{"id":26327,"date":"2010-06-27T20:30:03","date_gmt":"2010-06-28T01:30:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=26327"},"modified":"2010-07-08T20:01:30","modified_gmt":"2010-07-09T01:01:30","slug":"fire-air-water-and-grounding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/fire-air-water-and-grounding\/","title":{"rendered":"Fire, Air, Water… and Grounding"},"content":{"rendered":"
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May 6, 2010, the old Jordan Meats building burns at the corner of Middle and India Streets, Portland, Maine. Photo by Amanda.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I was sitting at home at my desk the day of this photo, working online for Planet Waves. Or, rather, I was trying to work and not succeeding very well. I had just gotten off the phone with my aunt who was dying. She was going through her final stages of cancer, close to the time my father was doing the same one year ago. I had visited her in February; this phone call on a sunny day in May was our goodbye, and we both knew it. I had made a point to tell her that I loved her and would miss her; she said the same to me.<\/p>\n

I got off the phone and found myself a bit lost at sea, emotionally. I stared at the computer screen wondering how to focus enough to get even a little work done, but I realized this sea was more of a swamp: a bit murky in its vagueness; not quite the sharp point of loss, but rather its soft, current-less anticipation; one foot sinking deeper in as I tried to pull out the other. It occurred to me I also wasn’t trying very hard and wasn’t terribly interested in\u00a0doing so. I wanted to feel justified in just sitting there, feeling, without a thought to any “processing.”<\/p>\n

Suddenly I noticed my computer telling me my internet connection was lost, which made no sense till I picked up on the lack of music from the radio and then the beeping of my landline: the power had gone out.<\/p>\n

It being a sunny day, the outage clearly was not due to a storm. I walked to the living room to look out my south-facing third-floor dormer window. A shockingly dark plume of smoke greeted me as it streamed just behind the 202-year-old signal tower on the next street. I followed the plume with my gaze down the hill to its source beyond the rooftops and knew instantly, given the location, that whatever accident had caused the fire would be responsible for the loss of power in the entire hilltop neighborhood I live in.<\/p>\n

I’m still a bit amazed by how quickly my brain — indeed, my entire being — sprang into action. Literally the first thoughts to pop into my head were, “Grab the camera and the laptop and get down there.” I had to get to whatever unfortunate disaster was occurring and photograph it. I knew none of the nearest coffee shops would have power either, so I figured after my little photo field trip I’d continue the rest of the way downtown on foot to the next spot with WiFi and work.<\/p>\n

Eventually I did manage to get to a coffee shop downtown, but not before giving over entirely to an obsession with the scene of the fire and blowing through a roll and a half of black and white film. It was exciting, dramatic, and absolutely captivating, from the engulfing thick black smoke in a stiff, steady wind to all the firefighters and trucks with lights and ladders and the throngs of people on two streets playing hooky from work to watch.<\/p>\n

Finally out of film, hungry and needing to sit, I made my way to my new “office” and checked in with Eric. I did manage to do a little support research for that Friday’s issue. But when he heard what I had been doing and how excited I was, he gave his blessing to grab more film and keep photographing. I bought a mix of color and black and white rolls (but not enough — I made another trip for more later in the day) and I spent the late afternoon seeing and snapping, utterly fixated and for the first time thrilled that the long lens was the only one that worked on my ancient camera. It allowed for shots I never could have gotten otherwise from beyond the yellow tape.<\/p>\n

Eventually I made my way home, exhausted but happy, feeling productive despite barely having “worked.” And I realized that what had happened felt like a minor miracle for me, who has often struggled so hard with decision-making and inertia and a little depression and a lot of self-judgment: action. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? For me that day, it was huge. To know that in a moment of loss and feeling utterly lost, of new pain layered on top of old, of guilt even for how inert I was feeling, circumstances allowed for a creative moment and I allowed myself to embrace it without question or hesitation. I let myself be present and responsive; I let myself receive without getting in my own way first. I allowed for some grounding from an unexpected source and didn’t even notice it was happening until later. With that observation I felt incredible gratitude.<\/p>\n

I realized recently that the current astrology, our current collective moment seems to carry a similar urging: let yourself be called to action. See the light of the Sun, the smoke, the signs all around; feel which way the wind is blowing and get upwind so you can get up close; let that fire light inside of you (or under you — which ever gets you moving sooner); find your feet and let them step out of the marsh onto solid ground — however it presents itself — and then keep walking. Leave behind what isn’t working and create something new that does.<\/p>\n

Something tells me I’m going to have plenty of opportunities to keep practicing. In fact, I think we all will. I’m hoping to make the most of them, refrain from beating myself up when I don’t, and remember to feel grateful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was sitting at home at my desk the day of this photo, working online for Planet Waves. Or, rather, I was trying to work and not succeeding very well. I had just gotten off the phone with my aunt who was dying. She was going through her final stages of cancer, close to the … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":191,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26327"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/191"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26327\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}