Helping an Agoraphobic Child

 

April 29, 2005

 

http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/apr29.html

 

Dear Eric:

 

Help! I'm an Aquarian born on February 14, 1960 and have three daughters: the oldest was born April 12, 1986; the middle child January 26, 1988; and the youngest June 3, 1990. I've been separated for three years, after 18 years of marriage to my ex, who was born October 5, 1954.

 

To be brief, my life has been full of stress on and off for what seems years. A year and a half ago, the youngest stopped going to school then became agoraphobic and only goes out with me. Lately I was lucky enough to get offered a new job after being on the sick for a few years with high blood pressure. I really want this position but again am torn, as my daughter won't do anything willingly herself any more.

 

I feel as if I have been living two lives -- my own, and my daughter?s, as she doesn't let anyone else help, because of extreme social phobia. Lately I feel like I'm going to lose it myself as my youngest?s mood swings, verbal outbursts, and not feeling any guilt regarding her anger to anyone, only sorry for herself, are starting to wear me down... Up until now I don't know where I've found the strength. Hopefully this is just another rough spell that we'll get thru!

 

Any help you can offer regarding planets, etc. would be helpful.

 

Yours,

Val

 

 

Dear Val:

 

I need to start by going around astrology and right to a direct question: what kind of professional help have you sought for you and your children? I think you are correct to be concerned about your youngest daughter, as she seems to be in a fairly difficult state of mind. This is likely to be influencing the rest of the family, as well as a situation involving her environment. The two are closely related.

 

I would look into the astrology, but I am of the belief that there is not much it could do. What I believe you need is someone you can work with who can develop a deep understanding of your situation, talk to you in person, and spend some time with you, your daughter and your other children as well. No astrology charts can substitute for that, and responsible astrologers know when to pass on the question and refer the client to more qualified individuals. Were I able to work with you in person over the long run, it would be different -- though I would still be likely to suggest you seek additional help.

 

It would appear that you and your family are still adjusting to life without your husband, which is certainly a healing process. These adjustments and healing processes require not only time, but awareness, love, energy and the willingness to heal. But usually they require assistance. And when the right assistance is found, great progress is possible.

 

Just like you asked me for help, I suggest you ask someone who is specifically qualified to address this kind of situation, such as a family therapist or child psychologist. If you would contact me directly, or contact my office (using the contact info on this page), I would be happy to assist you in finding professionals in your local area who may be able to help. And I suggest you work with someone whose first line of defense is not mood-altering drugs. Those should, I feel, be the last resort.

 

On an astrological note, I will add this. You use the word 'rough spells' and we have just been through one that lasted from mid-March through late April. I expect things might settle down a little bit, but I still suggest you seek assistance, and plan for the process to take a year or two to work out.

Thank you for all you do for your children.