Okay, Planet Waves horoscopes don’t actually feature the Muppets. But they’re still some of the best you’ll find.
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Eric:
You mean Planet Waves has a communist agenda? — see below. (Warning: Not from the The Onion.)
FROM THE UK Telegraph
Communist Muppets: he may look green, but Kermit’s really Red
By Tom Chivers Politics Last updated: December 7th, 2011
Are the Muppets Communists? No, seriously, I’m asking. The Fox Business Network thinks that they are, you see.
Apparently Kermit, Miss Piggy et al are trying to brainwash your children against the righteous path of capitalism and lead them astray with socialist propaganda. The evidence – and let’s face it, it’s pretty irrefutable – is that the new Muppet film contains a bad guy called Tex Richman, an oil boss who wants to dig up the Muppet theatre to get at the black gold underneath. This suggests, to Fox Business anchor, that Hollywood liberals are “trying to brainwash your kids against capitalism”. And they’ve been doing it for decades, agrees incoherent scaremongering talking head Dan Gainor, demonising the oil companies, despite the fact – the undeniable fact – that ambulances “use oil to drive to hospital”. The whole thing is a puppet version of Occupy Wall Street, the pair agree.
The thing is, they’re right, and it’s not new. One only needs to look at A Muppet Christmas Carol to realise that the whole furry lot of them are anti-business, anti-the hard-working capitalist trying to make an honest living: demanding crippling impositions on small firms, like a day off for workers at Christmas. They barely stop short of singing Mahna Mahna to the tune of The Internationale.
Luckily, Fox is keeping a weather eye out for these kindergarten Commies. Back in June they raised the alarm when the Muppets’ Henson Studios stablemates over at Sesame Street started pushing a hard-Left agenda, telling kids that it’s okay to be gay, among other evils. Ben Shapiro, author of Primetime Propaganda, says “I’d like to take Elmo and Big Bird out the back and cap ’em”. And rightfully so. There is nothing more terrifying than a man in a seven-foot-tall bird suit smuggling socialism into our homes.
But Fox can’t hold the line alone, against pernicious liberal media like Asterix (see Obelix and Co, in which a rise of capitalism in the communo-anarchist Armorican village nearly tears their peaceful community apart), Noggin the Nog (see Noggin and the Money, in which the invention of money in their barter-based Viking society nearly tears their peaceful community apart) and Thomas the Tank Engine (public transport is good). Don’t even get me started on Captain Planet. If we’re not extremely careful, children will be brought up to believe that wealth is not the sole arbiter of personal worth, that our environment is worth preserving and that being different is not always bad. I know, it scarcely bears thinking about.
What we need is some counter-propaganda. Where are the children’s stories showing the friendly side of mega-corporations? Where is the “Putting the Fun in Hedge Funds” cartoon, or the Newsround special about how fun plastic toys are made from lovely, lovely oil? The only sensible course from here is to get Jeremy Clarkson to present a week of Jackanory.
Dear Eric:
I just want to say to you, that I think you are wonderful. As an astrologer, writer, thinker, plain wonderful human being for all that I can see. I have no idea how I first learned of you. I’ve been following your work, one way or another for gosh, I think 15 years. I’m a huge fan. And just wanted to take this moment to thank you. May the coming season be one of many blessings, deep laughter, and sustained good health.
Blessings and deep bow, truly,
L. H.