BREAKING: Dick Cheney Has Change of Heart, Admits to 9/11

In his first news conference since his heart was replaced one week ago, former Vice President Dick Cheney announced Saturday that he regretted his “extensive” role in the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 — and the subsequent coverup.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney said that “knowing the truth would be good for the country.” Photo: AP.

“It was a terrible, terrible thing to do,” said Cheney, speaking in the lobby of Bethesda Cardiac Unit in Maryland, the nation’s most prestigious heart center. Reporters, his transplant team and members of his family crowded around Cheney, who served for eight years under President George W. Bush.

“Looking back, I can’t believe Karl and I actually did that,” he added, referring to former White House staff member and Republican strategist Karl Rove.

“There are a lot of ways to start wars. I don’t know why we had to kill so many Jewish people,” he explained. As reporters shouted their questions, Cheney raised his hand and said, “I am sorry, this is very difficult. I don’t have that much more to say. I just needed to get this off my chest.”

Cheney said that he planned the attacks so that the United States could get a permanent military presence in the Middle East, and have access to Iraq’s largely untapped oil reserves, the third largest in the world. “I can’t believe people didn’t put this together,” he said, “especially since we outlined the plan publicly in 1998. Even if people trusted me, I take responsibility for lying. It just wasn’t right.”

He said that it was Rove who came up with the date of Sept. 11, which translates to 9-11, “so that people would reminded of it as long as they lived, every time they see an ambulance or police car. It was very clever marketing. Karl is good that way,” Cheney said chuckling. “But it’s not funny. Sorry,” he added.

Settling much speculation, he said: “I regret that we were aware that the date commemorates the CIA coup of Chile in 1973, but that was not intentional. It was in very bad taste.”

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16 Responses to BREAKING: Dick Cheney Has Change of Heart, Admits to 9/11

  1. jmach says:

    An April Fool hoax…but, not far from truth: Larry, Donny and Dick dunnit .. and, you betcha, three buildings were pre-set with demolition materials…you should have heard
    the conference call between the perps when the plane did not show to strike WTC 7,
    which was later demolished anyway…and which Fox Noise reported down 3 minutes
    before it was .. and BBC beat them to it .. announcing its total collapse 26 minutes
    early ……..((the plane was shot down in PA))
    … 11 seconds for the tower collapses .. official .. violates Sir Isaac Newton’s
    laws of gravity …… and, that’s a no-no..

    Congrats to the author…but, when will most of America wake up??

  2. Richard says:

    How ironic, Cheney, whom many considered the “coldest heart in America”, after watching his actions during his eight year term as vice president, becomes a human being with a new outlook on life in this…, a major year of change.

    There are those, as always, who will come forward to deny his words in order to continue “the cover up” even further, when the devastation of 9-11 has been so evident in the hearts and minds of those who are awake, and have chosen not to live under the conspirators’ “blanket of fear”, which is continually imposed.

    And those denying Cheney’s spoken words and actions are those persons who may eventually come to justice for their actions concerning these crimes against Humanity, including those in the press, media and large corporations, who steadily imposing various forms of control on the people of America and their thinking.

  3. KittyJ says:

    From your lips to God(dess)’s ears.

  4. Marguerite says:

    Just came home from working all weekend and checked out this post-and was completely blown away for several paragraphs. Eric, you have tugged cruelly at the heartstrings of hope, but you are so very clever too. Wish it was all true.

  5. Kelly says:

    Almost was going to add it in as a status update on FB ..

  6. marymack says:

    Awesome!! we fools can dream.
    m.

  7. Eris67 says:

    Honestly I walked out of the house this morning saying…What? Cheese and Rice…can’t friggin believe it, I’ve been under anesthesia once or twice so I know what that truth serum is all about!!
    well….just sayin. Thank you

    Peace and Love

  8. PetitHibou72 PetitHibou72 says:

    Eric, you pill!! I am naturally quite gullible, and hit refresh on the PW page (that is never closed on my phone) every night before head hits pillow. Therefore did not make the 4/1 connection AT ALL. Man, you had me going overnight. Kudos.

  9. pam says:

    Mega wow Eric. Inspired!

  10. charlotteblom says:

    :)

  11. stormilarue stormilarue says:

    HA! truth in bizarro world.

  12. Hugging Scorpio says:

    umm, Eric. I just spit up my coffee all over my screen. Nice.
    ;)

  13. gwind gwind says:

    Glad to see more and more folks joining our alternative universe.

    What a hoot! I can hear Chris Mathews reporting it…”Dick ChEEEney has change of HEART!”

  14. Dianae Dianae says:

    I know an April Fool’s article is a tradition with you but Damn, that’s a good one!

  15. aprilius52 says:

    Happy Holiday to you too!

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