Today’s Oracle takes us to the Libra weekly of April 23, 1999
Different ideas exist about the value of confrontation in close relationships. In many instances, though, the confrontation is centered on the complaint rather than in the relationship with the person (please see Taurus). “The expectation is that something bad is going to happen, and we’re braced for it… one of us is gonna blow… and one’s attention is then on controlling him/herself, and manipulating the other person. Even the idea that ‘I’ve got to figure out the right thing to say or do’ is fundamentally manipulative, treating the other person like an object. Establish contact with the person. Then everything changes. Say something simple and direct, look them in the eye, be with them, and stay with them… that contact is what creates trust.”
(The Daily Oracle is a random selection from one of 10,000 Eric Francis horoscopes. New horoscopes by Eric are published weekly plus twice a month in Planet Waves Astrology News and Planet Waves Light. The Oracle itself is a divination tool available to subscribers to either of these services.)
hey half —
“If the MC/IC plus Asc/Desc are both mutable in one person’s chart and the other person’s are fixed angles then you notice the possible dynamics of one person going all ‘Taoist’ (aka Piscean) in their boundary management while the fixed person gets increasingly anxious/’controlling’ because they can’t extract behaviourial templates from the other that they can chafe against to find their fixed bearings.”
very astute, and well worth remembering.
and from the oracle:
“Even the idea that ‘I’ve got to figure out the right thing to say or do’ is fundamentally manipulative, treating the other person like an object.”
just realized i think i’ve been fumbling with this one for a very long time. most often, i don’t think it’s a big issue. but in one very central relationship in my life, that dynamic has definitely been at play. i think there are a number of factors involved in why it tends to come up. those factors have always felt sort of specific to this particular relationship, but i guess the chances are the roots are older and deeper & something about this relationship just brings it all front & center and magnifies it.
wow.
this — “Establish contact with the person. Then everything changes” — the idea that making the relationship & contact & actually relating the basis basis for confrontation rather than the complaint is probably worth its weight in gold.
Just to add, transiting moon is currently conjunct my natal Pluto which is opposite transiting Chiron. What a sandwich.
(Hurry along dear luna, hurry along now!)
Melanie Reinhart’s book, “Chiron and The Healing Journey” arrived in my mail yesterday in what seems like perfect timing. Oh what a journey it is and thank the heavenly skies for some of her insight and guidance to help me map the path forward.
Baby steps, Urs, baby steps.
Goodness, I can’t believe this topic has popped up here this very morning, yet not all at surprised. I’ve not been dropping in these past several days to write comments, because I have been going through a scenario dealing with someone suffering *deep* psyche pain and it has been a huge challenge figuring out how to be with it.
In meeting the eyes and soul of this person so obviously fractured and letting them know I was present to them in their pain (and captivated by their charisma and essence) has been both heartening and heart*breaking.* In the connection there is what i would describe as an experience of complete surrender and trust, yet no sooner was that contact made than the suffering soul shifted gears in an instant to a completely unattainable track, leaving you standing there figuring out how to be in the disconnect and how to be completely observant of it and not to take any of it personally.
In all of the unfolding of the scenario was the deciding of what to do for this person who so obviously was in deep conflict with themselves and spiraling into a dark and heavy place. I was determined to be present to them, going on the ride into the unknown all the while treating them with the utmost respect and compassion, as I would hope to be treated should life ever throw me that curveball.
One of the choices was to get this person into care where their mood could be stabilized. A family member made that call two days ago and they are currently in care with treatment is being negotiated — and my input was happily sought yesterday so all is not lost in allopathic circles I feel. For starters this person was a step away from homelessness so to be in a facility that provides basic needs, nourishment, bed, shelter is a fundamental start. As much as I dislike medicating emotional and mental illness I have come to appreciate that in *certain* situations, providing temporary relief for someone so fractured in order to bring in then the healthier alternative measures of support, medication is needed at that moment. I liken it to giving a shot of insulin to someone in a diabetic coma, even though I would prefer diabetes to be treated with diet and exercise. But it is not a perfect world and this whole experience, much like Len’s post above suggests, is to find some balance between trusting my intuition and going with a tried and tested technique employed by the system is a worthwhile art for me to learn. Just to add some significant astrology here, this person has Uranus in their first house and with all those planetary transits of the sun etc going over their natal sign they have been visibly rocked like an untethered boat in rocky seas. They seem to have little to no grounding support around them. I have only known them for about two months but was cognizant that what little support they seemed to have was sadly minimal.
I thank you guys for pushing this topic front and centre here as I’m kind of exhausted here at present and taking time to recharge my batteries and go with this flow in its latest phase, now that they are in care. I very much appreciate the chance to connect and share what has been an entirely new field for me to be in. I’ve felt as if I am in a whole new operation since Aries lit up with all that planetary activity and Neptune surfed its way into Pisces. Figuring out when to be a firestarter (check out the Prodigy video for the “Firestarter” song — and a heads up here, it will rock your socks off and will not be to everyone’s taste) and when to be a dreamy, eyed luna driven mystic (!) is a “whole nuvher level!” for me. I’m so ready for this Libra full moon.
and you’ve summed it up very nicely Indranibe: “The anticipation *is* unbearable”……jangled nerves ‘n all.
……sigh……..
Kathy……..i can understand your point of view!
It is so frustrating trying to progress in a relationship when the
Other party no matter how you put it, does’nt get it. I have found
A few ways to deal with it. One is recognizing that we are somehow at a higher
Level of understanding than those that fail to progress…another
Is reminding myself that not everyone can be where I’m at ,
But I can be where they are at…..and when it gets overwhelming,
I take a step back from them.
Peace and love,
Patricia
Priceless advice – This Aries is determined to remember it next time I’m in the heat of the moment. 😉
I quite take your point, Kathy!
Still, assuming that all behaviours in such situations are transacted within some kind of relationship context, it still appears helpful to transact the relationship connection in place of control/behaviour complexes – mental illness caveats or not.
If illness is pronounced then maybe there are exceptions. I would only point out that some people might ‘diagnose’ Scorpio rising as having OCD, but they may just be Scorpio rising!
When someone crashes your boundaries it isn’t nice. Still, even something as simple as looking at the chart angles could prove illuminating. If the MC/IC plus Asc/Desc are both mutable in one person’s chart and the other person’s are fixed angles then you notice the possible dynamics of one person going all ‘Taoist’ (aka Piscean) in their boundary management while the fixed person gets increasingly anxious/’controlling’ because they can’t extract behaviourial templates from the other that they can chafe against to find their fixed bearings.
Astrology and mental illness is an interesting subject matter generally, I feel. In fact, I’ve been hoping to see it receive significant attention for quite a while.
Maybe this could spawn some sort of debate on this forum about precisely that dialectic..
Eric – perfect. Thanks. My goodness, I don’t know what’s happening with the energies, but my nerves are jangling! The anticipation is unbearable. It feels like the approach of a climax. Most of all, it feels like we are really going somewhere. Note to self: Hold position. (And breathe)
that sounds feasible if both are stable… if one of you isn’t mentally ill.
Thanks anyway.
Consummate understanding! Brought me right back into focus too 🙂