived life”. Thank you. xx
{{{{Pam}}}}
All my love to you, dear Pam.
talking about humour. And freedom.
A scramble on monday to get to my Mum before she died. I got there in the evening and she turned her eyes to me, the inner winds already blowing, her breathing light and rapid, and I said all the love and footnotes and honoured her space and freedom (Tibetan book of Living and Dying). I held her hand and fell asleep. The staff woke me at 20 past 1 her hand still in mine, and I said immediately o she’s doing better her breathing is easier. but she had died.
And what nicer than that aquarius new moon to surf out on
Sally and Huffy – thank you too. I am sitting here and can feel your love and prayers around us, and I’m passing them on as I receive them. With love back, S x
And a lot of love and a big hug to you from me too dear Sarah. Just read the news about your mum this am. xxx
be, I’d be honored just to wash your socks, but “what you said” – it all sounds remarkably like a bright light shining.
xo
Pres. Obama just has to have his own astrologer because the new chart for his speech tonight with start-time of 9:11 PM has the U.S. natal Mars (Sibly) on the midheaven (21 Gemini) and his own Mars and the U.S. Neptune (22 Virgo) on the asc., conjunct transiting Mars (23 Virgo). Mercury, ruler of chart (1st house and 10th house) at 25 Cap is conjunct his (Obama) own Saturn and 2 degrees from the U.S. Pluto.
Something I just realized is that transiting Pluto is sextile the U.S. natal Ceres. The north node at 6 Leo forms the point of a temporary yod which will be effective until Pluto moves away. So the U.S. north node of opportunities in the 8th house of transformation and shared resources will be stimulated all this year by the energy of trans. Pluto in the U.S. first house of self-awareness and the energy of natal Ceres in the 3rd house of communicating, neighborhoods and transportation.
It’s enough to make you a believer.
be
Sarah, sending you big Love and Light to you and all your family and most especially to your Mum. May healing Light surround her and penetrate every cell to return her systems to as full and natural and balanced a state that can be optimally be achieved now and in the future. May she receive the best possible care from the best possible care-givers and may this experience bring the highest possible good to all involved.
You are loved. She is loved. All is well.
I’ve been where you are now and I know how hard it is. Moment by precious moment is the best way to navigate these Mysteries…but, you of all people know this!!!
BIG hugs to you, sister.
Sally
be and Carrie: thank you xx
Sarah,
Like all your friends here, I wish your mom a speedy return to health and that you will receive the love and light we are sending to you. I know it is hard to be brave but trust in the Universe that there is a reason for everything. God Bless.
If any of you are interested in the earlier info I sent, please note that from a different tv channel I’ve now learned that the President will speak at 9 PM not 8 PM. Just the pundits will be speaking at 8 PM.
This new chart puts Mars on the ascendant, and the Moon has left Hybris to conjunct Sphinx at 26+ Aquarius. Maybe some ancient wisdom or just another unsolved mystery will be our lot (Moon= people). Ceres is now in the 7th house.
be
{{{Sarah}}} :::sending energy for you and your family and your Mom:::::
(((((((Daniel)))))))
I am deeply touched by the support I feel on here, and I’m passing it on to my mum and my family.
Sarah, I hope your Mom is resting and recovering well! I’m so sorry to hear this. With Len, a warm virtual hug to you too.
Sincerely,
Daniel
(((((((aword)))))))
Sarah, My prayers to you and your family. My own birth-family generally chooses non-communication over raising of awareness for most everything except the weather. You are not alone, and neither are they. Blessing to all of you.
…and how interesting that only today did I think to look up asteroid named same as my most-significant significant other and lo and behold exact conjunct my natal Ceres – which has substantial aspects in my chart. Hm. well and how about that.
…and somehow last night found myself reading more about wheat:
http://www.greenmedinfo.com/print/page/opening-pandoras-bread-box-critical-role-wheat-lectin-human-disease
(I cannot speak for the source. I believe Mercola is a sponsor.)
I find myself ready to shore up the loose ends regarding dietary discipline aka No Wheat nonononono NO wheat. I wonder what Ceres will say. I DO find solace in the mythical “mothers”. My own was un-nuturing to be sure.
Thank for the discussion All.
Thank you, Len. That means so much to me right now. Just what I need.
We all fuck up our kids even unintentionally because of the baggage we carry from our parents. Even aware parents like myself because we lack experience in parenting so we make mistakes that only as time (and experience) goes on, are revealed.
It is the nature of things. My NPD mother isn’t NPD by choice…she just IS.
It is up to me to undo the baggage and entanglements.
be: Thank you for some valuable observations and for helping us to correlate it. By the way, as i understand it, “Hybris” means hubris.
