{"id":79190,"date":"2014-08-30T14:00:56","date_gmt":"2014-08-30T18:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=79190"},"modified":"2014-08-29T18:36:27","modified_gmt":"2014-08-29T22:36:27","slug":"whats-going-to-set-you-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/relationships-2\/whats-going-to-set-you-free\/","title":{"rendered":"What\u2019s Going to Set You Free?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: Today’s piece by SeattlePolyChick<\/a> originally published Aug. 5; yet somehow for me it resonates with the symbolic end of summer occurring this weekend in the U.S. Her posts appear on her own blog, plus over at lifeontheswingset.com<\/a>. — Amanda<\/em><\/p>\n

By SeattlePolyChick<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

I have an anniversary date coming up and I\u2019m deciding to do things a little differently. August 10th is the day Hubby and I married, and the day my father died (not in the same year). Hubby and I used to celebrate both the day we met (July 17th) and our wedding anniversary. My dad dying that day made it a little bittersweet. <\/p>\n

\"SeattlePolyChick\"
SeattlePolyChick<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Last year Hubby and I talked for a long time, crying a little, but not really getting angry, just talking. He\u2019d asked the month before for a divorce and it was just us talking as people, which was rare those days with all the hurt and anger and such. <\/p>\n

We got off the phone and I wrote about all the things we\u2019d talked about. I wanted to remember.<\/p>\n

I cried afterward for my dad and my marriage and then pulled myself together, but it was a hard day. I didn\u2019t want to spend the whole day broken. I pulled out things that belonged to my father and looked at pictures of him, but I hadn\u2019t been ready to do that with Hubby\u2019s stuff. I did that later. <\/p>\n

The weirdest part was that I kept thinking about Hubby and hoping he was okay. It hurt that he was hurting and I couldn\u2019t make it better. After everything that was the hardest part. <\/p>\n

I just saw on my calendar this date approaching and I\u2019m thinking I\u2019ll do it differently this year. I might have needed to process all that hurt and pain and anger and fear last year, and that had made my father\u2019s death fresher too, thinking how disappointed he\u2019d be. But I\u2019m not there a year later, kind of biding time in a basement and having no idea what to do with myself. My life has moved on and I\u2019m happy. Hubby is happy. I think my daughters are happy. And I just don\u2019t feel the need to wallow or cry or rue the day. I wanna take it back.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to celebrate and remember the good stuff. I\u2019m going to watch one of the hundreds of movies Hubby and I liked and eat a giant bowl of popcorn for him and enjoy his old drink at Starbucks, the place we met and spent so much happy time. I\u2019m going to work \u201choly shnikeys\u201d and \u201cmother bitch\u201d into a conversation somewhere and I\u2019m going to smile if I see a man with knock knees. I\u2019ll think of our words \u201choney bunny\u201d and \u201cpunkin\u201d lightly. I might play cribbage if I can find anyone who knows how. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll think of him somewhere maybe riding the motorcycles I brought to his life or thinking about roller derby or any of the things we liked together so much and how he might think of me too with all of the things we shared. Maybe he\u2019ll sing the song he made up for my butt or look at one of the years of poems or letters he wrote to me. Maybe he\u2019ll eat a chocolate orange for me or think about the impressionists or Van Gogh or modern art I loved. <\/p>\n

And I\u2019m going to watch the sunset for my dad. My dad LOVED sunsets. He had a thing about trying to make time to make sure he saw them often. He marveled at them and wrote about them a lot. If I can I\u2019ll touch a Harley for him or hug a burly biker and maybe sketch a woman\u2019s ass. (Yeah he was a bit of a letch.) Maybe I\u2019ll go the museum for my father, a thing he loved so much, or look at beautiful art, a passion he gave me, or listen to someone play the guitar and sing like Bob Dylan.<\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll make August 10th the day for men who I loved that are no longer in my life and to whom I am grateful. It had been two steps forward and two back for a while, but lately it\u2019s just been mostly peaceful. I have to admit my life was irretrievably shaped by these two men, my father with my childhood and Hubby with most of our adult lives together. You just can\u2019t spend that amount of time loving someone and turn it off like a light. I\u2019ve decided this August 10th will be a good thing if I can make it so.<\/p>\n

Hubby had a tattoo on his ankle that said \u201cwhat\u2019s gonna set you free?\u201d. I always loved that tattoo. I still think I might get it myself someday, maybe with an anchor with a broken chain. There\u2019s a lot of answers to that. Time is a good one. I\u2019m set free by time and forgiveness and living and love. I\u2019m set free by the choices I make and what I decide to keep and carry. <\/p>\n

I think *I* set me free. <\/p>\n

__________<\/p>\n

Oh. Wow. I looked up the lyrics to the song that inspired Hubby\u2019s tattoo. How perfect.<\/p>\n

__________<\/p>\n

Beastie Boys — Gratitude<\/em><\/p>\n

Good times gone and you missed them
\nWhat\u2019s gone wrong in your system
\nThings they bounce like a Spalding
\nWhat\u2019d you think? Did you miss your calling?
\nIt\u2019s so free, this kind of feeling
\nIt\u2019s like life, it\u2019s so appealing
\nWhen you\u2019ve got so much to say
\nIt\u2019s called gratitude and that\u2019s right
\nGood times gone but you feed it
\nHate\u2019s grown strong, you feel you need it
\nJust one thing, do you know
\nWhat you think that the world owes you
\nWhat\u2019s gonna set you free?
\nLook inside and you\u2019ll see
\nWhen you\u2019ve got so much to say
\nIt\u2019s called gratitude and that\u2019s right<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor’s Note: Today’s piece by SeattlePolyChick originally published Aug. 5; yet somehow for me it resonates with the symbolic end of summer occurring this weekend in the U.S. Her posts appear on her own blog, plus over at lifeontheswingset.com. — Amanda By SeattlePolyChick I have an anniversary date coming up and I\u2019m deciding to do … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7221,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1769],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79190"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7221"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=79190"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79190\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=79190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=79190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=79190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}