If you read yesterday’s Oracle, which is a random selection from the horoscope archives chosen by an algorithm, you have some idea of what today’s Leo New Moon (exact at 5:51 pm EDT) is drawing your attention to. In part, there’s a question of faith in yourself, and of the difference between that faith and your beliefs about yourself. The question is being raised by the presence of the asteroid Vesta conjunct the Sun and Moon in Leo, and the asteroid Psyche in Scorpio, square those three objects.
Eric wrote yesterday about Vesta and the line we walk between service and sacrifice, between devotion to our inner creative flame — the flame of existence — and the many distractions from it. Among those distractions can be the beliefs we hold about ourselves; the internal monologues, instilled in childhood, that tell us something about us isn’t quite right, is broken, is ‘off’, is unlovable.
Our experiences — and our perceptions of our experiences — often reinforce these subtle messages. Sometimes the sense of being ‘too messed up to be healed’ is overt; sometimes it is subtle, coloring and carrying our reactions to our lives just below the surface of consciousness, just below the watermark of awareness.
At their worst, these messages and beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies, undercutting and sabotaging our choices, opportunities and relationships simply by virtue of the fact that we believe them.
This is the realm of the asteroid Psyche: those wounds to your sense of self that you are convinced cannot ever be healed, and that may not even be worthy of such a thing. It is deep territory, and murky, like a muddy riverbed: when you dive in the water, the muck prevents you from seeing the incredible life teeming in the water around you.
These waters are Scorpionic, however — meaning that not only do they hold the potential for deep transformation, but they also have a distinctly sexual tone to them.
For many people, this is going to translate into, “I am so messed up and broken sexually, I will never get better, never feel whole/functional/desirable/etc.” It might be shaded differently for you, but keep an eye out for that sort of undercurrent. With Vesta in Leo in the mix, it could be that the message is more about your creative expression than your sexuality, but the two are intimately intertwined.
Vesta has a way of drawing people into situations that they don’t fully understand, situations where they are called to be healers of some sort. Normally the Moon might light the way inward toward intuitive understanding; today the Moon is symbolically dark. That darkness is where the false beliefs associated with Psyche are waiting for you to see them, using Vesta’s flame as your torch.
Psyche is suggesting there is a lack of faith, based on false beliefs. But as that horoscope in the Oracle suggested, faith is something that happens through us. It does not ask for evidence, the perception of which your beliefs might skew anyway. It just asks you to see what’s possible, even when you’re convinced it’s not. Vesta’s lighting the way, asking for your devotion to that thing that’s stronger, brighter and hotter than your lack of faith.
THank you DivaCarla~ How you describe it feels so right. I feel the energetic imprint of “Rooted,” reading the word. Need to learn more. Grandparent trees sound great.
Sara
To complete my thought, one of the benefits I’ve felt from accepting my partner’s acceptance is release from that flipping-in-and-out-of-intimacy feeling that Sara’s comment reminded me of having felt in the past. It’s like my idea of personal space became less defensive, waiting for the blow, and more flexible, although not leaky (as far as I can tell — still observing).
“I do so much better with this than I realize. And my capacity/ability is infinite.”
These words are so true. I would suggest that no one reading this is broken beyond repair. We are like champagne bubbles, which are unpoppable and whose very nature is to rise.
Through my life building intimacy has been like trying to recreate a restaurant recipe at home, with some more or less educated guesses at the constituents. I’ve had to let go of some hypotheses about which ingredients will yield intimacy, and my experiments became increasingly radical (for me) as it became clear that intimacy is not entirely logical and that some counterintuitive flavors might be involved.
I now believe that one of the “secret ingredients” is being able to accept another’s acceptance of me. Accepting my partner’s acceptance was enormous and has opened me to a level of intimacy I’ve never experienced before.
Amanda, this is beautiful and magical post. I am finding this astrology elusive. In spite of the fire of Leo, I can’t put my hand down on what this astrology means. All I can do is take pictures of the sun. I agree with Bette, it feels like my life story. Yesterday when Eric was talking about Vesta, Psyche, and Apollo, it was an effort not to cry. Throwing my lifelong struggles in my face, this new moon is, and that’s a damn good thing. Catch em and run with them, instead of letting them run me.
Sara, I’d like to offer you the clue in your own words: hold my own space/personal field. I know you get that, because it’s hard. I get it because I have failed so often. It’s the only work to do. We become available for intimacy when we can be rooted in our center, yet available, not armored or coccooned. Seems to me like Grandparent Trees would be the best teachers. Nobody knows more about being rooted and self-possessed. Best wishes!
I had a dream last night that I was laying naked on my stomach on a massage table. My current boss, almost 20yrs younger than me, was stimulating my tailbone, (damaged when I was 17-18yrs when living away from home, then operated on when I was 20yrs, and has been the cause of pain on and off all my life preventing me from participating in many sporting and fun activities). In my dream I was feeling erotic pleasure from that point of pain actually being massaged and when I got off the table naked in front of my boss, I wanted to kiss him and love him, but he said, “we better not go there”, which I agreed to happily. I then found myself on a tram with my family including mother and siblings. The tram had to cross a rocky ditch where it would then travel on the road without having to use tram tracks any more – travelling more freely. I was trying to get all the family to help me get the tram across the ditch to the road, but not everyone wanted to work together to make it happen, even though I could see it would work.
