Whatever is happening for you right now is what it feels like for the sky to have a lot of Chiron going on. We know there is a conjunction of Jupiter, Chiron and Neptune that has lasted for months, in the style of slow-moving planets. This is in Aquarius, the sign of ‘all of us here’.
Today Venus in Taurus is exactly square Chiron; Mars is close enough, applying in a square to Chiron, to be able to feel and represent something that is happening or developing. I’ve suggested before that Venus square Chiron is about a wide open erotic/emotional expression of Venus and that Mars square Chiron is often expressed as a kind of piety, purity or block.
They are something of corollary expressions and the interesting thing is they are happening at the same time. Any of us may be picking up one or both of the energies, through ourselves and/or another person; but the moral of the story is that we’re both going through the same experience, with ourselves and with one another.
They are different planets doing the same thing, and the emphasis here is on what our experiences have in common; on the fact that we have one another’s experiences in different ways; and that we might encounter an awareness-raising factor from differing emotional registrations. And they will be experienced by ‘the public’ (that is, the people around us, represented by Aquarius planets) in different ways.
There are many pleasant ways to experience this, many unpleasant ones and in the end the whole point is to have fun and pay attention; which would be about paying attention to how your past injuries are triggered by your experiences; what effect that has on others; and what we can do to treat one another more humanely in the midst of this all.
This story from yesterday’s Associated Press, however, is a vivid expression of the dynamics. Consider that he is a public person having normal human experiences. Follow carefully the words used, and what they represent in the coded language of a newspaper.
See if you can either suspend or stand back from your moral expectations for a moment, and ignoreВ him saying how wrong he supposedly is, so that the moralizers (among whom he was a big one) don’t kill him (big mistake he’s making, but that’s how the game is played at the moment) and tune into the underlying human dimension. For one thing, we have a left-handed admission of polyamory. This is disguised as ‘cheating’ because there is no other word for it in public use, but what he’s saying is that he has diverse relationships and this is normal for him — like it is for millions of men and women.
Remember how he voted for Bill Clinton’s impeachment three times — and use that as a metric of how far our private reality is often divorced from what we present to the public.
Note the way you think you’re supposed to be offended and that will tell you how intense public pressure is for him to conform, and to shut the fuck up if you don’t; and for you to conform in your moral repudiation of his actions. Then, when you’re done, please read this and note the contrast.
S.C. governor �crossed lines’ with more women
Mark Sanford denies having sex with any but his Argentine mistressStory updated 7:50 p.m. ET, Tues., June 30, 2009
(AP) South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, already struggling to salvage his family and his political career after admission of a scandalous affair, added explosive details Tuesday, including more visits with the mistress he calls his “soul mate” and other women in his past.
The once-promising presidential prospect said he is committed to reconciling with his wife, but professed to The Associated Press his continued love for the Argentine woman at the center of the firestorm that gutted his political future.
In emotional interviews with the AP over two days, he said he would die “knowing that I had met my soul mate.”
Sanford also said that he “crossed lines” with a handful of other women during 20 years of marriage, but not as far as he did with his mistress.
“There were a handful of instances wherein I crossed the lines I shouldn’t have crossed as a married man, but never crossed the ultimate line,” he said.
While I agree that our society has no real tolerance for different kids of relationships, I think if you are going to throw stones, you had better not be fool enough to live in glass houses. Public officials are public in that they are elected to do a job for the public and they know that a certain amount of public scrutiny comes with that (see below for an addendum to this thought).
I have been married for over 21 years now to the same man. I didn’t enter into it lightly; I knew what an OATH is and what it means. Even so, over the years, I have found myself in situations in which I KNEW I could very well fall for someone other than my husband. I felt that draw, that intense feeling. I also know you can either act on that feeling and let it grow or you can choose to not act on it. There is a point at which you know you can just walk away before it gets to be too intense or too much. I don’t care what they all say afterward, each and every one of the people in the same situation Sanford finds himself in got to that point and, like a kid with no desire to think farther than the immediate gratification, stepped past that point where they could have walked away. It is a conscious choice, no matter what excuse they put on it. Sanford tells us he “loves” his mistress, but is it really love to practice deceit? If he really loved her, would he have risked exposing her to what she is having to deal with now? His actions don’t say that he loves her; they say that he indulges himself. Sanford, in that way that so many self-righteous people of power seem to have, thought he could have his cake and eat it too without getting caught. People in power seem to think they are immune to disclosure, above the usual societal rules, and entitled to self indulgences.
A lot of what we see in this situation stems from several things:
One is the idea that we CAN have it all.
Two, is the idea that “I won’t get caught.”
Three is the idea that “I deserve this” without the corresponding thought of “what would this do to my children or wife?”
Four is the idea that if you have needs, it is ok to try to get them met outside the oaths YOU made as a consenting adult.
Five is the idea that the need justifies the action.
Six is the idea that people must enter into these oaths for life and not ever change or deviate.
Seven is the American obsession with instant gratification; something we expect in children that should NOT be happening with adults.
Eight is the belief that we are entitled to the personal information of our public figures.
