Today is Wednesday July 27, 2011. The Moon is still in late Gemini, and leaves for Cancer at about 9:11 pm EDT. In the course of the day it conjuncts the South Node, and a bit later, Mars at about 12:55 pm EDT.
Yesterday Eric mentioned that Mars in late Gemini, opposite the Galactic Core, can relate to an “argumentative mentality” and “an ‘unspiritual’ feeling that wants for balance and a sense of ethics.” If that is sounding painfully familiar to you, take heart: you’re not alone. For some, this conflict is manifesting as entirely personal. But for you it may be that the insanity the U.S. government is engaging in with the country’s debt has you in a state of gut-wrenching shock. It would seem a large faction of our so-called leaders are pushing for actual default, for a complete market crash — and they no longer seem to care who knows that is their aim. It may be a bit like watching someone driving their car off a cliff, with the sickening feeling of being too far away to do anything.
In any case, I have a feeling I may not be the only person around who spent far too much time yesterday twisted up in some kind of mental/emotional knot, desperately looking for a loose end to pull — or at least a way to rationalize skipping out on work to exorcise demons with some physical exertion. In fact, that knot is making writing anything remotely ‘helpful’ or ‘balanced’ in this space very challenging at this moment that I’m writing.
But perhaps persevering in writing is a way through for all of us — whether you’re writing to your congressperson, your friends, a publication or simply in your journal. Mercury is in the last degree of Leo, getting ever-tighter in its opposition to the Chiron-Neptune conjunction in Pisces. Oppositions are polarizing, and Len often offers the advice to work one side, and the the other side of such an aspect.
Here, we have on one side a pull between an urge to simply put ourselves out there full-blast to the whole world with whatever we have to say about ourselves; and on the other, an undercurrent of old pain seeking creative expression. That pain may come from someplace foggy and inscrutable, but Chiron is pulling it into focus so that we might address it productively. Again, I’m going to emphasize the pull between creative expression versus simply proclaiming to the world in your brashest lion’s roar, by quoting some advice my friend Matthew shared on Facebook just before I started writing. He wrote: “Important things I have learned #123: Process process process all you like… Just don’t hit ‘send’.”
Ah — right; a little discernment and restraint can go a long way in any mentally fraught and emotionally loaded state. But with Mercury now less than a week from stationing retrograde, Matthew’s advice might be worth printing out and taping to your computer monitor. In big red letters. With flashing marquee lights. In fact, I might create an email alert for myself, set to remind me with chimes and a pop-up window every 20 minutes until Mercury clears out of the echo zone on the other side. Then again, given the standard Mercury retrograde tendencies, the analog version might be best after all.
Sticking with the theme of warnings just a bit longer, the Moon and Mars are in a mutable square to Juno, which is hanging out in the last degree of Virgo. With Virgo ruled by Mercury, the planet of the mind, this could serve to amplify any jealous or score-keeping thoughts that come up for you. Watch that you don’t let them become obsessive loops. Those can start to create their own versions of ‘reality’ which, of course, are not the full story. But the square to the Moon may have you feeling the tension of that ‘reality’ quite palpably, and thinking those feelings are all that matter.
If this comes up for you, see if you can use the square’s angle like a fulcrum, letting Mars push you forward and out of the mental-emotional loop. This is about taking action, but again, discernment is in order. Make sure your action is of the creative or physical variety, not the reactive variety. Choose any collaborators/recipients carefully, i.e., someone who is not the object (genuine or projected) of your conflict. When you’re done — and you can clearly feel that you’re someplace new and a bit more balanced — then you can take another look at that ‘processing’ email. It may very well be one best left in your journal or your next therapy session. In fact, you may find it incredibly useful in directing your next dive into the deep waters that Chiron and Neptune are calling you to explore.
Amanda,
First, thank you for repeating two things that could stand repeating a few more times. That would be the verbal image of square aspect as fulcrum and the breath-taking photograph which resonated so well with the “mental/emotional knot” you referred to today (the valiant piece of seaweed letting its flag fly, of course, a tribute to your creative spirit). After that, please ditto (with feeling) what the other commenters have already said in your praise.
