The man who told his story last night about battling cancer, twenty years ago when he was 31 and still feeling indestructible, described his Zen moment of insight as he drove to the public library to research everything he possibly could about his condition:
“I realized, in that moment, that there is nothing to worry about; that all those things we spend time worrying about do not matter — that we’re not these personae we think we are. We just put on these uniforms for this inning of the game.”
He went on to describe asking a psychologist friend if he’d always be able to remember that truth; the friend replied, “No, you’ll forget. You’ll go back to being your usual self. The trick is to try and remember it just once in a while and be kind to people.”
There is something about that anecdote that resonates with today’s square between the Sun and Pluto, as well as Mercury entering shadow phase, which is the initial overtures of its Scorpio retrograde period.
The Mercury retrograde connection may be the most obvious. Every time Mercury does its retrograde dance, we’re afforded access to layers of inner awareness that are less apparent when our mind (and its planetary symbol) is rushing forward, focused on externals. If you can get past the travel SNAFUS and mixed communications and electronic glitches, Mercury retrogrades can offer profound insights.
During the shadow phase, we can sometimes get a subtle preview of the material to come — or, at least, a sense of the general landscape. Eric and Len often call it ‘an echo from the future’.
The trick is to remember whatever magical “A-ha” you’ve experienced once Mercury stations direct — particularly once it finishes its post-retrograde shadow phase. Once Mercury leaves the section of zodiac it just traveled through three times (twice forward, once backward), the lessons it held can get a little hazy in the review mirror. There’s ground to be made up, and it’s new and exciting and now.
The connection between that man’s story and Sun-Pluto is a little less obvious, but I think it goes something like this: There is an arrogant side to Sun square Pluto, as described by Isabel Hickey; a tendency to be ruthless with our fellow human beings and willful (witness the current game of chicken in the U.S. government). When the Sun squares Pluto, there is a need to “go deep” (as in, deep within yourself) to regenerate negative attitudes, which result from a resistance to change.
Resistance to change is usually a fear-based reaction. It’s the fear of the unknown; ultimately, it translates to a fear of that ultimate unknown: death. Any kind of surrender can tap into ‘the ultimate surrender’ — and Western culture doesn’t do ‘surrender’ well. It’s obsessed with controlling everything from one’s image on social media to whether the worms can get at one’s body through the casket.
A square, however, asks us for action. The traditional take on Sun square Pluto is that the Sun is pushing to maintain ‘self’, while Pluto is asking for surrender and transformation.
Is it possible to allow your ‘self’, represented by the Libra Sun, to re-frame the idea of balance or equilibrium to mean something other than ‘status quo’, and therefore not lock horns with Pluto in what feels like a life-or-death ultimatum?
If we occupy that still point at the center of the scales, is it possible to maintain a sense of self that is based on something other than ‘willful resistance to change’ or ‘fear’? As in, a sense of self that can surrender, because it knows that transformation is not anything to worry about, it’s just another inning in the game?
It’s all easier said than done, of course, and mixed in is a clear imperative to engage with the process. ‘Surrender’ is not ‘apathy’. But Mercury entered Scorpio, the sign of sex, death and transformation yesterday. Let’s see what secrets it offers up.
We don’t all face tigers, aword … or maybe we do but they’re dressed like mates or bosses or illnesses — or fathers. My Dad’s been gone two years now but I still speak to him often, dream of him. For you particularly, my love, “all the world’s a stage and men and women merely players” should resonate when dealing with all this, it’s helpful to remember that you and he — so they say — selected your parts in order to fulfill your own Karmic roles and take from them what you needed to learn. Getting a sense of how each of our powerful Higher Selves is directing the play has always been comforting to me in times like these.
The parental issues are tough nuts to crack, seems like. We all have unresolved stuff and when the time comes to pass out of this world, one … often both … just isn’t ready. And while the parent/child relationship is so frighteningly personal, there is still so little that is personal reflected in what we meet out there in the world. Until we can find our authentic voice, we spend most of our time just talking to ourselves, listening for some hint of our true emotions.
I try to remember that when I’m in conflict with anyone. So little of what’s going on is about me, so little of my response is about them. Among ACIM’s very first affirmations is “I am never upset for the reason I think.” As Scorp goes retro and gives us some digging time, that’s a good one to remember as well.
