Planet Waves by Eric Francis
For FLAUNT magazine, February 2006
Note to readers: This is a different style horoscope than the ‘usual’ Planet Waves; Flaunt is a pretty different kind of magazine.
Aries (March 20–April 19)
If dreams were real, you would be even more of a freak than you are now. Yet your current fantasy of yourself verges on being so overpowering that spilling over into reality is inevitable. Now you really will discover that the key to life is not worrying about what other people think. Besides, people are secretly begging you to have the guts to be free.
Taurus (April 19–May 20)
How does a car feel after it’s spent a week in the body shop? The past six months have provided you with just such an experience of working out your dents, kinks and tight areas. Now, at least, your complicated situation has been reduced to two huge possibilities. But this is not about choosing. Both of them are true.
Gemini (May 20–June 21)
Be extra nice for a while, because your words and ideas are as sharp and sleek as titanium hunting arrows. Use your wordcraft gently. Refine your ideas, think your thoughts consciously and try not to kill anyone with what feels like a casual barb. In such a fashion will you aspire to self-mastery and a kind of greatness.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
If the European Space Agency announces their long-awaited plans to send a team of human explorers to Uranus, you will be accepted for the role. However, going any further than the corner delicatessen will suffice. But pick someplace exotic, go there, and let yourself be shockingly inspired. Modest gestures of movement or changing your scenery can create sweeping turning points — and they will create you.
Leo (July 22–August 23)
After much careful consideration, you’re likely to reach the conclusion that your entire life so far has been leading to an orgasm you experience the morning of Feb. 28. Even if this is not true, you will at long last come to the conclusion that you are and always were free, despite all the flimsy evidence to the contrary.
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to boring relationships, the mighty cosmic forces are aligning to offer you something quite to the contrary. However, I suggest you take a week in a monastery and ponder the critical spiritual question, “What is the opposite of boring?” Choose well, because you’re about to get a lot of it.
Libra (September 22–October 23)
Something that is getting your attention deserves your attention, which I say only as a means of allaying any anxiety about not doing what you’re supposed to be doing because you’re so busy doing what you want to be doing. Save your energy. People go to therapy for 10 years just to learn how to get distracted in this particular way.
Scorpio (October 23–November 22)
Because you’re a Scorpio, you’re supposed to be…what is it, exactly? There’s also something abstract and unreachable that you’re not supposed to be, that you were taught not to expect from yourself and is supposed to surprise others the very moment it bubbles out of your psyche. And this profound abstraction is the overwhelming desire to have fun — about 50,000 volts worth. Be alert.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 22)
You see, most people really do lack imagination. So many of the world’s problems can be accounted for by this simple fact of life. And quite often you are the one who provides that necessary spark; that spiritual or creative kick in the ass. For a while, the world is going to be elevated to your usual level, making certain exquisite possibilities possible.
Capricorn (December 22–January 20)
There are times when great ideas come all at once, and there are times when you pick up a thread and follow it through the streets of life back to the gown of the Queen of All Desires. Gradually, this is what’s developing, but when you notice something dangling from your psychic garment, don’t just snip it.
Aquarius (January 20–February 19)
How do people who are financially well off get that way? From the ones I have met, I can tell you they come in two styles. The first is those who are cold, calculating and can set aside all their desires. Then there are those who plunge into their passion and surrender entirely to what they love. This second one is you.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
What, exactly, are your limits? And I do mean exactly. You may see them as time, as space, as money, as structure, as potential, or as prior commitments or lack of commitment. Or, if you’re a super duper advanced soul, you may see your one limit as your self-concept within which you reside, and which you can change. And you know it.