{"id":50737,"date":"2011-12-17T15:21:25","date_gmt":"2011-12-17T20:21:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=50737"},"modified":"2011-12-18T14:59:49","modified_gmt":"2011-12-18T19:59:49","slug":"here%e2%80%99s-the-story%e2%80%a6of-a-lovely-lady%e2%80%a6who-was-living-with-two-very-lovely-guys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/polyamory\/here%e2%80%99s-the-story%e2%80%a6of-a-lovely-lady%e2%80%a6who-was-living-with-two-very-lovely-guys\/","title":{"rendered":"Here\u2019s the Story\u2026of a Lovely Lady\u2026Who Was Living with Two Very Lovely Guys"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Maria Padhila<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I know I can go it alone. It\u2019s not that I need to see that there are people like me out there. But it sure makes you feel good to see it once in a while.<\/p>\n

\"Poly
Poly Paradise at Burning Man. Photo by Eric.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Like the other night. I was watching a web series on the computer, and saw a woman cuddled up with her boyfriend — soon to be her husband — on the couch, on New Year\u2019s Eve. They were talking about her other boyfriend, who was out partying, having his idea of fun. They preferred staying home. They talked about him a little bit, speculating on what a good time he was having. Then she sighed and rested her head on his leg. \u201cI love him so much,\u201d she said. \u201cI know,\u201d he said, smiling down at her. And they both dozed off.<\/p>\n

A few nights before, I\u2019d been going out with Isaac and Chris to a party. I\u2019d been so busy with other things — mostly dealing with our daughter — that I hadn\u2019t had time to make my costume. I was sticking myself in the ass with safety pins, trying to turn myself into a naughty Santa\u2019s elf, while I remembered that I had to call my friend and let her know we were heading over, and I wanted to make sure Chris had something to eat, and did Isaac have his ticket? And I didn\u2019t have my makeup on yet. I had promised that I\u2019d be ready in 10 minutes, but as Chris had snarked, \u201cthat was a lot longer than 10 minutes.\u201d Isaac was staying remarkably calm in the face of my dithering, helping with the safety pins and then, at Chris\u2019s suggestion, actually stapling the fake fur to my costume while I was wearing it, which, surprisingly, worked really well.<\/p>\n

When we got outside, Chris decided to take his own car rather than ride with us. As Isaac and I set off, I was grumping about how if Chris was so worried about the time, he should have just taken his own car and left earlier, why was he being all like that, he seemed like he was mad at me, etc. I looked at Isaac at a stoplight, and he smiled and said: \u201cHe loves you. Anyone can see that. He\u2019s not mad at you.\u201d
\n<\/p>\n

And right after that, the phone rang, and it was Chris telling me to watch out for a road closure up ahead.<\/p>\n

So I know how these moments can be so ordinary and so world-rocking at the same time. You can feel like you\u2019re living in a dream sometimes when you\u2019re different. And then you see it on a screen, with other people, and you think, there, I\u2019m not so strange after all. It\u2019s OK. Someone else out there can appreciate these kinds of moments without thinking they\u2019re weird or perverse. Like that craving to see the \u201cgay kiss\u201d that turns into such a big deal on TV — you just want to see a couple who look like you and love each other kiss each other when they get home from work and act, well, normal.<\/p>\n

The web series is called \u201cFamily,\u201d<\/a> and it was filmed in 2009. It\u2019s the story of a woman and two men living in Seattle in an open V — they\u2019re committed but free to see others. And of course there are plenty of friends and relatives and other adventures along the way. I intended to watch just a few, but I felt so at home with it that I had to see more.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get the wrong idea — the series is more than a feel-good exercise in poly propaganda, even though it\u2019s been shown and featured at numerous poly events. It\u2019s an early adopter web series (one started early in the trend) with a volunteer cast and crew, but the result is really polished and absolutely addictive.<\/p>\n

That makes sense, because creator Terisa Greenan\u2019s identity is as much filmmaker and actress as it is polyamorist. The show grew out of her desire to work with the then-pretty-new medium of the web series, one that\u2019s accessible and appealing to a lot of independent filmmakers and writers. Her partners who live with her appeared in the series, and another partner who lives with his wife and child nearby became a co-creator and continued to work with her on other projects not about polyamory. His name is Matt Bullen and his blog, Polyamory Next Door. To You.<\/a> makes great reading; he\u2019s got a really appealing voice and anyone interested in how having a child fits in with all this would probably enjoy reading it.<\/p>\n

I originally intended to write about movies featuring polyamory or open relationships, because I like to binge on movies and theater when I have a little time off over the holidays. But watching a web series is just as appealing\u2014and free. If you have some downtime in front of your computer over the holidays and want something good to watch, check out Family. Because there are so many series out there, I also asked Greenan to recommend a few good ones; her list is at the end of this.<\/p>\n

After I managed to tear myself away from the episodes, Greenan gave me an email interview. She told me, \u201cI never intended to do a show about polyamory. I wanted to try a web series because it seemed to be the format of the moment — what all indie filmmakers were doing at the time. I only did the show about polyamory because I did the show about my life. And I did the show about my life because it was what I thought would be easiest for me to write about.\u201d I think her answers are interesting to anyone trying something creative, in love or in art.<\/p>\n

