By Carol Van Sturm

“Possessing the Neanderthal genome raises the possibility of bringing Neanderthals back to life. Dr. George Church, a leading genome researcher at the Harvard Medical School, said Thursday that a Neanderthal could be brought to life with present technology for about $30 million.”*

A few old-timers still remember the days when a single complete sentence was enough to cost a journalist’s job. The rest of us might recall the mid-century blowback, when an epidemic confusion of nouns with verbs was linked conclusively to atrophy of the amygdala and other judgment/discernment areas of the brain. A scramble to re-institute grammatical speech and writing in popular culture ensued, hindered by the dearth of teachers able to distinguish “text” from “write.”

One of the most effective programs in that era turned out to be a simple game show called “Storytelling 101.” Contestants were required to answer the question of the week with a story from their own experience or imagination; the only rule was that every sentence had to be grammatically correct. For the first few seasons, winners were few and far between, but as the show caught on, contestants boned up on their English and the audience became more and more savvy.

The popularity of “Storytelling 101,” I believe, was due primarily to the clever use of questions designed to expose the more embarrassing or ludicrous elements of human nature. The most popular question of all turned out to be “What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?” Contestants never seemed to run out of appalling, ridiculous or heartbreaking anecdotes about themselves. Today, long after the need for the program has faded, reruns continue to attract new audiences, who may wonder at contestants’ grammatical heroics, but recognize immediately the follies and fallacies of human nature. In that vein, the editors have collected here some favorite winners from the show.

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30-Million-Dollar Baby

My name is Rawley and if you want my age any closer than between two-score and three-score, you are out of luck.

The dumbest thing I ever did was to volunteer in a science experiment. It wasn’t called a science experiment, which probably sounded too low-grade. No, they called it research. Whatever it was called, it was a mistake, and I made the biggest, dumbest mistake of all.

Here’s what happened. I was in my early twenties and had no money for college. In those days, believe it or not, you had to pay to go to a college or university, and people would spend the rest of their lives trying to pay off the loans they took out to get a degree in economics or accounting. I did not like owing money to anyone, so I would waitress days and pole-dance nights for one term, to make enough for the next term. Then I saw this ad in the student paper, asking for volunteers in a long-term research project. The money offered was enough to pay for my entire university fees through grad school. If that was too good to be true, I thought I’d be able to tell. I was wrong.

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Unless you’re a climber or a geologist, rocks may not rank high on most people’s list of “things I’m looking for in a place to live.” But when you’re talking planets to live on, rocks are everything.

Earth is a rocky planet. Mars, Venus and Mercury, likewise. And if mankind is ever going to set foot on a planet circling another star, there will need to be something to set foot on. Well, rocksВ – specifically a rocky planetВ – are the best bet.

That’s why Wednesday’s announcement of the discovery earlier this year of Corot-7b is such a big deal. It’s the first rocky extrasolar planet discovered by astronomers, and orbits the star Corot, which is 500 light years away in the constellation Monoceros (the Unicorn).

Corot-7b is a hot rock, too. In fact, an article by AP writer Seth Borenstein notes the planet is so close to its star that the surface temperature is some 3,600 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s also fast, to the tune of 466,000 mph, orbiting its sun in 20 hours. That makes Mercury, our solar system’s speedster with an 88-day orbit, a tortoise by comparison.

But setting aside the hostile environment, Borenstein reports that this planet is “a major discovery in the field of trying to find life elsewhere in the universe,” according to Alan Boss of the Carnegie Institution, who wasn’t involved in the discovery.

An extrasolar planet is any planet that is discovered orbiting a start other than our Sun. The first such planet discovered, according to The Extrasolar Planets Encyclopedia, came in 1989. Its name is hardly poeticВ – HD114762b — but maybe you can call it “b” for short since the rest of that alphanumeric code is the identity of the star it circles. That’s astronomy for you, eh? Fortunately, its constellation has a lyrical name and an interesting association: Coma Berenices, or Berenice’s Hair.

According to Wikipedia, “Coma Berenices is one of the few constellations to owe its name to an historical figure, in this case Queen Berenice II of Egypt, wife of Ptolemy III Euergetes (fl. 246 BC–221 BC), the king under whom Alexandria became an important cultural center.” The article also attributes the “promotion” of Coma Berenices to a constellation to Tycho Brahe, an astronomer of the 16th and 17th centuries who also had a really fun idea about our solar system that, like so many other early theories, were undone by modern science.

