I am hearing reports from every direction that this has been a really intense Full Moon. To be expected, with Taurus and Scorpio involved, and a grand cross involving the centaur planets. What did you live through, what is happening, what are you noticing? I am listening to Sinead O’Connor over and over and over again…and spent the evening in New Paltz.
52 thoughts on “…and as for the Full Moon”
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bk,
Thanks, I have always wanted to be a writer. Thanks for the encouragement and the ideas! ::::going to read Philip Sedgwick’s archive in a minute:::::
mystes,
:::::light goes on:::: Ah, yes, now I get what you are gettng at. What a great idea! My kids are very computer savvy, you have a good point about Amazon and such.
Thanks for the enlightenment and the ideas! They would love to do several of those.
You are the best people here because you not only validate people’s feelings, but you also offer excellent advice and ideas.
CC7,
I was saying, on one hand, take a look at the vibe of two people who were 5 and 7 years older than your oldest in the photograph that ef published on Mother’s Day. They are clearly adults. It’s just a study or a muse, contrasting how we view that decade between late teen and early twenties now vs. the 1960s.
My experience is that the path to adulthood is riddled by all kinds of super-consuming expectations. My son spends about 60$ a week on ‘incidentals’ (tickets, entrance fees, games, snacks, gifts) – per his dad’s economy, not mine. And he is nowhere near the top of his peer group in teen spending. He earns part of that by web-design projects, but not all of it. You and your family may have skirted some of that consumption by homeschooling, but it sounds like there is still a whopping percentage of your household income that goes into your kiddos’ social and educational structure.
I am thinking a lot these days about an economy where money becomes a symbol of a certain integrity: as in taking/giving balances, ecological responsibility and other-sufficiency. Such an economy would imply radical transparency, but without mandate. I am trying to model that economy for my son and within my community. My current temp job is a shining example – I have a lot of respect for the company I work with, and think they are doing their very best to strike some of these balances.
Last time Pluto was in Cap, we had a choice between capitalism as expressed through a post-feudal industrial model (dragging all of the class baggage with it), or Physiocracy, which was an economic model based on what the economists call ‘primary productivity’ or what the earth would yield, value-added by artisan intervention. Clearly we went the capital/industrial route. And just as clearly, that’s over.
If I had ten minutes to pursue this, I’d be proselytizing for a renewed Physiocratic Focus in the economic sector, but I am committed to TfBbs for the next year, so it’s up for grabs.
But back at your kids, after 16 years of being on the receiving end of the economic wave (I *know* they have been giving as well; children are the most fun luxury on the planet!) I imagine they have the ability to generate wealth, even now. Writing, yes; tutoring or teaching other kids, yes; used book Amazon stores, yes; etc. The net is a huge resource for off-road income. And it will give them a different sense of engagement within the family, as well.
Okay, off to Lookingville,
Love yas,
M
carecare7 – You think like a writer, you write like a writer, personally I think you are a writer and yes, I’m not the only one who thinks what you write is interesting, moving and articulate. And you can spell! I am the blind leading the blind as to how to go about it, but before I answered you I Googled “submit short stories for publication” and got thousands of possibilities. Near the top I checked out www dot eastoftheweb dot com/short-stories/Publishing dot html and was very impressed with their setup. There is so much you could do to start out – so many avenues, without ever leaving home or picking up the phone or going to the post office.
Based on your last entry here, I would say a logical choice of subject might be your remarkable children; the story of how they have developed is rich with possibilities. you also mentioned that you were an army brat and there must be some good (or bad!)experiences of those times that would provide fodder for a short story or two. The above website lists instructions on how to go about getting started, including where to get a copyright for your writing, which they highly recommend.
Yesterday’s newsletter from Phil Sedgwick made it sound like this was the perfect weekend to withdraw and contemplate (mercury rx) and you would benefit from reading it. At his website, philipsedgwick dot com, you must also look up his “Galactic Times” from May 11 (from archives, click on 2009 and follow the index). In it he tells us that May 18 is the day that Mercury/Earth/Sun “stand in a line” and the one day during the retrograde period that provides some protection from the usual communication hassle.
Give it a shot carecare, I think it could be very rewarding and might relieve some of the frustration you are experiencing in your current situation.
bk ~ Thanks for the encouragement! I am intrigued by how you speak of going “global” with what I write…..can you tell me what that means exactly? In other words, would anyone else want to read what I am writing? How would I do that?
mystes ~ my girls might be young adults but they are so not ready for the adult world, per their own words. Unlike so many in my society, I have not adopted the ideology that kids and teens should be pushed to grow up early (see David Elkind’s book, The Hurried Child). My oldest two have asked me if it is ok that they don’t want to date yet or kiss boys or all that. Can you believe it? Nor does my 14 year old want to. All three girls are instead wrapped up in choir (the 14 year old) and a children’s play (the twin 16 year olds) right now and learning so much. None of them have cell phones (we couldn’t afford them anyway) or wear makeup (they think makeup is a waste of time) and none of them like the gossipy stuff so many teens do. Instead of focusing on relationships like their peers are, they seem to want to wait for all that. They are very responsible and exceptionally well behaved. I have always taught them to think for themselves. My 16 year olds don’t even want to drive yet. Which is good for us; we cannot afford the insurance rate hike that would bring with two teen drivers in the house. We are not religious, just spiritual so they can decide for themselves what deity is or is not in their lives.
