Dear Friend and Reader:
Sometimes the question comes up as to why I cover astrology, politics, environment and sexuality themes on one website. The reason is because I think they are all the same thing, that is, aspects of the same thing. Of course, saying it doesn’t make it so, but one of our themes here is exploring how the personal is political; and as above, so below.
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Today I’m at the Loving More conference, which is a community seminar sponsored by Loving More magazine. It’s designed to help people who are living what are often described as alternative relationship lifestyles. Let’s see if I can relate it to the other themes we cover on Planet Waves.
A few moments ago I was describing to a friend what we do at this conference: figure out how to get along better, and how to meet our relationship needs. These are things that we all have an interest in, no matter what our sexual or family orientation. The “normal,” “moral” nuclear family is becoming ever less popular no matter what decade anyone is trying to bring back to life. More and more people are accepting the idea and the reality that they have choices.
Workshops at this weekend’s conference include the one I’m currently sitting at the back of, typing away with the consent of the presenter Diana Adams, called “Know Your Rights Legal Training.” We don’t necessarily think of it as a right to relate to who we want to, as we want to, but it happens to be the most basic provision of the Bill of Rights, covered by the 1st Amendment.
Diana is talking about her divorce and custody cases and various civil rights cases where people’s personal choices come into play. That is to say, if you do anything but heterosexual monogamy, you can get yourself into some trouble, particularly if you have kids. Diana represents people accused of being sinners and adulterers and therefore as unfit for parenting or being teachers. Ex-husbands typically accuse their sexually active ex-wives of being sick in order to take away the kids. And it takes competent legal recourse to solve these problems.
So first up, when we think about why we live in a “free country,” why we do politics at all, we need to understand that we have the right to be who we are, and sometimes we have to fight for the right to be who we are. I would remind everyone that no matter how normal you think you are, there is someone who thinks you’re really weird. So we’re all in the same boat.
The right of someone to go to kink parties is the same thing as your right to smoke a joint and have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Your right to read John Grisham or Planet Waves is the same as another person’s right to read kink or BDSM websites.
I realize I’ve been emphasizing this particular group of legal issues — I have a political mind, and also the legal issue is one that’s been missing from these conferences since I started attending them in 1997. And it’s a big issue for many families, because of a presumption that if a parent has two partners that is somehow going to be bad for a child — no matter how good of a parent that person is. In courtrooms, it’s necessary to explain to the judge the difference between domestic violence and BDSM play (sex play where power and control dynamics are conscious, which she says 20% of Americans claim they experiment with).
One point she’s making right now is that if you live an alternative lifestyle of some kind (for example, you like to go to play parties or clubs), it’s unlikely that the state is going to take away your kids due to your supposed immorality. Rather, the most likely situation is a jealous ex-partner, or the ex-partner’s grandparents, are the people most likely to mess with your life, whether to make you miserable, get control or humiliate you. These topics deserve full coverage, and I’ll be developing it over time.
Others today include “Sexuality and Aging,” “Gender Diversity and Polyamory in the 21st Century,” “Making Peace with Jealousy,” “Talking Safer Sex” and “The Seven Levels of Intimacy.” There is also “Sacred Sensual Touch Using Essential Oils.” And tonight per Loving More conference tradition, last event of the evening, I’m hosting the co-ed group masturbation experience (which I’ve had up to 50 people attending in the past).
The content of the discussions, both in workshops and at meals, is about how we can accept one another’s differences, negotiate agreements and boundaries, and generally handle our complex erotic and emotional natures. To me the overarching theme of this conference is common ground: we are all different, once we take down the false facade of being the same. As Lakshmi Girl says, we are each a basket inside of a box. In that diversity, which seems to be taking over every aspect of life including the Republican party, we discover that we have similar needs, and that the only way to get them met is to be honest and real with one another.
And this has got something to do with everything.
Yours & truly,
