{"id":18319,"date":"2009-10-04T05:56:07","date_gmt":"2009-10-04T10:56:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=18319"},"modified":"2009-10-04T05:56:07","modified_gmt":"2009-10-04T10:56:07","slug":"seti-hq-transcript-of-intra-office-phone-conversation-532-p-m","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/seti-hq-transcript-of-intra-office-phone-conversation-532-p-m\/","title":{"rendered":"SETI HQ Transcript of intra-office phone conversation 5:32 p.m."},"content":{"rendered":"

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Yeah?\u0412\u00a0 What now?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Sir, we have a \u0432\u0402\u201c uh \u0432\u0402\u201c problem?<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\"<\/a><\/dt>\n
<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n<\/div>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: Shit, you lose the frequency again?\u0412\u00a0 Look, I\u0432\u0402\u2122m on the air in half an hour \u0432\u0402\u201d live feeds world wide, ISS hook-up, the White House \u0432\u0402\u00a6. They\u0432\u0402\u2122re \u0432\u0402\u201c ouch! \u0432\u0402\u201c\u0412\u00a0 doing my make-up this minute.<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 That\u0432\u0402\u2122s what I\u0432\u0402\u2122m calling about \u0432\u0402\u201c the press conference?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 What about it?\u0412\u00a0\u0412\u00a0\u0412\u00a0 Don\u0432\u0402\u2122t tell me \u0432\u0402\u201c not another friggin\u0432\u0402\u2122 hoax or something!<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 No, sir, the signals are real.\u0412\u00a0 Like we said in the briefing, we\u0432\u0402\u2122re not sure exactly where they originate due to gravitational lensing and other phenomena.\u0412\u00a0 But it\u0432\u0402\u2122s \u0432\u0402\u201c uh \u0432\u0402\u201d the visual segment of the signals you wanted us to prepare?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: That\u0432\u0402\u2122s our proof of the pudding \u0432\u0402\u201c no one\u0432\u0402\u2122ll believe it without visuals.\u0412\u00a0 What\u0432\u0402\u2122s the problem?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE: Well, we\u0432\u0402\u2122ve succeeded in decoding about 2 minutes of visuals\u0432\u0402\u00a6<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: That\u0432\u0402\u2122s great!\u0412\u00a0 More than enough to convince \u0432\u0402?em.<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 But you \u0432\u0402\u201c um \u0432\u0402\u201c well, these aren\u0432\u0402\u2122t what you\u0432\u0402\u2122d call appropriate?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Jesus, man, spell it out!\u0412\u00a0 What\u0432\u0402\u2122s the fuckin\u0432\u0402\u2122 problem?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Okay.\u0412\u00a0 Look, you ever hear of \u0432\u0402\u201c um, Miss Brooks?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: Who?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Connie.\u0412\u00a0 Our Miss Brooks.\u0412\u00a0 And Captain Video?\u0412\u00a0 Princess Summerfall Winterspring?\u0412\u00a0 Milton Berle?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Stop, dammit!\u0412\u00a0 Explain.<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 That\u0432\u0402\u2122s just it, I can\u0432\u0402\u2122t explain.\u0412\u00a0 Only hazard some guesses?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: So start hazarding \u0432\u0402\u201c we\u0432\u0402\u2122re 20 minutes from air time!<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Far as I can find out, they\u0432\u0402\u2122re all, like, early TV stars, show characters?\u0412\u00a0 From way before our time.\u0412\u00a0 Like Howdy Doody?\u0412\u00a0 Gracie Allen?\u0412\u00a0 And \u0432\u0402\u201c um \u0432\u0402\u201c well, these bits, fragments, like, of those first TV broadcasts?\u0412\u00a0 Well, those TV signals didn\u0432\u0402\u2122t just stay on earth, see.\u0412\u00a0 They kept on going, and got picked up \u0432\u0402\u201c well, fragments of them, broken up by event horizons and lensing and gamma ray explosions and such-like interferences \u0432\u0402\u201c so just bits got picked up by whoever these beings are out there \u0432\u0402\u201c like way out there!\u0412\u00a0 \u0432\u0402\u201d and reconstructed according to their \u0432\u0402\u201c um \u0432\u0402\u201c their understanding of earth people.<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Okay, you lost me already.\u0412\u00a0 So what\u0432\u0402\u2122s the frigging problem?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 I\u0432\u0402\u2122m trying to tell you, sir.\u0412\u00a0 What we\u0432\u0402\u2122ve received is what appears to be an intersteller trailer for a movie or some related form of \u0432\u0402\u201c uh \u0432\u0402\u201c entertainment?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 With these old tv shows in it?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0\u0412\u00a0 Yeah.<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: Fuck a duck.\u0412\u00a0 You mean these shows are bouncing around the universe and back to us?\u0412\u00a0 How the hell does that prove intelligent life out there?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Oh, it shows some kind of intelligent life \u0432\u0402\u201c or at least clever tinkering.\u0412\u00a0 No way what we\u0432\u0402\u2122re receiving happened by accident.\u0412\u00a0 See, the shows aren\u0432\u0402\u2122t intact \u0432\u0402\u201c I mean, like, they\u0432\u0402\u2122ve put them together and filled in the missing bits \u0432\u0402\u201c uh \u0432\u0402\u201c well, in what you might call X-rated fashion?\u0412\u00a0 According to their own interpretations and \u0432\u0402\u201c um \u0432\u0402\u201d anatomy, that is.<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 (sighing)\u0412\u00a0 Okay, spell it out.<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Well, for starters there\u0432\u0402\u2122s Buffalo Bob doin\u0432\u0402\u2122 it with Arthur Godfrey, and the Video Rangers gang-banging Lucille Ball\u0432\u0402\u00a6. oh, and there\u0432\u0402\u2122s audio:<\/p>\n