My oldest twin just prepared and set up a show of her artwork in our local library, it is fantastic if I do say so myself. She draws anime and other cool stuff. Her twin sister is taking free guitar lessons and is teaching herself to play piano by ear. The 14 year old sculpts the most beautiful flowers and teeny fake food trays with bakeable clay. She also decorates cakes and sings in the choir. All of them are so different from their peers; they love Star Trek right now, have really crazy and funny sense of humors, and two of them are writing books. They all attend a teen writers workshop that is free at the library and a teen anime club at the same library that focuses on anime and how to draw it and all things of Japanese culture. All these things are things they wanted to do and participate in, we didn’t push them into them or ask them to do any of it. They tell US what direction they want to go in and we support that to the best of our ability. We are lucky that Flagstaff has so many free things for kids that are enrichment things. That’s a big part of why I want to stay here.
All my kids are homeschooled because the oldest two begged me to do it after they finished sixth grade. They are so much more responsible and aware than most kids their age but they are not wanting to step into all that teen angsty relationship stuff. This is why Dh and I are so protective of them.
Dh and I support all these pursuits as much as we can while making sure they get a really good education (via an online inexpensive subscription curriculum and what we add).
This brings me to the question: now that you know all this about my almost-adult children, what exactly was it that you were saying in your last two paragraphs? I must be thick headed because I just could not wrap my brain around it. If you prefer taking this to e-mail, mine is carecare7@msn.com. Thanks!
Carecare7 writes: I haven’t been able to hear my transhuman self at all…unless it is the one that says to move to some remote place, live off the land like old time farmers and screw the establishment….my practical self knows that won’t happen!
CC7, we’re all becoming much, much more “practical” – as in practicing to make the shift. Everytime I hear the phrase ‘in this economy’ I mentally hang cobwebs from it. In *that* economy. You (we) are elsewhen, where money is a mark of how cleanly, sustainably engaged you are with your time, your heart, your planet.
“I keep feeling these huge hands on my back pushing me away from parenting. ”
So see into that. I walked into a household in 2008 where the 15 year old had been kept in a kind of low, white fog for most of her life. 3 hours with me and she was starting to pop out of the chrysalis.
“Our whole country is not geared for raising kids. I know kids come with their own stuff but how can they support themselves at 7, 14, 16, and 16? Sure, the 16 year olds could work, but there’s no work right now, even McDonalds isn’t hiring at this time.”
I don’t want to overreach here, but you do realize that you have 2 and half adults in that pack. Go back and look at Eric’s 21 year old mother, and his 23 year old dad, and try to get a feel for how we can overwrap our young’uns.
It’s not a matter of getting a job, CC. It’s a matter of a bigger life. Let them make some of that life – engaging your own –for lack of a better word– wealth may not be a matter of disengaging the kiddos, but re-connecting to the young adults that they are.
Gotta run.
carecare. . glad you checked back in. I see the “help” is still coming in in drips and drabs, but still moving in the right direction. I visited Arizona only once but fell in love with it and hope you hang in there because it will so be worth it. We are all rooting for you and your family. I’ve said before in this space that the stories revealed by the readers are worthy of publication and your kids (and grandkids) would treasure the history your notes describe. . . . even if you don’t go global!
bk, victoria, victorialynn, and mystes,
THANK YOU for being so supportive! I just got some of the UI stuff solved (at least for now) but now Dh’s school is messing with him because he didn’t get a “C” in his college algebra class (he got a “D” and the program requires a “C” or better). They want him to take two other classes in order to student teach and get his degree but his stafford loans have a cap and he has just enough to pay for two more semesters, not the three it will take to make them happy.
If you haven’t noticed, most of my problems stem from my Dh who has two T squares in his chart and is probably adult ADD. He has far more walls to climb than I do. He is a sweet Scorpio sun, Cancer moon with Capricorn rising. He struggles and I help him get through it all.
You are all correct, I do have some humor and getting rest helps. I needed to fall apart for a day or so and then get back up and fight. So we are talking to the school, the chair of the college of education, and financial aid to see what can be done. My Dh keeps saying we need to move to a state that has easier certification but moving is very costly and my kids don’t want to move; this is the place they want to live (me too!) so I keep trying every way to keep us here (I am an Army Brat, this is the only place I have ever lived that I love and want to stay at and where I have lived the longest). From 2004 to 2007, my husband had seven jobs, we moved four times and our kids endured a lot of stress from those moves so I have been trying to minimize some of their stress by trying to remain in one place. But, if the indicators keep pointing to change, then change we will. I have been in a comfort zone living here (despite everything, amazing isn’t it) which is why I am so reluctant to leave.
BK~ Thanks so much for understanding. That is exactly how it feels. I really appreciate your support. Good idea…writing a journal of how we coped with it all. I love writing anyway. Maybe it will help someone some day. I try to help at least one person every day no matter how small so that sounds like a good idea!
Victoria~ The only aunts (and uncles) don’t think of us. Same goes for the rest of the families on either side. Only my grandmother, a 95 year old Depression survivor helps us a teeny bit, though she hasn’t much to help with, bless her heart. We are on our own…..have always been from the beginning of our almost 22 year marriage. Truthfully, it isn’t their job to help us. It hasn’t always been this bad for us, for about six years things were really good but that all ended in 2004. We were even going to the food bank and soup kitchens in 2006.
