{"id":49208,"date":"2011-11-26T15:00:31","date_gmt":"2011-11-26T20:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=49208"},"modified":"2011-11-25T13:18:02","modified_gmt":"2011-11-25T18:18:02","slug":"republicans-have-a-love-jones-for-the-washington-monument","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/polyamory\/republicans-have-a-love-jones-for-the-washington-monument\/","title":{"rendered":"Republicans Have a Love Jones for the Washington Monument"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"600\" height=\"437\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/O66L2Pel6x0\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>By Maria Padhila<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>The recent blog entry on dick size resulted in a lot of frank discussion, but I think we managed to skirt one important issue: Which country has the best enormous phallic symbol? My vote is above.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_39261\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-39261\" style=\"width: 315px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-39261 \" title=\"Poly Paradise at Burning Man. Photo by Eric.\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/325_burnman_bliss_86381.jpg?resize=325%2C222&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Poly Paradise at Burning Man. Photo by Eric.\" width=\"325\" height=\"222\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/325_burnman_bliss_86381.jpg?w=325&amp;ssl=1 325w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/325_burnman_bliss_86381.jpg?resize=300%2C204&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 325px) 100vw, 325px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-39261\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Poly Paradise at Burning Man. Photo by Eric.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>I started wondering when I saw a funny bit of absurdist theater broadcast from a Republican presidential candidate\u2019s camp this week. Oh, I know, there are so many &#8212; funny bits of theater as well as Republican candidates. But this one showed the GOP\u2019s concern with people\u2019s relationships to national monuments. Candidate Michele Bachmann\u2019s campaign manager pretty much said gay marriage and polyamory are like having a relationship with the Eiffel Tower. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.rightwingwatch.org\/content\/bachmanns-iowa-campaign-chair-says-same-sex-marriage-will-lead-object-marriage\">It should really be seen to be believed<\/a>. In the clip, Bachmann&#8217;s Iowa campaign co-chair Tamara Scott says that indeed, with gay marriage progressing, the worst fears of the right wing are already coming to pass: people are practicing polygamy, polyamory, and getting married to the Eiffel Tower. (All this is in some way true, but my point is, so what?)<\/p>\n<p>The funniest part is listening to her mispronounce \u201cpolyamory.\u201d She gives it a cute little Dean Martin swing (heh heh): \u201cWhen the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that\u2019s poly-a-moooooor-eee.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>(By the way, the pizza pizza guy, Herman Cain, can\u2019t seem to decide whether gay marriage is okay or not. This difficulty in choosing which side to be on is ironic, because he believes being gay is a &#8216;choice&#8217;. Mr. Cain, I have to ask: You want a job, right?)<\/p>\n<p>The Eiffel Tower tactic is an extension of the slippery slope marriage argument for which another Republican presidential candidate, Rick Santorum, won fame and which eventually led to his being <a href=\"http:\/\/spreadingsantorum.com\">immortalized in the lexicon<\/a> as a sex-related term. Santorum\u2019s often-repeated assertion is that if you let two gay people get married, pretty soon people will be getting married to dogs, cats, geese (and they mate for life, people, for life!), aunts and nieces, as well as inanimate objects.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not that I feel particularly oppressed or threatened by this nonsense. It\u2019s more that I don\u2019t like being lumped in with the dogs, cats and inanimate objects. Even though that video clip reminded me how much I really, really love Bow Wow Wow, I don\u2019t want to marry them.<\/p>\n<p>And I don\u2019t presume to speak for them, but I do have the distinct impression that they don\u2019t want to be lumped in with me, either. \u201cAll that drama, all those calendars, all that blah, blah, blah about compersion, it\u2019s just a big drag and frankly kind of embarrassing to keep getting lumped in with the polyamorists,\u201d I can practically hear the Eiffel Tower or the Chocolate Lab saying right now. \u201cThose people never shut the fuck up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I have the same feeling when I get lumped in with certain humans, such as <a href=\"http:\/\/www.salon.com\/2011\/11\/22\/mitt_romney_mormon_enforcer\/\">Republican candidate Mitt Romney<\/a>, who calls being gay \u201cevil\u201d and told a woman she should give her child up for adoption rather than be a single parent.