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The Honorable don Anthony Fauci.

An Open Letter of Apology to Anthony Fauci | added April 1

A renowned investigative reporter offers his sincere apology to America’s most important and most qualified doctor.

Kingston, N.Y., Friday, April 1, 2022

Dear Dr. Fauci:

Please allow me to introduce myself. I am probably your distant genetic cousin from back in the old country, and I consider you my Godfather. My proper Sicilian name is Enriqué Francesco Giovanni Coppolino.

We share many of the same interests, including public health. In fact I earned the Public Health merit badge in Boy Scouts, which I think legitimately establishes my interest as a young person.

I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up, but like I read in your autobiography, I also flunked biology. Then after a failed career as a fromageur, I somehow ended up a “journalist.” Anyway, you are a busy man, so I will get right to the point.

I want to apologize for being so annoying the past two years, and for making your life so difficult. I have openly questioned many things you said, and made a big deal out of the one thing that I agreed with you on, but then you changed your mind about that, and I made a big deal about that too, pretty much nonstop.

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All Zeta Reticulans will have to get the shot.

FDA approves AstroZeneca shot for space aliens | added April 1

WASHINGTON, April 1 (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved The AstroZeneca (AZN) covid shot for all visitors from off-world. While there is no evidence that non-human entities from other star systems or galaxies can contract a covid infection, the FDA said it was its responsibility to sell more injections.

Leif Johansson, AstroZeneca’s chief, thinks this is a fantastic idea and that it will deliver superb shareholder value.

The change in policy came at the urging of the Biden administration, which is committed to having every entity, no matter what age or species, shot full of its wonder drug.

According to directions given to senior homeland security officials on Wednesday, if visitors from any star system equipped with a physical dimension arrive in the United States, they will need to show proof of vaccination, or face being deplaneted.

This applies to Plejarens, Pleiadeans, Venusians, Hopkinsville Goblins and Tall Whites.

Visitors without bodies will be temporarily exempt, but the Biden administration said it was looking for ways to close this loophole. Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, said Thursday, “Trust us, we will find someplace to shove that needle.”

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