Friend Self-Destructing on Drugs

 

April 15, 2005

 

http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/apr15.html

 

Hello,

 

I am a subscriber to PlanetWaves Weekly. I know that Eric is extremely busy and does not have time for personal astrology questions, but I thought I'd give it a shot, because I'm desperate (sheepish smile).

 

I am extremely worried about a friend that is essentially self-destructing with drugs (legal and illegal). He turns to them to deal with his unhappiness and depression and other unbearable mental states. He is pushing his body to the limit with these substances, but he avers that the alternative is a mental despair that would be just as bad or worse -- a slow death, either way.

 

I cannot seem to figure out whether he is creating this mess or whether it is happening to him. He never tells his therapist the whole story. I can safely say that I know more about his situation than most people do, which is what makes this situation heart-wrenching for me. Although we have had a rocky relationship, this person is one of my closest friends, a friend in the manner you have defined, and I feel utterly helpless. I read somewhere that astrology is not destiny, but my sense of helplessness is making me ask if it would be possible to predict his life span (to put it euphemistically), given the circumstances? I would be devastated if anything happened to my friend… so I was wondering if you would be able to see such an event in my chart: I was born at 3:14 pm on January 18, 1983 in Seattle, WA, USA. I only know my friend's birthday: June 21, 1974. I hope I don't sound callous? This drama has been going on for over a year now, and I am fearful and hanging on by a thread.

 

Sincerely and a devoted reader,

Rukmini

 

 

Dear Rukmini:

 

Thanks for writing. Fortunately, this column allows me the opportunity to answer some reader questions every week, an opportunity I appreciate as much as the readers who write in. First a few comments about your friend. Fortunately, he or she has a therapist. This is often the dividing line between whether people pull through these things or not.

 

However, I am not sure you're looking critically enough at just what game your friend is playing in life. It's my turn to ask for your pardon for being callous, but I would speculate that he or she knows exactly what is going on, and has chosen this as a method of not dealing with life. Certainly, if this person is flirting with an overdose, they are making a statement to themselves and the world. But I find it interesting that this person is also in therapy. So there is a level of consciousness around the situation.

 

It's true that because he or she was born the last day that the Sun was in a sign (Gemini) there can be a certain struggle getting focused -- a struggle that will come to a head just as Pluto transits out of Sagittarius in a couple of years. It's also true that beginning in 2003, there have been some exceptionally difficult transits, and that going back to the summer of 2001, there have been transits pointing to a need to get clear and get oriented on reality. What you need to remeber is that your friend is an adult, a certified graduate of their Saturn return, and someone who has a responsibility to take care of themselves, or get help doing so. I think that it'll take until Pluto makes its exact opposition to your friend's Sun in late 2007 that the real endgame will come.

 

The chances are that whatever is at the root of this situation is deeply entrenched. Addiction is never the real problem. There is always, always something, some pain or some unaddressed crisis, beneath it, driving the need for control that is at the heart of any real addiction. Hopefully therapy will provide a forum for that something to eventually come out.

 

The question for you is probably: What is the best role you can play for this person? And I would say, in short, love them until the love begins to shine through. Even if they don't think they can feel it, you can have faith that it's making a difference, that your love is providing a point of orientation and a sense of relative reality. I can say this as a person who has been loved through quite a few situations where I was pretty far out there on the edge. Your presence makes a difference. You don't have to do anything but be real.

 

The other thing you can do is to live your life as fully and as truly as you can. You really must find a way to not let this bring you down. You're a lot younger than this person, you obviously deal with life differently, and you're quite resilient and strong. However, with a Pisces Moon and Cancer rising, you might find it a little difficult to set the psychic boundary -- and you can be certain that issues some people have with substances tend to drag people in, push their limits and are, in a sense, contagious. And while you may be able to rise above your own addictive potential -- something that all people have, of course -- one way for the darkness to get in may be through another person. So I do suggest you watch that line and if you need to, keep your distance.

 

This is your friend's drama -- not yours. Best to keep it that way.