My heart goes out to you too, P. Sophia. So hard, the dementia. The little piece I try to keep in mind when I’ve had to deal with this issue is Edgar Cayce’s commentary that dementia isn’t as hard on the person — who is busy re-creating their reality, liberated from their absolutes — as it is the witnesses.
I send you and Aword, both, Light Light Light to flood your hearts and lift you high! And thanks, Amanda, for another excellent post.
Aword, P Sophia, my thoughts are with you both (((())))
awordedgewise:
I am very sorry to hear about your Father and how this must feel for you. My Father is similarly going through a time of transition and the unknown. We all feel a great emotional loss of my Mother whom is affected with the progression of Dementia in this last year.
As you say it is very much a time of testing of his Faith. But I am keeping central, what God is working on is more than we can sometimes comprehend and always draws one close.
Thank you for your words aword, I am also working on pulling through compassion, patience and understanding towards offering light to the past, in the present, and holding open space to beyond what I can truly know. There, I believe peaks a blessing of harmony shining through. In my heart I send out to you.
Amanda, this is a wonderfully sensitive and articulate post. Thank you so much.
It has recently come to light that my father is facing death square on (prostrate cancer moved to the spine). For him this is a time of fear, and the double-whammy is that his fear tests his faith. For me, this is a time to find as much compassion and patience as possible.
Surely the fear of the unknown is our greatest fear whether it be death or otherwise. I am grateful for this Merc Rx as it offers an opportunity to reflect and embrace inevitable change.
Jude: I just caught the end of “Life of Pi”. Had read the book, but not seen the movie. Had to lol then at your post! – some movies (stories) are larger than life 🙂
Thanks, Amanda.
Looks like mercury retrograde season is going to be very interesting!
i’ve just noticed that comments with a single URL were being held in moderation all day on WordPress. i’ve just asked anatoly about it — it used to be that *more* than one URL would get a comment held in moderation, so i’m guessing that a default setting got changed with an upgrade or something. sorry about that!
anatoly says it’s also possible that if someone comments with links quite often (especially if there is not much else to the comment), that the system may think you’re a spam-bot and block you.
Going through boxes, I found my button collection from the 80s the other day. One in particular has always provided a jolt, helped get my shoulders down from around my ears.
It sez, “Relax! It’s only a movie.”
I put it where I could see it every day. : )
Fear of death. Fear of life lived with passion. Fear of living as the true self.
Same thing.
Wake up and live!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6-6kN79oIA
It’s as if the fear of death emanated by the living locks the door so the dead can’t evolve. Maybe that’s why the hellfire lords of Babylon still seem to be in charge.
Sun is currently near my natal Pluto with Pluto currently near my natal Sun. Yeah, I grok what you said about Isabel Hickey: for me ruthlessness never seems to work. It always blows up in my face. Fear of change: it’s a vibe I came into the world with strengthened by my family. Letting it drop. Yes, death is ever present. Our fear of death drives us to surround ourselves with so much stuff when moving day comes we need trucks to move it all. Fear of death binds up the breath. Fear of death keeps us from quitting jobs and other relationships we hate. Fear of death is fear of life.
I’ve been enjoying a soft kind of death lately. When a stuck, frozen, standing wave reaction to the past melts it’s like an old frienemy dying. Fear of death keeps those reactions stuck. Surrender to death frees parts of me that have been in the closet since I was a kid, things that have been in the closet since my ancestors locked them up and proceeded to teach their children how to lock themselves in emotional prison from generation to generation amen. Fear of death is the primary vibration that has created hell on Earth for so many people for so long.
Thank you, Amanda, for this. Your note that “‘Surrender’ is not ‘apathy’” resonates strongly with a challenge I’ve been facing this week. Our egos are so determined to hang onto all the shit they’ve become comfortable with, I think one of the wrenches they throw into the mess is that surrender does mean we can no longer care. I’ve heard myself saying that a dozen times this week: “I don’t care anymore.” But that’s just not true. I care very much. What I’m letting go of is the responsibility to control outcomes I’ve never had one ounce of control over. I’m letting go of the need. The illusion.
