Finally, someone has figured it out. Officials in the Spanish region of Extremadura have launched a major program to encourage the unthinkable: masturbation. The region’s socialist government has launched a €14,000 ($21,600) campaign aimed at teaching young people how best to set about “sexual self-exploration and the discovery of self-pleasure” – or to put it less delicately: masturbation. This, according to the Guardian newspaper in the UK.
“Pleasure is in your own hands” is the slogan of a campaign that has sparked political controversy and challenges traditional Roman Catholic views on people having sex, even on their own, for non-reproductive reasons.
Conservative spokespeople responded mainly with embarrassment. “This is an intimate subject that should be dealt with at home,” complained local opposition leader Hernández Carrón of the rightwing People’s party. “We have become the laughing stock of Spain.”
“They are interfering with the right of parents to educate their own children about a matter as important as their sexuality,” agreed the conservative Confederation of Fathers and Mothers of Schoolchildren.
Officials from the neighboring region of Andalucia have expressed an interest in copying the program. The campaign includes leaflets, fliers, a “fanzine” and workshops for the young in which they receive instruction on self-pleasuring techniques along with advice on contraception and self-respect.
Extremadura’s government is funding the campaign through its youth and women’s affairs departments.
“The campaign is simple, clear, natural and easily understood by the people it is aimed at, who are aged between 14 and 17,” said Laura Garrido, president of the Youth Council of Extremadura.
Commentators questioned why the poorest region in Spain was paying for a campaign to promote masturbation, though they did not seem to get the point that masturbation gives girls an alternative to the kind of sex that could lead to getting pregnant, and teaches everyone that there is more to sex than fucking, and that everyone is responsible for their own pleasure.
If you don’t live in the Extremadura region or don’t speak Spanish, we recommend a website called Solotouch.com or BettyDodson.com.
to mystes: this is off topic at this point. so i don’t want to abuse the commenting. but i read your comment last night and this is what i thought.
this being the new moon please read this as a magical wish.
if i could increase my life span and not age but instead learn the lost art of regeneration…i would like to have more children. i would give each child 11 to 12 years and not have more than one at a time in those age ranges. not that a teenager doesn’t need his mother, but i believe if the child has been given a space like a protective bubble from the energetic stand point, and also all the sort of reflecting of love, respect, adoration, play time, intuitive training and has been allowed to really be who he or she is essentially/eternally, then the teenager would be entering his magical age of independence. if that were how i could do it…i would have as many as life permitted me.
also, i often wish to have a baby for one of my best friends who is gay and has wanted to be a father for longer than i have known i wanted to be a mother. but of course, that is quite an explosive thing to say to people, as they suddenly cannot get that i would “give up” my own child. so silly a thought. anyway…i never would give up a child. i would conjure the spirit that was meant to go to him through me. i think that is fine to say (and of course i’d have to do a bunch of breast feeding, and i would know the child…so…silly.)
but i am 39. i am working on my longevity (doing great with it too). but at the moment, i am not sure how many more lives i can conjure through this body and do it healthfully. truth is, the selfish part of me wants to do it my way…you know…to get to relish ever little moment and if one is stretched too thin by life or circumstance then often the quality of life disappears and beings become unconscious and careless.
🙂 can o worms?
whoopsie.
but wouldn’t we have such a lovely society if mothers could have babies that way? slow and steady wins the race! happy new moon wishes!
love
bess
*of each other and what is expressed here “in confidence” of a sorts.
I u/s your post now Len – I was just intuiting, not judging anyone for any feeling they had nor of anyone for being “judgemental” – what I got was a feeling of ‘judgement of sexual issues’ floating around and I was noting my observation of that.
In face-to-face I try not to tell people what undertow I’m feeling –doesn’t do much for positive social interaction most of the time. Have to say, I too, appreciate being able to post here without judgement. We’ve a great community here fer sure.
XO
Hey Bess….
“i could become manipulative to get what i want from others, and so, i’d better take care of my needs so at least to some degree i can put others first whenever possible. but then i do often “come off” strangely selfish for servicing myself in some sort of order of importance/least resistance in order to be a better human.”
