{"id":14448,"date":"2009-04-29T17:45:43","date_gmt":"2009-04-29T22:45:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/?p=14448"},"modified":"2009-04-29T23:00:53","modified_gmt":"2009-04-30T04:00:53","slug":"swine-flu-panic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/daily-astrology\/swine-flu-panic\/","title":{"rendered":"Okay it’s officially time to panic!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Porky
Porky Pig says, only you can prevent swine flu!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I had a couple of days off from TV, after being subjected to it nonstop at Scarlet O’Hara International Airport all day Monday. I’m now home (where I have a TV as opposed to my studio, where I stay in the dark), writing an August horoscope column for one of those magazines that works far in the future…and I just turned on NBC news for a little relaxing entertainment — which is sounding the alarm: it’s official, it’s a pandemic.<\/p>\n

Watch out. It could get worse. Earlier, we said it wasn’t time to panic. Now it’s time to freak out. Wear a stethoscope like an iPod and walk around listening to make sure your heart is still beating. Don’t eat tacos, tortillas or chimichangas. If you don’t freak out you’re a total fucking idiot. Egypt is killing all baby boys, even though they haven’t been associated with spreading the disease.<\/p>\n

Don’t step in pig poo. It’s safe to ride public transportation, just wash your hands. Use Purell as lube. Cover your mouth when you sneeze. If you don’t have any tissues, use the corner of your elbow or wear a plastic bag over your head. In case of nuclear war, get under the kitchen table. Happy spring! Thinking about sex, peace or prosperity is known to spread the flu virus.<\/p>\n

Just kidding! Cancel – clear – cancel – clear – cancel – clear
\n<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had a couple of days off from TV, after being subjected to it nonstop at Scarlet O’Hara International Airport all day Monday. I’m now home (where I have a TV as opposed to my studio, where I stay in the dark), writing an August horoscope column for one of those magazines that works far … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14448"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14448"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14448\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}