In case you think you want to be saved:

Here we come! Photo by Amanda Painter

My local free alt-weekly, the Portland Phoenix, has a cheeky sense of humor along with a commitment to covering issues like state prison abuses. This week, they let the editorial funny bone free with this tabloid-like cover (which actually had me fooled from a distance — didn’t even notice their logo at first) dedicated to the latest predicted date of the Rapture: this Saturday, May 21, 2011. Just in case you haven’t caught wind of this one yet, 89-year-old radio evangelist Harold Camping has decided, after “a half-century of ‘intensive biblical study’,” that tomorrow’s the day. Again. Camping first predicted the Rapture almost twenty years ago in a book called 1994? But as one of Camping’s followers notes to Phoenix writer Chris Faraone, who embedded himself with a group of believers as they stormed NYC last week, “That one had a question mark. This one has an exclamation point.”

Personally, as someone who helps edit and proofread Planet Waves, I think it’s nice to see punctuation getting its due.

Thankfully, the Phoenix only dedicated two pages inside the paper to the story; just enough to cover what has become a media phenomenon but not the ink you’d expect a paper to use on a true crisis. One page is the first-hand account mentioned above (well worth reading). The second, just as illuminating, is a Q and A piece on some basic Rapture ‘facts’, titled God Hates FAQs: Everything you always wanted to know about the Rapture, but were afraid to ask.

Apparently that catchy title, with its play on the sound of “FAQs,” holds a a key to what’s behind this (pun unintended): “Judgment Day, according to the Rapture movement, is directly analogous to the destruction of the Sodomites for trying to have anal intercourse with Lot. In other words, the End Times is primarily about Jesus punishing butt-fuckers.” That is, dispensationalist theory, which was invented in the 1820s-30s, is not based on the teachings of Jesus. It’s based on a biblical hermeneutic inflamed by homophobia and sexual hysteria. It seems all Rapturists believe the End Times are being signaled by widespread gay sex; the difference between Camping and the “mainstream” dispensationalists is that he believes we’re already well over quota.

If you’re wondering why Planet Waves is even bothering to give this issue any attention when there are a multitude of important things that need our attention, here is my answer — and I can really only speak for myself. In addition to the fact that I think the whole thing is rich fodder for humor (really — Facebook is rampant), I do think the focus on Judgment Day is worth looking into for what it says about us. As I mentioned in a comment to another post the other day, I don’t think this could get such traction if it did not hook into some little piece of so many people that does wonder what if? in spite of themselves.

There’s something in here about our culture-wide fear — even if we’re ‘not religious’ — of being watched and judged; something about our fear of sex, but also fear of our own sex — that is, ourselves. If you’ve been reading Eric’s thoughts on masturbation for a while, you know that taboos on masturbation likely fall under the umbrella of “fear of same-sex sex,” and that brings into play a taboo on knowing ourselves — a taboo which has the effect of getting us to relinquish our power. Fear of sex is in some sense a fear of our own creative power, and the flip side of the creation coin is destruction — death. Clearly this fervent need to believe one can be ‘saved’ speaks of a fear of not existing far more than it speaks of faith.

The shadows behind the Rapture joke are deep, mostly unseen, a bit circular. I’m afraid if I keep writing at this point, I’ll just talk myself in circles rather than cover new ground or reach a deeper conclusion. So I’ll turn the floor over to comments with this, something Fe Bongolan reminded us of with her Rapture piece a couple weeks ago: it’s still May, aka National Masturbation Month. You know what to do.

19 thoughts on “In case you think you want to be saved:”

  2. Carrie: love your posts, you are so earthy, knowing and passionate! v. inspiring, and it sounds like you have lived in many v. interesting places. I can relate to your childhood recollections. if we lived near one another, I’m sure we would hit it off famously. thanks for all your sharing. ( and yes, been rapturously celebrating May, cheers!)

    Aword: I am liking the sound of your revolutionary twist to the multi-faceted. our current currency undergoing a crystallization process.. all I gotta say about that is:
    ready to play with fire?

    Jere: ha! I love your jokes-witty. grin.

    BLONDIE ROCKS… I remember watching that on MTV, (or was that listening, as I was dancing with my sister on the coffee table).

    peace Everyone

  3. “it’s still May, aka National Masturbation Month. You know what to do.”

    Talk about sex and masturbation? Apparently not. :::grin:::

  4. And surely Hallmark has been asleep at the wheel? I couldn’t find a Rapture Greeting card anywhere to save my life.*

    *(a little mid-western colloquialism there for pun’s sake.)

  5. Oh Jere, yes, totally in sync. No worries and “c u on the other side” – which of course, is this very same side we are on….:)

    (Personally I think the long-range shift we are transiting into is being able to experience life in a “multi-faceted” way instead of the 2D way we have been doing. (2 sides of a coin are expanding to be the multi-sides of a crystal; opposing viewpoints will be a thing of the past – if there is any “past” anymore…)

    Rapture away!
    xo

  7. e2 & jere —
    i hope you both checked out the link to the FAQs in my post, cuz it’s pretty funny too! thanks for the extra amusement.
    🙂

  8. ..Word, after a bit of reflection, for coolness sake, I hope that didn’t come off wrong in sounds. I was actually continuing our conversation in quite a congenial manner.. Having fun with words.. (People tell me I’m a dick sometimes, I don’t mean to be, I like everyone to play with the joke.) (That one sounded decently cool though, as a perception in the world..)