<\/p>\n<p>What people do with their amour appears to put Bachmann into overdrive, despite or because of her husband\u2019s &#8216;pray away the gay&#8217; &#8216;clinic&#8217; and speculation (which is sometimes creepily stereotype-based) <a href=\"http:\/\/www.slate.com\/articles\/health_and_science\/human_nature\/2011\/07\/read_my_lisp.single.html\">that her husband is gay<\/a>. The same speculation is hitting candidate Rick Perry, whose debate performances Gawker said are like \u201cvintage Charles Nelson Reilly on a particularly engaging episode of Match Game.\u201d <a href=\"http:\/\/gawker.com\/5854909\/the-gayest-moments-from-rick-perrys-new-hampshire-speech\">See for yourself here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>This might point to a progressive obsession with who you love that is at least as strong as that of the Republicans. The difference is, in playing gotcha with these candidates, the aim is to catch them in hypocrisy, not simply in a dalliance. If one of them is gay and on the down low, it\u2019s not just a matter of &#8216;character&#8217;, but one of policy. <\/p>\n<p>But now, we must forget Paris, my cherie polyamour, and turn to Iowa, home of The Family Leader. It\u2019s not my family or my leader, and, the organization also states, it\u2019s \u201cnot a political party, not a candidate, and not a program.\u201d Well, what the hell is it, then? A floor wax? A dessert topping? No, it\u2019s \u201ca Christ-centered organization that will lead with humility and service to strengthen and protect the family.\u201d It is \u201cloosely associated with Focus on the Family.\u201d It also appears to have a political action committee. That\u2019s practical.<\/p>\n<p>The Family Leader put out <a href=\"http:\/\/www.thefamilyleader.com\/the-marriage-vow\">a document called The Marriage Vow<\/a> that\u2019s one whiny mess. It\u2019s a quasi-constitutional, pseudo-contractual, fake-official statement they\u2019re trying to get politicians to sign. It starts like this, and it just gets worse:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFaithful monogamy is at the very heart of a designed and purposeful order &#8212; as conveyed by Jewish and Christian Scripture, by Classical Philosophers, by Natural Law, and by the American Founders &#8212; upon which our concepts of Creator-endowed human rights, racial justice and gender equality all depend.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Racial justice depends on monogamy? I\u2019m even more confused than they say I am.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOur exceptional and free society simply cannot endure without the transmission of personal virtue, from one generation to the next, by means of nurturing, nuclear families comprised of sexually-faithful husbands and wives, fathers and mothers.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Translation: Grandmothers can\u2019t teach history.<\/p>\n<p>But let\u2019s take a look at The Marriage Vow. From its assertively uppercase article to its fascinating blend of 19th and 21st-century evasive terminology (phrases such as \u201cthe innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy\u201d cheek by jowl with \u201cinappropriate same-gender or opposite-gender sexual harassment, adultery or intrusively intimate commingling among attracteds\u201d), it\u2019s a piece of work &#8212; one that rewards close textual analysis. I\u2019d love it if you all could take a look and share your thoughts, after you\u2019ve washed your eyes out.<\/p>\n<p>The early version of the document professed that African-American children were better off under slavery than they are today. That got some bad publicity, but it didn\u2019t stop Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum from signing it. Apparently they believe that is true, or maybe they think it\u2019s not that important.<\/p>\n<p>The new, improved, slavery-references-removed version follows its &#8216;preamble&#8217; with a number of bullet points, including this:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRecognition of the overwhelming statistical evidence that married people enjoy better health, better sex, longer lives, greater financial stability, and that children raised by a mother and a father together experience better learning, less addiction, less legal trouble, and less extramarital pregnancy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d love to see that \u201coverwhelming statistical evidence.