Dear Friend and Reader,

There’s a saying I picked up while living in Dublin that doesn’t go down very well State-side, but it’s apt for today’s news, so I’m going to use it despite the misinterpretation and consternation that I’m speaking negatively about breasts — I would never.

The Iberian-Lynx has a population of just 84 to 143 adults and has continued to decline due to a shortage of its primary prey, the European Rabbit.

Everything is going tits up (slang for “completely failed so as to become inactive”).

I’ll try to limit my definition of “everything,” for now, to: the environment, the McCain/Palin ticket and OJ Simpson. And, since it’s Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement (also known as the day I tell my grandparents I’m fasting while I munch quietly on a bagel), I’ll deal with this list Hebrew style: right to left.

It’s not often I feel sympathy for murderers, but I actually feel bad for OJ Simpson. Imagine you’re a black man who murders his white ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend in a jealous rage, and you, by the miracle of god and, well, lots and lots of money, get away with it. Considering the fear of black-on-white violence in America, combined with the fact that 39.5 percent of inmates are black, while they only make up 12.8 percent of the total US population and the fact that he was guilty, OJ got pretty lucky.

The OJ Simpson murder trial went on when I was 11, and I remember walking home from school, making myself a disgusting snack that I could only get away with in the 30 minutes before my mom got home from work (popcorn drenched in butter, giant plate of pretzels with cheese melted in the microwave?!), and watching the details of it on the news. Everyone was obsessed with it: everyone at school, in the grocery store, The New York Times, the tabloids.

At first, I was into it because it was the murder trial of the Naked Gun guy (33 1/3 was released the year before). But then I was engrossed for the same reason as the rest of the country. We were obsessed because we knew. We KNEW he did it.

And when he got off, when that bloody glove was inadmissible, we were shocked, because it was the most obvious loss of justice. He swore to search for the rest of his life for the true killers. “Instead,” as The Statesmen writes in its op-ed, “he has spent inordinate time over the last decade searching amid the nation’s golf courses and resorts.”

Continue Reading »

CNN has now reported that Obama won the debate: 59 to 35 percent, based on votes from viewers. He also led by an obvious margin on important topics like the economy and foreign policy.

Dear Friend and Reader,

The second presidential debate was held tonight at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, facilitated by Tom Brockaw, and with an audience of 80 uncommitted voters, ready to present their questions.

The old angry guy speaks, while the young guy waits to lead us into the future. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)

McCain kept wandering around the stage as Obama spoke, looking lost and disoriented. He rambled on, repeating himself about $5,000 refundable tax credits towards health care. 

He took pot shots at Obama, with passive aggressive comments about fining families for not having health care coverage for their children, even after Obama explained himself eloquently.

He repeated the usual statements like “pork barrel spending,” Obama’s “on-the-job training” and “earmarks.” As CNN reporter Paul Begola stated, he seemed erratic.

Likening Obama to Herbert Hoover for raising taxes (which Obama isn’t going to do) made it seem like McCain’s the only person old enough to understand the joke.

Meanwhile, Obama presented himself as an adult: calm, controlled and measured in a speaking format he’s apparently less familiar with than McCain is.

When addressing the issue of terrorist cells in Pakistan, things got heated. McCain likened himself to his hero Teddy Roosevelt and his famous motto “speak softly and carry a big stick.” When hearing this, Obama couldn’t stay quiet any longer and insisted on a rebuttal, where he reminded the audience that McCain is the one that spoke about bombing Baghdad in the early days of invading Afghanistan, and sang “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran” — not exactly the definition of speaking softly. Continue Reading »

Dear Friend and Reader,

As I watched highlights of the vp debates on YouTube, I was struck with sadness after hearing Biden and Palin’s exchange on the topic of gay marriage.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ZYWY3UnNk[/youtube]

Neither of them has any interest in full legal equality for same-sex couples. I knew their policies already, but to hear it stated so firmly: “no,” made me feel quite worthless and undeserving. I wasn’t alive for the debates over Loving v. Virginia, which legalized marriage between different ethnicities, but I’d imagine I know how they feel.