Oh. My. Gawd. Could you please have some more children? And see if you can get some kind of empathy/spiritual-counseling training the better to spread your incredibly on-target instincts.
Taking care of yourself so you CAN love others, now *there’s* the ticket. Yes, I know the so-called self-ishness of my Scorp (and Scorp rising/moon) friends is not personal when it falls naturally in that order. Wisdom descends from: Books, no. Self-realization, big yes. Self&Other-realization, huge yes.
Jeezus, what a life…
M
Len,
Yes, YES and Amen. I agree totally. I could be wrong, but I work from the assumption that all of the bloggies at PW are non-judgemental and expressing from that POV.
I had just logged in and could literally feel heat rising off some of the posts.
“It’s All Good.”
xo
shoot. sorry for the head spin. i AM selfish, is all. i just wondered if it were a scorpio thing usually. and it seems much like masturbation, if i am not taking care of myself, i could become manipulative to get what i want from others, and so, i’d better take care of my needs so at least to some degree i can put others first whenever possible. but then i do often “come off” strangely selfish for servicing myself in some sort of order of importance/least resistance in order to be a better human. that’s all i was wondering…is it typical of scorpios in particular. i notice my son (a scorpio) and some friends (scorpios) seem to have a selfish thing, but it’s not personal you know.
you may be way better well read than me. but i really like your style! i will go go girl– and you too! and i would like to live to 2512…i really want to! why not live till then and then you will have enough time to change the world (and masturbate tons too!)
best wishes to you
bess
ps. my kids are dancing around our living room as i type…they are so fun!
Bess writes: ” super compliment! is that because scorpios are usually sexually selfish or something?”
This kind of made my head spin… In your case it is your sweet tutorial genius with your eldest, and the family process – older son sort of creating the safety ambience for the younger one. Perfect. Oh my god, this is just perfect!
And say ‘hear-hear’ to the idea of exploratory, mutual pleasure. It is drawn out in Eric’s writings and your experience as ‘mutual masturbation’ but I’ve always recognized this as a fundamental step in courting.
I have some ideas about general cultural resistance and what really needs priming in that process (there are experiences that currently fall under the aegis of ‘yogic’ or ‘spiritual’ effects that simply need a little set-up/expectation to work properly). This goes back to my Tantra for Teens project, eh? Launched in C.E. 2512, I’d say. Crap.
This is such a weird time/place. I am getting vertigo just trying to write about it. The amount of fear around this whole area is dazzling.
Sigh.
You go, girl.
M
oh, wow, thanks mystes, super compliment! is that because scorpios are usually sexually selfish or something? actually, i have “talked” to eric before about masturbation a few years ago. it was relieving actually to finally meet someone who was truly open about it. MY SECRET was shared! and i loved that.
also, i love love the idea of possibly masturbating with a partner before having sex. i have never done it as possibly a ritual of intimacy that precedes the first time with someone. I LOVE THAT IDEA!!! because possibly a man (or woman) you’d be unwilling to masturbate with might be someone who intuitively might not be right for you, like maybe your sex organs would know better than your other parts who fits your total youness. i definitely would not masturbate with everyone. partly because i think if a man just jerked off in front of me and it wasn’t beautiful i’d feel sad. because it’s not like a utility, you know. i mean what you do alone for yourself, how you do it is such a sign of how you really feel about yourself. so i’d have to have the feeling he was really an artist with his business! hahaha! i am so weird sometimes. but that is what i thought.
always good things to think about surrounding mr. francis, even if sometimes it is confronting on the deepest levels. 🙂
be well
bess
Bess! Reading your post, I have to say, you are the best walking advertisement for Scorpio motherhood I have ever seen! I am amazed and humbled!
Thank YOU!
