Live Notes – 2nd National Poly Leadership Summit

Dear Friend and Reader:

I am at the 2nd National Polyamory Leadership Summit. The lead organizer just announced that photos and recording devices are prohibited, which I took as an invitation to report live from this conversation. I’m sitting next to Diana Adams, a civil rights lawyer who represents people with alternative relationships lifestyles, such as topless dancers fighting for custody rights. She is the timekeeper tonight; though I can tell you that the meeting was called to order at 7:46 pm with Virgo rising and Saturn in the ascendant.

As for Diana, she has a big clock around her neck, with a picture of herself; and a riding crop, in case you don’t shut up when it’s time. The meeting will be facilitated by Arica Love, the former president of Poly NYC. She looks a little like David Bowie. That being said, these meetings with a political feeling always remind me of the Communist movement, with organizing committees and so on. But I don’t think that anyone has a copy of Robert’s Rules of Order.

There about 40 people here and 11 more participating by audio or video feed. To see these notes as they develop, just refresh your screen; I will use the same entry and update the page every 10 or 15 minutes.

Most of the participants consider themselves community organizers for polyamory, which is a byword for any form of relationship outside of conventional heterosexual monogamy. There is no one form of polyamory.

The reason this takes community organizing is because people who are polyamorous or questioning conventional relationship models need community; events; modes of communication; support and a measure of leadership. New things generally don’t happen on their own; they propagate because resources and energy are directed toward them. We also need to know one another and have some opportunity to communicate with one another about our experiences within our local regions of the country.

I still have difficult thinking of an expanded idea of relationships as a movement, but I guess it’s the nearest possible word or concept. Relationships are deeply personal. It may be that organized events help people who are reaching for something different; I’ve heard many people say it was vindicating just to learn the word polyamory because it informed them that they are not a freak for wanting to do relationships differently. There is a word for it. People meet one another at poly events. And all of these things take some form of structure.

That being said, about 30 years of political organizing have demonstrated to me that generally, meetings are self-serving. Useful ideas or action rarely come from them. I am sitting here feeling like as long as I don’t say anything, everything will be fine; not a good indicator that there is an open fertile field of creative nurturing. The facilitator’s pants are so tight, I don’t know how anyone can pay attention to what she’s saying. I’ll do my best to keep my mind open.

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Okay – live blogging the event has been banned. I am allowed to blog tonight’s events tomorrow. There has just been a nearly 90 minute discussion of confidentiality, and a policy agreed to, though I objected and withdrew my objection so as not to break consensus. I feel strongly that privacy and confidentiality are nonexistent; and that people who put themselves in the position of representing the public have no business being anonymous. We live, and strive to live, in a free society. If the people in this room are here to help other people come out of the closet, they themselves need to have nothing to hide. If you have a job that prevents you from being out as polyamorous or anything else, then I suggest you not put yourself at risk by being in a position of community leadership. It is simply not your turn; you have other priorities.

Signing off for now. I am not sure I’ll be here tomorrow.