Editor’s Note: The following article is a satirical work of fiction, meaning that it’s a joke. I have never actually met Mary Trammell, to the best of my knowledge Planet Waves has no connections to the Christian Science Monitor, and they never said that ‘Spaciness is next to Godliness.” I did. –RA
Dear Friend and Reader,
After reading The Christian Science Monitor’s high-publicity coverage ofВ The Christian Science Monitor’s shift from the age of paper to the age of “the tubes,” as Senator Ted Stevens describes it, I im-ed Mary Trammel immediately (we met at Meow Mix in NYC a few years ago while conducting “research”).
Trammell, editor in chief of The Christian Science Publishing Society and a member of the Christian Science Board of Directors, said that “journalism that seeks to bless humanity, not injure, and that shines light on the world’s challenges in an effort to seek solutions, is at the center of Mary Baker Eddy’s vision for The Monitor.”
“The method of delivery and format are secondary” and need to be adjusted, given Mrs. Eddy’s call to keep the Monitor “abreast of the times. Ha! I said abreast. Get it? Lord, forgive me.”
She added, “we’ve been following what we call ‘The Planet Waves model’ for some time now, studying closely the positive, encouraging spin on their articles. The way they use the blog as a daily news source and Planet Waves Astrology News as a more comprehensive, weekly edition has been a source of inspiration for us.”
Though Planet Waves has some “inappropriate, un-Christian, heathen tendencies” (Trammell cited a recent article by Genevieve Salerno on Satan as an example), she was willing to accept that “we both look at the heavens for guidance. Also, off the record, you guys are awesome! I live forВ my weekly and monthly horoscopes. Did you read the Eriscope for Libra this month? LOL!!!”
Trammell directed me to a video on their website for further information, whereВ Editor John Yemma and Managing Publisher Jonathan Wells interview themselves about the coming changes and the thought process behind this big shift: The Monitor will be the first nationally-circulated newspaper to switch from print to online publication.
The discussion/interview takes place as they float rather gently in space, believing that recording the video “closer to God” would allow their prayers to reach Him “before anyone on Earth,” demonstrating that both their proximity and extra effort would ensure their success in this difficult transition from paper, and would “virtually prove that God loves us most. Spaciness is next to Godliness,” Yemma concluded.
The Monitor’s transition from paper to the world wide web will take place in April 2009.
Yours & truly,
I appreciate the fun; would like to note that the Christian Science Monitor is a well-respected paper and is not generally regarded as um, fodder for “Bible-thumpers”.
( just to distinguish it from the 700Club Golden Bull we were looking at yesterday )
I suspect most of it’s readers would NOT be offended by the use of the word “breast” (and would probably laugh politely at the blog.)
xo