What was the biggest thing you learned in the course of making the series?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I learned so much during the course of making the show. I don’t know if I can choose one thing. I learned technical things about filmmaking — too numerous to mention and too boring for anyone but a filmmaker to be interested in. I learned that I have an incredible network of supportive people in my life who believe in me and in my creative pursuits. I learned that the television industry is sly and manipulative and that everyone in it is only interested in their own self-propulsion. I learned that I have more stamina than I thought I did. I learned I have less patience than I thought I did.<\/p>\n

What was the biggest challenge?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The biggest challenge was probably scheduling. I set myself a daunting goal — two episodes per month for a full year — and to keep that up was exhausting and grueling. And trying to schedule cast and crew for shoots when nobody was getting paid and everyone had a day job was\u2026 well, challenging is an understatement.<\/p>\n

And what\u2019s your favorite episode (hard to say, I know).<\/strong><\/p>\n

Not that hard, actually. Episode #13, \u201cSleepless in Seattle,\u201d has always been one of my very favorite episodes.<\/p>\n

Do you have a favorite movie with poly themes?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I like movies that are poly-positive but don’t necessarily make anything of it, like \u201cBandits.\u201d That’s one of my favorite treatments of polyamory in a movie.<\/p>\n

Do you want to share some of your personal relationship story?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Been with Scott for 14 years and Larry for 12 years. Larry and Scott and I are all heterosexual, so we are in a V triad — they are just friends. We are an open poly triad, meaning we are all free to have outside lovers as well, and we do. Larry has three other girlfriends currently; Scott has one; I have one boyfriend. Scott and Larry and I have lived together for 11 years in Seattle. We consider ourselves life partners. We were all three married and monogamous before meeting each other. We are all artists. Scott is a novelist, Larry is a violinist, and I am an actress and filmmaker. Scott and Larry both had roles in \u201cFamily.\u201d Larry was Jim, the news reporter [and he did some very good acting — MP<\/em>], and Scott was Grant, the homeless guy [great hair! — MP<\/em>]. My other boyfriend, Matt, co-wrote some of the episodes with me.<\/p>\n

What was the creative process involved in episodes? Was there improvisation, either during or before? What kind of collaboration — or not — came about?<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was much collaboration between me and Matt after he came on board around Episode #8. Before that it was all me — plus, Episode #13 is all mine. There was really not very much input from the actors. They were welcome to contribute and did occasionally, but not hugely. Mostly, we stuck to the scripts, which had been honed before the actors came in to the shoot.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the question every writer\/creator dreads: Which one of them is ‘you’? Who is so-and-so based on? Have you had to deal with those kinds of autobiographical assumptions, and how did you tackle them?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come right out and said from the start that the show is \u201cloosely based on my real life,\u201d so nobody has had to guess at that. What I mean by \u201cloosely\u201d is that the three main characters are based on me, Scott and Larry and our core personality traits, but that the events that happen to the characters are fictional.<\/p>\n

How do you feel that the web series medium has changed or grown?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, they’ve become like anything else, now. Everyone has one, even major celebrities, big name actors. Web series have big funding now; it\u2019s pretty hilarious, actually. They’ve been co-opted by Hollywood, like everything else.<\/p>\n

I love how the series starts out with her dating yet another guy — and the guys are OK with that. Did you feel people had a problem with this? One of the big things that comes up for me is that I\u2019m being \u201cselfish\u201d or \u201cgreedy\u201d with two — and two should be enough. Ever get that kind of talk?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh, sure. But I have long contended that much of the negative talk from the \u201chaters\u201d about polyamory comes from a place of jealousy. I still believe that. I firmly believe that many or most of the people who say we are being selfish or greedy are simply jealous that they don’t have what we have.<\/p>\n

The series started a few years back, and it feels as if things have changed so quickly. How do you feel things have changed for polyamory and its acceptance in America? Looking back, would you change what you created?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Polyamory has mainstreamed so much just in the past three years since the series began. And I think the show had something to do with that. I would not change a single thing about how or when I created it.<\/p>\n

What are the actors doing now? What are you up to?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Amber Rack (Gemma) is still acting in theater and film and is also now a licensed massage therapist. Ernie Joseph (Ben) acts in just about every independent film that shoots in Seattle. Seriously, he may be the workingest actor in town. Eric Smiley (Stuart) is still in town styling hair and attending Burning Man every year, as far as I know. I just finished directing a documentary about American author Robert Clark Young, called \u201cSomeday You.\u201d<\/a> It is submitted to film festivals and will hopefully be released somewhere next year.<\/p>\n

And here are Terisa Greenan\u2019s web series picks — comedies all. If you\u2019re lucky enough to get some vacation, enjoy! And maybe it would be interesting just to casually watch a few \u201cFamily\u201d episodes on the family computer while you\u2019re at home visiting…<\/p>\n

Mister Glasses <\/a><\/p>\n

Sexual Intercourse American Style<\/a><\/p>\n

Welcome to My Study<\/a><\/p>\n

The Parent Project<\/a><\/p>\n

Mr. Diety<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Maria Padhila I know I can go it alone. It\u2019s not that I need to see that there are people like me out there. But it sure makes you feel good to see it once in a while. Like the other night. I was watching a web series on the computer, and saw a … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7221,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[207],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50737"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7221"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50737"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50737\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}