MALE CHORUS SINGS:<\/p>\n

We wipe your pipe
\nWe pump your gas
\nWe jack your back
\nWe scrub your glass\u0432\u0402\u00a6.<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Cut!\u0412\u00a0 Enough already.\u0412\u00a0 Sweet Jesus, all we\u0432\u0402\u2122ve got to show for 70 years work is two minutes of interplanetary porn?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 \u0432\u0402?Fraid so, sir.<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 But it absolutely establishes an alien intelligence \u0432\u0402\u201c tinkerer, hacker, whatever \u0432\u0402\u201c without any doubt whatsoever?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Absolutely.\u0412\u00a0 No question of that \u0432\u0402\u201c they\u0432\u0402\u2122ve even inserted \u0432\u0402\u00a6 well, I mean, you got to see it!\u0412\u00a0 But for a press conference?\u0412\u00a0 Not appropriate PR material \u0432\u0402\u00a6<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 On the contrary.\u0412\u00a0 It\u0432\u0402\u2122s perfect!\u0412\u00a0 Exactly the kind of proof we needed!<\/p>\n

(Long pause.)\u0412\u00a0 Well, think about it, man.\u0412\u00a0 The first thing we\u0432\u0402\u2122ll be accused of is fabrication.\u0412\u00a0 But if we created a hoax, is this what we\u0432\u0402\u2122d come up with?\u0412\u00a0 Is this what anyone on earth could invent?<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 No way.\u0412\u00a0 (Suppressed giggle.)\u0412\u00a0 So\u0412\u00a0 \u0432\u0402\u201d um \u0432\u0402\u201c play it as is and reschedule to adult programming?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR: Adult programming?\u0412\u00a0 Hell, it\u0432\u0402\u2122ll be all over YouTube within minutes, anyway.\u0412\u00a0\u0412\u00a0 Not our lookout.\u0412\u00a0 The main thing, we have a signal \u0432\u0402\u201d success at last!\u0412\u00a0 Another giant step for America, right?\u0412\u00a0 Those were American shows they picked up\u0412\u00a0 \u0432\u0402\u00a6but hey, one question\u0432\u0402\u00a6<\/p>\n

TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Yeah?<\/p>\n

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Who the hell was our Miss Brooks?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SETI DIRECTOR:\u0412\u00a0 Yeah?\u0412\u00a0 What now? TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 Sir, we have a \u0432\u0402\u201c uh \u0432\u0402\u201c problem? SETI DIRECTOR: Shit, you lose the frequency again?\u0412\u00a0 Look, I\u0432\u0402\u2122m on the air in half an hour \u0432\u0402\u201d live feeds world wide, ISS hook-up, the White House \u0432\u0402\u00a6. They\u0432\u0402\u2122re \u0432\u0402\u201c ouch! \u0432\u0402\u201c\u0412\u00a0 doing my make-up this minute. TECH VOICE:\u0412\u00a0 That\u0432\u0402\u2122s … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1583,1794],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18319"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18319\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}