Mystes~ good advice. I haven’t been able to hear my transhuman self at all…unless it is the one that says to move to some remote place, live off the land like old time farmers and screw the establishment….my practical self knows that won’t happen! I keep feeling these huge hands on my back pushing me away from parenting. Our whole country is not geared for raising kids. I know kids come with their own stuff but how can they support themselves at 7, 14, 16, and 16? Sure, the 16 year olds could work, but there’s no work right now, even McDonalds isn’t hiring at this time.
We live in a high unemployment state (AZ) and moving would be very costly. I know, I sound like that friend of yours…the litany of “we will be homeless” is popping up but that’s because three times between 2004-2007, we very nearly WERE homeless. It was so close every time. I think sometimes that I am having post traumatic distress and it is affecting my ability to think clearly. Is there something I am just not seeing? We already did close one door completely; I don’t know what door we have to close again this time around. I want to see…..
Victorialynn~ Thanks, that’s good advice. I am doing that right now…..looking at the worst case scenario and it is very frightening. Between 2004-2007, when my husband was laid off from job after job, we did almost get evicted from the rental homes we were in. I don’t want to live through that again.
Thanks everyone! At least I am feeling like I can deal with this stuff now.
Carecare…I can relate; I have five children myself and I know how much energy is needed to be emotionally there for others without a break. My oldest three are out on their “own” now (last one is a college student, so she isn’t all the way out) so it has been “easier” the past few years. Think I’m crazy for missing them?!
My advice is take good care of yourself; that is the only way I’ve made it through. Exercise/walk in the fresh air when you’re feeling overwhelmed. I think the lesson I’ve learned that helped me the most through the busiest years was to step back and ask myself what is the worst that can happen if something that I’m stressed about happens/or if I don’t do something etc…puts everything into perspective. I’ve become a minimalist; yourself and then family come first.
No one thinks you’re whining or complaining…being able to verbalize (or write) about your stressors is one way of relieving them (((hug)))
carecare, you got four kids? that’s a handful. No helpers out there? Kids are really important. where are the aunts?
CC7…
If the ‘help’ that comes seems minimal, you might want to completely shut one door and look around for another. Especially if its repetitive. Sometimes we have a hard time hearing our~transhuman~self (“Hmmm, I *said* you *are* really *a* tap-dancer! Yes, you! With the 100 extra pounds. Just put on the shoes and walk this way…”)
I walked into a friend’s office last week, a woman who is responsible for a fairly hefty project. She confessed that she’d screwed up a major part of the project, and was about as close to total despair as I’ve ever seen her. The phrase that she used was: if I blow this, I lose my house. I’ve heard her use that about 50 times in the last year for ‘situations’ great and small. What is she doing? This is a brilliant, brilliant creature, with resources she isn’t touching. Why? Because she might ‘lose her house.’ And when she blew this, I just said: Dollface, what are you trying to tell yourself? What else do you need to be doing? you can’t terrorize yourself like that. Carecare7, you *are always free* – even with kids, you are still free. Children come in with their own space, energy, resources.
My daughter was wealthy (I mean ridiculously so) during all the years that her mother was vacuuming the rug for spare change. Our kids really do attract tons and tons of support with their own karmic resources. I know this is hard to believe, but if you just loosen your grip a little, you’ll see it.
I am not disregarding your suffering, please don’t misunderstand me. You might just want to take a peek at who else you are.
(and a good nap wouldn’t hurt either. . .)
M
moonrose, victoria, . . .about this business of hearing the dead. It’s just too darn much to swallow and keep a straight face it seems. Yet it interests us enough that movies about mediums who do so will always get an audience. We want to believe but. . . . here again is the doubt about anything that can’t be seen or felt. Discussions at this site have revealed that many folks have had communication with a deceased loved one, usually through a dream or altered state of mind. I have the feeling that we all possess the ability to do so, but, like so many human gifts, it has receded into the depth of our unconscious, due to lack of use.
Personally, my only two experiences were when my dad died and in my dream (going on at the time he died) he was asking for my understanding why he wanted to leave. I’m a clingy Cancer so can make this kind of experience difficult for myself and others. The other experience was with my cat who telepathically asked me to not keep putting food under her nose (she was still alive at this time) because it was time for her to go and she wanted to go, and that she was only still here because her sister had been so ill. Made a believer of me, for sure. Perhaps you have to have a really close relationship to experience this at this level. Mediums who can communicate with total strangers are at another level altogether. I believe that it’s like art, or sports in that you have the gift and then go on to develop it. (not that there aren’t plenty of shisters out there to con you!)
carecare, we hear you and I, personally, am aghast at the incredible load you are carrying. What a dirty low-down trick the universe has played on you. You’re too tough (Cappy Moon, Virgo asc.) to give up or cave in, but your sensitive and loving Sun in Pisces feels every blow. And not just yours, but EVERY BODYS! Hang in there my dear, that “good stuff” is coming and you will get your share. Your job is taking care of those children and it is a vitally important career.
I wonder what those kids will tell their kids about how their parents weathered the storms back in the old days! Keep a journal (in your spare time, haha) and write a book or series of short stories when they get older. I sense the gift of humor in between your lines, and suspect you know deep down that the last-minute help that comes through just in time but never enough to let you relax is the Universe supporting you. Keep trying to trust that it will provide, and believe that you are indeed making a difference in this world.
Even grownups need to be comforted sometimes. I have been so strong and self sufficient for so long, getting no relief, that I feel a collapse coming. Life always brings me to these cliff edges and I begin to tip over and fall and only then does some lame help come. Never enough help, just the barest amount to keep me from totally falling but not enough that I can relax any. I am a walking stress container awaiting the next drop of an anvil.