Today’s Oracle takes us to the CAPRICORN – Monthly of Jun 20, 2007

Photo by Danielle Voirin.

Recent fireworks in a key relationship have done nothing to dampen your enthusiasm, but you need to keep careful track of your timing, and that of someone you care about. If you have not noticed, it’s been a rocky time for many couples, and if you’ll take a survey you’ll discover that most of the people involved don’t really understand what’s going on. That will inspire the curious and frustrate the thickheaded: choose your side of the brain. It seems that everything that unfolds in these days of our lives potentially resembles a relational soap opera, and it will be challenging not to get caught in the psychodrama. But how exactly can you avoid this? Yes, well, how about by going on fewer dates, taking a few long trips alone and not answering the telephone after 6 pm. Of course, you don’t want any part of that, so you may consider doubling your therapy schedule. Just remember, if you try to work it out in bed, do so consciously and moreover honestly — or you’ll be working it out for quite a while.

(The Daily Oracle is a random selection from one of 10,000 Eric Francis horoscopes. The Oracle is a divination tool like tarot cards, and also can be used to research any horoscope for the past 10 years. It is available to subscribers of Planet Waves Astrology News in all its working glory. This is a brilliant piece of programming combined with a full decade of Eric’s writing — when you have a question, it really works (as long as you’re sincere), and we know that you’ll love it. Sign up to discover how and why. Or enjoy one selection free here every day.)

United Nations headquarters in New York at dawn on Monday, where preparations were underway for a climate change summit to be attended by the leaders of more than 100 countries. Photo by Eric Francis

Today is the mighty Libra equinox, the first in which the Sun is exactly square Pluto in Capricorn, with both points precisely aspecting the Aries Point. Apropos of this astrology, leaders of more than 100 countries are convening at the United Nations today for a summit on climate change. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon convened the summit to focus heads of state and government on the need for urgent action, and to mobilize the highest level of political will needed to reach a fair, effective, and scientifically ambitious global climate deal at the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen this December.

International Herald Tribune cover from Saturday, Feb. 3, 2007, acknowledging climate change and Earth changes for the first time. The Bush administration issued a statement saying it would refuse to act on the problem. The administration is also seeking a quarter of a trillion dollars to fight the Iraq war for the next 18 months. Photo by Eric Francis.

There, it is hoped that governments around the world will agree to the first major climate treaty since Kyoto, which expires in 2012, and to which the United States under the Bush administration) refused to adhere. The December conference will occur under the influence of Saturn in Libra square Pluto, which is likely to highlight a sense of crisis and urgency for action (please see below for discussion of that aspect).

Time is running out for world leaders to take action on the issue of carbon emissions, which trap heat in the atmosphere. Events including the Asian tsunami of 2004 and hurricanes Rita and Katrina in 2005 helped tip public opinion in favor of understanding that climate change is real. In early 2007, a major report concluded that the damage we are doing to the environment could last more than a thousand years, which seems fairly short, given what is happening. Many kinds of extreme weather conditions, including a nonstop litany of news about droughts, flooding and unseasonable rains, are reminding us that the environment’s condition is fragile and it is indeed changing.

Currently, the issue faces a serious challenge: global temperatures have been stable for nearly a decade. Yet according to today’s New York Times, “Scientists say the last decade of climate stability — which follows a precipitous rise in average global temperatures in the 1990s — is a result of cyclical variations in ocean conditions and has no bearing on the long-term warming effects of greenhouse gases building up in the atmosphere. But trying to communicate such scientific nuances to the public — and to policy makers — can be frustrating, they say.”

The debate is mired in things like the the carbon emissions В trading market, which turns pollution control into a for-profit enterprise but doesn’t really solve the problem. And of course, developing nations generally find it most convenient to use gas and coal. Coal alone accounts for 40% of all carbon emissions. If you want to know how reckless existing industry is, see a film called Who Killed the Electric Car?

The world leaders meeting at the UN today really do have the power to make a difference. They can, if they are inspired to, set political and business interests aside and consider the fate of the Earth and its inhabitants — though often it seems like the minds of people who rise to power are not capable of that kind of thought. Their awareness can respond to our own. We are again poised at the moment when choice is possible.

