Dear Readers,
While I am busy today not writing about astrology (tomorrow is another story — a few horoscopes are due Monday) I’m working on a series about two Book of Blue photo subjects, both of which address body image in women.
Eric Francis
14 thoughts on “Book of Blue”
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AnnaT… “Also, the yoga is transforming me, simplifying, purifying. ”
Anna! This is so so so so so exactly, wholly, perfectly right!! I actually had a 4 year old girl tell me that very thing (about heat, yoga, movement) two years ago. She was a newly-minted buddha, going around tapping her Grrrrls. She and her mom found me in a park. The mom, who understood her own role very explicitly, stepped away for a few minutes while this Incarnate did her thing.
She was quick, to the point and unambiguously informative. Bottom line: the phyz belongs to Her. Make room.
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“wondering what you’ve found helpful in working to release/transform shame?”
My own experience, 5 years (now) of Bikram’s yoga, the 90 minutes in the 103 degree room, most butt-kicking workout I’ve ever known, watching one’s self in the mirror the whole while, seeing what one looks like, generating endorphins, in the hot, holy space.
This is what this yoga did for me – starting out, I couldn’t stand to have to watch my self, all my flaws, then I fell in love with my image, looking into my own eyes, breathing, accepting, kind of tantric. -transcending body judgement, every week!
Also, the yoga is transforming me, simplifying, purifying. A lot of self-judgement has fallen away, (got sweated out with all the other toxins), and self-acceptance is taking over. I feel OK as I am. Maybe some of this is age, as well. Never felt this acceptance and confidence about how I looked till I was over 50! Less make-up, less contriving of glamour, less female drag – and more of a, like Mystes said, “here it is – come and get it!” attitude, these days.
If only young women could realize how beautiful they are! The bitter irony is that most feel so unatractive and imperfect! A friend and I vowed that we would try to praise young women more, give them the blessing of our admiration.
Jackie, hello. I think that – since you have the chart out – part of what you do will involve the ‘issues’ that relate to the shame. There are many possible sources; they all come back to the same feeling, but different sources of toxicity and self-judgment. I think that some intellectual-level understanding is crucial, but ultimately shame and guilt (incestuous first cousins) comes down to a feeling. Often the feeling is hooked into body, body image, and specific anxiety projected onto the body. If you provide your data, or send it to me at dreams – at – planetwaves – dot – net I can provide some feedback here.
Also, new post and photo added to the current Book of Blue thread.
All responses warmly received and deeply appreciated 😉
For me, shame is very complex; it’s written into my chart hot and heavy. This is background. My question is not about me, but does spring from my experience.
So yeah, not really looking for advice, but I’m feeling that something is needing to emerge here, and I don’t quite know what it is. Not sure if it’s (just) my need, or a need I feel in the field (which I believe always go hand in hand). I think that there’s something out there that (at least) I need to know (bear witness?) and at the same time, someone may need to give some air.
Jackie
Neisha, beautiful woman: My deep gratitude to you for revealing your Self via BoB. I honor your vulnerability, fear, and brazen curiosity. I also identify with much of what you write – how it feels to be naturally “large”, severe emotional eating, desiring to know what I truly look like, digging at the roots of my behavior, trying to see the purpose my fat serves, and whether it truly does serve that purpose, or needs to be let go of. . . I feel as though we two are on a very similar path. I could use someone to walk/talk/mirror with on this journey. If you’re up to it, Eric has my email address.
And know this: your body is neither ugly or disgusting. It is beautiful. It has enabled you to experience this Life. It is fully deserving of your love. I suspect that loving ourselves, including our bodies, is the holy grail we seek.
Eric: You’ve taken me many places via BoB, but this topic could not be more timely, given the current Venus retrograde and my introspective work. It is extremely refreshing to view photos of and gain insight into a woman with a voluptuous body. I know of your personal preference for small, tightly-contained women, so I’m grateful to you for including Neisha in your blog work.
stonetotem: Any sucess I’ve had with transforming/releasing shame has come through embracing and exposing it, always with a healthy dose of self-love. Eric has modeled this process beautifully through his writings in Book of Blue. I can’t speak for him, but he has written about the liberty and freedom from shame he has gained by being “out”.