Today’s post has just helped me understand the meaning of the dream –
“I am so messed up and broken sexually, I will never get better, never feel whole/functional/desirable/etc.” It might be shaded differently for you, but keep an eye out for that sort of undercurrent. With Vesta in Leo in the mix, it could be that the message is more about your creative expression than your sexuality, but the two are intimately intertwined.”
For me, the two are definitely intertwined, and as I’m consciously opening more to my creative side, the issues of sexuality come up for healing, even through our dreams. Time for me to heal that root chakra/family issues that has been damaged since I was 17yrs, and make my own way to freedom, even if the others don’t want to follow or help me. And with my Leo Sun in the 12th house, no better time or place to do this.
Thank you, Amanda
Wow, Amanda! More than one passage in this post evoked some story-of-my-life thoughts/feelings. Never having felt welcomed or understood in my family of origin, my talents ignored or discouraged, taught there’s something less-than & shameful, about being female, I have felt all kinds of not-good-enough, indeed flawed, & often furious.
I tried harder, I often overdid on sacrifice, & that alternated with periods of rebellion. I have finally learned I’m better than that, stopped “settling for”, in life & in relationship. But like all lives, it’s a work in progress. The vulnerability probably never totally goes away, & I guess that’s okay.
The Leo new moon is within orb of my 2nd house Pluto – I’ve been sorting out the “what matters?” in many areas of my life. Togther with the pressure from transiting Uranus opposing 4th house Neptune & Pluto squaring it – plus Jupiter currently in the mix – lots to work with!
Today’s postings aren’t an easy read for me, but oh, so necessary, & much appreciated.
The Vesta archetype has long felt “right” for me in many ways. I’m a hearth-keeper & one who offers a quiet place for others to stop. But it IS necessary to be vigilant about who enters that space.
Opposite natal Jupiter, trine natal Chiron, quincunx Sun: hey, I didn’t know that was still in there. I thought I dealt with that…anger amplified big enough for me to see it. Again the sources informing the anger turn out to be nothing but a bunch of misguided hungry ghosts. Fear of extinction plucks many strings in the emotional web.
The New Moon is in a trine aspect to the centaur planet Chariklo. Trines point to resources of ease, harmony, and balance within the aspect pattern. The intimate presence of Chariklo adds depth and richness to this powerful New Moon.
21:05:52 UT – Moon (14 le 12’4″) conjunct Vesta (14 le 12’4″)
21:50:41 UT – NEW MOON – Sun (14 le 34’51”) conjunct Moon (14 le 34’51”)
22:10:37 UT – Moon (14 le 44’59”) trine Chariklo (14 sa 44’59” Rx)
22:41:14 UT – Moon (15 le 0’33”) square Psyche (15 sc 0’33”)
Chariklo is exceptional for being the largest known Centaur and the only one named after a non-centaur being. The accounts of Chariklo in Greek mythology are varied. Astrologer Zane Stein has noted that while “most mythological sources agree that Chariklo (also spelled Chariclo) was Chiron’s wife, there are differences of opinion as to her nature. She is described as a Naiad or Nymph, and yet on some pictures, she is drawn as a female Centaur. The most often mentioned source of parentage for her is as daughter of Apollo, the sun-god. She was written of as a much-loved and almost constant companion of the goddess Athena.” http://www.zanestein.com/chariklo.htm
In addition to her intimate bonds with Chiron and Athena, Chariklo forms a triad of goddesses with Hestia (Vesta) and Demeter (Ceres). Eric Francis has observed that in “a way similar to Vesta, Chariklo holds space for the process of another. Yet Vesta does so for impersonal reasons. In the story of Chiron and Chariklo, she does so for the most personal: Chiron is her husband. He lives a long time after he is injured, so imagine the depth, intensity and duration of that companionship. We can surmise that she played a part in his decision to transcend his physical existence and negotiate the agreement with Zeus whereby Chiron is freed from his suffering and Prometheus is freed from his imprisonment on the rock.” http://www.planetwaves.net/smallworlds/contents/planets/chariklo.html
Astrologer Philip Sedgwick has asserted that Chariklo “probably functioned as a sacred prostitute in the matriarchal temples. In our society she refers to social boundaries, especially those of a cross gender or sexual nature. She examines interactions to determine the intent of the scenario prior to judging it or responding emotionally. Chariklo represents healing interpersonal discrepancies on all levels. Studying boundaries from the aura/energy point of view offers the insights of Chariklo. She also asks for a momentary pause before taking an aggressive response to any relationship injustice.” http://www.zanestein.com/phil.htm
Thanks Amanda,
I’ve worked with Elisa a couple times in the past…perhaps it’s a time to revisit that, her!