Sarah: Please accept my support for you during this time of trial. You have my empathy. i can sense your feelings through your words. Please accept a virtual hug through my words. You are important to all of us here at Planet Waves.
I wasn’t sure just how this was playing out for me today, until I found out this evening that my mother has had an aneurysm and is in ICU recovering. It happened last Thursday. She had decided not to tell her kids because she couldn’t bear the impact of that. I understand her enough to know why, but the impact of that is also hard to bear.
Recalling Ceres as you wrote about her last week, our “rights in the realms of agriculture, food safety, and the intersection of personal and cultural attitudes toward food commerce and consumption”, which would include genetically modified foods and the use of pesticides, I think the Presidents SOTU speech tonight could be quite important, if not revolutionary. Here’s why.
When the President speaks tonight, Ceres will be, of course, conjunct Uranus on the Aries point in the 8th house of shared resources. Her daughter in myth, Persephone (who opposed Tantalus last week) in Leo is opposite the sometimes shocking Aquarian Sun. Last week I spoke here about the position of Mercury in the U.S. solar return chart (Sibly) as being the thrusting (have I got your attention?) point planet in the yod with Chiron and Pluto. Now Persephone who is retrograde has reached that point and is conjunct the SR Mercury at 5+ Leo. The U.S. Sibly natal north node is at 6+ Leo. Transiting Sun will be conjunct the south node around midnight Thursday. That could be important, as someting might be released finally.
Transiting Mars, having stationed retrograde last night is quite powerful in the earth sign Virgo at 23+ degrees. The President’s natal Mars is at 22+ Virgo. The U.S. natal Neptune is at 22+ Virgo. This time Mars is in the thrusting position as Eris (trouble), Nessus (poison, deceit), Pallas-Athene the strategist and the Moon representing the people are all forming an aggravating quincunx to him. I would imagine it would have something to do with health and my guess it is about food.
Jupiter and Saturn are still in orb of their cyclic opposition, although separating. The New Moon yesterday is only 2 degrees from where Jupiter and Saturn will be conjunct again to start their new 20-year cycle in 2020. It is a final chance to see things as they really are (full Moon-opposition position) as to where our government controls and social expansion stand on matters. They are both in signs ruled by Venus who is conjunct Vesta (investments) in the sign of Pisces (endings).
Hybris is conjunct the Moon for the time of the speech tonight (app 8 PM) and I don’t know if the word “hybrid” is from the same root as Hybris, but I suspect it is. Anyway, a few hours later the transiting Moon will conjunct the U.S. Moon and after that she will conjunct Neptune before crossing into Pisces where everything dissolves. I think we should all turn our attention to the President tonight and be listening for something he says, perhaps veiled, that could make a difference in our health and the health of our planet. Thought you would want to know.
be
Eric,
The photo, of course. Not only exquisitely rendered, but also a very cogent connection to the overall blog theme and a connection to yesterday’s cosmic photo. It would be very interesting to do a chart for this photograph (especially to see the 12th house). Please, do you have a log of the time?
Thank you for an engaging and rich blog. The observation of “the hair’s-breadth moment” is especially appreciated. The awareness and recognition of that phenomenon was a big milestone in my own personal development.
To all the commenters: Thank you for an exchange that educated me in the very best sense.
Thank you, Rob44. I think you are correct.
Kelly, I was blessed with the input of many women moreso than my mother. The first “Our Bodies, Ourselves” was brand new when I was 15. I read it cover to cover, feeling “at home” when I did. I think that was my greatest influence about women’s sexuality.
“Is he going to have a conference with the Goddess or fuck a virgin? Which would you want, given the choice?”
Who says they have to be two different things? 😉
—
Related to the other comments on this post, it reminds me of yesterday’s post where similarities were drawn twixt Mars and Mercury Retrograde.
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And related to all of these posts in the last week or so, it feels like I need to read them multiple times to get out of them all that is there. I never seem to have the time, though. I hope I’ll be able to read them and listen when I need to. 🙂
Sam,
————
I do understand that Mom and Dad are different roles. But I have seen many families, and each parent has his or her own personality. In my opinion, people are not roles. Roles are things we can be oppressed by, subsumed by, can submit to, revolt against, accept, play around with, or even transcend.
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Roles are merely configurations of behaviours that carry discrete boundaries so they can be differentiated from other roles. But these behaviours are pattern-setting and impact upon those who experience their outworkings.
You are suggesting that people are not roles. This isn’t strictly speaking true, unless you are adopting a variety of Essentialism.
This assertion is part of your philosophy of reality but that does not explain or attempt to explain the dynamics of influences in practice. A seminal work that does just that is The Social Construction of Reality (1971) written by Peter Berger and Thomas Luckmann.
