Overcoming Fear

 

May 20, 2005 (with chart)

 

http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/may20.html

 

Dear Eric:

 

I'm deeply grateful for what you do and how you do it. I admire your sensitivity, integrity, courage and passion, and as I write this, it occurs to me that this is how I would like to see myself. I am in so many ways a cowardly lion. Is there something in my astrology that allows for this, and how can I use my astrology to move out of the fear? My bodywork over the past year has been unraveling a difficult childhood, complete with abuse, and I know that fear and negativity are primary elements in both of my parents. Materially, I am blessed, and I am surrounded by loving, supportive people. My life is hard only because I make it so, and I am ready to stop doing this. Many thanks for your thoughts.

 

Love, peace, and blessings,

Jackie

 

 

Dear Jackie:

 

I can definitely relate. I may seem like a brave person, but like lots of people, I live in a more or less continuous confrontation with fear. I think it's part of becoming aware, and there are certainly many sources of fearful thoughts in our society (most of the broadcast media, including advertising, for example) and residual sources in our lives (traumas, for sure). And there is a real phenomenon of how, the more open we become, the more we have to face all the possibilities -- not just the 'good ones'. But yes, at a certain point it really helps if that fear, or awareness of it, is not paralyzing.

 

You could cover a lot of ground from sorting out what you describe as fear from a few of its more subtle derivatives: insecurity, inadequacy, anxiety, guilt, or sense of potential abandonment. Everyone experiences fear their own way, and few people actually take the time and energy to figure out what is going on inside them.

 

Your question dovetails very nicely with the 12th house question, above. You have Mars in Gemini, in the 12th house -- have a look at that question please. Taken separately, either of these placements (Mars in 12th or Mars in Gemini) could be used to suss out a lot about the nature of your fear. Taken together, you have a volatile placement that may come with an unconscious sense that you are divided with yourself or at war with yourself. Certainly these placements speak of childhood conditions that have given you a sense of divided self.

 

But what is at the source of this? Based on the involvement of Mars, it has to do with your desire nature. Desire is entirely natural, but the way you experience it, it can be overwhelming, and it can come up as something else. So think of it this way: you tend to experience desire as fear. Since desire cannot be stopped (only related to, worked with, fulfilled, etc.), and since you may not even know what you're experiencing (12th house), desire quickly becomes fear.

 

Mars is one of two planets in your chart that's in an air sign (the other is a very large asteroid, Ceres). Air is about how we navigate the mental plane: ideas, direct relating, reasoning, rationalizing. Your ascendant is Gemini -- which puts a lot of pressure on you to relate to the world in an 'airy' way. But then it's like you don't have the inner resources to do it. So what you would normally experience on the mental level will be pushed everywhere else -- your emotions, your psychic body, your physical body, and the spiritual level.

 

In other words, it is likely to get relegated, delegated, or reassigned; when what you really need is to work it out and then let it percolate through those other levels. Yet as far as being able to deftly sort out what is happening for you, nice and clearly? Hmm. Difficult. It's an area of your life that you must develop, and you can develop it quite literally by learning to relate directly to people, one on one, about what is important to you, and what is important to them. The air signs are vital for this function of relating. When we speak the words, they vibrate across the air. And how, when we think clearly, this is a lot like a bird's flight through the air, at one with the element.

 

You really have to work at the part about making your thoughts comprehensible and engaging in a real, genuine and deep dialog. But for you, this is a little like inventing the microprocessor. For a computer to work, the information has to be organized very simply; you are capable of breathing pure fire, and you need to tame your mind and make the translation.

 

There are a few other factors.

 

Let's look at your 7th house, as well. You have a lot -- a whole lot -- of Capricorn there, including Saturn, the original Mr. Fear, the Moon (in Cap, Mrs. Guilt) and two important asteroids (including Vesta, which can focus shame because, in part, it deals with repressive erotic conditioning) in a house (the 7th) that is extremely aware and in your face. All this Capricorn can present you with is an image of life that is made of burdens you cannot fulfill, and possibly feel guilty for not fulfilling.

 

It's almost like you can never really let yourself off the hook in your relationships. You truly need to. The chances are you're one of the most ethical, devoted people for 100 miles. Give yourself that, and take some space in this world for yourself -- just yourself. If doing so leads you to experience a guilt trip of some kind, I assure you that's a direct indication that you're doing exactly the right thing. The right thing, not the wrong one.