I just want to curl up and cry…but I can’t because I have one last final test to do, more grocery shopping for this week, a small recital for my daughter that is in choir tonight, and all the rest of the crap I have to get done this week. My husband is also in stress because of the algebra class he must pass to finish his degree….his learning problems are causing havoc with his program so it is very iffy that he can continue but until he graduates, he must continue because we need the student loan money he gets to live on.
God here I go again…vomiting out all my problems and usually people just get mad at me or tired of hearing it. I seem to have a sign on my head that says, “don’t let her have a breakdown moment” so I get flack when I stream my angst like this. Where is all the good stuff Eric and everyone keeps writing about? It seems to be passing me by because I have chosen to do the hard jobs in life instead of just pushing them off on others.
Ignore me if you prefer.
Hmmm. This full moon I was working like crazy because three of my four kids are in a children’s play and they had their first opening night Friday night after an extremely hectic week for me of practices, three final tests, four assignments (I am doing 4 college classes online), sewing three dresses for costumes, getting groceries because our FS came in on Monday and we were out of everything, and the unemployment office started fucking with Dh’s claim AGAIN. They know he is substitute teaching and that he will be drawing benefits when that ends so to bump him off the rolls (and save the state money) they are fucking with him.
I got a letter yesterday that tells him his Emergency Unemployment benefits will be for more weeks than they originally said, problem is, he hasn’t applied for emergency benefits. They had switched his original claim back in December to emergency benefits by mistake, which he is not qualified for, so we had to fight back and forth for almost four months to get them to straighten it out. If we have to fight again for four months, we will have no income this summer (he will try to get a job but he has so far been unsuccessful) and we have four kids to support. Both of us have been looking for work for a year with no success. The UI folks give no specific number to call, they have too many deputies messing with each claim, and the numbers they do list often have messages saying to call another number and when you do, that number says it is an empty desk. The AZ UI are being sued because of all this and the stress of all of this crap is driving me crazy.
We are already living on student loans to do career changes that will make us self sufficient (the government’s favorite term) but getting there is proving to be extremely stressful.
Amongst that fight just to keep our selves and our four kids above water, I feel like I have no energy left to even “feel” any under currents going on in my psyche or emotions or mental self. Dh and I have not had sex in I don’t know how long either. This is exactly what those that like to control people want…..us treading water so as not to drown to the degree that we cnanot focus on much else. I feel as impotent and helpless and they want me to right now.
I wish I could figure out what to do to solve this mess…..I am a do-er, a proactive person. An astrologer told me a long time ago that I am supposed to learn a lesson in this life about trusting the universe to provide for me. I still have to work at it but I am supposed to know my work will pay off in being provided for. The trouble is, I have kids now so it isn’t about me anymore. What is their lesson? Will the same universe that is supposed to provide for me provide enough so I can provide for them?
I have Pisces sun, Virgo rising, moon in Capricorn in the fifth and many other things I cannot even remember. These last five years have been stressful in the extreme as far as survival goes. Obama may be in office, but the changes cannot come fast enough for us at the state level. I keep trying to be “zen” and calm down but it is so hard when you have four precious human beings to protect and support while everything in the universe seems to want to keep you from doing just that. We could afford them when we had them, but now things have gotten so bad in this cursed country of ours that is so adult-centered that raising children is actually the biggest factor in predicting poverty for people.
That’s how the full moon has hit me and after.
Was at a tv last night and saw an episode of medium where the medium goes down and her brain goes into another person. I don’t know the actors name but I gotta look him up. So like her husband understands what is going on and brings this guy in his hospital garb connected to an iv home and the kids are just like what the hell is this as he plays mom.
That was a slow moving show at the start but the ensemble is clicking and that episode made me bust a gut.
I’m not sure what to make of that, bkoehler. I don’t really know anything about mediums that communicate with the dead… it occurs to me that perhaps the medium is simultaneously in a dream state/awake state when that happens hence the parallel of the imagery? Almost like a daydream I guess? Is that fathomable?
and What do you think??? You certainly would have a better guess than I.
ooops. . I get it now. You’re offering up YOUR condo for somebody who wants to live there. Wasn’t paying enuf attention . .so sorry!
Really glad you are able to walk the neighborhood doggies after all. Take your time in deciding your next move. So much happening (astrologically) through the end of the year, no telling what will come your way.
Never thought of the dream interpretations as “skill”, just “book learnin'” and having dreams myself, and listening to other peoples dreams. It’s amazing how many people dream of water. . swimming in it or drowning, or living on a house-boat. Sometimes it’s off in the distance, sometimes it’s a little stream or sometimes an ocean. It’s always about the emotional level though. And it’s always a message about healing I believe.
Another thing, I may have mentioned this somewhere before, John Edward, not the politician but the one who communicates with the deceased, and others who do that claim that souls who have “crossed over” use basically the same language/pictures/symbols to communicate with us that we get in dreams. Isn’t that interesting?
Oh noooooo, I did NOT say that!! No want to move into the U.S. Capitol Bldg for me whatsoever. Wanting to move away from, actually, as I currently live within a mile.
Most anything that has to do with Pluto and Uranus and me gets my attention(!). So you said it, I remembered it, and then approached this weekend with caution. I honestly was relieved when my moontime came… that wonderfully beautiful grounding feminine energy.