Radical Self Love – to me, this is what it’s all about.
Mysti, hadn’t read your post. Just have – understand. Stonetotem, my mistake (see what I mean about where people are at in any given moment? Where have I been at today?) I read your post again – so in light of that, please turn my post around and take it from the ‘it’s what I found helpful for me’ angle. With love, H.
Hazel… I didn’t hear StoneTotem asking for advice… am I just deef? It sounded to me like a open, rolling question:
“what have you found helpful…”
not
“what do you think I will find helpful,” which is a much more complicated question.
That said, I liked your ‘human mirror’ idea. That might be what sexuality (delimiter: orgasmic, genital, image-based sexuality) is actually designed to bring forth: A safe place to be with your self-fearing energies.
Eric spends a lot of time on this issue in the BoB, and his answer seems to be: See Yourself. Look again and again until you see the Big Song of self-awareness looking back at you through all of the qualities you find embarrassing.
Stonetotem – what can you do to release/transform shame? You have asked for advice and therein may lie a potential problem. When people are in ‘tell’mode, or are in ‘advice’ mode, even if they mean well, something else can often be going on (for them). And of course what works for one person doesn’t work for another – shame can come from many sources, but lack of unconditional love for oneself can be a place to start. It’s hard to answer your question without implementing some sort of ‘tell or advice’ tone. And the truth is, I don’t know the answer. But I thought about it for a little while and here’s what came back at me…
What if you were to find ‘your own way’ to release/transform these issues…that is, on the assumption that you are speaking about yourself here. It seems that you are already on the way there as you have some awareness about it and a desire to do something. Finding a human mirror can be useful, someone who can reflect back to you what you see, believe, feel, think, in any given moment. Someone who can ask you questions of yourself, help you to ask questions of yourself – why you have shame, what does it mean for you, what would you rather have or be, what would it take to move it on from you, or to use it for some good? List is endless.
That sounds like advice – I mean it in a sense to start your own thinking… Best wishes, Hazel.
Watched 2 julia roberts movies on the tube with sis last night . She asked me do you think she is beautiful? I did not know what to say.
It’s kind of like the photographer that takes a hundred pictures to get the one he really feels. But if that photographer laid those pictures out for someone else or others to see, would they all pick that one photo?
According to the “standards” yes.
I am so thankful for Neisha’s honesty and openness!
Being naked can be downright scary at times. My personal experience and philosophy is that I am exploring myself and others during sex…swoop, dive, slide, sink, dissolve…the flesh is so warm and soft, pleasure…it is what keeps us coming back and trying to connect…it is also what keeps us seperated.
I just turned 44. My first child was born 24 years ago (please, do not let your children marry at 18, no matter how mature they are acting)…my last children were twins born 8 years ago. Believe me…my body has gone through many physical changes, which I have been so priviledged to experience. Being a “fair” child, immensely proud in the strength and sleekness of my body, I am absolutely sure that the stretch marks were a gift from the universe to help me learn more about love and acceptance. Our bodies are the instruments through which we experience the physical world…allow yourself to feel, see, hear, smell, taste!
What did I feel looking at Neisha’s photographs? Joy…thanks for the smile you gave me.
stonetotemon 15 Mar 2009 at 8:12 am
“Curious, anyone –
wondering what you’ve found helpful in working to release/transform shame?”
Depends on the level of toxicity. I find taunting to be somewhat useful. Soemthing on the order of: ‘if you want it, here it is, come and get it…. mmmm…. make your mind up fast’ – Magic Xtian lyrics.
When I was pregnant with my son, someone papered my lawn overnight with porn magazine covers of a specialty publication called “Misty” that featured –get this– only pregnant, naked women. I kid you not, I have witnesses. Since only three people knew about the pregnancy at that point, it was a ‘special’ gift.
