{"id":24404,"date":"2010-04-16T18:04:53","date_gmt":"2010-04-16T23:04:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=24404"},"modified":"2010-04-17T09:36:03","modified_gmt":"2010-04-17T14:36:03","slug":"just-in-time-for-mercury-retrograde-its-the","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/just-in-time-for-mercury-retrograde-its-the\/","title":{"rendered":"Just in time for Mercury Retrograde, it’s the…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Eric Francis Astrology Implant!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have you been studying astrology for 20 years and still have no opinion on Mars conjunct Jupiter? Have you missed your last six Pluto transits? Are you obsessed by horoscope columns? Do the lunar nodes really confuse you? Do you think the jury is still out on Chiron? Do you keep getting lost on the way to the mall?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
The Implant.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Then maybe you need the Eric Francis Astrology Implant.<\/p>\n

Eric Francis has reduced his astrology knowledge down to 1.2 gigabytes, and it’s now available to any mortal. Just install the implant and you will be able to read charts, write horoscopes and spew all kinds of interpretive bullshit about the so-called news.<\/p>\n

“I got the Eric Francis Astrology Implant and suddenly I could remember all the glyphs!” said Melinda Noodle of Rutland, Vermont.<\/p>\n

“I didn’t think that having a chip permanently installed in my body was ethical or healthy, but once I had the chip in my head, it told me everything was going to be fine,” said Martha Dill of Piscataway, New Jersey.<\/p>\n

“Just when I was about to throw my Evolutionary Astrology<\/em> course out the window, The EF Implant came along and suddenly I could remember my past lives,” said Forrest Green of Bellingham, North Carolina, one of our most satisfied customers.<\/p>\n

“Once I had the chip in, I could understand my Jonathan Cainer horoscope!” said an extremely enthusiastic Brittney Adams of South Bablingtonshire, UK.<\/p>\n

The Eric Francis Astrology Implant can be yours for just $9,999.00 This now includes the “Know Your Neighborhood” local GPS attachment that will help you navigate within 10 blocks of home. And if you act now, we’ll throw in the Tell All Erotic Novelist script, the Self-Recognition Coprocessor and the Canon 5D Visual Assistant. The Serennu Previously Installed Minor Planet Ephemeris is extra.<\/p>\n

Order Now!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Eric Francis Astrology Implant! Have you been studying astrology for 20 years and still have no opinion on Mars conjunct Jupiter? Have you missed your last six Pluto transits? Are you obsessed by horoscope columns? Do the lunar nodes really confuse you? Do you think the jury is still out on Chiron? Do you keep … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24404"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=24404"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24404\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=24404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=24404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=24404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}