I’m not particularly interested in marriage myself, it’s more the fact that everyone around me — from Britney Spears and Keven Federline to my close college buddy who works as a dominatrix and recently hooked up with a much older guy who doesn’t wake up until six in the evening — has the right to get hitched and I don’t.

Why are they allowed into this “sanctimonious” institution when measly old me, in the same, mostly-stable partnership for three years, sits around the family table with all these other couples (who are straight), and babysits for her siblings’ children, but is stuck in a group with Ellen Degeneres and her lovely wife (only in the state of California) Portia, with no right to “make it honest” in any nationally-recognized sense?

This brings me to the children part. Continue Reading »

Dear Friend and Reader,

After sundown last night, the Senate voted on a new version of the $700 billion bailout bill, and it passed 74-25. Barack Obama and John McCain were present, both voting affirmatively. In fact, the only person who wasn’t present was Ted Kennedy, who is recovering from surgery. (For a full run-down, click here for the list of “yeas” and “nays”).

The US Capital building, where the Senate meets in Washington, DC.

The next move is the vote in the House of Representatives, which is scheduled for tomorrow. The general feeling is that the bill will pass the second time around, particularly after some changes were made, such as $100,000 in tax breaks for the middle class and businesses; plus, the bailout seems less slapped-together, appearing to have a bit more concern for the taxpayer than it did initially.

Word that a major, unnamed-to-the-press, insurance company is about to topple may push the bill on ahead as well.

“The heart of the bill, and the opposition to it,” Breitbart reports, “remained the same. It would enable the government to spend billions of dollars to buy bad mortgage-related securities and other devalued assets held by troubled financial institutions. If successful, advocates say, that would allow frozen credit to begin flowing again and keep the economy from a deep recession.”

Reports stating that the bill is now 451 pages long, as opposed to the measly three pages it started out with (keep in mind we’re talking about $700 billion here), suggests we should do more research and get back to you on what’s changed. Check back in later today and I’ll have some more information for you.

Yours & truly,

Dear Friend and Reader,

I wish I was married to Nancy Pelosi, the speaker of the House of Representatives.

Nancy Pelosi and husband Paul, who is $99,000 richer than he was last year. (Gerald Herbert/AP)

Then I could treat her really well and, in return, she could give me $99,000 from her political action committee. One sec, I’m just going to check if she believes in gay marriage.

…

She does! (Check out Pelosi’s voting record here, she’s a liberal’s wet dream: no to defining marriage between a man and a woman, no to banning partial birth abortion, no on making the Patriot Act permanent, etc.)

Unfortunately, she’s taken, so Paul F. Pelosi has already capitalized by becoming treasurer of Nancy’s committee in 2007, and getting close to four times the previous treasurer for services rendered. Last year, she wanted to ban the practice of paying spouses with campaign funds.

I guess I’ll have to wait for another liberal, and semi-hypocritical, female politician to come along. Anyone know if Belinda Stronach is available?

Yours & truly,

Dear Friend and Reader,

In the midst of the financial tumble, the majority of us are watching the news and doing our best to get a grasp on things and understand how we’re affected by the loss of major banks and financial institutions, the failure of the initial $700 billion bailout plan and the biggest one-day drop in Dow history.

Wind turbines are a useful form of alternative energy. Although wind produces about 1% of world-wide electricity use,[2] it accounts for approximately 19% of electricity production in Denmark

Our immediate surroundings lead us to personal questions: will I lose my job; will I lose my home? Then it spreads out to the world around us: will this affect how people vote in the election; and if all this taxpayer money is going towards the bailout, then what will we expect to lose in the re-structuring of funds?

While it’s too early to say how the vice presidential debates will go, let alone the election, there is one major project that will start simmering on the back burner: the environment.

While McCain isn’t paying much attention to alternative energy anyway, focusing instead on our dependence on foreign oil (how many times have you heard those four words strung together?), Reuters reports that Barack Obama: “previously promised to invest $150 billion over the next decade to develop affordable, renewable energy sources and clean coal, touting these as a long-term energy solution rather than new, off-shore oil drilling.”

This plan will now be scaled back to accommodate the squeakiest wheel — crashing financial institutions.

