Love v. Career
February 25, 2005 (with chart)
http://cainer.com/ericfrancis/feb25.html
Dear Eric:
For a while now I've been wondering about my purpose in life and what I am (or
should be) looking for in (love) relationships. I sometimes get the feeling
that the answers to these questions might be somewhat incompatible. As I'm
looking into the first, the second, even the question itself, seems to have a
way of slipping away from my awareness all by itself (and vice versa), leaving
me with the feeling that I should dedicate my life to either love or career. No
matter which I choose, the other will definitely suffer. Maintaining a
relationship can take up so much energy that it (the world) gets left to its
own devices. As I'm writing this down I'm becoming increasingly aware my
dilemma is a symbolic one and instead of making this ridiculous choice I should
start looking in the right places, but still, this is how I feel. You must get
this type of question a lot and I truly wish I could be more interesting but I
really could use some pointers.
Thank you, Robin
30 October 1978, 2 am
Geleen (that's in
PS, Thank you for PlanetWaves, It's good to know people are
still THINKING out there...
Dear Robin,
Before I even looked at your chart, I thought: Saturn. Something is up with
Saturn in this chart. The sense of limitation you describe, of an enforced
dilemma, and of frustration mixed with ambition point to the difficult side of
this planet's action.
Then I noticed from your birth date that you're well ahead
of your Saturn return. Work is often quite difficult in one's 20s. Most
industrial societies lack any system of apprenticeship. Jobs in one's 20s are
usually not so interesting. And Saturn has not returned to its natal position,
which for many people really is the jumping off point to beginning satisfying
work.
So, then I looked at your chart and indeed, Saturn is very
close to your ascendant, in Virgo. First let me say that this placement is
powerful, as in durable, determined, strong, and with great potential for the
mastery of knowledge. But it's difficult because too much of an identification
with Saturn (and what is in the ascendant we tend to identify with) can make
life feel heavy. And lonely.
And it's really necessary to do something unusual, which is
to master Saturn and its message, in order to move those energies through your
life and get onto a higher vibration.
Mastering Saturn is a matter of two things, I think. One
involves discipline. Discipline is practice, focus, and clarity.
The other is finding the endless well of creativity within
you. Most people don't look at Saturn this way. But I assure you that it is
true, and that this aspect of Saturn is available to anyone who seeks it out:
who takes life seriously, who wants to serve the world (very important for you)
and who dedicates themselves to the long haul.
Aleister Crowley -- unknown to be one of the most
influential astrologers of the 20th century -- has kind words for the Saturn in
Virgo placement. "This kinship tends greatly to stability of moral
character and to the confirmation of practical wisdom. It gives an orderly,
critical and analytical mind, usually of a serious cast if Saturn is well
dignified. The intellect should be capable and original."
Now all this bodes well for you to have a good relationship
with Saturn. It is true, you need to find work that satisfies this description
of Saturn in Virgo. You are unlikely to enjoy any other work. And so much
Saturn in your chart says you need pleasure, so this is a win-win. You need to
find the work that gives you the intellectual and ethical pleasure you need and
want. If you think of it that way, you are likely to be able to orient your
whole being ON pleasure and work your way out of some of the most limiting
factors of your state of mind. Just remember that one of them is likely to be a
sense of perfectionism, to which you hold yourself -- so, easy does it, you are
competent, dedicated and strong.
Yet what you are addressing in your question is a
relationship between love and work. I want to propose that when they are
functioning well, the energy and passion to both do satisfying work and relate
to others lovingly come from the exact same inner source, and it does not
matter how you get there, as long as you get there. As you reach for this space
in your center, remember that true work and true love are very closely related
-- in feeling, in intensity, and in the drive to connect with humanity.
And to do this, it helps to move certain blocks out of the
way. Here is one possible aspect to work with.
You have a conjunction of the Moon and Pluto. This is in the
2nd house, a personal place that contains many of the feelings you hold about
yourself. There is quite a lot of 'lone wolf' to Moon-Pluto contact,
particularly the conjunction. And this is a very old feeling; it is likely to
date back to your earliest childhood experiences, and contains much that you
picked up emotionally from your mother. My sense of the conjunction is that it's
prone to some swings of mood and, when relationships do arrive, they are very
intense with many ups and downs (this is the conjunction acting on Libra). At
the heart of this whole issue is how you feel about yourself. Despite the
inability of caregivers to love themselves, you must learn, and you can.
There was a pattern in your early environment, and it was
precisely this pattern of intense swing, intensity and very likely, judgment.
There was as a result a definition of love that was created that came with
these properties. It takes time, but much of growing into what I will call real
love means coming up with an idea of love that does not include these
unnecessary and unfortunate -- but deeply engrained -- properties of emotion.
The more emotionally stable you become, and emotionally
open, the more you will find that you are available to people, and they are
available to you. Starting from the point you're at, it might be better to
think of love in less 'all or nothing' terms than we usually do, reach to
people as best you can; let that reaching take you out of your isolation. And
when you get into a situation that seems to be taking an enormous amount of
work in a relationship, it would be wise to reality-check and ask what exactly
is going on. What old emotional patterns are you playing out? Where did you
learn them?
You are a deep person. Go deep and figure it out, and look
at all your early caregivers.
All the learning I've done, through my own growth work and
self-investigation, training and helping as many people as I've been able to,
has taught me one huge lesson: that being happy basically involves identifying
and letting go of our parents' emotional patterns, communication patterns and
relationship styles. Only then can we really be ourselves.
You are an extremely intelligent person -- probably far more
intelligent than you suspect, and you do suspect something. Use your
intelligence for your own benefit. But more than anything, take it easy, that
is, easier on yourself, and let the love flow. I suggest you reveal your
secrets, particularly how much you care about people.
One last bit -- I highly recommend a book called A General
Theory of Love.
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