The wrapping/covering can work too if it’s as though a blanket was tossed up out of the water. Why I woke up so abruptly I’m not sure. That’s the baffling point.
The search for meaningful employment is at a standstill, but I did find that I can dogwalk in the area if I want without breaching any prior no-compete clause. When they fired me, that essentially was negated. I have a niece visiting for the summer which causes me to feel on hold as whatever I do I need to be able to have her in tow. The dog walking was perfect for that, and I may see if I can line up some work for the summer since it can be a busy time with family vacations and all. In the meantime, setting intentions and gears in motion to sell my condo and move out of the city in the fall. Just not sure where to yet…
Thanks for asking. : )
Where did you pick up your dream interpretation and astrology skills?
And so I DID moonrose! You have a good memory, and I don’t so much. But I remember you had a Pluto/Uranus conjunction being transited by Saturn, making things very real. Anyway, glad to hear the dream didn’t spook you, which I didn’t think it did. Feel you are on track with your interpretation. I was thinking it was sunlight, not moonlight that was causing the reflection on the water. I was also thinking the “something” was wrapping and covering you, rather than swallowing you, but hey. . .it’s your dream! That would probably be your unconscious (to this point) feeling welcoming you in. And since it was moonlight, not sunshine, would think that would intensify the emotional aspect of the “scene”.
So I wish you even more good fortune on your transformation, and how’s it going on the search for meaningful employment? Is that why you want to move into the U.S.Capitol Building?
Hi bkoehler –
Noooo, I didn’t wake up with any sense of discomfort or fear or panic or otherwise. I just woke up – with the imagery very fresh, almost as though I had really been there, coasting over that water. No felt sensations lingered though.
It was dark, moonlight reflecting off the surface of the water.
After all the recent commentary regarding dreams and what they mean, and if I apply the parts of the dream to myself only, then one interpretation I arrived at is my ego (little me) was swallowed. That has been one of the main themes since 2006 as well – little self, big self stuff. It may also be relevant to the want/need to be consumed by/a part of something greater than oneself. That’s a very spiritual theme on a very spiritual moon.
Or maybe both of those fit at the same time.
I appreciate your thoughtful comments.
It was you who also commented about a month ago that “In next month’s full moon, the sun will trine your Pluto/Uranus and the moon will sextile it. Time for transformation!”
Maybe that’s exactly what it is. : )
Hi moonrose. . enjoyed hearing about your peacefull full moon. With Mothers Day coinciding with it this weekend, there was something beneficial for both you and your mom. As Saturn favored both the Sun and Moon, it should have us all feeling a little more in control than usual (for a Full Moon!)
Was curious that your dream was so peaceful until something came out of the water, engulfed you, and everything went dark and you woke up. Since you didn’t mention that it disturbed you, I will assume it was a comforting sensation. I’m reluctant to comment on dreams if the dreamer didn’t ask for it, but can I say that the water (feeling, emotion) being so calm and reflective (sunlight), and you riding the surface before the “something” appeared, has the earmarks of a premonition or precursor of your experience with your mother. I only remark on this as it was the first thing you wrote about, so believe it to be important to you. I hope the positive relationship will be enjoyed for a very long time.
This full moon felt pretty peaceful to me.
In the days leading up, I had many dreams (the last I remember was a very still, calm large body of water, with light reflecting off the top. I was, or my awareness was, cruising along over the water and then straight ahead I saw a huge pointed rock sitting in the water. About the time I noticed that rock, something came out of the water and engulfed me, or whatever I was, everything went dark, and I woke right up.)
I also was resting and sleeping more than usual, but not more than usual for the time leading up to moontime.
I spent a good part of Thursday supporting a vision quest for two men (both their first) and then attended a ballroom dance lesson and had a fantastic time. My dance partner, and blossoming friend, kept referring to me as a control freak (I was following, her leading) because I was trying to correct her arm placement (her left, my right) because it was too shallow, too close in, and that was uncomfortable. I found that in closing my eyes I was able to feel and sense the subtle and not-so-subtle movement she was asking of me. I had a lot of fun.
Friday I returned to the vision quest, out in a rural area, and sat making prayer ties, smudging, tending to the lodge, the fire, conversing with others also supporting, and when the full moon came it was behind clouds but I acknowledged her presence. I left for home feeling very peaceful and noticed a jolt when I returned within the city limits of DC and my neighborhood. Made another note to self that I really need to get out of the city.
Saturday, I packed for a lodge (different one) to celebrate the upcoming wedding of two lodge members and right before I left my moontime came. Which, being a grounding energy, is not allowed in lodges (shouldn’t be). So I played kitchen mom for this lodge and sent prayers from a distance. I said a prayer of thanks that my cycle has fallen in line with the moon’s cycle.
This full wesak moon marks the third year anniversary of the beginning of a very huge cycle of transformation in my life. I felt in some sense that it brought with it some closure to the upheaval and chaos that dominated my realm for over two years. I was able to have the first conversation yesterday, since that moon in 2006, with my mother that was pleasant and didn’t turn angry and resentful, both buried for so many years until 2006. And my mother, for the first time I do think, actually admitted in a small way that she played a role in the parental dynamics of my childhood… that she was too busy trying to appease my dad and live by his rules that we, the kids, got cheated. That was huge and a gift to me, validating in some way.
This full moon was very serene and peaceful for me. I felt very connected and when I prayed I felt it inside (that doesn’t always happen). I felt thankful to be alive. And after talking with my mom I felt that a new cycle has begun.
