Friday’s Aries Full Moon (which is also a penumbral lunar eclipse) is an opposition between the Moon in Aries and the Sun in Libra. When it occurs, the Sun and Moon will still be making aspects to Eris in late Aries. Today, the Sun makes its exact opposition to Eris (at 10:26 am EDT) — making this a proving moment for Eris, and a good day to notice the role of individuality in our relationships.
Aries is the sign of “I am,” and Eris often manifests as some form of identity chaos or a feeling of a fractured identity (though in certain natal chart placements, it can come through as someone who has unified these elements). Our age is marked by Eris in Aries (it has been there since the 1920s, and will be until 2044) — manifesting as our respective struggles to know who we are.
Theoretically, it’s easier for us to relate to another person when everyone knows who they are. But is that kind of knowledge actually a fallacy on some level? If we all knew who we were, would so many people be on paths of individuation, self-exploration and independence? Could things like Facebook and Twitter (or even designer clothing labels) get much traction if we weren’t all desperately trying to figure out who we are and proclaim it to everyone else?
It’s no wonder that intimate relationships can be so challenging. It can be tough on non-intimate friendships, too; have you ever felt ‘left behind’ by a friend who seems to be changing faster than you are, or in a different direction? Have you ever let a friendship dissolve or fade away for the same reason?
‘Just being you’ is especially difficult if a relationship is set up like a tacit agreement never to grow — since the direction and speed and quality of growth cannot be predicted ahead of time. So how do we figure out how this whole individuation/relationship dance is supposed to work?
Is it possible to ‘be yourself’, rather than trying to be ‘the perfect partner’, and still have fulfilling relationships? Is it possible to respect individual growth lovingly within a relationship? Can you align with and assert your truest identity in a way that is respectful to those with whom you are in relationship?
What about the ‘little things’ — like living with a partner and having your own room to sleep in sometimes. For some that could be a source of fear and insecurity, or a ‘deal breaker’. Same with wanting to be in a devoted relationship but not marry. Plenty of people do these things; for plenty of others, stuff like this is a source of chaos or provocation. It threatens expectations, a sense of security and a sense of balance; it’s not ‘the norm’; it’s hard to explain to friends and family.
That Eris and the Sun are in an opposition suggests having to alternate between the two states, negotiating between them. Plenty of people do this kind of ‘single self’ / ‘relationship self’ pendulum swing on a regular basis, as Eric describes here:
Have you ever caught yourself or someone you care about describing this scenario: when you’re in a relationship you have to put your authentic life agenda aside, and be the ‘relationship you’, until you can’t stand it any more and you get out of the relationship so you can go back to being the ‘real you’ for a while? This way you can ‘focus on yourself’ and be creative and do the things you love; which works until you want a relationship again, for sex or companionship or both, but to get there you have to lose yourself and sacrifice what you consider the most important.
Apparently the Gestalt therapy approach (it’s not my area of expertise) is to be yourself and let the chips fall as they may. That can sound scary and confrontational, but the Libra Sun is all about balance. Maybe there is some to be found after all.
With Eric Francis