To me, this Sun-Pluto square from my 2nd to 5th houses feels like an incredible surge of energy, begging me to transcend my limited view of my”self” — the one needing to hang onto every shred of what it “knows” for dear life, lest….something….happen. And to possibly expand my perspective to where I can value living the life I came here to live, simply for the fun of it.
“The recent Jupiter/Pluto opposition taught me that death is required for expansion. Surrender is a death, dying to what no longer serves, what we’ve outgrown, what we’re clinging to. Death to resistance itself.”
thank you for that reminder, divacarla.
… you can email me for the address for that check, but i should probably send you one in return.
😉
I am feeling some kind of transformation lately. I remember when Pluto squared my Sun several years ago and challenged my sense of self, so I can handle this shorter transit more easily. I also recognize that I may need to shift my thinking a bit. While I have mostly favored long-term goals in the political realm, I sometimes may have to accept short-term goals, for the sake of a job (I don’t have a full-time job yet, but this is something I have to think about). There is more solidarity among people in DC, who are upset at what is happening in Congress. Hopefully, more people will realize the importance of government in their daily lives.
I have noticed that I am experiencing delays in some activities I want to push forward as well, but I’ll take this time to reflect a bit as well, and hone my intellect.
I’m taking this post personally, Amanda. Sun sq Pluto is where I am today in my life. This is helpful today:
therefore not lock horns with Pluto in what feels like a life-or-death ultimatum?
for it shows me I have given myself an ultimatum. Ultimatums do not make healthy relationships ;o)
Human egos don’t do surrender well, and in the West we have built our house of cards on ego. I’m a student of surrender, though a terrible practitioner. The best I’ve come up with is that surrender is a BE not a DO, and the mind simply cannot understand it. That’s why humans so often have to be pulled, or pushed, into surrender by circumstances at last beyond our apparent control. In surrender one finds that stillpoint of the center, and all things become not just possible, but available.
Surrender does mean to lay down arms and stop fighting. Acceptance and allowing can finally be. The Sun, consciousness of Self, in square says act. It becomes a rebirth. Now that I have surrendered–died– who am I? and what will this new being choose? It’s taking the step off center to tip the scale, toward what? I get to decide. I get to create it. I may not have control, but I have power, and that power is the direction I choose to act.
The recent Jupiter/Pluto opposition taught me that death is required for expansion. Surrender is a death, dying to what no longer serves, what we’ve outgrown, what we’re clinging to. Death to resistance itself.
Natal Pluto sits right on my midheaven, where I am naked, visible, and perhaps effective in life. I’ve always taken it to mean one thing, about how I work with people, my message, and mission. Your writing, Amanda, and Sun sq Pluto, gives me something new to ponder. What’s the inner story? What is Pluto on my midheaven guiding me to know about myself and how to be me in this inning of the game.
Amanda, I may have to send you a check for this spontaneous therapy session ;o)
p. sophia: i like your introduction of the concept of “acceptance” here, and its ability to maintain some agency and reciprocation. i think that’s about what i was reaching for…
🙂
Sentimento: http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=KuQX04hGfwg
“..whether the worms can get at one’s body through the casket.”
I belly laughed with a mouthful of coffee over this statement..funny
“The traditional take on Sun square Pluto is that the Sun is pushing to maintain ‘self’, while Pluto is asking for surrender and transformation.”
Could the modern take in action to these aspects be centered in acceptance?
Surrender feels like an abandon of oneself, or overcome to defeat. The power here is mislaid and energy is blocked.
Whereas acceptance is a undertaking. In action of allow – ‘let go’, to freely give is to receive. The power here is retained and energy becomes continuous.
“The part about being kind is especially timely and deeply appreciated. It all leaves me nspired to meet you at “that still point at the center of the scales”. Yes! Morning, dear Len – or in your case I should say, Good night, sweet dreams!
Thank you for this powerful, beautiful piece, Amanda..A friend of mine, who like me, is going through a challenging time of change and growth texted me these words the other day, “be a warrior, not a worrier”, whenever my mind goes spinning off again I try to remember this ‘mantra’.
Amanda: Thank you for this concise, cogent, and convincing correlation of two powerfully concurrent astrological events. Your realistic proposals for applying your analysis provides all of us with do-able guidelines. The part about being kind is especially timely and deeply appreciated. It all leaves me nspired to meet you at “that still point at the center of the scales”.