While this is disconcerting news, I’m not sure that it’s time to panic just yet. There’s going to be a re-vote on the bailout today, and it includes new provisions, according to The New York Times. “Top lawmakers said the Senate proposal, worked out after a day of behind the scenes maneuvering, would include tax breaks for businesses and alternative energy and higher government insurance for bank deposits.”

At this point, the best we can do is wait and see, and try to stay positive. There are some people in the Senate and House of Representatives that are committed to we average citizens and the fate of the planet: not just those of the biggest banks, the largest institutions.

Yours & truly,

Last week, when we read in the news that 35% of spouses polled would pick their BlackBerry over their husband or wife, we were understandably skeptical. Then we received this letter.

Dear Planet Waves,

Madonna sleeps with her BlackBerry under her pillow.

I’m at my wit’s end. I’ve exhausted all my resources and have nowhere else to turn.
Last Sunday, after being a supportive and loving wife for 15 years, my partner sat me down and told me he was leaving me.

And, to make matters worse, he’s leaving me for someone younger, someone I introduced him to last Christmas. Yes, he’s leaving me to pursue what he calls a “more fulfilling” relationship with his BlackBerry.

I should have seen the signs. He used to snuggle up next to me in bed every night, and we’d have lots of sex — tons.

But last Spring, he started fantasizing about bringing BlackBerry to bed with us. He kept saying that I’d think it was hot if I only tried it, that we could text each other what we wanted to do next, or send dirty emails, while we fucked, to a guy we scored in Australia a few years ago or download porn from bed instead of watching it from our computer desk.

He just kept asking and asking and, finally sometime in May, I relented.

Continue Reading »

Dear Friend and Reader,

After intense deliberation and waffling, John McCain has finally agreed to get on the plane and do what every Republican presidential nominee has done for the last 44 years: he will participate in the first of three presidential debates, going head-to-head on foreign policy issues against Barack Obama at the University of Mississippi tonight. That is, unless McCain acts like a “maverick” again and changes the topic. Either way, the debate will air at 9 pm EST.

McCain will get off his plane this evening in Mississippi to debate Barack Obama. (LM Otero/AP)

After David Letterman’s hilarious rant Wednesday night following McCain’s incredibly-last-minute cancellation, which left him like a jilted date on prom night, it’s probably a good thing that he’s not playing hard to get at U. Miss. You can use your imagination regarding how pissed off the Commission on Presidential Debates would have been after all they put into coordinating the event compared to one Letterman Show.

This debate will surely go down as the biggest pre-stage diva move in history. It’s not the first time the lead-up has been tumultuous, however.

The 1980 debates were planned to be a three-way between President Jimmy Carter, former California Governor Ronald Reagan and John Anderson, an Illinois Congressman who was also running. Carter flat-out refused to participate in the first debates if Anderson was involved, and Reagan took the opposite stance, saying the debates couldn’t go on without Anderson.

Carter lost out: the first debates went on with him sitting in the dugout, and Reagan debated Anderson. After that, all hell broke loose, and both the second presidential and the vice presidential debates were cancelled. Finally, Reagan relented, and the final debate took place between Reagan and Carter, sans Anderson.

Maybe McCain thought pulling a Carter would work out in his favor, and that there’d be a slight chance that Palin wouldn’t have to debate — I know I’d be nervous if I were him, watching her fumble around her three recent interviews, especially this week’s two-parter with Katie Couric. Here’s how she explained her foreign policy experience:

COURIC: You’ve cited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land– boundary that we have with– Canada. It– it’s funny that a comment like that was– kind of made to– cari– I don’t know, you know? Reporters–

COURIC: Mock?

PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that’s the word, yeah.

COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.

PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our– our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They’re in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia–

COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We– we do– it’s very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is– from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to– to our state.

After a couple of interviews like this (the first major fumble aired a few weeks ago, when she couldn’t describe the Bush Doctrine), I’d try anything to get rid of the vp debates too. Ah well, can’t win them all.

One thing’s for sure though: after all this build-up, it’s sure to be an interesting show tonight.

Yours & truly,

Dear Friend and Reader,

The first presidential debates are days away. The schedule has been hashed out, lighting and makeup have been agreed upon and the format has been solidified: The first debate, airing on Friday, will cover foreign policy; the second will be a casual format, responding to audience and emailed-in questions and the third will focus on the economy and other national issues.

