{"id":73638,"date":"2014-01-25T14:00:26","date_gmt":"2014-01-25T19:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=73638"},"modified":"2014-01-24T17:59:47","modified_gmt":"2014-01-24T22:59:47","slug":"poly-media-mashup-for-cold-or-hot-nights","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/polyamory\/poly-media-mashup-for-cold-or-hot-nights\/","title":{"rendered":"Poly Media Mashup for Cold (or Hot) Nights"},"content":{"rendered":"

Maria Padhila<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I began writing this as I was making some chocolate chip cookies, because that\u2019s how polyamory works — when it\u2019s one guy\u2019s birthday, the other one gets chocolate chip cookies, too, even when the other one says, no, no, I don\u2019t need those things, I\u2019m supposed to be in training. Cookies for the house, and whiskey for the horses! <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Poly Paradise at Burning Man. Photo by Eric.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It\u2019s pretty cold out, in case you hadn\u2019t noticed, so I thought I\u2019d share some of the media I\u2019ve enjoyed over recent months. If you have the time and the access, these are great to curl up with.<\/p>\n

First, stop the presses ’cause I don\u2019t know how it escaped me until now that (graphic novel writer and more) Neil Gaiman and (musician and more) Amanda Palmer have an open marriage. Here\u2019s an interview from late last year<\/a> that goes into some of it, including how they deal with trolls. <\/p>\n

They have a refreshingly offhand attitude toward their relationship structure, but also acknowledge that it takes a lot of talk and honesty.<\/p>\n

\nQuestion: Being polyamorous I\u2019m often curious how others arrive at opening their relationships. How did you two breach the subject of an open marriage and was it a result of rigorous tour schedules or have all your relationships been open?<\/p>\n

NG: We both came from closed relationships (although Amanda had tried all sorts of relationships before that one). We both wanted to be with each other, but also we wanted more than that. From the very beginning of the relationship, in early 2009, possibly even before we started actually going out, we knew we wanted to be free to be with other people when we were away, and that we wanted to build the kind of a relationship in which that would bring us closer. So far it\u2019s working pretty well.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. It works okay currently because we have people we can kiss all over the world. If we both lived in a small town and never left, we might decide it was easier to have a closed relationship. Or we might not.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And speaking of comic books! If you\u2019re poly or have poly friends, you\u2019ll get a kick out of this one<\/a>. There\u2019s most likely a character in her multiverse you can relate to. She reminds me of the early Allison Bechdel. <\/p>\n

Frankness and honesty is something there is not much of in some of the other pieces I liked from the past year — or at least, the honesty is hard won after a struggle. But that\u2019s what makes for drama (and often, comedy as well). The Masters of Sex<\/em> series on Showtime, a fictional drama based on the Masters and Johnson sex researchers, has a lot to recommend it, starting with the acting. What stands out for me is the portrayal of women — it goes far deeper into the Mad Men territory, using women in early second-wave feminism as surrogates for feminist challenges today. <\/p>\n

Lizzy Caplan as Virginia Johnson pulls at your heart and your mind. Allison Janney as a neglected wife who discovers her husband is gay and takes a stand for her own happiness is also worth the watching, as is Helene Yorke as a chirpy blend of Marilyn Monroe and Doris Day, achingly idealistic about helping with the groundbreaking sex research. A scene over an academic office lunch with Dr. Masters, not-Dr. Johnson, some researchers and Dr. Master\u2019s mother is just one priceless moment. \u201cAnd what do you do in the study?\u201d asks the be-hatted matron. \u201cI masturbate,\u201d she smiles proudly, and takes a bite of her sandwich. <\/p>\n

A New Yorker<\/em> piece<\/a> is just one lately that looks at the truth behind the show. It\u2019s good that it\u2019s had that effect of re-opening the truly brave and revolutionary nature of this research — and revealing all that was flawed about it, as well. <\/p>\n