Now, about getting out of the city. Anyone interested in a condo near the U.S. Capitol, as in the building itself?!
kristenB…….I so agree with your last post….I hear you.
This is crazy shit. I want to connect Mendocino California with Portland Oregon. I want a straight soul line. I know we’re here, I’ve just got to wake up to it. I have to “Make it so”. It comes down to my own capacity for understanding. I’ve vices I struggle with. I’m never free if I’ve “substance” to deal with. But, substance keeps me balanced in this reality, can you not relate? I’d break apart and be done with this reality if the flow didn’t keep me sucked under. That’s deeper shit, hope the heavies miss those who don’t need it. I’m almost there. The brainchildren of those of vision, we shall overcome (I almost hate that quote too!)
If you know something I don’t… or just wanna shoot the weird shit, symbioticanarchy@graffiti.net
Jere
Reading “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Totally grokking it.
Spent a couple hours down by the river this afternoon. It was one of those spring days here in South Carolina where the air is crystal clear. Or maybe it’s just me that’s crystal in my clarity.
Gosh, I was gonna share my message on his holiness. But I guess it really ain’t that important after all. Nobody really needs to hear this stuff anyway. Heck maybe you already received it too. Someone had a question, and I worked hard at gettin that answer, but I guess maybe the lama is just the animal in the pasture protecting the sheep.
AnnaT – Excellent question on your part; glad you think for yourself, re: Mystes comment. Taking anyone’s direct word without your own investigation, well, foolish, or can be.
I am a Taurean, and well, I am quite patient, until that is, someone insults me without prior question – just goes and does from a standpoint of superiority/scholarship – or doesn’t listen to what I had to say – decides for me ie they are projecting their judgment onto me – or acts superior in feelings/experience or otherwise, and/or tries to ‘fix’ me. And, they all start out with “I’m not trying to fix you or anything.”
They truly do. It’s a mark. I’ll let you decide what kind of mark. And, then they go and make it public to ensure they are sympathized with by others before the ‘other’ can have a say. It’s a small practice.
I can tell you though, most will step in their own goo and not even realize they’ve shown their true colors. Ponder on that one, and prior posts within.
Toods; and spring joy!
jlo, remember I sent out your resume. I got a reply. If you want contact, please list email address.
Jerelerious,
“I’m breaking down, and it’s almost real. I can almost touch and see reality. All of it. Frustration is my foe. The now is so hard to handle. Freedom is the craziest thing.”
Jere, hang in there. This moon –in your solar 12th house, no?– is rolling you toward the Big Bang, if my oracles are on target. Ah, this just in: you need to take some kind of gamble in order to bring this to Fruition. (Hell, if I know, babe, I’m just the messenger).
Watch the undertow, they’s gnarly-looking benthic fishies coming to the surface. They’re carrying jewels, so no fear, just watch them carefully for when and if they deliver. But there’s something you have to do to show your willingness, your courage. You know what it is.
kissies,
m
***
My kid has fallen asleep, so we’re putting the ST off for a while. It has been remarked that my houses are something of an Aesclepian gateway. Family & guests are always welcome to fall ‘asleep’ (though ‘swoon’ is a better term) – and return to a different waking.
“Those who have not insisted, at least once, on the absolute virginity of human beings and of the world, who have not trembled with longing and impotence at the fact that it is impossible, and have then not been destroyed by trying to love halfheartedly, perpetually forced back upon their longing for the absolute, cannot understand the realities of rebellion and its ravening desire for destruction”
Albert Camus
I’m breaking down, and it’s almost real. I can almost touch and see reality. All of it. Frustration is my foe. The now is so hard to handle. Freedom is the craziest thing. I’m trying to accept how bright that freakin’ light is. It’s adjustment, and I’m trying to torque it through my being, using tools like a bent mofo. It’s destiny or bust. One lifetime or a billion, it’s all the same. Here, Now. (And yet, I still don’t get it?!? How frustrating is that!?)
Hey Anna!
Vis my Taurean loves, it’s not necessary to *do* anything, only to be. We serve one another in many ways, and one is to sit with the ‘what I hate about myself’ datastream. It’s just one (of many, many ways) I express my devotion.
T’s are having a tough time right now. Really tough. I am not even remotely the cause of their misery, but I am present for it. Cheerfully present, no martyrdom here.
***
The Buzzard Lady has taken up residence on the lightpole in front of my house! So exciting!!
Mothers Day Sucks Much Less this Year! Off to see Star Trek with the Boy’ness. Have a great day…
xo
m
“…every (and I do mean *every*) Taurus in my life is furious with me …” (Mystes)
“I just love geeks, . . . At least you have someone who can teach you the joys of Linux” (Antigone)
What did you do to make them furious, Mystes?
Funny corellation: I met 2 Taurean computer geek guys last Tues/Wed – it was thier birthdays, too!
(Love geeks; love Taureans…)
xxxa
Fe, It’s fucking gorgeous, you’re fucking gorgeous!! Nobody could weave that as well as you. Thanks for your input.
AND YOU! who the fuck are you?!? Get your voice in here! Say something! Yeah, some may think you’re stupid, FUCK THEM!!! I’ve already told them to FUCK OFF!!!, They don’t quite listen, but we’re all good. I got your back when it’s ridiculously intense.