One of the key points therein is that the experience of paternity (by which is meant both parents) amounts to the first institution that a child encounters externally and subsequently internalises as a frame of reference.
In terms of developmental psychology in children (which is what we are implicitly considering) your adult world view about the descriptor ‘roles’ is alien to how the influence outworks in practice. These roles are packets of behaviour, reinforced through time. As an example, if you were to look at the expansive graffiti on the gable end of a factory wall as an adult, you would not consider extrapolating from that to what may be going on inside said factory. You would not confuse the presentation or facade level with the deeper reality. A child would.
These experiences are taken at face value and encoded by children, largely templated upon a basic emotional level of how the experience is received as impact.
Roles, as packets of ritualised behaviours, become reality anchors for children who are getting their preliminary bearings.
Sam, your analysis constitutes a reification, wherein you make YOUR conceptual framework definitive of the process pertaining WITHIN the psychological construction of human beingness at a crucial developmental stage.
This view is perfectly illustrated in your stated position:
———–
I see human life as being more of a constant exchange between the individual and the structure that has emerged through layers of social life and history.
———–
Of course you do! But that is your view, or what you’d like to believe to be true. It isn’t a description or delineation of the process of how children (with their restrictive psychological functionality) internalise reality – which is the point at issue.
Their is no objective or detached reality outside of its creation via perceptions of it and how they are shaped.
So when you contend:
———–
But I don’t think that the problem here is only those commonalities, only The Structure. It’s how people, like you or me or your mom or your dad or my mom or your dad deal with it and themselves and you and me. I honestly think every family is different. And how a child receives those differences depends on many variables, many circumstances.
————
There is a basic misunderstanding here, again caused by not noticing how your adult perspective has evolved a sophistication through time, wherein the developmental and neuropsychological bottom line is that relatively undeveloped brains pick out commonalities in sense making, whereas differentiation, subtleties and shades are very much an adult progression based upon life experience and nuanced reflection.
Children pick up the blunt instrument effect not the craft and intent. They see the graffiti upon the facade as whole reality. They do not see mummy welcoming them into the marital bed as any kind of expression of her placing a barrier between her and her ‘predatory’ husband from whom she feels alienated, but WILL see that daddy often sleeps on the couch – next thing you know that is the nature of reality for mummies and daddies.
The fact that this doesn’t happen in all families does not invalidate the argument.
A six stone man towering over a baby and hollering on top note compared with a twenty five stone giant gently cradling and whispering to said baby will all be decoded on a visceral, atmospheric level of behavioural interpretation.
In terms of sexual politics, a woman’s investment and presence as a mother will inevitably and always be far more formative for the young woman she socialises than the influence of any man (who can’t BE a woman).
Maybe in extended families etc it could be claimed that aunts and older sisters could be a variable…
But they all had mothers too and they will pass that material right along.
KathyC, from my experience, no; we never really do get over it, and are changed permanently…
Sam,
I am very clear about this topic.
The machinations of the internal feminine experience, which includes the reproductive process will be communicated to a daughter by her mother. The perpetuating patterns of behaviour or emotional interpretations associated will flow through.
I can make a sweeping generalisation to include all women!
Alex,
What you’ve written… I find it very confusing. This is an attempt at response. If you feel I don’t get you, please let me know. And do me the favor of letting me know and clarifying in a more concrete clear way, in which you cite what I wrote that makes you draw a certain conclusion.
Here is my response:
I do understand that Mom and Dad are different roles. But I have seen many families, and each parent has his or her own personality. In my opinion, people are not roles. Roles are things we can be oppressed by, subsumed by, can submit to, revolt against, accept, play around with, or even transcend. We can argue about what’s more important, the content of who Mom A is versus who Mom B is or whether they’re very fact of being Moms sets them up to automatically play out certain dramas upon their daughters. If the latter is what you’re arguing, then I think you should reread your first paragraph, because it seems like you disagree with yourself.
I personally don’t believe that there is a structure of The Family so immutable as to create a situation in which all moms fuck up all daughters. If that’s what you’re getting at, I think it’s ridiculous and simplistic and regressively Structuralist. It’s also quite fatalistic. I see human life as being more of a constant exchange between the individual and the structure that has emerged through layers of social life and history.
I’ve seen many families. There are patterns of oppression that run common through many of them. But I don’t think that the problem here is only those commonalities, only The Structure. It’s how people, like you or me or your mom or your dad or my mom or your dad deal with it and themselves and you and me. I honestly think every family is different. And how a child receives those differences depends on many variables, many circumstances. Perhaps even destiny. And these al play off of each other. It isn’t a simple case of “if Mommy is bad” or “if Mommy is good.” But I do believe that if one parent creates a particularly threatening or a manipulative atmosphere in the family, then it is not unlikely a child may be haunted by that parent. I’ve seen it both ways, regardless of who’s got what between their legs.