Peace and connection,
Sara
sara — i think i know what you mean about the difficult balance between exploring someone very intimately sexually (and exploring yourself with them), and then being able to stay connected and engaged without “losing” oneself in some way — either by taking on stuff of theirs that is not mine to take on, or projecting my stuff onto them, or just getting knocked off-balance and off-center somehow.
i’m not sure i have any wise words of wisdom (ha), other than that it seems to take a lot of practice. and for me, also, in my work with my spiritual counselor i’m coming back to the “original” point of porous boundaries and leaving of my center: the relationship with my mother. i’m trying to work on that one, and get used to holding my space/stepping out of hers at the same time that i practice with my partner (and trying to do so lovingly, without closing myself off to true intimacy).
i’ve been working with Elisa Novick, who writes for PW. she had a great column the other week about healthy energetic boundaries and opening when it’s truly healthy to do so, etc. you might check with that article with her for ideas, or consider working with her or someone like her. i think it can really help to practice with someone to whom there is no intimate or familial relationship/attachment — but i imagine it works differently for everyone.
good luck!
I really appreciate reading this today.
Reading planetwaves often serves as a beacon of light for me on days of self doubt and feeling lost. It reminds me that there is a greater picture involved and we are not alone, but all part of this big universal/earth soup!
It speaks to me deeply, the self doubt that arises, the grasping at the desire to be whole, to have my sexual challenges/wounds healed, and to develop the capacity, ability, alignment towards being in romantic relationship with another for an extended period of time. I do so much better with this than I realize. And my capacity/ability is infinite even, perhaps, though the schedule for things coming into fruition, the factors and right individuals involved can take time to line up perhaps? It’s so powerful how critical and doubtful I can be towards myself and my own blossoming. Perhaps I need more mirroring for it too- that can help.
Regarding the terrain of intimate/romantic/sexual relationships (which I’m exploring after being primarily celibate for a long time), I find it’s hard to go so deep with someone and then figure out how to relate as regular human beings in day to day life. As a very empathic, sensitive but independent one, it’s hard to hold my own space/personal field and be in relationship to someone who I explore sexual intimacy with. It feels like such tricky territory. I seem to be a mix of wise feeling woman and undeveloped kid/girl all in one. If anyone has any thoughts, feedback, reflections on things that have been helpful for them in navigating or just “being” in this terrain, I would be grateful.
Amanda: Absolutely sublime. Thank you for another masterpiece from its inspired subject matter to its artful execution. Kudos to reader’s comments as well. Hot in word, and indeed.
And if Psyche is at 15 Scorpio then it’s right on top of my natal Neptune placement. Dark imaginings indeed! I’ve been reading a book by David Stendl-Rast, Music of Silence, about the hours that Benedictine monks keep and for the one in the middle of the night, Vigils, he quotes Rilke’s statement ” ‘my God is dark. You darkness from which I come, I love you more than the flame that sets boundaries.’ That darkness is symbol and inage for the divine mystery…….darkness holds everything, ‘and maybe in this darkness a great energy stirs right near me, I trust in night’ This doesnt mean that light shines into the darkness, like a flashlight shining into a dark tent. The light shines right in the midst of darkness. A great revelation: the very darkness shines.”
Thank you, Amanda, for succinctly and clearly expressing what I have felt for several weeks. Yesterday, I wrote to a friend that I needed to reclaim the creative me. I told another friend that I felt trapped in a life I don’t want to live (who feels the same way about his life). The Sun and Moon with Vesta and Ceres are clustered in my twelfth house, conjunct my natal Moon. A challenging time indeed, but reading your post and rereading Len’s of last Thursday, certainly I am looking for new ways.
A spiritual advisor once told me that when she found herself saying “I believe” she immediately stepped aside to stop and look for the source of that belief, questioning its veracity and integrity. Wise words that have influenced me, and it is a good thing to be reminded by the astrology to review and rethink, “re-feel”.
Last week I had a shamanic session. His comment was that my discontent with the life I am living, especially as it has become exponentially more uncomfortable, is that the door is slamming on old ways. Seems like a QB1 threshold.
Thank you for the continual weaving of the astrology into cloth that can be worn.
JannKinz
My vesta(8″22′), mars(3″05′), venus(11″29′) and pluto(2″51′) are all in virgo… Good thing Pallas(17″44′) and Juno(16″17′) are conjunct in Libra ! (I think lol)
Just checked, in my natal chart Vesta is right next to my moon and Psyche is right next to my venus, all in Saggitarius.
Boy, I so needed to read this right now! The part about a murky muddy riverbed made me think about catfish though. I caught one once and it looked at me and scared me to death, threw it over the boat which was fine for both me and the fish. Now I have to see where Psyche and Vesta are in my natal chart and read about them a bit. Thanks again for this post!
And Persephonie,( held hostage by love, ) is @ 10˚ Scorpio conjunct Saturn, & sq Vesta &
the New Moon……………
Yikes. Right on the money.