By Sally Sunshine

"I'm in love with a girl
who's in love with the world
though I can't help but follow
I know someday she is bound to go away and stay over the rainbow"

Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight
-- Amos Lee

Sex & Numbers:  An Uncomfortable Discussion

It's a small world when you've fucked hundreds of people. In typical seven degrees of Kevin Bacon style, Sally has been around the globe in more ways than one. Slutty in the extreme, this whore needs to share herself with the world. From gang-bang fantasies in Italian hotel rooms to local advertisements for free pussy, the world is my oyster and I plan to conquer it.  Potential partners, however, may not be as excited when they discover a vast sexual history. Questions about safety, diseases, and loyalty surface - or the door to a budding romance may be slammed shut with disgust.  Either way, wander lust ( i.e. wandering lust) has its consequences.

Have you ever asked your current lover how many sexual partners' they've had? When I was a teenager, I kept a list under the bathroom sink, and on Monday morning I'd dig it out for a weekend update. But, as we mature, lists are discarded and only a distant memory and a flash of faces, is left over. We know asking a potential partner how many people they've slept with is a dangerous inquiry.  Invariably, lies will be told and histories are concealed. Who wants to hear their new love interest has fucked the world?

A few years ago, when asked how many partners I had, I would lower my eyes and mumble, "twenty", ashamed because I lied. Never mind I'd easily slept with twenty people by the time I was twenty, I refused to acknowledge the truth. Eventually, the truth percolated at the surface and avoiding honesty was no longer possible. I burned my silly bathroom list on the grill and started a new relationship with the truth.

Recently, when recounting a slutty escapade with a new lover, he recoiled in horror. Before my story, he sat comfortably with his arm around me. But, as soon as I finished, he withdrew his arm quickly and pulled back. Reminders our current lover has or will not be the only recipient of our affection are usually not warmly received.  We live in fear of the big bad world "out there". Who will be the next to come along and steal the one we love?

We forget that relationships do not exist in a vacuum. We need stimulation and interaction with the rest of the world to thrive in our partnerships.

Have you ever tried to force someone who is in love with the world to love you exclusively?  Aquarius people will recognize this phenomenon immediately. The push toward freedom is strong, even though a significant other may attempt to stifle this impulse. For those who are in love with the world at large, the small world of a relationship may be extremely oppressive. Do we grant our partners the freedom to wander or do we do our best to control them?  

Obviously, I cannot answer for each person. I can only define what's right for Sally. What is important, however, is that we practice radical honesty with our partners. For most of my adult life, I tried to program myself to love one person. Society pushes us to conform to its prescribed version of love.   And even though many aren't able to sustain it, we certainly try. Inevitably, we blame ourselves and wonder if we are internally flawed when the bottom falls out. Until we find others who are willing to join us on the path toward truth, this small world is, indeed, a lonely world.

The Chart: Interconnected through Sex

The L Word, a ground-breaking series on Showtime, centers around a cast of beautiful lesbian and bisexual women in Los Angeles. In the first season of the show, Alice, a bisexual writer and radio personality, introduces her "chart."

The chart sexually links each person within their L.A. based lesbian community by using, at most, six different women.  Basically, it's a complex version of my bathroom list. The show, although fictional, demonstrates an ingenious concept. We've all fucked the world.

A chart with Sally at the center would, undoubtedly, be intricate and confusing. When a flirty sexpot approaches a guy I'm fucking and hands him her card, little does she know, I screwed her boyfriend six months ago. If she hooks up with him, she's, in essence, fucked me twice. If you combine the amount of sexual partners I've had, with all of the sexual partners they've had, she's just stumbled upon a lifeline of orgasms.

Now, before all the Virgo's reach for the hand sanitizer, technically, we can use condoms and dental damns to minimize contact. In fact, we could cover our entire bodies in plastic and poke a hole in the front for crotch action only, if we really wanted to be safe. But, even with all proper medical and safety precautions in place, we are, in spirit, if not in actual physical form, connecting and creating karma. A mentor once told me, "Sally, you have to be careful. When you're involved in a direct root chakra hook up, karma kicks in."   God forbid, we'd be forced to break out the saran-wrap, even if we are fucking the world. Still, he made a good point- it's no excuse to get sloppy, we need to be aware.

Making a Connection:  Is that your tribe?

As an experimental bisexual youth, I yearned for a sense of community and acceptance from other sexual deviants. Small communities, unfortunately, can be very unfriendly, especially when threatened by outsiders of a different flavor. Not only did I face the difficult task of coming out to my family and friends, but, I was desperately trying to find my place among other lesbian/bi women. I assumed these women, having been through a similar process, would embrace me with open arms.

But, the tribe of women I knew wore baseball hats, played football and threw darts. I, on the other hand, was more of a hair-twirling, short-skirt wearin', lipstick applying fool in their eyes. As one might suspect, I was not embraced with love, or even respect.  Once the depressing realization that "this is not my tribe" hit me like a ton of bricks, I accepted it and found strength in my loner status, which is what many of us who are labeled "freaks" are forced to do.  

Alternatively, small communities can be appealing when they're inviting because they bring us in contact with our "higher" self and respected mentors.  And, it feels warm n' fuzzy when you're enveloped in their blanket of acceptance. Living on the fringes of society is uncomfortable because we are taught to seek approval from the communities that co-exist in our space. If we strike out on our own and shout boldly, "That is not my tribe!" we are bound to stir up controversy.

Obviously, being a small town freaky slut isn't easy. For example, the guy you were screwing on the bathroom floor of the mall, the next night, might be eating sushi across the room from you with his girlfriend. But, a nasty reputation and a few whore-hating incidents later, I've finally begun to honor my role as a sacred whore. Because at the core if each person exists the desire to be loved. We yearn for another to touch our essence and accept it.  Bankers, politicians, writers, astrologers, plumbers, doctors, and yes, even sluts, need love.  And while I wholly embrace the concept of a small world, in that our actions affect one another on dramatic and subtle levels, I'm in love with a world so large, I never want to grow tired of exploring.

Here's to 2008: May your sexual horizons stretch and your conquests be vast.

Never stop loving.

Yours truly,
Sally