Note to Readers: This week’s article is an expanded version of my February column in a regional magazine where I live, called Chronogram.
Dear Friend and Reader:
When I first started writing for Chronogram, an arts and culture magazine where I live in the Hudson Valley, I once succeeded in causing a controversy.
Oh really? you say. And how was that?
Well, I wrote a three-part series on polyamory — that is, on what some call ‘responsible nonmonogamy’ and others call ‘open relationships’. I guess this was around 1997. It seems like so long ago. I started the first of the three articles by coming out to my readers as polyamorous; I thought it was a good idea to get that fact out of the way. I love relationships and the art of relating, and I like to connect with whomever feels right to relate with, in whatever way is mutually agreeable. (Trust me, those terms and conditions don’t leave a lot of room for the anarchy you may think is brewing.)
I described my motivations and a bit about my experiences, and mentioned that there exist a significant number of people who either are polyamorous or want to be, but who don’t quite feel comfortable speaking up. Sometimes, though, just learning the word has a way of setting someone free — I’ve heard that a lot. Other people, though, can get defensive, as if the one and only legitimate form of relationship is being compromised. Jason Stern, one of the founders of Chronogram who was then its editor, said that he was hearing from readers and advertisers about the series from people even five years later. Five years! You know, the usual complaints about how his writer was going to bring down Western civilization and so forth.
As of today, the topic has been covered by everyone from Newsweek to Huffington Post and appears as a regular feature on the website of Psychology Today.
Polyamory has been discussed on the pages of The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe and The Independent (UK). There exists a very nice blog with archives going back to 2005 that is devoted to keeping up with all the news coverage and analysis polyamory gets. It’s called Polyamory in the News and it will come up with Google’s ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ option. There are so many published news and website references to polyamory that it’s both impressive and funny. The archives are brimming with this open secret, this thing that’s so taboo nobody can bring themselves to talk about it anywhere but at a polyamory conference. I’ve found that most of the news stories are fairly balanced, describing well-adapted adults making choices about the structure of their families.