{"id":56521,"date":"2012-05-01T15:05:26","date_gmt":"2012-05-01T19:05:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=56521"},"modified":"2012-05-01T15:05:26","modified_gmt":"2012-05-01T19:05:26","slug":"and-now-a-word-from-down-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/fe-911-2\/and-now-a-word-from-down-there\/","title":{"rendered":"And now a word from Down There"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fe Bongolan has taken a brief reprieve from her political column to regain some much-needed sanity and bring down her cortisol levels. In her absence, Fe’s uterus has agreed to take on this week’s Fe-911 column in honor of May Day, also known as Beltane 2012.<\/em><\/p>\n

We all know Fe has the tendency to blurt out what she really thinks, and lately she’s been blurting and thinking and saying a lot about the cretins out there trying to push her country into a time machine and dialing all of us back to the 14th century. As Fe’s uterus, I agree with her. And I have absolutely no hope that politicians, economists, scientists or engineers will be able to solve the mystery of why everyone, here and abroad, always goes batshit crazy over me every few decades or so throughout the millennia.<\/p>\n

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First off, I am completely hidden. No one ever pays attention to me except when I need medical care, or\u00a0when they try to sell Fe products for menstrual bleeding — no longer an issue I might add — or to make me smell nicer. Or, get this — to make my vaginal lips pinker<\/a> — what is up with that? Billions of dollars paying for expensive spray-on bronzers to tan the rest of the body, yet when it comes to the pussy, you want it bleached? <\/em>\u00a0I am quite happy to say my pussy lips are a soft golden olive with hints of rose madder. And not for one second am I even going to contemplate a hose-down with Clorox to make my pussy look like that of a virgin Caucasian’s. What is wrong with this picture?<\/p>\n

Now that I’m up here, I might as well ask this question. Why is it that I am called ‘down there’? I am not Australia (or conversely, for my sister uteri below the equator — NOT Nova Scotia). I am not a location. I am a functioning reproductive organ. My fellow uteri and I agree: What’s up with regarding us as a country? Or as real estate in general?<\/p>\n

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Yes, real estate. Otherwise known as property. In the game of 21st century political football, we’ve become the investment property over which land usage is now cause for war. Me — the nest, the igloo, the Nipa hut,\u00a0the yurt for future tenants, sheltered below Fe’s abdomen while occupied or not — is the new\u00a0cause de guerre<\/em>. Uterine tenancy is the rallying cry for a Hatfield-McCoy war between left and right. I guess these guys needed some place to put their aggressive energy since the war in Iraq is technically over.<\/p>\n

I find this new decade to be very very strange. One hundred years after the Women’s Suffrage Movement and we’re living in a time warp somewhere between the Spanish Inquisition and Facebook.\u00a0I’ve often fantasized about getting away from it all, de-coupling myself from Fe’s body. Sort of like Star Trek when they released the passenger-carrying saucer section of the Enterprise to allow the main ship to gear for battle, keeping the civilians safe from harm. I’m not talking about a hysterectomy — that’s a\u00a0very serious business, mind you — but a short-term separation, a vacation of sorts.<\/p>\n

Think of it. Me, Vagina and Fallopia out for a fortnight, like a cruise or a road trip with the girls. I imagine us\u00a0free-floating over Paris, cavorting along the rooftops of the Left Bank like Lamorrise’s Red Balloon<\/em>.<\/a> Maybe a few of us uteri can meet for a confab over the Cafe le Deux Magots<\/a> for some confit, brioche and Beaujolais Nouveau? Maybe we can all join together like Lamorrise’s gathering of red balloons everywhere and lift all of our girls and women up and out and away from the madness over what should be something only for us girls and women to consider?<\/p>\n

I am the universe, and I am the uterus — the common thread for the majority of life on Earth. After billions of years of evolution, we have the right to determine what and who we want in us. A baby? Many babies? We’re ready from head to toe, the minute we make the decision. No babies? Fine with me. In fact that was Fe’s choice, making me, in the parlance of valued ‘real estate’, an artist’s live-work space. No definitions, constantly changing interiors, and new ‘babies’ — theater, dance and visual creations coming in with each of my undulations.<\/p>\n

In fact that is what I, the uterus, the womb — the Mother of all — am about: creation. Not just of children, though that is an important part, but every last impulse we women have to create beauty, joy, pleasure and works of great importance on the planet. It is not the female equivalent of a guy’s ‘being led by his dick’. It is the right to decide what to receive and produce that which exists. That is some very potent power. Remember that.<\/p>\n

I am certain that even though Fe’s Sun sign is Aquarius, my astrological sign is really Sagittarius. I’ve always enjoyed philosophy, travel and religion — as a concept, not a practice.\u00a0I am here today to wish all of you a very happy and sensual May Day. My vagina, who is often at a loss for words, has asked me to thank you on her behalf. Since Fe has finally given me use of her laptop, I have had so much to say,\u00a0and still have so many questions to ask of you. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments section.<\/p>\n

Please let your uterus speak for you today and everyday, as loudly and naturally as it wants to.\u00a0It’s Beltane, baby. Time to party!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fe Bongolan has taken a brief reprieve from her political column to regain some much-needed sanity and bring down her cortisol levels. In her absence, Fe’s uterus has agreed to take on this week’s Fe-911 column in honor of May Day, also known as Beltane 2012. We all know Fe has the tendency to blurt … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1740],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56521"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56521"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56521\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}