{"id":25757,"date":"2010-06-05T17:47:03","date_gmt":"2010-06-05T22:47:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=25757"},"modified":"2013-12-21T12:58:18","modified_gmt":"2013-12-21T17:58:18","slug":"toward-a-sexual-revolution-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/toward-a-sexual-revolution-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Toward a sexual revolution"},"content":{"rendered":"

From Book of Blue<\/a> by Eric Francis. Note to readers<\/strong>: Book of Blue is currently a free subscription website – until Tuesday. This is the last call if you would like access to the site, without charge. The way you arrange that is to write me a personal letter at blue -at- bookofblue.com, introducing yourself and expressing your interest in the work. Hard to believe but Book of Blue, the diary, not just the photos, has been going three years as of around March; the photos go back to spring 2005. –efc
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

We need a sexual revolution. One of the paradigms we’ve reached the end of, as a culture, involves the way we conduct our sexual relationships, and it’s time for something new. We are the ones who are going to create whatever that new thing is.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Tori. Photo by Eric Francis.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Yet in practical terms, how do we go about this? Let\u2019s say you\u2019re at the point where you recognize that the old framework of relationships \u2013 Cinderella or the one night stand \u2013 isn\u2019t working for you.<\/p>\n

The chances are if you\u2019ve arrived at this point, you\u2019ve paid for it dearly. You\u2019ve paid in loss, in pain, in having your hopes dried out on the rocks and bleached in the too-hot Sun of desire; and you\u2019ve probably paid in longing and loneliness.<\/p>\n

You may have given up, or you dearly need to. You may have decided that there is no way you can have relationships that follow society’s norms and rules. You may have decided that you have too many issues to relate to another person — and then you wonder why others with more issues seem to do better. Above all, you know you’ve reached a branch of the road, where you can no longer go forward; where you must make a choice and go one new way or another.<\/p>\n

And then what? The first thing to recognize is that you\u2019re in new territory. People have been here before, but the trails are all overgrown. Previous explorers took notes and some of them are available: there is more wisdom and consideration of sex in art and literature there is about many other topics, but as Adrienne Rich once wrote, there are methods but we don’t use them<\/em>. The stories of what happens in this forest are enough to keep away all but those who are truly brave of heart, or whose souls yearn to express more of their human potential lest they die of inhumanity. The reason is they call on us to be honest with ourselves and with others — and this seems beyond what most people are capable of.<\/p>\n

Yet it’s not a hopeless cause. Honesty has a way of feeding and thriving on itself. Be honest with yourself any way you can. Write the words, say the words, tell others, stretch your language on the air and walk across it like a high wire. Notice what you\u2019re feeling. See where your boundaries are. Feel your inhibitions. Feel whatever you\u2019re feeling. If you can\u2019t take another step, feel the awareness of where you are.<\/p>\n

Check out the view!<\/p>\n

You\u2019re the one who is going to be leading the way for a while. Get used to that. Once you venture into this wilderness, you’re more likely to encounter others who are looking to you for guidance than those who can offer guidance. Therefore, you need to take everyone as your teacher.<\/p>\n

Read whatever you can and be conscious about not taking on the fears of people who say you\u2019re trespassing. This is self-exploration. You can\u2019t be trespassing, even if everyone else has to deal with the fact that you\u2019re becoming self-aware. If anyone doesn\u2019t like that it really IS their issue. If you\u2019ve lived an erotic and emotional life of passivity, you might find taking this kind of leadership refreshing. Once you know what you want and how you feel, it\u2019s easier to speak about it; but you still have to be ready to let go.<\/p>\n

The guy might think that masturbating together instead of fucking is just too weird. Maybe he\u2019ll think it\u2019s the hottest day of his life. Maybe your girlfriend will be offput by the idea. Maybe she thinks about it every night. One basic image in this journey is mirror-holding for one another. Relax until it\u2019s easy.<\/p>\n

Take that chance and suggest what you want. You\u2019re hot for even saying it.<\/p>\n

Gently weave community: community of conscience; of true affinity. Remember who you meet. Remember what they taught you and what you said to them. Remember that many people will initially step up to sexual liberation and then back down, because the inner confrontation makes them too nervous; they feel they’ve hidden so much. Notice how you’ve done the same thing and notice when you do it yourself. Others try to get there, that is, to a state of sexual enlightenment, without the spiritual content: that is, at the expense of love. There are many people you would never suspect want to break free, but most of them are scared, fearing judgment and, I believe, being declared unfit for relationship.<\/p>\n

