End of the World Scheduled for Friday

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Dear Friend and Reader:

Preparations are now underway for all things to end at 6:11 am EST on Friday, when 2012 actually happens.

Did the freaks who built this antiquated temple know something we didn't? That's the question as we prepare for The End.

Did the freaks who built this antiquated temple know something we didn’t? That’s the question as we prepare for The End.

Despite a number of recent setbacks, The End of the World was proceeding on schedule for Dec. 21, according to a long-standing plan previously known only to astrologers and people who ate a lot of mushrooms.

The original proposal was set in motion 1,871,995 days ago by a tiny cabal of shaggy-haired coca-chewing aborigines with mathematical skills eminently superior to other local savages and all future civilizations.

“Man, those guys could count,” said the late Terence McKenna, who first turned the world onto 12/21/12 in his 1974 book The Invisible Landscape, speaking via a CD left in a time capsule for this moment, which was recently dug up next to his old apartment in Hawaii.

“By the way, this whole thing was a joke. We actually put that writing on the stairs at Chichen Itza,” he said in the recording.

Corporations Prepare for the Worst

Despite this fact, as of press time, sources confirmed that the world was still Ending. Companies were proceeding with their preparations. Walt Disney Productions on Friday filed 70,456 lawsuits against U.S. and international media, claiming copyright infringement in all uses of the phrase, “The End of the World,” and various derivatives, such as “World Ending,” “It’s Over,” and “Oh, Well.”

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Eric Francis

About Eric Francis

Planet Waves began in 1998 as the home of the Eric Francis horoscope, a prominent feature in our premium service. Going far beyond what most Sun-sign astrologers even dream is possible, Eric brings in-depth interpretations to his work. He is a pioneer in the newly-discovered planets, including Chiron and the centaurs, and is able to translate their movements into accessible human terms, offering ideas for life, love and work. Discover a whole new world of literary journalism in Planet Waves. We offer free trial subscriptions, discounts for students and seniors, and gift subscriptions for veterans and those on active military duty.
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4 Responses to End of the World Scheduled for Friday

  1. KittyJ says:

    Bring it on, baby. As long as I have my Nutella, I’ll be OK.

  2. Geoff says:

    Pitch perfect, Eric, thank you. And now I realise why my local arts cinema is showing The Doors Live at the Bowl 1968 last thing Thursday night. They’re even more hip than I thought!

  3. hcohen says:

    Eric, this was such a fun article by you, it makes me wish the world were ending a bit more often.

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