{"id":14646,"date":"2009-05-05T20:57:23","date_gmt":"2009-05-06T01:57:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=14646"},"modified":"2009-05-06T09:43:34","modified_gmt":"2009-05-06T14:43:34","slug":"billygoat-fever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/billygoat-fever\/","title":{"rendered":"Billygoat Fever"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scientists at the Center for Disease Creation (CDC) in Atlanta said today that the next big thing will be billygoat fever. Symptoms include sneezing, butting heads, unusually powerful spasms of ambition and eating other people’s clothing.<\/p>\n

\"Billygoat
Billygoat like this one somewhere in New Hampshire seeking 15 minutes of world fame.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Some children who come down with this particular strain of fever may want to lick the glue off of tin cans, which no longer exist. Despite this, parents are advised to keep them away from recycling bins.<\/p>\n

Another common symptom is climbing or leaping on top of things, such as the goat shed.<\/p>\n

Trends speculators and mental health professionals worldwide were proposing that this could be an extremely popular form of fever anxiety.<\/p>\n

“Most people find goats quite frightening,” said psychologist Dr. Gabby Horn. “That have that ‘reputation’, it’s unsettling. It’s healthy to be very worried about this. In fact I would be more concerned if you’re not worried. That may be a sign of a much deeper problem. Not being scared may be a sign that you have issues.”<\/p>\n

“Goats have huge egos that have obviously run out of control,” said Paul Morrison, a musician and guru. “All they do is complain. Have you ever heard a goat say something constructive? They just bleat all the time. They’re obviously doing this for recognition and no other reason.”<\/p>\n

“We have reason to be alarmed, but don’t freak out or anything,” said Barack Obama, reached moments ago on his BlackBerry. “With goat fever you have to be calm, or you’ll scare the goats.” Obama has several planets in Capricorn, according to most of his charts.<\/p>\n

Chickens may be involved; they were seen cavorting in the same barnyard. As a result, the acclaimed Mid-Atlantic Chicken and Goat Show<\/a>, scheduled for next weekend, was canceled.<\/p>\n

A total of three cases of billygoat fever have been reported in the United States. Schools will be closed from coast to coast on Wednesday, as a precaution.<\/p>\n

The Federal Aviation Administration has issued a travel ban for goats.<\/p>\n

“They are no longer allowed to fly, not even business class,” said FAA spokesman Don Capra. “We had an incident today in Washington where a goat tried to board the Newark shuttle. If you’re a goat, stay home. Repeat, goats: stay home.”<\/p>\n

Amtrak would also be banning goats or anyone suspected of being one. Grayhound and Trailways quickly followed suit, leading to fears that there would be herds of hitchhiking goats along the nation’s highways.<\/p>\n

Former Senator Joe Biden said that he had been having nightmares of being chased by herds of wild mountain goats and didn’t plan to leave the grounds of U.S. Naval Observatory, where he lives, for several more weeks. “I’m worried,” he said, peering up from a telescope, trained at the ground rather than the sky. “Everyone should be worried. Don’t ride with a goat in your car, and if you see one in an elevator, stay out and tell your family to stay out.”<\/p>\n

The vice presidential barber shaved off Biden’s mutton chops earlier today, saying that nobody wanted to take any chances.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scientists at the Center for Disease Creation (CDC) in Atlanta said today that the next big thing will be billygoat fever. Symptoms include sneezing, butting heads, unusually powerful spasms of ambition and eating other people’s clothing. Some children who come down with this particular strain of fever may want to lick the glue off of … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14646"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14646"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14646\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14646"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14646"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}