Nine is the awful delight our society seems to get out of destroying people.
There are more.
While I sound like I am judging him, I think it is important to remember that he is just human, and like me and everyone else, fallible. A lot of what he is, is a direct result of what our society encourages and even rewards.
Having said all that, I also think that what he did with his personal life is none of our business. His disregard for his public office is another matter and should be looked at. He should be made to see that he cannot just walk away from the work the public elected him for or take that position so lightly.
Oh, Belle. You’re funny. Let’s say we all go out and invite a little love, the real kind, into our lives and let go he dissecting (judging). Life is short.
mm.
Warning: Soapbox On…
Belle upbraids: “On a more serious note, this isn’t romantic or sexy or anything….it’s flagrantly cruel to his wife and kids…”
Four boys. Hmmm… yes, you’re right, that’s gonna sting. Sanford, more than his kids – who may wind up with a clear view of just what happens when you
. . .try to handle at a moral level what is essentially a cognitive/creative energy. . .
There *ain’t* no managing it at that level. Ever. If you do not get eyeball-to-eyeball with this energy, learn its names and launch sequences, it will *always* bite you in the ass. Always. Did you hear me? Always.
We are so beyond the point of no return on this issue, Belle. Put away your bibles, your torahs, your vedas, your korans. They are powerless. This energy is What Brung Ya to this party, and there is no choice but to learn to dance with It – you either dance with it or it kicks your ass all over the dancefloor.
Seriously, people. Desire is not just in your pants. It lives in your spine and throughout the neurological net. The ego is just a whiny little firefly next to this raging bonefire. Seeing this clearly this is the beginning of Wisdom.
Soapbox off.
Love,
M
apparently not…
Unless ‘passed’ means excreted.
Oh, my. Chiron is back on my Sun and Venus opposite my Moon (squaring my Pluto) and I have to say that I’m feeling the pain of those who are deemed untouchable by the self-appointed behavior police. OK, I have some issues.
For anyone who is the least bit public in their lives, and we wonder WHY people choose NOT to devote their lives to the public (!!) … there are many many details none of us will ever know … and I say that’s great. No, I am not interested in seeing another woman put up on youtube for our judgment and condemnation. She, I’m sure, is getting hit hard for not living up to everyone’s idea of how she should behave.
The judgment and criticism is deplorable. The man seems to have made serious errors in his own judgment, which happens when one falls in love … I’m thinking those who are throwing the weightiest stones are most likely those who have absolutely no experience in that realm, lest they’d have less crap to throw at others.
mm.
As i understand it the Hon Gov has apologized for having sex with a woman (or women) other than his wife but he has not apologized for lying about it. Do i have that much right? If so, `nuff said. According to the Hon Gov, sex is bad and lying is ok. In a related development (from today’s news) it is now legal in Arizona to carry a concealed weapon (a gun, in other words) into a bar but it’s not legal to smoke. So, second hand smoke is now more dangerous than a bullet. Fe Bongolian is right – it’s crazy. Gilbert and Sullivan anyone?
Len Wallick
test
Eric Replies: You have passed.
Sanford’s actions aren’t more weighty than any other person’s…it really has me shaking my head how the public believes that a celebrity’s sex life has more meaning than their own. Who cares what Sanford does, or does not do, in his personal life? The big issue is that he seems so confused that he isn’t doing the job he was elected to do. He left the state without any one knowing how to get ahold of him and without transferring power. Now, probably the risk of a state emergency was slight, but still…his job is to represent the people of S.C. and it doesn’t look like he’s doing that very well.
This is what happens when love hits, all the BS and institutions be damned. I will let go of the easy slams to the poor slob, and hope that he comes to embrace the truth of the matter. Love is worth all kinds of turmoil and all the mess he’s made of his job and family will sort itself out, provided he gets it together. Teaching his public about the Old Testament is not what I’d consider truth, btw.
Institutions are flawed and so are we. Can we all just agree that the whole marriage forever is just backward.
mm.
I have to admit, I’ve been indulging in more than a little schadenfreude regarding Mr. Sanford, since he was one of the frothing pitchforkers leading the Impeach Clinton mob and asked for his immediate resignation at the time. To hear him say he “never had sex” with all those mistresses is just so ironic I can’t help myself. Though for sure it’s a good moment in America when so many people just look at the whole thing and shrug, because really, with this many job losses who actually cares who he was or wasn’t boning?
What’s most bizarre to me is the unchecked narcissism of sharing every little sordid detail with the media.
I truly hope his crisis leads to a more open existence, rather than trying to force himself “to fall back in love with his wife” but, well, I’m not holding my breath. Still, I guess this is how the long, slow arc of progress works.
Via Email
Hey Eric,
As a regular Planet Waver I’ve been reading you’re articles on compersion with interest. It’s gradually dawned on me that its a way of being that I’ve been practising in my own life for a couple of years now, I just didn’t have a word for it!
Its been an eye opener to hear things from a male perspective, about women’s expectations romantically and sexually; and what society tells us to we should be feeling/doing/striving for.