Amanda, thank you so for checking in with your comment for me and affirming the stance I took with my landlord. That was thoughtful of you and I’m grateful to read it now, as I did continue to second guess myself throughout the afternoon. Ultimately I was concerned about my delivery and how I want and need to express my anger and to achieve the goal of being heard (I have Mars in Libra, btw, 10th house, conjunct north node). My dharma is all about expressing my anger from the karma of my south node in aries, conjunct eris; big whoop! Thank you also for being so honest about your difficult day yesterday. Sharing the tangled mess of emotions that simply being human ensnare us from time to time makes me feel *not so alone) in my challenges 😉
See I’m back online at home now and with a *much* faster connection, so I guess I did get the mess dealt with by said landlord in a timely fashion.
………………………
A word, you sound like your life continues to be put through the wringer, big ouch, but your line: “had I one, the loose end I’m looking to pull would be along the lines of rip-cord” gave me a chuckle 😉 Way to go using your humour and making us laugh, even as you feel yourself plunge off that cliff — yikes. Go on, pull it, pull that cord and get to float above it all in the dreamtime and be both the participant and the observer. I think that’s the way for a lot of us to go. See ya up there!
Thanks Amanda. Great read.
It does feel like the world around me is pulling every which way – I’m not feelin’ it myself – eye of the storm again.
Or to adapt your car/cliff metaphor — for me it’s not like watching from afar and feeling like I can’t do anything. I know that am IN that car, “one with” that car, or better yet on that crazy bus ride – but having been thrown to the back from the force of the wild driving – or lack therof – with whirling head I’m barely able to point at the cliff ahead let alone consider doing anything. And everyone else is too busy arguing or talking to themself to notice and/or care. I feel like an observer on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride – but how can you be on the ride and observing? Ah, must be a dream.
And had I one, the loose end I’m looking to pull would be along the lines of rip-cord. But knowing I’m sans anything remotely as tangible as that, I’m rather hoping this is the moment I discover I have wings. …..perhaps to sail away on my creative expression.
xo
Thanks, Amanda. I have been posting a lot in other forums and on FB. The Fourth Turning blog as well as others have been posting grounds for me to vent my frustration at the horrible nightmare we are living in right now. :::sigh:::
I really need to do some essential chores right now so I am off.
Amanda – thanks for sharing again. You’ve inspired me to go take a swim. Have stopped all spirit and exercise endeavors in the past days, and it’s time to stop wallowing in self torture. I must be losing it, when do I ever post this much. 🙂
oh and you know, shebear — the thing about the action you took with your landlord is that it sounds like it was intended to *fix a situation* and therefore be productive. whatever your internal baggage, it doesn’t sound like you were just flinging your processing at him. there was a problem he needed to address, and you insisted that he do so as part of his previously-agreed responsibility.
makes sense to me.
jseward – am with you on your post. Though I keep trying to push it out of my mind and minimize my exposure, I also feel underlying anger about the pathetic dysfunction in our country. And even madder when I read Obama had privately called and reassured the banks that something would be worked out while continuing this political theater for the public. Of course, the market must not be disturbed. They managed to get the average joe and pension plans and everyone they could invested and they use this leverage to maintain control through fear. There was no accountability for the banks getting us into this mess with their irresponsible behavior and the elite and CEOs are making more than before the crash, but God forbid they have to pay more taxes.
shebear, wings, jsweard — yeah, it’s been rough lately, for sure. and i would say yesterday was some of the worst of it. kind of wish i’d seen it coming a bit earlier! (see half? i still have plenty to learn…) 🙂
unfortunately, my trigger showed up in the morning, and engaged in some rather unpleasant venting/emotional hemorrhaging all over someone… then lost a couple hours to that loop. and as the afternoon wore on, i found that as the thoughts centering on that particular trigger faded, they were replaced by this sort of free-floating, overwhelming ball of anger/intensity with no clear source.
i was absolutely in my own way, obsessed about it, at a loss what to do about it, and pissed about all of it. ugh.
i often give my inner brat/rebel/punk a few sentences of free-rein when i sit down to write the daily features, then get on with the “real” stuff. i understand it’s a common technique for writing through/sneaking past resistance. and then, of course, i delete it form the final draft.
well, yesterday i launched into a full on attack (of myself, life, and a host of others) that went on for a full blog-post’s worth of words. i had gone outside to work, hoping the wider vista would help diffuse things or shift my perspective… but it started thundering ans sprinkling as i defiantly sat there typing under the lilac trees.
i wiped off the screen, stalked inside in defeat, and — miracle of miracles — finally felt centered enough to try writing “for real,” though i still felt unsettled and like i had little choice but to write from where i was.
thunderstorm over when i finished, i took myself out for short but challenging run. thankfully there’s one bit of advice i can usually take from myself! and thankfully it did help to move energy a bit further along.
but my mars has been described as an angry kid; it’s in cancer & gets emotional & then kind of takes over before i realize what has happened. i definitely have a ways to go to learn how to integrate & work with it. i use up a *lot* of time and energy with inner conflict, esp if insecurities stemming from old self-esteem issues are part of the equation.
anyway, glad to hear this post can be/is of some service to others! now to wrap my head around the whole debt crisis thing. i was too self-absorbed yesterday to get very far into it.