Myst
i may be a little polyanna but i love masturbation. even when i am in a relationship. i think it keeps the sexual energy really flowing. and it takes some of the pressure off having to perform during sex and getting just really into the joy of intercourse because you are satisfied orgasmically any way it turns out.
i have a thirteen year old. i knew he was masturbating (like a year or so ago) and i wanted to just let him know i did it all the time, and i have been since i was 11 or 12 and it’s really just normal and great. so i just began the dialogue that way, in the first person, my experience. it was so rad to see him smile and laugh and get just very free with it.
i also have a little boy who is turning 9 on the 20th. he still sleeps with me since his dad and i got divorced. i don’t masturbate in the bed…of course. and i sometimes want the bed back and i try a lot to ask him to start in his own bed, partly because the bed has become a mommy bed and not a sexual bed. it’s hard to attract any sexuality into it. arrggg. but anyway, he tells me when he is like his big brother and he starts having to do the big boy stuff, then he will have his own bed (or if i decide to have a boyfriend again…whichever comes first). oh well. small price to pay for his happiness. he is only little for the shortest period of time!
in our home, we see it as a right of passage, really. my older son sort of pats the little guy and says, you will get it when you get there. and it’s exciting. and cool. it feels so good. and it’s empowering. like doing yoga or running super fast or drawing a great picture or making delicious food. it’s the honey in life.
i actually came from a very traumatic sexual background as a child…but, for some reason, i feel just super happy and healthy about my body and sexuality and all sorts of stuff. i am not entirely sure i want to share my feeling of freedom with a live in mate or even have a regular lover right now…but i think that is also just a normal human thing. we have cycles of different kinds of relationships and it’s all okay.
also, i read about the young woman who o.d.-ed and i was reading about a young boy in this area who did as well. i homeschool and we really do not have tons of friends, so our experience is limited. but i can’t help but wonder if lots of healthy happy masturbation wouldn’t help a child refrain from all kinds of substitute experiences. (i am also a scorpio.) but…i dunno…i just think orgasms are a primer for being able to accept high life experiences that are natural. and so, from a young age learning how to pleasure yourself and bring that feeling through your self…i think it would help prevent certain addictive aspects. but those are just intuitive feelings i have. no technical evidence.
i wish everyone the best in these interesting times.
bess
Hey,
As an adult I have been abstinent for up to five years at a stretch, and am usually without a sexual partner. I get very emotionally attached and sexually bonded when I am sexual with a man (no matter how inappropriate he may be for a serious, mutually respectful and loving relationship), so I have learned that masturbation is a good crutch during my solo walk. It is not a substitute for partnered sex; for me it is more like diet sex, or the sexual equivalent of half-caf. Until I find a partner who wants to go the distance and merge on several different levels, it is best for me to handle my own needs.
aword,
While i cannot speak for others, i see it this way. If a community (in any sense of the word) can be a place where someone can express their pain safely and be accepted, can a space where one can safely express pleasure be far behind? The key is to accept each other’s need to express ourselves without judgement being the price of acceptance.
Wow…just sayin’….i feel a lot of judgement, rules, anger coming through on some of these posts.
Wonderin’ why we all aren’t just enjoying sex for ourselves and enjoying sex for how others enjoy it (unless of course that means exerting power or control over another.)
Miriam,
I always asked myself the same thing…why oh why is the kitchen next to the bathroom? ::::laughing:::: I envy dogs and cats….they can lick themselves.
I have four kids and I am bringing them up to see masturbation as the untimate “safe sex’ in this time of HIV-AIDS. Pregnancy is the LEAST of my worries….pregnancy doesn’t kill people (at least not that often) but AIDS DOES kill people and shorten their lives considerably.
I also have taught them that masturbation is something you do for yourself…like eating good food everyday for your health and because it tastes good. It is not a sinful inulgence but an affirmation of the self. In every other thing I have taught them, I have taught them to care for others but as the Hopi teach, balance is life and they must balance caring for others with caring for self. Masturbation is part of caring for self.
I just wish more parents taught their kids these things. Sexuality is such a loaded topic when it comes to kids. I wish more parents would “stop the wheel of karma” by NOT transferring the guilt they grew up with onto their kids.
