Editor’s note: Part III of “Is This About You,” written by Eric Francis, is part of the Planet Waves archives, only available to subscribers ofВ Planet Waves Astrology News. It contains thousands of articles and horoscopes written by Eric and the Planet Waves team. –RA
I am not making the argument that ‘traditional values’ are inherently bad if that is what you choose, and also, don’t bash into the heads of the unwilling; or that we do not have the right to wait to have sex, or that early sex is inherently good; or that marriage and family life does not work well for some. Obviously it works for some and not for others. I am saying that after however many years of progress you want to count, the messages being sent to masses of people, particularly to school children, are largely the same moralistic and masochistic ones as they have been for countless generations, and in many respects they are more shrill and threatening today.
And I suggest that, on another level, if you subtract all discussion of personal issues, our society’s constant dwelling on violence is an attack on the inner sanctuary where people love, feel, and choose how to love and feel in a way that is right for them. Couple that with moral guilt trips and you have a real formula for a miserable society. Who gets beyond this? Look around at the people in your life and do a survey. Who has actual loving sexual happiness in their lives? What do you think it will take for you to have it?
Masturbation is depicted in this film, though it’s her masturbation, and it has a symbolic value: that she is becoming sexually independent. Her masturbation is revealed first when she is alone, in a scene that begins visually exactly like their partnersex, focusing intently on her face and the sounds of her breathing and voice. Then the camera pulls back, you hear the vibrator, and you see she is alone, and responsible for her own pleasure. There’s a mild shock to this.
In the second scene, she arranges to be caught masturbating by her lover, naked on his bed as he’s making dinner, with her vibrator humming. He appears in the doorway, sees what is happening, and understands her statement; though he’s accepting, he’s not happy about the fact that she is becoming more distant, which is exactly what’s happening at this point. The camera cuts slowly between his face and her on the bed. Very gradually, his face changes. The beauty, honesty and raw passion of what she is doing are liberating, and soften him.
She looks right at him and then dives into her own consciousness and lets go. In the following days and weeks, she becomes more erotically confident and curious. There is something more clear and assertive about her energy. The statement is implicit. She has a need to reveal her solitary pleasure to him, and to take her pleasure shamelessly into her own heart and hands. This she does. And then in response, she takes that much more responsibility for what she wants and needs from sex and from life, and brings this into the last weeks of their experience.
She’s independent to the point where she can make the decision to move on when the time is right for her, even though they clearly love one another. He is independent to the point where he does not cling or complain; he simply respects her choice, and if anything, loves her more deeply for it. I don’t feel this is an endorsement of transience as a way of relationship, but rather of being in the moment of one’s own life. Their last weeks together, during the holiday season, are shown as deeply poignant, and the feeling comes across beautifully. They grow closer, and then let go of one another in an honest way. The freedom to move on is the same thing as the freedom to stay of your own volition, if that’s what right for you — not because you’re supposed to.
Is it possible that her sexual independence is at the heart of the supposed controversy? That her ability to take over her own sexuality, and declare her erotic freedom in the presence of a man, and then make a decision about her life, is the central issue? I think so.
9 Songs is a visually and emotionally beautiful work of film, and it opens up a world of potential to those who may have not considered it, or thought it was impossible. I am very happy the feeling in 9 Songs is getting out to at least some people. The excellent work of the director and cast leave me loving love, loving life, and respecting sex as the magnificent natural force that it is.++