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>On to more bullet points. Ok, blah blah, hate the gays, blah blah, hate single moms, blah blah, hate the Muslims, blah blah, and on down to the penultimate bullet point:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCommitment to downsizing government and the enormous burden upon American families of the USA\u2019s $14.3 trillion public debt, its $77 trillion in unfunded liabilities, its $1.5 trillion federal deficit, and its $3.5 trillion federal budget.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Wha&#8211;huh? That baby sure looks like an earmark to me. It\u2019s just like Congress does it with those big pieces of legislation. You all just throw whatever shit you like in there, thinking we won\u2019t notice that you slipped in a budget\/big government line while we were all het up about you trying to take away our right to Practice The Lifestyle. (And practice, you know, makes perfect.)<\/p>\n<p>What does that bullet point have to do with families? Whatever they want it to. Taxes is the killer of our families! Or was it the Gay that is the killer of our families? Or the taxes? Or the Gay? She\u2019s my daughter! She\u2019s my sister! Daughter! Sister! Never mind! Mitt can marry them both! Just sign! Sign!<\/p>\n<p>Yes, Republican presidential candidates are very hot to sign this thing; Rick Perry did it last week. For people who profess to so deeply respect every vow, they sure take a lot of random ones. A GOP candidate just about needs a spreadsheet to keep straight all this vowing here, there and everywhere: \u201cOkay, I agreed not to raise taxes on that one Pledge, then I said I\u2019d make poor slackers pay more on the Contract, then I said I\u2019d fight big government on the Vow, and then there\u2019s the Pledge of Allegiance, and then that one about \u201chelp other people every day, especially those at home,\u201d but does that conflict with the third bullet point on the Contract?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My advice is you all need to slow down a little and make damn sure you know who\u2019s handing you that pen before you sign anything. Could be&#8230; Satan.<\/p>\n<p>Another thing that\u2019s got me confused: If they sign The Marriage Vow, and they\u2019re already married, doesn\u2019t that make them a polygamist? Is this an example of marrying an object? When you sign The Marriage Vow, do you make a marriage vow to The Marriage Vow? Does it extend into an endless surreal echo chamber of \u201cI signed The Marriage Vow, to uphold my marriage vow, when I made my marriage vow, vow, vow&#8230;\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Anything that needs that much reinforcement makes me suspicious. You protest too much. This is even more protesting than Occupy.<\/p>\n<p>Plus: \u201cEndless Surreal Echo Chamber\u201d would be a good name for the next GOP debate.<\/p>\n<p>But don\u2019t miss the last bullet point: The victim clincher.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFierce defense of the First Amendment\u2019s rights of Religious Liberty and Freedom of Speech, especially against the intolerance of any who would undermine law-abiding American citizens and institutions of faith and conscience for their adherence to, and defense of, faithful heterosexual monogamy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You see, they\u2019re the ones who are oppressed, hurt, imprisoned, not allowed to do or say what they want. They\u2019re the victims.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m so moved, I\u2019m fixing to start up a canned-goods drive for their poor souls. But I have to say, as long as we\u2019ve got the gaydar guns out, that\u2019s a pretty bold use of \u201cfierce\u201d by a bunch of alleged gay-haters. It even makes me a little suspicious. What if this document were actually part of a conspiracy by the other side? A plot to make the Christian right look so ridiculous that they would be entirely discredited?<\/p>\n<p>No such luck. As with any reality show, there are too many people out there who take this shit seriously.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Maria Padhila The recent blog entry on dick size resulted in a lot of frank discussion, but I think we managed to skirt one important issue: Which country has the best enormous phallic symbol? My vote is above. I started wondering when I saw a funny bit of absurdist theater broadcast from a Republican &#8230; <a title=\"Republicans Have a Love Jones for the Washington Monument\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/polyamory\/republicans-have-a-love-jones-for-the-washington-monument\/\" aria-label=\"More on Republicans Have a Love Jones for the Washington Monument\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7221,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[207],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49208"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7221"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49208"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49208\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}