![\"Eric](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/feb28.jpg?resize=190%2C254&ssl=1\" "\\"Eric")
Before I get into that, here is a one-paragraph definition of “polyamory.”<\/p>\n
Basically, we are talking about any form of relationship other than exclusive pair-bonding, that is consciously and honestly experienced. There is no set definition, but we know what it is not. If you’re married and you have someone “on the side,” that is not polyamory. If you are married and you have someone on the side and you speak openly with your partner about it, that is polyamory. So, poly is not so much as what one does as how one does it; and most of that “doing” involves communication.<\/p>\n
In another post I will get into how and why this pushes so many buttons, but I can pretty much sum it up in a few words: honesty is challenging; it seems easier to either suppress your needs, or to lie. So most of being polyamorous, besides the same challenges navigating the complex realm of human emotion that we all must navigate anyway, is about learning how to be honest and holding space for others to be honest. Or, looked at another way, aspiring to maturity and integrity.<\/p>\n
As for families. The presentation this morning was given by Carol Morotti-Meeker, a family therapist from the Philadelphia area who is affiliated with the Institute for 21st Century Relationships<\/a>, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom<\/a>. The questions she covered, such as bringing new adults into the family, compatible parenting styles for non-biological-parent caregivers, and how to handle changes in the lives of adults that affect the kids, are questions that everyone with children has to face.<\/p>\n 10 minutes into my umpteenth polyamory conference since 1997, I noticed again that the people who really need to be here are the ones who consider themselves monogamous, because the presenters here are asking the questions that everyone wrestles with. The US Census Bureau reports that first marriages last an average of eight years. That is an average; many last a lot less. So being married obviously does not protect children from change or instability. We all know this from personal experience.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In a situation where other adults are going to be introduced to the picture, the conversations have to be had well in advance, and focus on consequences and limits: who is going to set the policy and who is going to enforce it. The biological parent or parents (or someone with legal custody) can be the policy setter, and then any other partners can function like aunts or uncles, and follow that policy when the parents are not around.<\/p>\n If there are kids, particularly girls, in the 8 to 12 range into teenage years, the discussion of appropriate touching has to happen and the boundaries need to be understood. (Once again , this applies to monogamous families. Of the hundreds and hundreds of cases of sexual abuse I have worked with as an astrologer, none has involved a polyamorous situation.)<\/p>\n All children need a place to own, and a place they feel they belong. They need to know that what they say matters. And they need routines. These are top-level concerns for poly families.<\/p>\n Children need routines, and anyone participating in parenting needs to be part of, and support, those routines. When routines change, this needs to be done consciously and gradually: partners need to be phased in and phased out, which (once again) many of us did not have the courtesy of in “monogamous” situations where our parents, newly divorced, went through a plethora of lovers and partners without our having appropriate opportunity to get to know them, or to say goodbye when the relationship ungracefully ended.<\/p>\n Poly people constantly come under scrutiny from the neighbors that is not afforded to anyone else; and so they need to understand how to respond. This includes taking preemptive measures such as anyone involved in raising the child or children having established relationships with teachers, school administrators, scout leaders and so on. With those relationships established, people in positions of authority will figure out that whatever apparent differences exist in lifestyles, the people taking care of this kid are indeed doing so, and they are simple folk, just like the rest of us.<\/p>\n From Poly Living 2009, this is Dear Friend and Reader: Hello from the Poly Living conference, just outside of Philadelphia. Poly Living is created by a magazine called Loving More, one of two conferences they sponsor each year. Today I managed to get myself up and going to attend a 9 am session on polyamory and families. Parenting is hard work, … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12019"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12019"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12019\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/planetwaves.net\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n![\"Eric](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.planetwavesweekly.com\/resources\/images\/sign_white.jpg?resize=185%2C45&ssl=1\" "\\"Planet")
<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"