Better to Reign in Hell

THE MEN WHO STOOD BEFORE ME on the stage looked like warriors that had just come up from the Underworld. Their leather vests were cracked and aged. They wore chains and collars around their necks etched with the sigils of demons carved into them.

Their faces were hidden beneath layers of white paint. Lines of coal surrounded their eyes and lined upside crosses on their foreheads. Their mouths were painted in eternal scowls. They wore their hair long, covered in dust, so that in their entirety they were no other colors but black and white. Behind them, incense burned from the tops of giant sheet metal crucifii, turned upside down.

The band logo was emblazoned on a sheet of red velvet: a black and white pentagram entwined by a horned serpent. I was lost in the mass of the metal show before me, witnessing the work of the priests of Satan.

Since I was 16 I have been going to black and death metal shows all over New England. Themes of death, decay and Satanism are redolent at these events as are, strangely enough, brotherhood, equality and the search for love. In that manner, these events are no different from any other.

The men on the stage are the vocal pieces of emotion, of rebellion and integrity. Conductors of ceremony to the forces of darkness, they are like uncles to me. They have raised me emotionally and aesthetically, providing me with an arena to explore my loner side, while at the same time supplying me with the images of successful rebels; an image that a starving outcast like myself needed to survive the onslaughts of conformity that many young people are bombarded with throughout their upbringing.

I find the same themes appearing before me today. Themes of conformity, keeping silence and of feigned ignorance of my own dreams for the good of the status quo. But on Tuesday night, with the Moon half full in the sky, the division between light and dark so perfect it presided over the night as a separate entity, I had my own ideas again. I found myself ready for the battle of defending my own independence in the rising tide of fear that is slowly enveloping this nation.

To be sure, after I had matured a little and graduated college, I stopped calling myself a true Satanist in favor of more Goddess/Earth oriented study. But the image of the rebel with a cause always stuck with me. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the Questioner Himself.

That night, the way in which our world has begun to turn found me standing at yet another black metal show with a particular focus in mind — I longed to connect again to that force of rebellion that I need so badly right now. Over the past few weeks, I have come to realize that I am not living completely by my own rules. I have been hiding vital parts of my intuition and desire for fear of judgement and derision. I have a feeling that many of the people there felt the same way. Indeed, perhaps we were really a group of pilgrims standing at a mass for some long forgotten and despised icon, sending the energy needed for a great re-awakening, guided by the priests who acted as conductors in a secret ritual.

Who is Satan? Why is He called the First Rebel? Why does Christianty teach its followers to steer clear of Satan at all costs? The answers to this question lie in mythology, in history and in politics. I could easily write a huge project about all of the different facets of that myth of the Fall, but for the purposes of speed, I will keep it as simple and inclusive as possible.

In all of the myths, God had one idea and everyone thought it was a great one. Except Satan. Satan wondered if God had it right. Satan questioned God’s motives. A fight ensued and Satan was expelled from the realm. Since there was nothing else in the universe but what God had created, when Satan went outside of that, he expanded the Universe a little. I would argue that in this instance, discernment of ideas was created. God may have created the differences between substance and non-substance, but Satan created another Idea.

According to the Old Testament, which is also used in the older Jewish system, Satan makes a not-so-dubious appearence in the book of Job, under a name that means ‘challenger’. When God is gloating over how great of a guy Job is, the adversary appears before him and states that of course Job is a faithful worshipper; he has everything he could want. The opponent makes a bet with God that if Job lost his health, wealth and family, he would change his mind about God’s benevolence. God’s curiosity is piqued. What follows is the worst day of Job’s life.

But because of the original question, the hero Job is forced to consider what it is he loves about God. By the end of the myth, he re-envisions his faith. Because of the adversary’s intervention, God ceases to be a source of fortune for Job, but rather becomes the source of mystery inherent in a spiritual, non-materialistic life closer to the type of God-thought we find in systems like Buddhism and the Monastery.

Now, if this were so, and Satan was originally portrayed as the idea of discernment or the perpetual bluff-caller at the end of the table, why did Christianity choose to portray him as the source of all evil?

Well, I fear I do not have the skill to separate my own emotions on the matter with the facts just yet, but I will tell you that my theory has to do with conversion pressure, conformity, consumerism, greed, politics and guilty excuses for not exploring our pleasure centers in the name of purity and obligation many of us face when we choose to do something like take another lover or switch jobs. It has everything to do with the image of the Disapproving Parent that many of us carry on our backs. It has everything to do with the little child in each of us, caught between the ecstasy of self-discovery and keeping it all down in the name of established order.

Some of us cling so hard to the unhealthy thought forms we’ve carried with us for all of our lives, that it’s almost as if we equate change for the better with death. Many out there stand mutely by while their rights are stripped away because of apathy and fear. Many more shrink at the thought of exercising their own skills and philosophies because they might be wrong.

However, if we begin to take into account that Satan built a kingdom out of the void that Christian God had ignored, we may gain access to a more positive image of what can happen when we take control of our own lives. We can build what we want out of the time we are given. When we know it is not working, the hardest step is to walk away, but walk away we must.

To facilitate healing, we must learn to trust ourselves. We must remember that the soul inside of us is the true judge of our actions; not outside forces that have convinced us that we need them. To feed our growth, we must wrap open arms around a life of sensuality, enjoyment, curiosity and exploration. For many of us, Satan is a part of this process. Standing in the shadows at the gala, weighed down with secret knowledge, he is a part of all of us who are learning that we are different from the status quo.

In closing, I quote Satan himself from Milton’s Paradise Lost, in hopes that it may serve as a mantra for all of those who are seeking the strength to let go of what they have been taught was good, but what they feel in their hearts is really evil:

“Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.”

Blessed Be and Merry Met,

Genevieve Sophia