Proposition 8: Two Different Worlds

Editor’s Note: The following article was written for Daily Astrology and Adventure in October, when I analyzed the philosophy behind the gay marriage debate. I’d like to revisit the topic tonight, as tomorrow morning in California, the Proposition 8 hearings will be held. It’s difficult and frustrating for both sides to understand each other, and part of this is because of how we prioritize morals and values. In the article below, I examine this divide, and have a look at what we’re really fighting over in the debate over marriage equality. –RAВ

Dear Friend and Reader,

Last night, I watched a talk about the battle between good and evil, and it had nothing to do with Star Wars. It was about the differences between Republicans and Democrats, conservatives and liberals, exploring what that essential thing is that divides us.

Conveniently, psychologist Jonathan Haidt provides us with a fairly simple answer. There are five primary moral issues that are innate to all humanity, across all cultures, and while conservatives prioritize all five of them, liberals only find two to be highly important.

The five are: harm/care, fairness/reciprocity, ingroup/loyalty, authority/respect and purity/sanctity. Liberals only find the first two issues to be important, and this is the primary aspect that divides us. Conservatives care about tradition, order, history. Liberals care about equality, open-mindedness, change.

When we’re confronted with these basic differences in how our minds order things, it’s easy to see why the opposing mentalities butt heads. If you’re in favor of gay marriage, for example, because you believe that the LGBT community should have the same rights as everyone else, you’re arguing in favor of fairness/reciprocity: we’re all in this together, we have to help those that are underprivileged.

Also, you may say that the lack of marriage rights is harmful to gay couples: they aren’t guaranteed rights to make emergency decisions, child care rights or even the rights to inherit their homes if a partner dies. This is a harm/care position. If these are your debate points, you’re a liberal.

But the fairness angle doesn’t work with a conservative, because ingroup/loyalty is a factor: I’m straight, I have to take care of my own first, as is authority: my church and my government say gay marriage is bad, and I have to defer to their judgement and purity: this is the official word of god, and marriage law was originally created for the union between a man and a woman.

We’re working on two different planes, parallel lines that could stretch to the Moon and back without meeting.

Haidt describes the opposing forces as complimentary, like Yin and Yang, balancing each other out and preventing us (ideally) from complete chaos or well, you know, fascism.

So today I’m putting on my Dalai Lama costume, and I’m trying to understand those freaks in California that have been praying for Proposition 8, to overturn gay marriage. And on hold for another day, I’ve got a bone to pick with South Dakota and their modified abortion ban that’s up for a re-vote. (Sorry, sorry: I’ve barely started and I’ve already lost my objectivity.)

The first thing that came to mind when I read this picture’s caption in The LA Times (see: left) was repression. How many of these kids, my peers, hate themselves because they’re gay? Why are they praying day and night, giving up their lives to fast and live in communes in DC and San Francisco, to ban gay marriage?

Are my mom’s friends, who have shared a house in Connecticut together for 25 years, the worst thing that’s happened to society since birth control pills? I suppose they left a fair-sized carbon footprint from all those plane rides to interesting travel destinations (you should see their pictures from Romania), but I’m guessing that’s not the issue.

Resisting temptation is an essential tenet of Christianity, and particularly of this group. They don’t wait until Lent to give up sweets and their favorite TV shows, they do it for a cause. Many of them are on all-liquid diets until Proposition 8 is voted for on Nov. 4, and their biggest treat is piling into a van and heading to the local Jamba Juice.

I’ve never felt so important in my life, and that includes my Bat Mitzvah and all three graduations. People are so worried I might gain equality, they won’t even eat.

The foundation of all this conflict is purity. The LGBT community cares about personal freedom, the right to be who we are, to accept our identities and desires. Plus, we eat food. Come to think of it, I’ve seen all of my queer friends eat food. Conspiracy?

Seriously though, this issue of fasting, repression and prayer against gay marriage fits in with the notion of purity and resistance. The more we hold back, the tighter we squeeze ourselves, the more god will reward us.

So if you’re trying to play by the rules, and you’ve squished yourself in nice and tight: so tight your neck hurts and your back is bent, until you’re stomach is growling from all the fasting and you’re smushed next to that boy that makes you feel all funny, and you have to shoot the pain in your body and the desires in your mind straight out so there’s room for god, you’d be pretty upset to see all these happy queers, kissing in public and marrying and breaking the rules. You’d be on the warpath. (Or, in this case, the prayerpath.)

Considering this problem of religious conservatives being tightly wound, it’s hard to pose the idea to “live and let live.” It worked for trench warfare, but it doesn’t work for this.

It’s an interesting question, how to reconcile two staunchly opposed camps. Both Barack Obama and John McCain are dealing with it by leaving gay marriage up for each state to decide. This makes sense, until you realize that there are certain federal rights that married couples enjoy (like immigration) that can’t be addressed with state legislation. If they could, my Irish girlfriend and I would have moved to Massachusetts already.

There was one thing Haidt mentioned that made me raise an eyebrow: the threat of punishment. He mentioned an experiment that was conducted online, where individuals play a game for money. In the end, they have the option of putting half their winnings in the pot, which then gets divided evenly to all the players.

Initially, there was a high level of cooperation, but this decreased as people realized others weren’t putting in as much of their winnings. Later, moderators changed the rules: if you put in 50%, those that refrain will be punished. Cooperation skyrocketed.

As an aside, this reminds me of Barack Obama’s health care plan. To encourage parents to cover their children (with a low-cost plan), they are threatened with a fine which will go to hospital emergency rooms and other places where uninsured children are taken in emergencies that could have been prevented (like getting proper treatment for asthma).

If you don’t cooperate, you will be punished. But really, it’s for the good of your children, and to help the ER deal with real emergencies.

The LGBT community doesn’t follow the rules: we go against the “word of god” and the original, historical intention of marriage law. But we don’t get punished, not in this lifetime anyway. And without the satisfaction of watching us suffer, the best the Christian Right can do is take our rights away or prevent us from getting them in the first place. They want us to be punished, and they want to watch.

Perhaps, then, the only way to reconcile our differences and still gain equality is through symbolic suffering. Maybe, before we get married, there should be a law requiring us to self-flagellate in front of 10 evangelicals (for those of you out there who aren’t Jewish, that was a mediocre joke about the amount of adult Jews required to hold a service. The 10 person minimum is called a “minion.”).

Or maybe we should walk past them on the way to the alter and avert our eyes and shake our heads, saying “I know, I know…”

Because it’s not the answer to just call them stupid conservatives, or hicks or just plain crazy. They’re on (what they believe to be) a mission from god, or the greater good or whatever it is they’re rationalizing with these days.

While I joke about the self-flagellation, there is a tenet of truth to it: everyone thinks they’re right, and no one likes to see their cause lost. Perhaps it’s the least we can do, pay homage in some way to their outdated and bigoted beliefs. You can always cross your fingers behind your back.

Yours & truly,