    Smiles and Laughter,

    Jere

  9. Aword, where was the cooperation, before we hit a wall of ‘detrimental’ non-cooperation? We can See It. They can’t, and I’ll go to hell for saying it. But I’m comin’ back out. Cause I know what Love is. ‘They’ don’t. They.. know power, authority, control.. and a billion other dumbshits I can think of..

    ..This whole thing is asonine.

    catcha on the flip side of “the rapture”. -Everyday.

    Jere, (paranoid ’cause he feels like he’s hunted by the Universe..)

    ..but still manages a laugh!

  12. Dude! The banner, “Don’t save me. I want anal sex”. Would that not just wig-out the masses.. on a freeway overpass.. “Oh shit! I better keep my voice down in case this shit really happens, and I get blamed for it..!?” LMAO!!

    ..I hope there’re pictures.. but I’m cool with wordage.

    🙂

  13. Here’s a funny piece from a college professor’s blog. It’s a FAQ for his students who want the answer to the really big questions about the Rapture, like do they still have to turn in their final paper, and will there be a curve for the final exam? Short and sweet.

    http://spoonbot.com/wordpress/?p=168

    Laughing makes everything look a little more manageable.

  14. Burning,

    I am lucky, my husband is an amazing, caring, gentle man who loves me and treats me with such compassion. I love being married to him and the connection and relationship we have is very deep. This is why the feelings I am having about this other person (and I am pretty sure they are one sided) are so uncomfortable for me. It would be easier to deal with them if my husband was a jerk instead of my best friend and lover.

  15. WOW Carrie. Your honesty is stellar. I ccan so relate to your desire for integrity because thatis honorable. At several points in my married life I had those conflicts with my sexuality, integrity and honesty. I have decided that to be true to myslef and the other people in my life I can never be married again (once has been good and enough–I was even stopped by various forms of force and threats when I separated the first time). But are we ever in this generation going to be safe from some damaged, crazed man who does not approve of our open, honest, sincere sexualty?

  16. Eric,

    OMG. I lived in the West Bank with my first husband, that young Palestinian. How awful. I remember well the restrictions he placed on me there; more so because I was an American (meaning he thought I would be attractive to other male Arabs).

    At least here, I don’t have death to worry about; only censure.

  18. “fear of our own sex…” What a wonderful can of worms that one is for most people. Funny that you should post this today as I am currently dealing with my own fear of sex issues.

    ::::deep breath for courage:::: I wrote about it in my blog today:

    “What do I do about sexual feelings that I am afraid of? This is one huge area of my life that I have not dealt with because of my fear. Fear of harming others, fear of imposing myself on another, fear of wading in too deep and then changing everything into something I cannot change back. I am happy as things are now, why change them and complicate things? I have long said I believe that acting on every desire or feeling is not always the wisest or prudent thing to do. Too often, when we get what we wished for, it isn’t what we thought it was and by then it is too late to get back what we had. That is a big fear of mine. Exploration was fine when I was solo, (unmarried and without kids) but now everything I do, every act has the potential of affecting these other precious people in my life and they are too important to me to drag them through something I think I want that may impact them negatively. I feel torn between my love for them and my feelings about this issue. Usually I just stuff all this into a mental box and go on living but that has been getting harder to do lately. Instead, I am left weepy, vulnerable, afraid, and in need of protective reassurance and caring.”

    I would add that fear of being mistreated for having openly sexual feelings at all is part of the issue I am having. Especially as a woman, I have had it programmed into me from the time I was little that wanting sex, thinking about sex, enjoying sex, admitting to wanting sex is bad, bad, bad. Imagine hating your own body because you believe it betrays you by feeling a natural desire.

    There it is, that fear of being watched and judged.

    I was masturbating (and having orgasms) as early as 3 years old. Both my religious father and my mother made me feel shame about the pleasure I was enjoying. I was and still am a highly sexual person, easily succumbing to the sensual pleasures of sex and loving. So much so that I am more afraid of myself and my reactions to others; just touching can send shivers down my spine in sexual anticipation. My mom said I was like my “sex maniac” father. My dad said masturbation was a sin. I got the impression that it was especially bad for women to enjoy their own bodies; every woman I knew acted like sex, fellatio and all that were at best afterthoughts and at worst disgusting. As I grew up, women in my social circle also treated me badly. For three years I was having regular sexual encounters with men just for sex and enjoying it a lot. Yet when I talked about it, the women all scoffed and said things like “Ewww, we don’t want to hear about your sordid sex life.” My older brother said I should charge for sex instead of “just giving it away.” Even the men I had relationships with said I wanted sex “too much.” The overall message? I am oversexed and that is Bad.

    I have to fight that negative programming every day, but especially now because I am in a happy, monogamous, married relationship and yet through no intention of my own, I have feelings for another person; feelings that are fast becoming deeply sexual as well as deeply emotional. To remain in my integrity I am communicating as honestly as I can with both that person and my husband to find out how they both feel in the situation and what feelings, if any, the other person has. While doing so I worry about harming them, my kids, myself. Just talking with the other person about it is very difficult; what if they don’t really want to deal with my issues at all? I don’t like dumping my feelings on them like that. Yet I cannot mislead or be dishonest with myself or them.

    This is an issue most women never talk about. How to be honest with myself? How to honor my own sexual feelings in a society which pathologizes women like me? I have heard all the mean jokes and slurs. I know I am valuable and good but it is so hard to get past that programming.

    How can we change things so young women don’t have to go through what I did? Traversing my feelings right now and keeping in honest communication with these two people is taking all the courage I have. I don’t want to do harm and I don’t want to be hurt. This comes from the culture of fear.

    Sorry to soapbox on everyone. Posting this was hard for me. Can of worms, indeed.

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