{"id":32418,"date":"2010-12-22T02:52:45","date_gmt":"2010-12-22T07:52:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=32418"},"modified":"2010-12-22T21:55:46","modified_gmt":"2010-12-23T02:55:46","slug":"solstice-meanderings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/solstice-meanderings\/","title":{"rendered":"Solstice meanderings"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am someone who tends to load up ‘big’ astrological events with fears of not doing ‘enough’ or not getting it ‘right’ or being so far behind in growth and preparation and awareness that ‘it’ will pass me by, leaving me hopelessly un-evolved and running to play a futile game of catch-up for the rest of my days. <\/p>\n

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Some lights for the longest nights, Festival of the Sacred and Profane, Peaks Island, Maine. Photo by Amanda.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It’s not as bad as it was a few short years ago, for sure. But the tendency still haunts me. Even something like the solstice — with its theme of slowing down and turning inward — can sometimes feel impossible to appreciate ‘right’. I’ve found myself this year torn more than usual between the holiday parties, family obligations, work and art (or even just the ideas<\/em> of those things) versus simply wanting to hibernate and trim my tree in solitude and attempt to honor the day with some sort of ‘serious’ meditation ‘ritual’. (I can’t seem to get the hang of meditation the way I imagine it’s ‘supposed’ to be; there I go again.)<\/p>\n

Mainly, though, I have found myself wishing for some simple, special, spontaneous moment of presence and peace and connection. They are rare enough for me that they stand out vividly when I realize I’m having one. Specifically, I am craving an experience like the one I had two years ago. I’m sure this urge to have something as it was in the past is a big obstacle in experiencing fully whatever this solstice is<\/em> offering. <\/p>\n

Still, I dug out the email I wrote to an old friend two years ago about that solstice past, although the moment has never lost its vividness for me. I’d forgotten how that year I was feeling strangely detached from Christmas, and after describing that to him, I wrote: <\/p>\n

but last night i took a gorgeous walk downtown in the snowstorm to see a french film (“un secret”) and ended up having a private showing. the 20-minute walk was fun, with almost no cars on the roads and a few other intrepid souls out on foot (and snowshoe; had i my x-country skis with me, i’d have skied to the movie). and when i got to the street where the theater is, i was greeted with the most strikingly lovely sight. the streetlights cast a soft bluish-greyish light on everything in the swirling snow, the christmas wreaths with their tiny tree lights shining a yellow-white light in contrast, and the pattern repeating all the way down the street as far as the dark and snow allowed me to see. there was not a car in sight in what is normally a crowded shopping district, with snowbanks on either side stretching down and the wind at my back blowing the tiny flakes on the ground in a pattern more like water… a river current in grey-blue and black shifting and dancing at my feet in a spot i’ve seen hundreds of times, now suddenly rendered totally alien, completely foreign and new and beautiful. it was utterly arresting. i could have stood there for a very long time (or until i got cold) just watching the swirls and gazing at the repeating lights and feeling very alive and invigorated and completely at peace; alone but very present and connected. i almost think i *needed* to stay there a bit longer and let it all sink in a little deeper, become a little more still. but i wasn’t sure what time it was and didn’t want to miss the start of the movie.<\/p>\n

and so i broke the spell and moved on.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The funny thing is, I had completely forgotten that day was the solstice until I had that moment and began walking again. I had no expectation for what the day should hold. I guess the trick isn’t so much working to find ‘it’ as allowing ‘it’ to find you — and then noticing. So curious that such a simple thing can be such a challenge so often. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am someone who tends to load up ‘big’ astrological events with fears of not doing ‘enough’ or not getting it ‘right’ or being so far behind in growth and preparation and awareness that ‘it’ will pass me by, leaving me hopelessly un-evolved and running to play a futile game of catch-up for the rest … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":191,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32418"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/191"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32418"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32418\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}