From a women’s point of view I’ve also come across problems with you lovely men, in trying to establish loving friendships which include sex. Maybe its just that I live in a very traditional part of the world, but I’ve come up against very entrenched attitudes. The men I’ve come across either want a full on relationship (with no disrespect to anyone who wants one, its something I feel I’ve outgrown) so therefore sex is seen in the category of ‘relationship sex’. Or they get into ‘casual sex’ mode (porn has a lot to answer for!) where the woman is basically a sex object without a suggestion of respect or affection. Its all very black and white!
The only guy I’ve come across who seems to be willing to engage on an equal emotional and sexual wavelength not only lives in another country but is also married; which is a whole different minefield!
Anyways, its great to know that we all trying to look at different ways of being here; and I’m not just an isolated weirdo! And that your work is reaching so many of us, and that we are in some ways a movement. Which gives us the solidarity to keep on. Big thank you!
Cynthia
I think Mark Sanford is a turning point. He *is* a morosophia, a Fool for Love, and I think he’s the beginning of a different voice about this whole issue.
Not consciously, of course. He’d not chosen this in a million years. But the language of authentic love has a way to move things around.
E., I don’t think he ‘confuses’ ultimate with anything. He’d die for her. That’s penultimate. Ultimate is Waking Up with her, reducing death to a little foreplay.
It’s a left handed admission of poly because poly is not a word; it’s not a concept in the modern lexicon yet. He admitted to having two simultaneous sexual relationships and a bunch of “nonsexual” ones. But there is no word for what he is, in the AP Style Book. He is simply a cheater and a hypocrite, because that is all we will let him be…
His use of “the ultimate line” reveals the confusion between sex and death.
I was going to post yesterday but this still feels relevant to today’s post. I have been struggling myself with relationships. I think the biggest issues I am having right now is framing what I really want out of relationships & trying to separate �society’s’ version of the definition of relationship to what I truly need & feel most comfortable with. I still believe that relationships are a two-way street & it has been hard when others are comfortable with one way & unable to change or respect my issues. I also have idealistic attitudes & want things that seem unrealistic when faced with reality (like a nice �how we met’ story for example).
It feels like this has mostly been an inner search for me. I have tried to take a step back from everything just to get a true inner sense about how to define, and then go after, what it is I want instead of just following the status quo. This is a private struggle that is hard for others who want to be in my life don’t seem to understand & that I find hard to even explain.
In the public today, especially in the media, there does seem to be a wall up in opening ourselves up to reflection & redefining how we relate to one another. I am seeing this happen with more people, but quietly. They feel something isn’t right & I know I am, like some of us, are just tired of sticking our heads in the sand & ignoring the real issues. We have to go deeper, no matter how much that may make us afraid. It’s like we are afraid of ourselves, but that is where the reward can have the biggest gains.
I would add that marriage is a strange institution. For thousands of years it wasn’t about love at all. Marrying for love has only been around in the last few hundred years. Previously it was more about siring the next generation or money issues for the woman. Now that we are attaching so much love to marriage, I think marriage needs to be redefined as well. Love is not always forever & forever is not always static, change needs to be allowed.
Our society likes to make our people do penance for their sexual instincts and allows our government to express its violent ones.
Since we can’t get off on one, we use the other as a perverted means to let it out.
This doesn’t mean I think we’re stupid. I just think it means we’re crazy.
If you enter a contrage you should honor it to the extent possible
“Contrage,” LOL… I guess that was a Freudian slip on my part. 😀
I’m feeling completely in tune with the “underlying human dimension” of the Sanford situation. Befuddled by it, really, as I mentioned earlier.
I’ve met a soul mate, too, a few years ago. Unfortunately we weren’t able to work out our karma this time around the wheel. (For my part, my natal Neptune in the 5th squaring natal Saturn in the 8th aren’t particularly auspicious placements for sexual relationships or enduring couple-love, at least in a traditional sense.) As for Mark Sanford, we shall see. I sort of hope he runs off with the mistress. :-}
I went looking for a birth time for Sanford, but wasn’t able to find one. I’d love to have a look at his exact natal chart.
It’s quite typical here in SC for married folks to go on vacations (often to the beach) without your spouse, just “the guys” or “the girls,” and cut loose for a weekend, a week, or longer. And then you go on with your life, and hopefully “what happened in Vegas stays in Vegas.” But it doesn’t always. Thesa little “getaways” really are an expression of how oppressive the unending marriage contract can feel these days, even though these same folks would defend one-man-one-woman-forever marriage as “God’s way” with their dying breaths.
Interesting and gratifying, really, to scratch the surface of Mark Sanford and find a sexual, romantic being underneath there. Not that adultery doesn’t suck. If you enter a contrage you should honor it to the extent possible (though abuse in a marriage, for example, should NEVER be tolerated.) That said, I think American society’s rigidly prescribed and anachronistic view of the marriage contract serves us very poorly in this day and age. Sanford and his wife Jenny have faithfully worn their “cool [emotional temp-wise] sexless preppy” personas well, until now. And she’s still wearing hers, really. I predict a future in politics for her.
Mars and Venus square Chiron… yeah.