Dear Friend and Reader:
We received several responses to yesterday’s edition. Please feel free to send yours to editorial (at) planetwaves.net.
Dear Planet Waves,
My name is O. and I have been reading Planet Waves for maybe 8 months or so, and yesterday’s article was particularly interesting to me, touching as it did on some of the sex and self topics. I am a deeply, widely sexual person, and pretty comfortable that way. Open would be more or less fair in describing me, but I just don’t care about masturbation at all.
I have gotten myself off plenty, with others and alone, and while definitely a skill worth having, I just find sex with myself dull. So much of the pleasure involved in sex, to me, is all about exploring the other, and the self through the other. I am not especially given to fantasy, nor do I have much in the way of guilt, and I do think these can be related.
I am rarely jealous, though I can be, like everything else it depends on how much you feel you have to lose, and how long it takes you to remember that everyone loses everything anyway, or, put another way, that you never “had” anything in the first place.
Masturbation seems so central to so much of your thoughts on sexuality, and as a part of self acceptance I do think this is key, but I wonder, in your thinking, if there is room for the idea that although masturbation with others can be a way to share yourself as you are, for some people, it just might be way more hot to focus on what together you might become.
Be well,
O.
Dear Planet Waves,
You articles on defining “queerness” and more importantly on relationships was awesome. Redefining monogamy and self-love are essential if one is to grow and truly enjoy being with partners. Bringing up how other primates (mainly bonobos) relate sexually is a great point. We humans tend to forget WE ARE PRIMATES as well. Bonobos also use sex to resolve conflict, reduce the tensions that lead to battles, and also to show love and affection. Great work, Eric Francis and Dani Katz!
Christine
Dear Planet Waves,
I SO agree with you about masturbation. I discovered it at the tender age of 43, after my boyfriend left me. I saw long, desert years ahead, with no sex – so I thought I’d better do something about it, and started teaching myself to masturbate. It was a life changing experience, the feeling that not only could I support myself economically, but I was also autonomous in my ability to give myself sexual satisfaction. It’s made me less vulnerable to desire and yukky relationships with men.
Much as I find women amazing, and have some extremely close women friends, I love male bodies, and also their company. The trouble is there are a lot of wanky men out there! Anyway as the song goes: “I’ve got my masturbation to keep me warm!”
By the way – am still single 4 years on – and doing ok.
Thanks for everything.
Warmest wishes,
L.
Dear Planet Waves,
Yeah, I’m with you on much of what you write on the sexuality factor. Men are my primary orientation but have enjoyed another female or two experience along with my male partner of the time. It was delighful to share that with him. Honesty is a sadly lacking factor in most marriages, even when lots of love exists; I suspect this missing piece in regards to sex with another is partially responsible for holding back the progress of society.
Wow, I just wrote a big statement but I’d be willing to wager it as truth.
Have to run to work…
Best and truly,
L.
Thursday 26 June 2008
Mars (26+ Leo) quintile Pandora (8+ Scorpio Rx)
Apollo (12+ Leo) septile Arachne (3+ Libra)
Eros (13+ Cancer) quincunx Ixion (13+ Sagittarius Rx)
Eros (13+ Cancer) semisquare Orcus (28+ Leo)
Jupiter (19+ Capricorn Rx) sesquiquadrate Saturn (4+ Virgo)
Amor (22+ Taurus) sextile Uranus (22+ Pisces)
Eros (13+ Cancer) square Atlantis (13+ Libra)
Mars (26+ Leo) trine Galactic Center (26+ Sagittarius)
Venus (10+ Cancer) semisquare Admetos (25+ Taurus)
Sun (5+ Cancer) trine Chariklo (5+ Scorpio Rx)
Ceres (6+ Cancer) trine Hidalgo (6+ Scorpio Rx)
Sun (5+ Cancer) sesquiquadrate Chiron (20+ Aquarius Rx)
Pallas (15 Taurus) semisquare Aries Point (0 Aries)
Today’s Oracle takes us to Jan 07, 2000 – GEMINI – Weekly
All you need to do is push gently and the walls and structures that seem to surround you will fall away like they never existed. Beyond these boundaries, which are really the shadows, conceptual frameworks and limits of the past, and those of the people who influenced you over the years, you are nicely set up to find something, or someone, very new. But as it turns out, although the past is over, we have the power to keep it alive in our minds and emotions, so the ultimate responsibility for finding the present rests upon your own power of decision, your own recognition of what you now want, and most important, your choice to be aware of who is in your environment at this moment, and to appreciate them fully.