Editor’s Note: Today we are introducing a new contributor to Daily Astrology & Adventure, named Shanna Philipson. I won’t try to describe her writing; but she is doing something with astrology, casting it in her own unique light. Welcome Shanna. — Eric Francis
Dear Friend and Reader,
There’s a problem with yer-anus!
Sorry to pull out my third grade humor on you, but around here that’s how they say it.
Yer-ayyyyy-nus! None of that dignified Ivy League tea and crumpets ur-ah-nus for us. No, I live in the South and we’re pretty much the anus type in these parts.
We also like our astrology neatly buried in the back of the local indie paper where it’s read in private, in the john, even at the funky independent local coffee house. I know this because, while I never see anyone openly reading the weekly horoscopes, they do keep showing up in the bathroom of my coffee house–always on the little table next to the spare toilet paper rolls.
I don’t know who does this, but I imagine a church-going, middle-aged mother of three who, ashamed of her addiction to Rob Brezney, must satisfy her curiosity about her weekly destiny in the quiet confines of the women’s room. All this sneaking around shouldn’t surprise me. The South, sadly, lives up to its reputation for repressive conservatism: we do a lot of things in bathrooms we would never admit to our coffee buddies. But I got a strong suspicion we’re not much different than most of America.
Which is why there’s still a problem with Ur, uhm…anus. And no one wants to know about it. Or rather, if they did know about it I’m pretty sure they’d get up a petition and campaign to demote Uranus from planet status like poor ol’ Pluto. Why? Because yer-ayyyy-nus is about to start a revolution.
Or rather, a reformation. On the eve of the Saturn-Uranus opposition, it’s important, I think, that we not forget Reformation Day. If you haven’t been to church in a while, or if you come from a non-Protestant background, you may not be familiar with Reformation Day. It comes each Oct. 31st and it marks the day Martin Luther nailed his 99 Theses to the door of Wittenberg Church.
Yes, Oct. 31, 1517 all hell (or heaven, depending on your position) broke loose on the Official Church. And Luther precipitated a true Scorpionic transformation that hinged on death — what later became the 30 Years War and the death of many, but was initially built upon the objection that the Church could buy and sell indulgences like lottery tickets or Get-Out-of-Hell-At-A-Price cards.
All Saints’ Day, as the Roman Catholic Church calls it, was back then a true 8th house head-trip. All Saint’s Day was the one day of the year where, if you could get to a church and press your way past the sea of smelly peasants and then merely glimpse the bones of a dead saint, you could negotiate the terms of your time in purgatory — for free.
Doing business with Death with the relics of death — how much more Scorpionic is that? It was on this day that Luther used this official chaos to declare his objections on the public bulletin boards that were the church doors. Anyone with an basic education in Latin would be free to read his declaration. Turns out, lots of folks had basic Latin.
With a psychologically compelling mess of an election ahead of us (politics is getting out of hell for a price), the unusual Saturn-Uranus opposition beginning, and the once in a lifetime advent of Pluto into Capricorn, I think this Scorpionic Reformation Day is particularly auspicious. So I’m going to propose my own thesis. I don’t have time (and you wouldn’t have the patience) for 95, so I’ll satisfy myself with just one.
So here’s my declaration:
Astrology isn’t sinful — or weird. So stop reading it in the john. Stop reading it on your laptop when you think no one is looking. Stop blushing when you try to share something you read at Planet Waves. Come out, I say! Declare yourself.
It’s just a language, folks. Okay, it may be a lot of other things to other people, but at heart, it’s just a different language we need to express the human experience. Yes, we need it. Just as we need trees, and flowers, and streams and purple mountains’ majesty, we need the planets and the stars and nebulas and a Galactic Center to describe and enjoy our life here on earth.
An old songwriter once said it this way:
The heavens declare the glory of G-d,
The skies proclaim the works of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
Night after night they display their knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world.
The skies speak to everyone — everywhere. But for too long you and I have looked away and buried our noses in the alternate proof-texts of our lives — the statistical data, the spreadsheets, the social-networking pages, the TV docu-dramas, the mail-order catalogues that consume our ideas of what “real.”
It’s time we looked up and out. The heavens declare the glory of God, man. Whatever you call God, or Goddess or the spirit of Humanity.
Happy Reformation Day.
Yours & truly,
Shana Philipson
here we go:
http://www.memphisflyer.com/memphis/Content?oid=oid%3A50985
Letter From the Editor October 29th, 2008
It’s been a difficult week around here. Due to a glitch in the classifieds department, Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology and The New York Times crossword puzzle were left out of last week’s Flyer. I received many e-mails about this horrific screwup. Angry voicemails were left on my phone.
The lesson: Do not mess with people’s star signs, and do not leave puzzle addicts without their fix.
As a public service, let me fill in some of what you missed.
Aries: If you had reduced “the hostility, combativeness, and judgmental ire that you personally generate, you would have been far more likely to navigate your way toward prosperity” last week. In other words, calm the hell down, Sparky.
Taurus: There was “a rare opposition between Saturn and Uranus.” This could involve rings around Uranus. I dunno.
Gemini: Last week, you were supposed to “create a royal crown for yourself out of a shower cap, rubber bands, and light bulbs.” It’s not too late. Just do it, and send me a picture.
Cancer: You were supposed to “fantasize about all the paths you will never take and put it in writing.” This is called a blog. Don’t send me the URL to yours.
Leo: You have the same sign as Barack Obama. Big deal.
Virgo: The planet Uranus came into play for you last week. I repeat: Uranus is in play.