Sam, an idea or concept is not merely a packet of the mental that gets passed on by direct transference from carrier to host. Such a philosophy of mind reduces influence to pure cognition and impoverishes the psychosocial by effectively eliminating the sociocultural and sociopolitical aspects of conditioning.
Consider for a moment, the sexual politics of defining the space of the marital bed when young children arrive in the family setting. Who defines the space and why? What does our experience teach us about the definitional power of mothers in such a situation and what early message it bequeaths about the structure of reality?
Sexual politics create role expectations. The voice-over is a manifestation at surface level that serves a particular sense-making purpose, whereas the deeper impressions and grooves emanate from an altogher different level of constructed ‘reality’
Kelly,
Despite the fact that I have a womb, I’ve generally found orgasmic response to be more related to this part and all it’s various tentacles: http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/
And I think the idea that a mother who oppresses her daughter does so because she has eggs, orgasms, and periods is a really confused way to look at this. It overlooks the basic issue that negative impact usually comes from negative stimuli. So if your mother is in a state of emotional or ethical conflict, of course it will impact you. We can’t presume that all mothers are conflicted in this way though. In other words, it’s not the mystical magical feminine powers that can plague a woman or a man’s mind, it’s whatever is going on in her mind, her heart, and her life.
Once again, an excellent piece. I lost my mother when I was 24. I am now on my way to 53. She died when she was 54. I am now to the point where her parenting skills of whispering in my ear when I was very little, “you can accomplish anything you want, you can be whatever you want to be. You are smart- most people aren’t so much…..” is now coming to the forefront leaving the schmegma of what our relationship was growing up, behind. I hope by the time I am 54, I am well versed in living again, since it has taken me this long to get over her passing.(do we ever really get over it, or does it change us permanently down to the DNA level?)
Hi Alexander,
I think it’s a lot to presume that just because I share a sex role with my mother means that her ideas will dominate my mind. I’ve seen many many situations wherein whichever parent is domineering, controlling, or manipulative is the voice a person struggles to liberate themselves from. This can be men walking around with their mother’s voice in their head or women walking around with their father’s voice and all the other permutations. The article isn’t just talking about who sets an example for a woman, it’s about whose voice echoes in someone’s head as a judge. This isn’t a healthy or normal dynamic that’s being described, it’s particularly the dynamic of dysfunction. What I’m saying is that whichever parent is dysfunctional tends to be the one who leaves a dysfunctional mark in our minds.
S
A womb which creates an orgasmic response, sometimes multiples if you’re lucky; the power of our feminine seed (the eggs); a mystical monthly cycle, and; a ferocious edge to protect our children, sometimes against the fathers themselves.
At puberty a girl will look to her mother.
Make no mistake about a mothers power over her daughter.
For all of you with “mothers” out there, here’s the wonderful, cathartic ‘Mother’, by The Police
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NpvZ68EIgA
Sam, who would you say is a little girl’s, teenage girl’s, adolescent girl’s primary role model of womanhood is?
“But the thing is – especially in western culture – the inner critic and judge tends to be a holographic version of a parent.”
If you get to know Chinese, Koreans, or Tibetans, for example, I think you’ll realize very quickly that the part of the sentence offset by hyphens is an unnecessary caveat.
The new age community has long had a bad habit of projecting ideas onto The East, in particular depicting it as an opposite of whatever good or bad things we believe exist in our western societies/religions/families. This of course predates new ageism — really it is a thread running through the entire relationship between “West” and “East.” The thing is that details and daily life tell other, more complex tales. If you aren’t familiar with a non western culture, it’s better not to say something is especially so in western culture, because it implies it’s less so or not so elsewhere. Though if anyone has visited a part of the globe where they’re certain the problem described in this article doesn’t manifest, I’d really like to hear about it.
Probably that caveat is just there to avoid being too absolute. But I think that trying not to be too something often leads to being too something else.
Finally, I have another comment, which is regarding the idea that most women have their mother in their head as internalized critic. I do not work in a counseling field, but still I talk with a lot with people and have heard many stories (including those told by Asians!) of internalized parental pressure. I never got a sense that women are more oppressed by the “voice” of their mothers than by that of their fathers. It generally seems to me that if one parent is dominating or authoritarian or emotionally manipulative, then that is the voice that must be dealt with.
That said, it’s good that the astrology is providing support for dealing with this.