Karen, one is all it takes! Full moons just swizzle the carbonated brain, you know? I had mine last month (April 9), now we get to ride shotgun with our Fixed Sign companions. Breathe.
Apples/oranges… Burns wrote that? I thought it was Spenser . . . oh well, girls don’t have that particular problem (most of the time). Cf, Hitchhiker’s Guide, POV Gun.
“Others” are generally no more insightful about you than they are about themselves. Choose the mirror carefully.
xo
m
Walk’d out to meet one of my cryptodaughters at the spa, and found a beautiful – and I mean BEYOOTIFUL vulture feasting on a luckless squirrel carcass at the end of my driveway. I thought it was a peahen at first. Really lovely.
She was so funny. Kinda looked up at me – a little shy. I said: Go on wi’ yer bad self… and then began to address her in babytalk. She lowered her head, smiling in turkeyvulture and went on with her lunch.
I walked right past her. She didn’t twitch.
***
There was baby possum last night as I came back from the labyrinth near my house. I thought: Hmmm, ‘playing possum’… who wants to appear to be dead?
I’m still considering that one. . .
lovelovelove that Scorpio Moon!
Void of course,
M
There’s been loads of stuff going down for me but this is over a much longer time frame than this full moon 🙁 Feeling like I’m on one long drawn out cross….
mystes, I’m so with you on the angry Taurus. For me, it’s only one – my son, with a Sun stellium in Taurus opposed by Pluto in Scorpio and in Grand Trine with Mars and Moon. I have the great fortune of my Sun sitting in his 12th house and my Ascendant being on the cusp of it… Strangely, my Nemesis is conjunct his Sun but I’ve been trying to make a positive spin on this! Oh joy….
I work in a 120 year old funeral parlour in Sydney. It’s the sort of place where I can keep my mom’s ashes on my desk (in the plastic brick!) and say hello to her every morning and no one thinks that’s weird.
Full moon time found me belting out “Poison Ivy” to my colleagues – complete with scratching motions and howls of laughter.
There isn’t any poison ivy in Oz but they have active imaginations and a great sense of humour.
About to head to downtown SF for a lecture by Bill T. Jones on making a new piece on the life of Abraham Lincoln. Danced my ass off this morning in class, some sort of tribal percussive energy coming up from the center of the earth was moving me like a puppet.
I’ve been teetering between feelings of life exhilaration and total fear of death. A tightrope. I am holding the balance pole in both hands, trying not to look down—feelings of insecurity and total acceptance co-mingling like oil and lemon juice. Walking the tightrope is like keeping hold of the emulsion. The blend is what it is. Allowing that blend to be those exact parts, and headed towards the other side of the tightrope.
It must be a new core belief about myself, that I am holding on to a center I am only now growing used to–not entirely familiar, but a far better alternative to the past. She. Be. Fe.
Looked it up; consider this from Etymonline.com: “GEEK”
geek
“sideshow freak,” 1916, U.S. carnival and circus slang, perhaps a variant of geck “a fool, dupe, simpleton” (1515), apparently from Low Ger. geck, from an imitative verb found in North Sea Gmc. and Scand. meaning “to croak, cackle,” and also “to mock, cheat.” The modern form and the popular use with ref. to circus sideshow “wild men” is from 1946, in William Lindsay Gresham’s novel “Nightmare Alley” (made into a film in 1947 starring Tyrone Power).
Nimrod
“great hunter,” 1712, in ref. to the biblical son of Cush, referred to (Gen. x.8-9) as “a mighty hunter before the Lord.” It came to mean “geek, klutz” by 1983 in teenager slang, for unknown reasons. (Amateur theories include its occasional use in “Bugs Bunny” cartoon episodes featuring rabbit-hunting Elmer Fudd as a foil; its possible ironic use, among hunters, for a clumsy member of their fraternity; or a stereotype of deer hunters by the non-hunting population in the U.S.)
“O wad some Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!”
–http://simple.wikiquote.org/wiki/Robert_Burns
This Scorpio moon (expiring in about 2 hours) is resonating beautifully with the Taurus full that I werked back in November. I had to graft some roots that month, and it was not an easy adventure, but I can see the fruit hanging low on the bough this month.
It’ll be ready to pick in June.
Meanwhile, every (and I do mean *every*) Taurus in my life is furious with me – especially those with vibrant Scorpio aspects. To which I say: Keep it coming. We’re alllllmost out of the Gate.
Ole.
hey annat, i used to do gis work in seattle… enjoy! you go girl… my institutional training in rocks, maps, math, writing, chemistry and physics… go mamma planet!
i’ve never traced the word geek, but have crossed paths with many non-computer geeks too 🙂
Oh, the new thing is doing naked meditation for a bunch of art classes; I love the idea and the experiences I’ve had so far of such single coin two sides in action – I reveal/They reveal – all parties must step aside of their control and let the unknown flow.
Deed and words, the age old pursuit, aren’t in bed together – when will we return to such a state?
So tired of words sent with no action to back up.
I was witness to cosmic justice this week. I can’t say more as it would affect a few others beyond me and much more harshly given what the person did 2 years ago and the hassle they caused the others, but suffice it to say that if one threatens others without cause enough, the universe will act.
Question is this, can you handle the lessons you invite? I meditate on this every moment for myself.
Yup, kristenb, -as the planets turn! Every moment a new one, and now it is a beautiful May Saturday!
xxxa
My flip answer is, what’s so different? This is my daily life. I feel some comradeship lately; a little wake up activity by the masses, but I need a new reality as I’m tired of this one the past several decades.
