Flaunt for March

Aries (March 20 – April 19)
They’re playing your song. In fact, they’re blaring it at full volume. Okay well, it’s more like a loud, opinionated conversation, which may be getting pretty sexy. And it’s going very well. In fact, it’s going so well you may never get down to business. So unless you’re having a really great time yakking, you better put your mouth to better use.

Taurus (April 19 – May 20)
If you’ve ever wanted to be a porn star, this is the month. You need to be cast in the role of the intellectual studio accountant who takes yoga retreats who is then recruited by the director to play in the big scene of the year’s most impressive production. You were never meant to be hiding in the office, even though you rarely get out front. It is time.

Gemini (May 20 – June 21)
Are you considering a career change to nun, Buddhist monk, or professor of theoretical physics? I thought so. Ideally you would combine the three, which according to my calculations would make you an abstract impressionist painter. Anyway, a career change or at least a new job is beckoning, and I suggest you be original about it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You are maternal by nature, but you’re not your mother. This is the important thing to remember. And to the extent that you’ve been involved in living her goals (she was pushy), now is a big moment when you can just simply stop and do some of what you want. She may complain and you need to not care.

Leo (July 22 – August 23)
For once, everyone else is wilder than you are. But they don’t know what you have planned; they may be acting savage and free now, but you’re thinking of the big picture, the distant destination, the long-range goal. Now that you’ve got that on the agenda, you might as well have some fun and not mention what you’re up to.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Before you accuse anyone you’re in a relationship with of acting strangely, figure out if you can do a reality check and see if maybe it’s not you. I know that someone seems to be acting in a completely new and novel way, but there are several ways to add up these figures, and you’ll get different numbers at the end.

Libra (September 22 – October 23)
You need to do the thing you’re afraid people will disapprove of the very most. I suspect you know what it is, and I’m pretty sure you know it won’t hurt anyone except on the off-hand chance that you incite a revolution. Well, it’s not so unlikely anyway; in fact it seems that all the impressionable, restless minds around you are ready.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)
You really may need to make a conscious effort to tame your verbal impulses for a few weeks. The temptation will be that you’re actually soaring at your most magnificently caustic, cynical and condescending altitude, and flying is fun. I suggest you take it out on the Letters to the Editor page or your chess program.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 22)
Part of the reason you’re so popular is that you’re so bold. You may not feel popular and there is still a new crop of Sagittarians who are getting their asses kicked by Pluto every couple of years. But in fact, no matter what you’re feeling, you do command loyalty and you are making an impression. Get ready to make a bigger one than ever.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Is the Earth really moving under your feet? It may very well be, but if that’s what it takes to get you moving, I doubt the universe would stop at such a minor effort. So make sure you don’t sleep through the earthquake or run out of gas on the way to the big meeting that you know can change your life.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)
You are sometimes accused of being full of yourself, but never has it been more true. So if somebody mentions this fact to you, make sure you take it as a compliment and don’t put up a fuss. You are for the most part full of exactly what people need: highly intuitive perception and great ideas. Implement them efficiently and innocently.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
It has been said that behind every great fortune lies a crime. The problem with this theory is that it makes the case that one must be guilty to be successful. There are other ways to consolidate resources, and sometimes we discover substantial ones we had no clue even existed. I would rate this as a high probability at the moment.

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