Oh, so good to hear that I am not losing it, really – had two days of either letting people have it or almost letting them have it and then thinking better of it (like choosing not to offer some choice hand signals to the cop that was being an idiot this morning…). But underneath it all I know that I am ENRAGED at what is happening in Washington. Yes, the car crash/train wreck/terrorist attack that we are all bearing witness to, and WHAT HAPPENED TO OBAMA???, and why is no one talking about JOB CREATION, and there go all of our social programs. It’s a travesty. And I know, in my heart, that calling my congressperson, or demonstrating in the streets, or any other sort of political activism I might attempt, will do absolutely not one whit of good. Our “leaders” (and what a sad, sad comment on our devolving society that is) truly are intent on blowing themselves and each other up, with as much collateral damage as they can manage. Really no different than Afghanistan, or Norway, without the visible blood.
Thanks so much for the post, Amanda – you are absolutely right that writing is better than doing/being able to do nothing.
And now I’m hitting “Send”.
Amanda – great piece.
And glad that you can share your knotted feeling. Makes me feel not so alone. This Mars on the node has been very potent, maybe because I’m a Gemini. Not sophisticated enough to look at my own chart. I’ve felt like the mole in the “whack a mole” game and been on the end of a friend raging out of control. I stood my ground in a centered way and said that yelling was never acceptable. I’m so much better at that. I deserve better and frankly I know it wasn’t because I did anything wrong, but that my friend felt safe taking out all of her frustrations on me. But the negative energy of rage pierced my body and has left me feeling drained and exhausted. I also have to stop myself from hitting send in my quest for new writing assignments, as I suddenly feel desperation. Seems like that is the opposite of confidence and so I will wait until I can find my balance after being knocked down by this latest energy wave.
Amanda… your style is inimitable and grows with each expression. It is a privilege to see you putting astrological interpretation out there. You pick out salient issues strikingly well and explain them with facility. You will soon be an astrological titan! 🙂
Ah but if we do hit send, can we live with the consequences *and* with ourselves? I’ve been grappling with how I do or do not express my anger for sometime now, in various different scenarios, and I realized that I was forever vacillating between trying to create some sort of, oh I dunno, kumbaya moment where it seemed like every one played nice and bumbled along, versus venting and speaking my truth to those who needed to hear it.
Like you Amanda I have my Moon conjunct the GC and, again like you, I was certainly feeling Mars traversing the south node these past few days. Yesterday was the hardest day and it felt like my skin was stretched to the max trying to keep me contained and I just wanted to bust out through every pore. I tried physical exercise, and a few other things to defuse it throughout the day, but……. it ended up with me having a big confrontation with my landlord last night, and again this morning, over my internet connection (I don’t have one at present and am out with my son’s laptop using wifi). It’s down courtesy of his lame management style; a style that creates a lot of frustration for me.
I’ve tolerated his negligence for far too long over this past year, playing nice and accommodating, but last night I had to let him have it (thankfully I had a friend listening in to my “heated” challenge with him and when I checked in with her after the phone call, stressing the fact that I didn’t want her to show any bias toward me, she said I sounded fair and reasonable. It was good to have a witness.) His bungling mismanaging of everything, camouflaged behind a silly, oh-dearie-me bluster, usually meant that he got his way while I caved or accommodated to keep the peace. This time I didn’t. This time I decided that I was better served speaking up and challenging him with the truth of the matter. Of course he didn’t like to be called out but this time I’m not left feeling awkward inside, that once again I caved. Instead I’m pleased with myself that I held my ground and made him aware of my frustrations and the creative part is for me now to avoid going to that ground again and take charge of my own internet feed. I own that I have anger that needs expression and I need to show it more often when calling out unfair behaviour and if it offends some people, then I have to accept that. I am learning that offending some people is a price I’m prepared to pay for speaking my truth.
I think Dr. Seuss sums it up best: “Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” 😉
same here, surfdiva… same here. oy.
Wow you pegged it Amanda. I wish I had read this yesterday before I hit “Send!” Good advice going forward though.