Libra: Last week, Rob suggested that you “run along the tops of cars during a traffic jam, escaping from bad guys as you make your way to a helicopter that takes you to a spot hovering over an erupting volcano, into which you drop the Buns of Steel video.” If you try this, please call me first. I want to watch.
Scorpio: Last week, you came to a fork in the road. I sure hope you made the right decision, ’cause, like, now it’s too late.
Sagittarius: “Every act of genius, Carl Jung said, is an act contra naturam: against nature.” So, unless you performed some unnatural acts last week, basically, you screwed up.
Capricorn: “Uranus … disturbs our sleep in order to wake us up and energizes us to reinvent ourselves on the fly.” Hey, if it’s got “Uranus” in it, it’s comedy gold.
Aquarius: “Be nothing more and nothing less than who you actually are.” Which is boring.
Pisces: “Uranus symbolizes your instinct for freedom.” ‘Nuff said. I’m starting to feel like Tim Sampson.
Now, a little something for you puzzleheads: 15 Down, a six-letter word for “distant planet.” The stars are aligned, my friends. Bruce VanWyngarden
brucev@memphisflyer.com
Beautiful! thank you Lorin! Bust it out when it revives!
The stars ARE damned funky eh?!?
Good times, as tricky as they may be!!
Love
Too funny. The local free paper, which runs the Breszney column, accidentally left it out last week. The letter from the editor in this week’s paper is a whole rundown on what transpired in each horoscope, with copious mention of Uranus.
I will post it as soon as the online version goes life. The stars are aligned, indeed.
Nicely written. I’d read Rob Brezney openly if he were available here in my mid-sized Mid-Atlantic city. I really haven’t paid any attention to how astrology is viewed in my area. Mostly we are a town of liberal retired military (conservative military retires further south) and the sailing crowd. I suspect if you brought up astrology at a cocktail party you’d get some confused looks, but a willingness to make polite conversation. In fact, I think the last time astrology got any attention here was when Nancy Reagan was laughed at for having an astrologer. But you have raised a good question – I’ll have to start paying more attention to what I find in the bathrooms around here. Looking forward to more posts.
Shana, thanks, fuck that southern backwoods B.S.. You have every right to be you, and too do you in any capacity you see fit. I’ve stared the look of derision down, they’re a pathetic bunch. Your power will overcome. The openess, if not entirely righteousness (and possibly there of), will be enough to transcend the garbage that is ignorantly thrown your way. Please continue your personality… It’s beautiful!
Love
Jere
I love what you have to say Shanna, about astrology vs the “alternate proof-texts of our lives.” What a great line.
I recently had a conversation with a man I didn’t know well (Ok, it was the first telephone contact w/ an online dating guy). His profile stated he didn’t beleive in astrology, but hey, silly me, I mentioned we were the same sign (I had deduced this from other info he gave me). At which point he began a lengthy rant about Rational vs Irrational… on and on, putting God in the irrational column along with astrology and everything else. A true Cartesian. All I could say was… isn’t there another choice? but he heard me not.
You have answered that so beautifully Shanna: “… it’s just a different language. Yes… we need the planets and the stars and nebulas and a Galactic Center to describe and enjoy our life here on earth.”
Yes, perhaps astrology, like mythology and poetry, is the third thing… something apart from the dualities and polarities. Bravo Shanna!!!!
Thanks, folks! I do appreciate the welcome.
Yes, I think astrology will forever be considered a peripheral subject in the area of human psychology, but my heart wishes otherwise. It makes no sense that we value and place our faith in unpredictable and crazy things like stock markets, but we fail to see the beauty, symbolism, and predictability in our solar system. Or that…oh, well. That’s a different article.
Hey, thanks for reading. Yes, I currently live in what I call “the not-quite-mid-south-west” town of Tulsa, Oklahoma. You can only imagine what folks think of astrology here! But for anyone who’s ready to step outside their metaphysical boxes, I’m here to represent.
Looking forward to the future here at PWAN. And a big thanks to Eric for the invite!
Reading the first draft of this piece, the thing that struck me was the description of people reading the horoscope in the bathroom. This never occurred to me, that horoscopes would be on the levels of sneaking a peek at porno. That line gave me pause…and while I think your writing is excellent, it was that one concept that grabbed my attention and clued me into how observant you are.
I went through a readjustment when I went from investigative reporter to astrologer; a lot of people stopped taking me as seriously. The ones who didn’t get over it didn’t; most others figured out that I’m doing the same thing no matter what; or that is the story I’ve made up.
As a Southerner, I must say that I just laughed so hard at this entry. Welcome, Shanna!
Thankfully (and at times, ruefully), I am one of those who does not hide my astrological connections. In fact, my friends have grown used to my constant commentary and I believe they now look forward to what they learn from me. It is so fun and so helpful to my understanding of life, I just cannot help but make it a regular part of my vocabulary.
Where are you, Shanna? I am in Memphis, the buckle of the Bible Belt, and I often find Breszney in the local coffee shop bathroom, hah!
I’m trained as a clinical psychologist and work out of an office with a library of books that has grown a bit out of control. My astrology books find themselves in a beautiful antique asian-inspired cabinet– a cabinet with closed doors! In honor of Shana’s initiation to Planetwaves’ Main Page, I will keep those doors open all week. And maybe my astrology books will find a new, more visible home within which to reside after the week is over– regardless of what many of my psychology colleagues would think 🙂 That’s Uranus energy– right?
Thx for the inspiration
– C