I was born under this setup with sq Jupiter and Neptune conjunct Moon and Venus loosely with Chiron, Saturn and all that opp Uranus and Pluto. Every single day is an adventure of seeing through, catching the teflon flak, and dreaming of the day when all understand not only the light (mirrors and shadows), but also love, meaning both are together and not separate.
The weeks recently have been filled with blowhards and scholarly egocentrics of all walks and dumb folks who feel that the confrontational approach whereby they get a reaction is the meaning of “life” and how they are meant to play their part.
No one seems to know how to listen, or to act upon information in a fun way for others; everyone seems to genuflect into a control scheme.
The apple tree has blossomed; the local wild animals have found me and come round for food and chat and the crow visits each time after a certain connection is opened and closed. The magpies are nesting nearby. It’s time for another walk to the waterfalls – the heart stones are calling.
Full Moon, over Olympia; out dining at the bar of one of my favorite bistros, wearing my fuschia dress, all encrusted with beads, in celebration.
The last week, spent mainly in Seattle, attending the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, participating in a core energetic therapy group workshop in which we helped each other access our long-held traumas, and finally, going to a conference for my professional peers (GIS – don’t ask me what that is now, but they are techno-geeks).
Being relatively recently seperated from my marriage, I found myself a woman alone, out and about, and every night, becoming engaged in great conversation, with interesting men. The fellow who was (so dear to this Cancer’s heart) a passionate cook, and who also convinced me why I should read Pynchon; the guy who ws born, in Oman, in a bedouin tent; the young guy who looked like a cybepunk Balzac, with whom I am having a continuing discusssion about polyamory. A gal could get spoiled, but…
back in Olympia, in comes a travelling furniture salesman, who immediately wants to do magic bartender tricks, with corks, and draw diagrams on his napkin relating to water rights and legal weapons. The bore meter went off, had to make a 180 turn from being open to social discourse (slam on the clutch, grind into reverse, and with a screech of rubber, we’re outa here!!!)
That was my full-moon – a bit of a let-down from the earlier 7 days! (Guess I’m not in the big city no more.)
Oh, well, an amusing tale, told afterward; one to chalk up to the lunation log!
This full moon is a direct hit on my natal Mercury/Sun conjunction at 19 degee and 22 degree Scorpio in my Third house…..any help with the interpretation of this would be greatly appreciated, as my mind has zinged up into a higher voltage that I have no map for as yet…….the Buddha Moon came and got me.
Opps – a slight mistake in the chant I wrote below:
“We are all one,
We are all one,
Under the moon and Under the sun,
We are all one.”
Yay to listening to Sinead, Eric. I’m going to put on her “Faith and Courage” album sometime today!
Yesterday our honey locust tree was planted in our backyard and it was love at first sight! I caressed it’s lovely and slender trunk, trimmed some dead shots and welcomed it into our family by hanging some ribbons from the branches and stood back in admiration, grinning from ear to ear.
As the full moon approached (sadly behind a mask of clouds) I went back out into the yard with a thimbleful of Irish whiskey (!) to toast the planting of my new “Buddha” tree (in honour of yesterday being the anniversary of Buddha stepping out from under his tree!!) and I invited enlightenment into my world.
I came back into my kitchen and as I stood there soaking life up, I listened to two clocks ticking and as a I listened intently to their ticks, I heard them actually work in harmony and a rhythm was born, so I jived to it for a bit! As I did, a chant came into my head, to the beat, and I would like to share it here with you:
“We are all one, we are all one, Under the moon and the sun, We are all one.”
Later, as I lay in my bed around half past midnight, the electricity izn our part of the city zapped right out and everything became pitch black!! Then this morning, as I settled down to read PW, we also had an amazing thunderstorm that blackened the sky to the point of “dead in the night” blackness.
P.S. “vicvega” – I am happy for you that you had your “breakthrough” and sarah – that you are listening to Take That and that a “Wham” discovery jumped out at ya from behind those scenes!
Faith and Courage to you all.
Happy Springtime!
Actually, I take all that “behind the scenes” stuff back. WHAM! Just hit me … Now why didn’t I think of *that* before? 🙂
If this full moon is intense, so far for me it has been intense behind the scenes. There seem to be no huge outward changes, but there’s definitely shifting in my psychological peripheral vision. It really has been a crappy 365 days, with lots of stuff going down that I’ve been processing, and a lot of questioning about who I am and what I want. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Dare I say that I’m listening to Take That? 😉
Well, I had what appears to be a HUGE breakthrough and truth come to light regarding my health this week…coming down with a wicked flu (and I was actually not even remotely scared that it was ‘the swine kind’) and it leading to a major recognition of an ongoing chronic immune issue…
My main discovery explains a very long period in my life feeling sluggish and not able to tap into my juju at full throttle! My illness being so subtle yet experiencing years and years of depleted energy or resources (And I’m a 2nd House Sun in Taurus, and Saturn- Rx in my 6th house), unraveling at this Full Moon is like a missing piece of a puzzle appearing out of nowhere.
Most likely this began when I had a ‘near death’ experience 17 years ago…and on this Scorpio full moon I feel like I am taking back my Life with this knowledge….And the best part of all is that my condition is 100% Heal-able. I turn 35 one week from today and I feel like this is an incredibly positive sign about the next chapter of my life. I am so thankful!
p.s. Eric-love that you are listening to Sinead:)