Beware of anyone who willfully lies, particularly if they just lie a little. I don\u2019t think there is any point trying to convince them of anything, though I admit to having tried a few times.<\/p>\n

Confront the issue of weird<\/em> head-on. Okay, so you are. You are because you admit your truth to yourself. In truth, when it comes to sex, everyone is a little weird. Assuming you stay away from anyone underage, and you have a tangible concept of consent, sex is legal. Any fantasies of the police kicking in the door can be assumed to be paranoia implanted directly by the Pope, and removable only by you.<\/p>\n

Forget your ideas about who and what turns you on; or rather, set them aside and venture into the forbidden territory of what you really want. Most of your old ideas are based on expectations and inhibitions. Most of them are probably written in a thick book of moral laws that must exist somewhere, of which rule one is: if it feels good, it’s bad. That’s what sexual revolution is about letting go of.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t take your inhibitions too seriously. Sure, have a conversation with them — but they ain\u2019t the judge and jury.<\/p>\n

Desire is mutable. What turns you off, or even disgusts you a little today, can be a masterpiece of curiosity tomorrow. Curiosity leads to liberation because it sets your mind free to discover. Mingle your desire with the desire to find out. Be prepared to find out nearly anything.<\/p>\n

Embrace embarrassment. The heat you feel is ego going up in psychic flames. Go there willingly and indulge the sense of relief. Right behind the veil of embarrassment is the real pleasure, but you need to go through the veil to get there.<\/p>\n

Recognize that the fear of sexual diseases is a form of genital anxiety: that is, general fear of existence projected onto the genitals (usually as a form of death). Know everything you need to know about keeping yourself safe, set some basic protocols, follow them and let it be. Be honest with your fear and decide if you\u2019re going to let it stop you. Learn how to have explicit conversations about sexual diseases, pregnancy and your history involving either of these things.<\/p>\n

Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your guilt about making other people jealous. The best way I\u2019ve found to approach jealousy is as an erotic phenomenon. I know that not everyone can do this so easily. Jealousy exists many ways, at many depths in the psyche. If you\u2019re jealous admit it \u2013 it will be ten times easier to get over. Then I suggest you build some scenarios that eroticize the experience and give you a chance to stretch your boundaries. If it makes you jealous that someone you want is fucking someone else, let yourself imagine their pleasure just as you arrive at the point of no return. The opposite of that jealousy is not \u201cbeing okay with it.\u201d Rather it is being so turned on by what you perceive that you cannot hold back your pleasure.<\/p>\n

Embrace death directly when it shows up. If you find yourself in an avoid\/approach pattern, this may be either about hidden guilt, or an unarticulated relationship with death. On an erotic journey death will arrive in many \u2018smaller\u2019 forms, all of them daunting, including orgasm, jealousy and the fear of abandonment. Let them draw you closer to yourself. It\u2019s easier to share and listen about this stuff than you think. Be ready to let yourself go.<\/p>\n

Pride is your enemy. That which makes you feel like you\u2019re worthy of the approval of others is precisely the root of the guilt trip that necessitates that pride. Experiment with the indignity of sexual surrender. Consider how you\u2019d feel if everyone knew. Fall in love with how unpresentable you are when you\u2019re all splayed out like that, and how gorgeous.<\/p>\n

Let yourself grieve that you are an impermanent being.<\/p>\n

If you cannot imagine your mother, father or brother seeing you in this state, imagine it vividly.<\/p>\n

Explore, taste and smell your pussy. Squat over a mirror with a bright light on.<\/p>\n

Talk to yourself as you tip over the edge of orgasm. Record yourself and listen. Look in a mirror and watch your face let go over and over.<\/p>\n

Smell, lick and make peace with your semen. Smear it all over your cheeks and mouth and go out for a walk. Notice how you feel after you ejaculate: how your personality changes, how your desire nature changes.<\/p>\n

Sexual orientation is mutable. It can change from hour to hour and day to day. Gender is mutable. Your imagination is limitless. You contain all potentials.<\/p>\n

Learn how not to get pregnant, and use the knowledge when it counts.<\/p>\n

Indulge your pleasure. Allow others to be aware you do so. Practice the freedom that comes when you hide nothing from the people around you. Be a vehicle for others to embrace their pleasure. Help and encourage them. Embrace the growth, freedom, strangeness, frustration, sorrow, terror, passion and whatever ever ever else shows up when you do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From Book of Blue by Eric Francis. Note to readers: Book of Blue is currently a free subscription website – until Tuesday. This is the last call if you would like access to the site, without charge. The way you arrange that is to write me a personal letter at blue -at- bookofblue.com, introducing yourself … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25757"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25757"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25757\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}