Thank you Viper, though I am not sure congratulations are in order. I am not saying Heather Fae is “the one,” though we sometimes have interesting exploration in those moments when our paths intersect. We are both committed to our own process; to keeping our doors open and celebrating and growing with whom it is appropriate. I can say for sure that I recognize her, and that I am open to experience.
And don’t miss Peter Hook on that bass guitar – a monster.
Not sure your point of origin on the gender conversation. I experience Heather Fae several ways vis a vis gender relating: she is very much a natural-born woman and I experience her in full awareness of my male biology. She is someone, for me, around whom it feels truly amazing to be a man. Yet in connecting with her, perhaps, you could say, in her context as a priestess, I plunge into the genderless experience of my interior self. She’s been a profound aspect of my journey of self-acceptance and self-awareness. There is a series of photos of she and I in ritual, taken by Danielle Voirin in January 2008, that has yet to surface. Perhaps soon on Book of Blue – it does seem time to reveal these images, in which she is at her most ancient, young and elegant.
The photo I published this weekend is simply a love letter; it’s difficult for me to describe my feelings for Heather Fae, which have evolved over countless photo sessions and a friendship cultivated at the same time. Growing with her continues to be one of the pleasures of my life, and part of that includes the experience of loving without possession, but more than that, celebrating her spiritual-erotic nexus as she grows into her strength. Along the way we are challenging the assumptions of relating, and holding open that space for one another where love is sexuality is mystical experience is grounded action is friendship is self-understanding is art that we can share with the world. It’s easier to describe this in photographs than it is in words.
As I was gazing into her eyes, feeling the longing to connect that I recognized was in fact connection, the song by New Order came to mind. It’s possible to take that song on many levels and I certainly don’t consider Heather Fae a form of temptation, but rather a space of sanity, love and nourishment. Yet the circumspect quality of the poetry sketches my feelings for her so well: that feeling of being confronted by human feminine beauty and then being plunged into existential awareness. The celebratory, apocalyptic quality of the song is an illustration of maleness at its most illuminated. This is an interior relationship between gradually integrating polarities. One way to describe this is that what Heather Fae represents to me, and evokes in me, are what I am gradually becoming with my entire being.
And I’ve never met anyone quite like her before.
With me, the universe is the cosmic reverberation of a child’s laughter. As forms, we are the condensed point of intersecting vibrations,.. ripples careening ripples.
I’ve used this community as therapy since the day I got here. Over the years, I’ve tried to tame it down a bit, thinking I may be doing harm, not intended. Still, my ego takes over here and there (the delusional reality[everything I know] goes crashing down around me), and I throw out the contents of my head. When It’s out in public, there’s a no going back quality.. lends me a sense of honesty. In my head, the delusion can suppress the knowledge of itself. ..I’m dropping bread crumbs, and hoping to hell I can figure it out.
It seems as if I am trying to separate myself, in order to meet up and merge completely with the all.
Food, and sleep.. good things!
Love
V.Q., not v.p., slip of the fingers, whoa is me. One goes right, the other one left, l left in the middle of the one bereft. (My bad, I’ll call it). It does fit though.
Good job on the lookout for jacks, I’m lookin’ for the king though.. nothing less will do.
This flows now, or I check out for a bit, No big deal, time is a squirrelly creature at best. Don’t stress my ass, I’m always here.. I’m not going out ’til I master this realm.
I’m beyond the exiting shit, it’s just oddball vocalization.
(Not quite sure outside the Universal realm!?!)
Jere
V.P., I don’t mind (I’m totally cool with) the transformation.. lose the tits, grow a ‘stache, all’s cool. I’m hip to it all. I just lost contact, and I’m floundering with the info. I’ve never dealt with transgender before, and so close. Foundation shakingly close. I Love him no matter what. We’re friends. Always. I’ve got his back, anywhere.
We’re not sexual, in fact that’s one of my endearing qualities too her. She’s my sister. Always been that way. (I’m one of the decent folk in her reality).
Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t lay this out in sensical verbiage. I just needed too talk. Thank you. And thank you for your responses,.. you read too much!?! (smiles)(ahhh, you must care!!!) (Or you’re just one of those internet freaks!) 🙂
Thanks for reading anyway, Love you…
J
I may have misunderstood where your friend is in all of this (?). What seems important to me now, though, is that you ARE here. It seems like you’ve worked hard, maybe even fought, to get to here.
So here’s wishing you presence to your self, to your experience, and forgiveness when you cannot be. I wish the same for myself. Thanks for expressing.
Christine, I understand your hesitation, judgement can be a shitty thing (I’m right there dude, walking the line of assessment). But she cut herself.. (no judgement there either but..), she was perfect in my eyes. She still is. He (it’ll take me a few to get used too). I’ve known this gal for almost 34 years, I know the childhood like I was there (I actually was, just not during the gnarley shit! I’ve been blessed enough not to have to live out the sexual abuses of everyone else around me, just the physical violence.)
This is what it is, I feel like everyone around me is nose-diving, while my ass is finally giving birth to my head! I feel like I just want the fuck away from everyone for a while, but I feel a pressure to interact, too breathe osmosis at a local dive, too be the facet I am on the great Disco Ball. I’m tired.. and if folks, FRIENDS, can’t chat, then fuck it, I’m done with all this shit. I’m here. I’ll leave when I’m gone. I Love these cats, all of us. I want everyone on “the trip”, (We all are there, but I don’t want to get too ahead of myself.. fuck the crashcourse shit!) What do I do with one who dislikes their form so much, that they’ll cut off body parts..
Again, thank you for allowing me to speak.
Jere
“…the comfort that allows us to walk into what is unfamiliar and unknown knowing we’re okay.”
yessssss.
it keeps popping up unexpectedly. i’m interested in seeing it become a habit.
ahhhh… such an amazing song. it’s found its way onto at least one mix tape made for a lover years ago.
J- I don’t know your friend, so I hesitate to say anything based on assumptions only. I wonder, though, if Temptation might be expressing something about each of your experiences here. I think many of us are trying to find our souls… and to find that which we can call home, some knowing that echos a rightness and a comfort. Not the comfort of the familiar, but rather the comfort that allows us to walk into what is unfamiliar and unknown knowing we’re okay. I can only imagine how intense such a journey would be for a person whose gender doesn’t match the sex (meaning bio traits) he/she is born into. Finding home might be that much more urgent, not to mention scary, and potentially shameful. If I were in your situation I think I would feel betrayed- and I would wonder if that betrayal was, perhaps, a small window into what your friend likely experienced with regard to his relationship to his own body- not to mention society, family etc. I also think your friend is lucky to have you; and I hope someday he is able to hear, to learn, that you love him through his transformation. And this may be exactly the right word. What courage!
..and, since you brought up New Order,.. How’s about some Erasure, Circus? (guaranteed to wrench your heart.) Communards?
Love
Tryin’ the low but,.. “Substance”, one of the Best Albums Ever. Too meaningful, “..up, down, turn around, please don’t let me hit the ground, tonight I think I’ll walk alone, and find mysoul(/self) as I go home.”
If you’ve read this far, you either don’t know me, or you give a fuck.. my (since birth, she’s 1-1/2 years older) friend just cut off her tits, and is popping testosterone. I found this out through my bro., who heard from my ex., because I’ve heard nothing (and not made the effort in any capacity) from my buddy?!?(She dumped her computer, books, and guitar on my ass and ditched out within the last year). I don’t give a fuck about transformation (my wording’s wrong, help me out there), she/he’s my friend. I Love him. I’ll be honest, my initial response was a bit of pissed, for the way the situation unfolded.. but I care.
If ANYONE has anything to offer this conversation regarding gender altering,.. PLEASE SHARE.
Thank You
J
Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes
And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling I need, it’s no joke
And though it hurts me to see you this way
Betrayed by words, I’d never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home
Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes
And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Bolts from above hurt the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it’s the last time
Oh, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Oh no, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Hey Shanna,
She might lend it to you…
*8^D
M
She is beauty untouched…..a lovely vision to behold
Great song. Great model.
I remember beginning to read PW around the fall when you posted some entries with Heather Fae, and I thought, god I wish I had a body like that! lol.
It’s Scorpio season, innit?
Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
Thank you Viper, though I am not sure congratulations are in order. I am not saying Heather Fae is “the one,” though we sometimes have interesting exploration in those moments when our paths intersect. We are both committed to our own process; to keeping our doors open and celebrating and growing with whom it is appropriate. I can say for sure that I recognize her, and that I am open to experience.
And don’t miss Peter Hook on that bass guitar – a monster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjsn922lk-w
Christine F (See-Far)
Not sure your point of origin on the gender conversation. I experience Heather Fae several ways vis a vis gender relating: she is very much a natural-born woman and I experience her in full awareness of my male biology. She is someone, for me, around whom it feels truly amazing to be a man. Yet in connecting with her, perhaps, you could say, in her context as a priestess, I plunge into the genderless experience of my interior self. She’s been a profound aspect of my journey of self-acceptance and self-awareness. There is a series of photos of she and I in ritual, taken by Danielle Voirin in January 2008, that has yet to surface. Perhaps soon on Book of Blue – it does seem time to reveal these images, in which she is at her most ancient, young and elegant.
The photo I published this weekend is simply a love letter; it’s difficult for me to describe my feelings for Heather Fae, which have evolved over countless photo sessions and a friendship cultivated at the same time. Growing with her continues to be one of the pleasures of my life, and part of that includes the experience of loving without possession, but more than that, celebrating her spiritual-erotic nexus as she grows into her strength. Along the way we are challenging the assumptions of relating, and holding open that space for one another where love is sexuality is mystical experience is grounded action is friendship is self-understanding is art that we can share with the world. It’s easier to describe this in photographs than it is in words.
As I was gazing into her eyes, feeling the longing to connect that I recognized was in fact connection, the song by New Order came to mind. It’s possible to take that song on many levels and I certainly don’t consider Heather Fae a form of temptation, but rather a space of sanity, love and nourishment. Yet the circumspect quality of the poetry sketches my feelings for her so well: that feeling of being confronted by human feminine beauty and then being plunged into existential awareness. The celebratory, apocalyptic quality of the song is an illustration of maleness at its most illuminated. This is an interior relationship between gradually integrating polarities. One way to describe this is that what Heather Fae represents to me, and evokes in me, are what I am gradually becoming with my entire being.
And I’ve never met anyone quite like her before.
With me, the universe is the cosmic reverberation of a child’s laughter. As forms, we are the condensed point of intersecting vibrations,.. ripples careening ripples.
I’ve used this community as therapy since the day I got here. Over the years, I’ve tried to tame it down a bit, thinking I may be doing harm, not intended. Still, my ego takes over here and there (the delusional reality[everything I know] goes crashing down around me), and I throw out the contents of my head. When It’s out in public, there’s a no going back quality.. lends me a sense of honesty. In my head, the delusion can suppress the knowledge of itself. ..I’m dropping bread crumbs, and hoping to hell I can figure it out.
It seems as if I am trying to separate myself, in order to meet up and merge completely with the all.
Food, and sleep.. good things!
Love
V.Q., not v.p., slip of the fingers, whoa is me. One goes right, the other one left, l left in the middle of the one bereft. (My bad, I’ll call it). It does fit though.
Good job on the lookout for jacks, I’m lookin’ for the king though.. nothing less will do.
This flows now, or I check out for a bit, No big deal, time is a squirrelly creature at best. Don’t stress my ass, I’m always here.. I’m not going out ’til I master this realm.
I’m beyond the exiting shit, it’s just oddball vocalization.
(Not quite sure outside the Universal realm!?!)
Jere
V.P., I don’t mind (I’m totally cool with) the transformation.. lose the tits, grow a ‘stache, all’s cool. I’m hip to it all. I just lost contact, and I’m floundering with the info. I’ve never dealt with transgender before, and so close. Foundation shakingly close. I Love him no matter what. We’re friends. Always. I’ve got his back, anywhere.
We’re not sexual, in fact that’s one of my endearing qualities too her. She’s my sister. Always been that way. (I’m one of the decent folk in her reality).
Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t lay this out in sensical verbiage. I just needed too talk. Thank you. And thank you for your responses,.. you read too much!?! (smiles)(ahhh, you must care!!!) (Or you’re just one of those internet freaks!) 🙂
Thanks for reading anyway, Love you…
J
I may have misunderstood where your friend is in all of this (?). What seems important to me now, though, is that you ARE here. It seems like you’ve worked hard, maybe even fought, to get to here.
So here’s wishing you presence to your self, to your experience, and forgiveness when you cannot be. I wish the same for myself. Thanks for expressing.
Christine, I understand your hesitation, judgement can be a shitty thing (I’m right there dude, walking the line of assessment). But she cut herself.. (no judgement there either but..), she was perfect in my eyes. She still is. He (it’ll take me a few to get used too). I’ve known this gal for almost 34 years, I know the childhood like I was there (I actually was, just not during the gnarley shit! I’ve been blessed enough not to have to live out the sexual abuses of everyone else around me, just the physical violence.)
This is what it is, I feel like everyone around me is nose-diving, while my ass is finally giving birth to my head! I feel like I just want the fuck away from everyone for a while, but I feel a pressure to interact, too breathe osmosis at a local dive, too be the facet I am on the great Disco Ball. I’m tired.. and if folks, FRIENDS, can’t chat, then fuck it, I’m done with all this shit. I’m here. I’ll leave when I’m gone. I Love these cats, all of us. I want everyone on “the trip”, (We all are there, but I don’t want to get too ahead of myself.. fuck the crashcourse shit!) What do I do with one who dislikes their form so much, that they’ll cut off body parts..
Again, thank you for allowing me to speak.
Jere
“…the comfort that allows us to walk into what is unfamiliar and unknown knowing we’re okay.”
yessssss.
it keeps popping up unexpectedly. i’m interested in seeing it become a habit.
ahhhh… such an amazing song. it’s found its way onto at least one mix tape made for a lover years ago.
J- I don’t know your friend, so I hesitate to say anything based on assumptions only. I wonder, though, if Temptation might be expressing something about each of your experiences here. I think many of us are trying to find our souls… and to find that which we can call home, some knowing that echos a rightness and a comfort. Not the comfort of the familiar, but rather the comfort that allows us to walk into what is unfamiliar and unknown knowing we’re okay. I can only imagine how intense such a journey would be for a person whose gender doesn’t match the sex (meaning bio traits) he/she is born into. Finding home might be that much more urgent, not to mention scary, and potentially shameful. If I were in your situation I think I would feel betrayed- and I would wonder if that betrayal was, perhaps, a small window into what your friend likely experienced with regard to his relationship to his own body- not to mention society, family etc. I also think your friend is lucky to have you; and I hope someday he is able to hear, to learn, that you love him through his transformation. And this may be exactly the right word. What courage!
..and, since you brought up New Order,.. How’s about some Erasure, Circus? (guaranteed to wrench your heart.) Communards?
Love
Tryin’ the low but,.. “Substance”, one of the Best Albums Ever. Too meaningful, “..up, down, turn around, please don’t let me hit the ground, tonight I think I’ll walk alone, and find mysoul(/self) as I go home.”
If you’ve read this far, you either don’t know me, or you give a fuck.. my (since birth, she’s 1-1/2 years older) friend just cut off her tits, and is popping testosterone. I found this out through my bro., who heard from my ex., because I’ve heard nothing (and not made the effort in any capacity) from my buddy?!?(She dumped her computer, books, and guitar on my ass and ditched out within the last year). I don’t give a fuck about transformation (my wording’s wrong, help me out there), she/he’s my friend. I Love him. I’ll be honest, my initial response was a bit of pissed, for the way the situation unfolded.. but I care.
If ANYONE has anything to offer this conversation regarding gender altering,.. PLEASE SHARE.
Thank You
J
Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes
And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling I need, it’s no joke
And though it hurts me to see you this way
Betrayed by words, I’d never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home
Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes
And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Bolts from above hurt the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it’s the last time
Oh, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Oh no, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Hey Shanna,
She might lend it to you…
*8^D
M
She is beauty untouched…..a lovely vision to behold
Great song. Great model.
I remember beginning to read PW around the fall when you posted some entries with Heather Fae, and I thought, god I wish I had a body like that! lol.
It’s Scorpio season, innit?
Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
— New Order
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjsn922lk-w