Hi Miriam,
I am not suggesting that the only masturbation is shared masturbation, and there is no “rule” that says we have to do it together at the same time — we can witness one another, share stories, listen from another room, masturbate while a couple makes love — whatever. These kinds of experiences are better as experiments rather than as scripted events, and there are all kinds of ways to have fun; though any script would be best go as far as agreeing that masturbation is valued item on the menu. This IS a sexual orientation, as far as I can tell: there are people who understand masturbation and those who do not.
In these experiences, the feeling is what counts: that we honor one another’s relationship with ourselves; that relationship be explored as a space of honoring one another’s selflove and self respect.
As for being a lesbian because you watch or relate to yourself in a mirror, that is ridiculous given that lesbian is a social, political AND sexual identification. But then, most people don’t understand that; masturbation is still taboo as we see from the article above; and it’s possible to view all masturbation as homosexual activity. Homo means same, and one cannot get more same than oneself. Conversely, I think that hating oneself is at the core of most or even all homophobia. I think that this resistance to self is really what is at the root of narcissism.
However — I hear a hint of resentment in your words, that you might be “used for pleasure.” I wonder, isn’t that what sharing any form of sexuality is about? Even if it’s the pleasure of witnessing or appreciating someone?
If it is not nourishing for you to have someone present with you, then why do it at all?
Please fill me in.
e
Betty Dodson asked me to write something about masturbation and feminism for her website. Here’s what I came up with…
Here is why the masturbation issue is central to feminism, in my view. By feminism I mean relationships that have the potential to be sexually egalitarian, where people relate to one another as people and not as half a couple. It’s the kind of sex where everyone can take full responsibility for what happens.
Many women stick to men, including toxic men, because of a sexual bond. Yes for many it’s economic, but that’s not the driving force, usually; certainly not for getting into the relationship. More often it’s sex or some form of seeking an emotional palliative. Many girls, not knowing they have any option, have sex with boys and get pregnant, and that of course changes their life story irrevocably. When we think of pregnancy prevention, that’s usually some birth control method or abstinence, but generally not about a form of sex that does not create pregnancy.
Many women would embrace a form of feminism, but this implies a measure of independence from men, and that independence includes sexual independence. This can seem untenable. Independence has to be learned. For lesbians it’s a little easier; there’s somewhere to go. For heterosexual, questioning and bi women, masturbation becomes the sexual refuge and a place to be themselves sexually, without so much interference; and this is crucial to personality development and to getting to know oneself erotically; a place to choose your own experiences, and not have sex used against you in any way.
In order for women to be free, men need to cooperate; and this is an equation that many men could and would get behind, if they knew it existed or that women were willing. There has been a revolution among many men in the way they perceive female masturbation: as something sexually beautiful, and also reassuring in that there is implied independence.
I believe that masturbation can be relational. If we share masturbation, that can open a new dimension of both relating and of sexuality. This is a step or dimension we are skip in our erotic and emotional encounters, which is a relational aspect of selfloving. In many ways relational masturbation seems more open-hearted and communicative than the forms of sex that necessitate codependncy, using another person or taking risks we’re not ready for. Yet it’s risky in that many people describe it as more intimate than sex. So the thing to be ready for is closeness and acknowledgement.
Masturbating together can be a peak erotic experience, but it’s one that’s easier to liberate from domination by either party. Sex does not have to be negotiated consciously; usually, sharing masturbation is the result of a conscious choice.
Our sexual relationships often become narcissistic because we skip this phase and/or don’t have it available when we need it. So much of what happens in a relationship is learning how to relate to ourselves; and how to relate to others from a whole and centered place. Part of my sexual theory involves what, exactly, we need to do with the narcissism wound that is so pervasive and causes so much trouble. In a culture that teaches a kind of toxic self centeredness, we have to work this one out. The way we do that is by going beyond all the fear, shame, guilt and inhibition that we usually clutter around masturbation. On the other side of those toxic emotions are real feelings that we can explore and, if we want, share freely with outers.