Orgasmic Vision Quest

by Carla Sanders

When I was 45 years old, I took my sleeping bag into a medicine wheel without food or water for three days. In a Vision Quest, you are crying for a vision. The vision I cried for was healing of my sexuality. I thought I was broken sexually, and I felt desperate.

Rebirth of Venus from the Kali Yuga triptych by Charlie Lemay.

Rebirth of Venus from the Kali Yuga triptych by Charlie Lemay.

The only vision I had that first time was a marching band blaring through the medicine wheel throughout the night, a metaphor for my noisy, tuneless mind. Within a few months, I had the answer to my quest. I met a priestess of ancient Egyptian sacred sexuality, who invited me into initiation. My midlife healing of myself with a priestess of sacred sexuality led to my own work in this field.

I am Pisces Sun, and my close Venus-Chiron conjunction in Aquarius is also conjunct 1992 QB1. With this natal aspect, it makes sense that I would connect sex with healing, and have a vision to take sexual healing into the collective.

Vision Quest is still a vital part of my spiritual life. Every year I go into the Dance Arbor or on a solo quest into nature to seek a vision.

At 60, and finished with my second Saturn return through Scorpio, I am creating a self-guided Crone initiation. I am making an orgasmic Vision Quest, cultivating erotic trance states to connect with embodied higher knowing. I believe that after menopause, a woman’s sexuality can be brought into service of the collective good by accessing wisdom in the cosmic realms.

I am crying for a vision for this final third of my life. Over the past month I’ve had glimpses. This week, I had the vision.

After midnight the morning of Dec. 6, I lay in bed beside my partner, too cold to fall sleep, too tired get up and take a hot bath to warm myself.

I began to hear the words in my head, “Cone of Power.” The words repeated over and over, and I began to see the image of a great Cone of Light rising from the surface of the earth, coming to a point at great height. At the base of the Cone of Light, I saw a circle of women, their wombs lit up. They were the source or channel of this Cone of Power.

It seemed to be a response to the massacre in San Bernardino, the most recent killing spree in the U.S. I felt the darkness of the false flag, the set-up for bloodthirsty fascism, as a shadow swallowing the land. I don’t know what is true about this event; I am reporting the energy of the vision.

I lay in this vision, my inner hearth afire, my womb lit up, my core open and breathing light as I curled by my lover, not sleeping. I wondered if someone out west was holding ceremony and calling all women who are awake to take part.

I was awake so I heard the call! I felt that I was in ceremony with women around the world.
I saw the light and the women, connected to many circles of women around the world lighting up, giving their energy. I saw men surrounding the women, protecting and guarding them as they worked the Light. I saw all of us, men and women together, called by Vesta, keeper of the Sacred Flame.

In the vision, I saw the bloodbath. I wondered, “Who wields the sword?” Is it SHE, the enraged Divine Feminine? Or is it HE, patriarchy’s last stand?

I saw how the patriarchy has the guns, bombs and weapons of mass destruction.

The Divine Feminine has the destructive forces of nature: earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes, floods, fires, tsunamis, droughts and pestilence. She will meet the patriarchy’s weapons, their GMOs and their 1% economies with a terror of her own. SHE — Kali, Sekhmet, Lilith — will do what she must to restore the balance of life.

It is frightening that we are all caught in this Armageddon.
I saw the Men of Light, warriors flashing the Sword of Protection. I saw the women, especially the Grandmothers, stirring the cauldron, making the medicine, cooking up the Mystery. I saw the two coming together in the Sacred Rite, goddess and god, seeding renewed life.

His Sword. Her Cauldron. Their Fire.

As I joined my inner fire, my Vesta, with the others in the vision, the goddess commanded that my lover and I come together to send our erotic energy into this Cone of Power, and have orgasm for HER.

He thought I wanted sex for myself. I was still in the vision, feeling the urgency of Her command. He mistook my urgency for lust, and wanted to hold back, give me time. Of all times to give me time! I don’t need time: leave your ego out of this. Fuck me, ignite me; this is not for us, we are sending it! I could not stop to explain; I was in the vision. He surrendered to HER, and She pulled his fire from him with a roar and a growl, and She was satisfied.

My orgasm was on another dimension. I was plugged into my body, but feeding my inner fire. Sending the light in my womb, I was united with all those women around the world, who were grounding and feeding that Cone of Power.

This is work we can all do.

I believe with all that I am that sexual healing is necessary to this work of planetary healing. It is necessary so that each person can be right with themselves, and right in their relations with others. It is necessary so that people can have joy and abundance in life. It is necessary so the Earth can be fruitful.

Sexual healing is necessary so that we all can reclaim our personal power and use it for more life.

The vision continues to unfold, guiding my calling into this work. It is work we are all called to do in our own way, feeding our inner light. We join our own tribe with all the others, creating circles of light. We do this holy work against all hope. We must do it anyway.

I humbly offer this vision to the people.

Carla Sanders is a teacher of sexual pleasure and orgasm, and guide women and men on their path of initiation. She believes that sexual expression is your birthright and your personal power source. Carla lives in Maine where she swims, dances, stargazes, makes art and gardens passionately. Her website is

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