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Dear Friend and Reader:

As of Sept. 29, Mercury will be direct after its retrograde in Libra and Virgo, but now something more momentous is happening involving those two signs. Saturn comes into the spotlight. This truly significant planet ingresses Libra at the end of the month, aligning precisely with Pluto in Capricorn as it does so, for the first time since the stunning opposition of 2001/2002. This is a get-serious turning point. It would seem we have some growing up to do; some reassessment of our relationship to one another, to society and moreover to ourselves. We are the ones who are ultimately faced with the responsibility of structuring our lives. Yet there is something larger going on, which is our relationship to our community, on any level you want to define that term. It is people who design the society we live in, and while we may feel we have exceedingly little influence over the course of events, it’s also true that most people exert little of the influence we actually do have. As the events of late October and November unfold, we will be faced with a choice: do we respond with fear or with a sense of mission? Do we retreat in the face of a challenge, or do we advance and commit ourselves to progress? How we respond is a test of what we truly believe — something that can authentically be described as a spiritual test.

Yours & truly,

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Today’s Oracle takes us to the GEMINI – Monthly of Feb 05, 2007

Photo by Danielle Voirin.

How smart are you? Are you really, really smart? Or really, really, really smart? How do you know how smart you are? Plenty of idiots think they’re geniuses. Then they have kids, and pass on this wonderful trait. If you devise an objective way of assessing your own intelligence, you’ll be pleasantly surprised, and may even remember to call back the guy who keeps offering you that awesome job.

(The Daily Oracle is a random selection from one of 10,000 Eric Francis horoscopes. The Oracle is a divination tool like tarot cards, and also can be used to research any horoscope for the past 10 years. It is available to subscribers of Planet Waves Astrology News in all its working glory. This is a brilliant piece of programming combined with a full decade of Eric’s writing — when you have a question, it really works (as long as you’re sincere), and we know that you’ll love it. Sign up to discover how and why. Or enjoy one selection free here every day.)

Photo by Eric Francis / Planet Waves

Yes Men Jacques Servin and Igor Vamos, both university professors, pose with their imposter-edition of the New York Post outside the United Nations on Monday morning. Copies of the edition were given to people attending the international climate change summit that opens tomorrow, as well as to New Yorkers all over the city.

Photo by Eric Francis / Planet Waves

Yes Man Andy Bichlbaum (Jacques Servin) sends out a news release announcing the New York Post stunt to 80,000 recipients outside the United Nations — logged into the an unsecured network called “UN World Headquarters” that was available from the street. Meanwhile, all around us, hundreds of police and Secret Service attempted to secure the area, apparently from anything other than infiltration of the network. Everyone seemed to agree — especially the people with swipe-cards — the UN is a little disorganized.

Photo by Eric Francis / Planet Waves

Yes Men Ben and Ben work the side entrance to Grand Central Terminal on Manhattan’s East Side as morning commuters begin to trickle into the city. They offered passers-by “free copies of the New York Post” without mentioning that it was a fake. More than 2,000 people volunteered to distribute the newspapers in an elaborately organized online and on the ground operation. If an area was short on volunteers, Jacques would send out a “textcast” and they would mysteriously appear in the stated location.

Photo by Eric Francis / Planet Waves

Tourists in the queue for studio audience at Good Morning America in Times Square don’t know what to make of a the fake New York Post created by the Yes Men. The newspaper reveals an actual City of New York expert study warning of dire consequences if climate change is allowed to continue. Organizer Andy Bichlbaum (Jacques Servin) of the Yes Men said the edition was fact checked many times, and that headlines such as “Pentagon top brass warn: act now, or pay later with lives” were accurate statements of news unreported by the real Post and other media. About 100,000 copies of the edition went out in midtown Manhattan, at the United Nations, at major train terminals, in the Wall Street Area and at other locations on Monday.

В Photo by Eric Francis / Planet Waves.

Meeting at 4 am at the Empire State Building, the first wave of distribution was intended for morning show television producers on the way to work. When I arrived, none of the 20 or so people gathered had a clue what they would be distributing; then organizers arrived with a carload of fake “special editions” of the New York Post and basic instructions for what to do. They were taken to a variety of studios and media offices that are located in the area, such as Good Morning America, as well as the New York Daily News and the Associated Press. Even New York City is pretty quiet that time of morning — the idea was to get the newspaper into the hands of people who would be covering the Climate Change Summit that was warming up at the United Nations. The contents of the Yes Men’s edition of the Post were factual and researched; it was not actually a parody in the true sense but impostering, in the Yes Men tradition. In other words, an authentic fake, with a message.