Greg Craig, debate coach for Barack Obama and partner at Williams & Connelly law firm. He’s served as an aide to the Clinton administration, advised Madeleine Albright and has represented controversial and high-profile clients, including ex-head of the UN, Kofi Annan.

Mr. Obama successfully sought to flip the proposed topics for the first and third debates, so foreign policy is now coming first and economic and other domestic issues come last. There is a second debate, in the format of a town hall meeting, in which the candidates will sit on director’s chairs and take questions from the audience and Internet users on any topic.

McCain’s campaign advisers have accepted that the big scar on the senator’s face may be visible, and the Obama camp has accepted the rigid format for the V.P. debates: much more structured, with less chance of ad libbing or addressing the opponent, as Palin has significantly less knowledge of government and less experience debating than Joe Biden, and would surely fall apart outside of a highly controlled environment. (No flash photography, we don’t want to distract her!)

And now, they retire to their separate corners to prepare. Obama’s coach, The New York Times reported, is Greg Craig. My first question, and perhaps yours, was: who is this guy?

Wikipedia tells us Craig is a Piscean lawyer (March 4, 1945) based in Washington, D.C. who has been involved in pretty much every high-profile case in the last twenty years, except for the O.J. Simpson trial (nope, neither the first, nor the most recent). For a more complete list, take a look at his work profile on the Williams & Connelly website, where he is a partner.

In 1981, he represented John Hinckley Jr., the guy that shot, but didn’t quite assassinate, Ronald Reagan, and was responsible for Hinckley Jr.’s successful insanity defense. He also represented Elian Gonzalez’s Cuban father in the 2000 custody battle that obsessed us for months, and symbolized the tensions between Communist Cuba and the free, flag-waving United States. When Kofi Annan needed an attorney when implicated in the oil-for-food program scandal, he went to Craig. Continue Reading »

Daily Astrology and Adventure is taking a 24-hour break from reporting financial news, barring any major developments. We will return to the topic on Monday. 

Dear Friend and Reader,

What’s the story with nudity these days? Pole dancers are wearing tracksuits and vying for the 2012 Olympics, and the Metropolitan Opera in NYC wants less heavy costuming, and more “take it off!”

Last weekend,the WPDF (World Pole Dancing Federation) held its sixth-annual European Championship competition in Amsterdam, where 14 finalists from nine countries competed for the title. Galina Troschenko from Spain came in first, and if you’re wondering why, take a look at the photo below — she’s touching her head with her toes!

Galina Troschenko at the European Championships for pole dancing last weekend.

Now, for any of you who’ve had to climb up a rope in Phys Ed, you can imagine how difficult pole dancing is: there is no question that these girls are serious gymnasts. And, on top of that, many of them are wearing sky-high heels and thongs while they perform: show me the last floor routine where that was a clothing requirement.

The buzz around the competition this year is all about qualifying as an Olympic sport, and in all likelihood, that’s why the headlines are focused on taking the sex out of pole dancing.

“Everything which we do requires so much strength. You train your legs and your muscles. It has nothing to do with eroticism. You have no time to think of that!” Jeannine Wikering, third place winner of the European championships, told Reuters.

Meanwhile, as I took a sneaky coffee break on Thursday morning, I opened up The Arts section of The New York Times and you know what the headline was? “Take It Off Brünnhilde: On Opera and Nudity.”

This month, both the Met’s production of “Salome” and “The Fly” will involve nude scenes for the main characters. (The production of “Salome” is returning after a four-year hiatus, which also included soprano Karita Mattila in the flesh, and not much else.)

I feel like I’ve stepped onto the set of 10 Things I Hate About You, that Heath Ledger/Julia Styles remake of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. Basically, the uptight older sister (The Metropolitan Opera House) experiences a sexual awakening and learns to live a little, while the out-of-control little sister (pole dancers) finds a nice guy, buttons up her shirt and settles down.

While it seems inevitable that the Opera would join other stage arts (dance, plays) by including nudity, it keeps jarring with me that pole dancing – a sport/artistic medium that is almost solely practiced in strip clubs — is trying to deny its connection to sex. I can’t help but wonder: why do we have to erase all signs of sex before we can take something seriously? Continue Reading »