[The real] Johnson died earlier this year, at the age of eighty-eight. She was no longer going by the name she\u2019d used professionally for her forty-odd years in sex research. Instead, she was \u201cMary Masters,\u201d another old woman in a nursing home with a story that only a few people listened to. Her tale is laced with regrets. As she\u2019d tell the writer Thomas Maier, whose book Masters of Sex<\/em> the series is based on, \u201cI can remember saying out loud — and I\u2019m appalled as I remember it — being very pleased that I could be anything any man wanted me to be. \u2026 In retrospect, I ask myself, \u2018Geez, did I lose myself that totally?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Some of her guilt was the ordinary kind, familiar to any working woman. She worried that she\u2019d missed her kids growing up. She was so busy working as Masters\u2019s associate on his sex research that she never got the imprimatur of a university degree, an honorific that might seem ceremonial in retrospect but which meant a great deal to her personally. Most relevant, to those who have been watching the show, is how Mary seemed to regret her involvement with Bill Masters.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Again, that\u2019s where the drama comes from.<\/p>\n

The film Don Jon<\/em> (from first time writer-director but well-known actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt), is about a character who, paradoxically, cannot lose himself — even as he\u2019s busy being the person he believes everyone wants him to be. Reviewer Trie on The Rainbow Hub website traces the paradox of this young alpha male in this review<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Our title character is Jon, who is so prolific with women that his friends call him \u201cThe Don,\u201d and Jon\u2019s like some sort of weird reject from Jersey Shore<\/em> with all the problems and stereotypes therein.<\/p>\n

Actually, forget stereotype; Jon is a pastiche: he something recognizable as non-reality but a true media-created reality.<\/p>\n

Jon is a simulacrum.<\/p>\n

And, that\u2019s so interesting.<\/p>\n

Because — for those that aren\u2019t actually paying attention — Don Jon<\/em> is easily just an indictment of the porn industry and how it\u2019s destroying masculinity and contributing to misogyny.<\/p>\n

And, this isn\u2019t a wrong assessment; it\u2019s just an incomplete assessment.<\/p>\n

Don Jon<\/em> is totally an indictment of the porn industry and its viewers, but more [it] is the \u201cwe\u2019ve done our jobs so well that there isn\u2019t this realization by our [viewers] that porn isn\u2019t reality,\u201d and that Lack of Reality leads to unrealistic expectations everywhere — for everyone: male, female, and everyone in between and not on the spectrum.<\/p>\n

This film is also an indictment of Men\u2019s Culture — as represented by hyper-masculinity and porn and This Is How To Be A Real Man that\u2019s, like, from some handbook from the 50s — and Women\u2019s Culture — as represented by sexual manipulation bordering upon coercion and abuse and romantic comedies and If A Man Really Loves You, He\u2019ll Give Up Everything For You. \u2026 <\/p>\n

Yeah, you can go and see Don Jon<\/em> and have something funny and filled with second-hand embarrassment and with a heart-warming ending.<\/p>\n

But, I think you might be doing yourself a disservice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I didn\u2019t get around to seeing Design For Living <\/em>(1933), the original triad comedy of manners, in its 80th anniversary year. It\u2019s said to define racy and witty, and I\u2019m not going to contradict that. Plus, Paris.<\/p>\n

I did see The Sessions<\/em>. People say the remarkable thing about it is that it\u2019s about a sex surrogate. I think what\u2019s remarkable is that it\u2019s about a poet. And spirituality. I recommend it to everyone. <\/p>\n

Another excellent cold-weather warmer is 2004\u2019s 9 Songs<\/em>, by Michael Winterbottom, which Eric has written about in the past; it\u2019s a story of a love affair with a trajectory that\u2019s not often traced. It\u2019s got my favorite music in it.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re looking for more poly, LGBT, non-monogamous and\/or just plain sexy and thoughtful movie suggestions, I\u2019d recommend checking out the reviews on polyamory writer Joreth\u2019s blog<\/a>; they\u2019re really well written and on-target. Stay warm, or cool if you\u2019re in Australia. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maria Padhila I began writing this as I was making some chocolate chip cookies, because that\u2019s how polyamory works — when it\u2019s one guy\u2019s birthday, the other one gets chocolate chip cookies, too, even when the other one says, no, no, I don\u2019t need those things, I\u2019m supposed to be in training. Cookies for the … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7221,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[207],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73638"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7221"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73638"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73638\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}