There was a tinge of maliciousness to it, so after the shock wore off (took a few minutes, remember, I was pregnant), I started taunting the energy: “You think I am susceptible to shame? Guess again. I own everything.”
So, I guess my answer is: Belly Up.
(^8
Curious, anyone –
wondering what you’ve found helpful in working to release/transform shame?
Beautiful post this one. And I know it will touch all women, no matter what age, or physical appearance. Neisha shows us how much courage and curiosity we feminins have. It is so inspiring to see how she inspite of her own feelings about her body I think deep inside – where we all want to relate don’t we ladies – knows she in fact is much more beautiful than she dares to admit. That is a big step to liberty.
C translates it great: it really is more about how I feel in this body. And yes, the mirror is always much more flattering. I had to smile when I read that one: the mirror shows us a different picture of ourselves, it is a projection, that automatical respons we are using in our relationships, even with ourselves.
I’ve always like the mirror more than the photograph and I see that translated in my relationships. A few years ago – in my late 40’s – it suddenly struck me as ‘well of course I like the mirror more, the photograph shows me how other people see me and the mirror shows me how I look at myself. And I have never liked the way other people looked at me. I have always had nice looks but I always had this urge when other people made me a compliment about that to tell them that those looks were not the whole Heleen, that there was much more to see, going on and discover behind the surface. I longed for that way to look at me, from others. Lately I am aware of a longing inside of me, to know myself not by counting on what other people say about me, but what I am beginning to know really IS me. Not easy to me – I ‘blame’ my south node for it in gemini in the 9th – but really deep inspiring nevertheless.
Another theme: what does memories – and thougts – do with us. Great theme and a big one too. Both Neisha and C mentions them. The picture, how other people who like and adore us, isn’t always how we ourselves see us, or like to see ourselves. The why of course can have different causes, but the effect is the same. We don’t like the way other people see us, it scares us or it rings a kind of alarm bell. We are more familiar of how we see ourselves, in the mirror. Nice judgement or not nice doesn’t matter, we see ourselves this way.
I was the different looking and acting eldest daughter in a friendly family with a lucky youth and no heavy problems, but always struggling with the way my own family responded to me. I could never have the sharing of thoughts, ideals, fantasies, dreams, inspirations, they couldn’t understand what I was talking about. My father admired me as ‘a lovely little lady’ and I longed for another connection, another admiration. And at the same time I was behaving as this lovely little lady. I never ever went puberal even (although the rebellion came later on in my life!).
We women, Eric is so damned right in his curiosity and drive to show us and reveal us, to ourselves. Big big hug for that one Eric!
Heleen (from Holland, so perhaps sometimes using not the ‘exact’ words)
Reader email….
Hi Eric,
A quick note, I’m tired and sore today, but I want to tell you thank you for tackling this sensitive subject on your Book of blue. I like to read other women’s feelings and thoughts. Everyday, my body is the constant reminder that I am both very much responsible for my life and my health and that indeed, I am very much alive. I find the mirror much more flattering than the camera, but really it’s more about how I feel in this body. Is it a pleasing comfortable vehicle? Or does it feel more like the machine is breaking apart?
There’s a lot of emotional stuff involved, and Neisha mentioned purity, well yes, water is indeed the most important resource in our environment. There are a lot of contaminants and hormones being spread in the rivers, the oceans, lots of toxins and poisons in the water body too. The thing about purity has a lot to do with an emotional reality, a desire to return to a state of emotional innocence, before the abuses, the wars and the violence of this so called “adult world”.
A guy who liked me very much once told me that he only loved girls with big round asses, I know I have a round ass, but I got upset. You think I have a round ass? My girlfriend once told me that she had noticed that guys looked at it when I was walking in the street wearing skirts. I started wearing long shirts to hide it. It’s not about sex really, it’s about being seen from others as an image of a person you don’t feel like you are really. Or just being plain seen and noticed when all you want is to crawl under the covers. I’m glad that I never became a rock star or a very well known actress. As Galadriel, I prefer to diminish and go to the West…
Bye good luck in your projects
C