A Question for our Readers
April 28, 2006
http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/apr28.html
I came upon your site just a little bit over a year ago when
I was going through the full on throes of my Saturn Return. I've since made it
through fine, but its been through advisors in the astrology community, such as
yourself, that I have made huge strides in understanding my own nature better
and I want to thank you for that.
I was just reading your writing, dated April 24 and titled
"Curiosity" which piqued my own curiosity. Anyway, you said something
that really resonated with me, namely because I've been at odds with myself
over that very same thing for the last several weeks now and I really just need
to get some feedback from someone that knows firsthand what I am going through.
The long and the short of it is that I have come to be known
as someone who in the past had a lot of "attitude" and "anger
management issues". But I also have a heart of gold and am willing to be
there for my friends; however, when I feel I have been unfairly treated or just
not appreciated, I retreat.
To make a long story short, my friend and I had a falling
out years ago. She brought me into her job and we worked together briefly (HUGE
MISTAKE!!!!). It played itself out in a way where I walked away feeling pretty
disappointed in my friend, in our friendship, in myself, in my judgment, in my
naiveté, amongst other things.
She calls me up one day out of the blue apologizing and I
can be a pretty magnanimous person when I want to be so I told her it was water
under the bridge and the funny thing is, I actually meant it. So we started
hanging out again but it's true that once you have seen or known something, it
can never be the same again because now you are "enlightened" if you
will.
I started to see the cracks in the system for the first
time. I started to see how I wanted to believe that this person was my friend,
even though I never made her prove herself and whenever I needed her she wasn't
there for me.
Well, not too long ago -- well, last month on March 1st to
be exact -- she contacted me trying to guilt trip me into thinking that we had
lost touch cause I was mad at her or something. Even though it had been me
trying to get in touch with her before I finally got sick of it and decided to let
the friendship die. This was about two years ago and just now she reaches me
trying to blame me for not writing her.
I had to once and for all put this thing to bed and I told
her why I didn't want to extend my friendship to her, namely that she had proved
herself to be the type of person that is capable of talking about me behind my
back in a way that was meant to undermine me and what I am about, along with
being able to act against me. I only want to deal with people that are capable
of acting in a way that's aboveboard, and if we were to one day be friends
again, she would have to act that way. If not, I wish her the best now and
always.
I guess my question to you, as someone who has had to go
through similar experiences or for whom the outcome was the same, is there a
limit on forgiveness or are we expected to be these truly selfless and
benevolent human beings that never judge and just forgive people over and over
again? Or should there sometimes be friction and conflict and an assertion of
boundaries with others so that they know exactly where we stand? And, is there
a right way or wrong way to go about doing that?
I'm trying for the first time in my life to find a balance
between being overly assertive or aggressive and risking becoming a doormat for
others that may perceive my forgiveness and magnanimity with them in the past
as a vulnerability in the system that can be easily exploited.
I would appreciate any feedback you may have concerning
this. There aren't too many people whose opinions mean much to me, especially
in the astrology world, because people can sometimes be a little kooky and
perhaps a little too "nice guy" for me.
I'm not trying to become a saint. I'm just trying to get
closer to becoming a decent human being, but one that can still respect herself
at the end of the day! Can you help me figure out a way to swing that?
Thank you for your inspiring articles and for being one of
the few astrologers that covers astrology from a political perspective as well.
Not enough people are doing what you are doing and if ever there was a time for
that kind of voice to be out there, certainly this is it! Godspeed on all of
your future endeavors. I hope you are around for a long time to come!
Warmest Regards,
-- Eloisa in
Dear Eloisa:
Thanks for your thoughtful letter. I will consider it for
next time, and open the floor to our readers to respond on the theme of
forgiveness as well. Thanks everyone for sharing your feelings and ideas!
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